₦airaland Forum

Persephone1:
[i]"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands

yrhuhfy113:
wow, awesome... you are right and have a strong point
A very compeling piece of idea about Nigerian men... sadly its true but wholistically its myopic.


I am not here to make a CASE for men... i acknowledge your expressed thoughts as reality but as INCOMPLETE.

SEE, MEN ARE NOT LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY... We are only LOVED BY MERIT, RAISED AS HUNTERS TO COMPETE AND PROVIDE else we are not competent.

THE THINGS YOU MENTION WE LACK ARE ACTUALLY NOT LACKING BUT SURPRESSED BY THE HARSH REALITIES OF LIFE WE HAVE LIVED THROUGH....


Let me explain... EVEN on the case of wooing or getting a LADY for sex or marriage... LADIES GENERALLY FEEL SAFER WITH A RICH DUDE, THAN A CARING, EMPATHETIC S.O.B. Whyyy because the COUNTRY IS HARD.... and Ladies think of the FUTURE ALOT.
So after being drilled by our parents to always COME FIRST IN CLASS, and being punished for not coming first or not outdoing others.... we now enter a tetiary institution where only the BEST GRADUANDS are assured of jobs or connections... so we have to compete, hustle for money and do everything possible to be among those who thrive or survive.. AFTER YEARS OF LIVING AS A SURVIVOR.... we now marry, with HOOOOOGEE responsibilities, wife and kids... most likely WIFE HAS NOTHING DOING OR EARNS LITTLE YET FEELS ENTITLED TO BE TREATED LIKE A QUEEN.... Then we should let down our GUARD and still be as caring, as emotionally sensitive, as all that you women want us to be??
C'mon sis... YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ALL.

Marry unambitious men from other countries who are not living in the same terrible conditions we have had in NIGERIA... they have emotions to spare, because THEIR FINANCIAL SYSTEM WORKS and is DEPENDABLE... not here. So you can't come here and GENERALIZE, when majority of your GENDER.... WILL CHOOSE SIX CARS OVER SIX PACKS. Pls... have some balance.

Little wonder why MEN are no longer interested in MARRIAGE... because it has become like an orphanage, so baby mama is now what many opt for, so as to retain their freedom. Ladies wanting EVERYTHING yet offering so little JUST BECAUSE THEY EXIST, is the highest form of lowkey witchcraft ever.

ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME, ALL WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME..... MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE..... BUT MONEY IS IMPORTANT TO ALL.

Creativity22:
You made a great point. But it still baffles me, when these ladies open there mouth to complain that nigeria men lack empathy and love. Is quite shocking and possibly the biggest lie of the century. Men here try to provide everything for these ingrates. They protect them. They give them absolutely everything they can possibly provide, yet they complain of lack of love, care and empathy towards. Nigerian men demonstrate love, and empathy towards there women regularly. Yes i agree that men here, do cheat alot. But you can never take away the fact that most men are the reason why majority of women are able to even feed today. That is possibly the best way to demonstrate love to your significant half(who may not deserve this title).
Honestly, i strongly encourage these women to try other men. Travel to other countries and try other men, lets see how it goes.
Bunch of worthless ingrates

MallamChukwudi:
I can relate to what you have written, and quite frankly, you have a solid point. Though all that you narrated are symptoms, I will focus on the cause.

You see, the life of a man is hard in a way women do not understand. Our responsibilities are non-negotiable, and our dependents won't understand why they have to suffer, and why we can't show up and meet our responsibilities.

Nigeria is a poor country, and men by default in every society are the first 'defensive shield' to soften the economical blow for others (children, partners, aged parents, etc), or in the case of war, it is the men that will put their life out there for others.

And for centuries, this has been the fate of Nigerians as a people. If you can find the oldest man in Nigeria, ask him about tales of his great-grandparents if he can remember, and it would probably be in the time of slavery, or at the earliest, colonialism.

There is an arab proverb that says ''only sunshine creates a desert''. What that proverb meant is that to create lush, green vegetation, sunshine is not enough, you need to put the seed, water the soil, do pest control, etc to make it germinate. Furthermore, only rain creates a swamp as well.

You can't give what you don't have. Nigerian men are merely a bio-product of the difficulties of life in the Sahara, something good governance can alleviate the burden men carry, which gives way for that organic, deep masculine strength to blossom.

Up to our ascendants, there has been a series of disconnects for the timeless transfer of masculine codes, and what you have right now are sissy men that at best, are tolerable, not desired. It is a shame because as women complain of real masculine men, the few masculine men also complain of little to no masculine friends. And when society is led by substandard males, everybody suffers (proverb 29.2).

Your average Nigerian man is carrying loads upon loads of responsibilities, and the majority of his earnings do not even go to him. The wholesome, refined, sophisticated male figure that women crave is deeply lacking, and the cohesive bond and seamless interwoveness of the sexes have been foundationally thwarted.

I am a man, so I know this place very well. I am responsible for lots of people myself, and I am not even married yet. My aunt and her husband died, and they left four kids as orphans, three boys, and a girl.

It was because of our intimate understanding of these social dynamics, and the requirements it takes to raise responsible adults, that made my family adopted them all and made sure they grow in a safe, stable, and responsible family setting in their formative years, and it is no easy task at all.

And this is where empathy comes into play. Empathy is not a spoken word, it's an action word. I know it's easy to just heap the blame on men for their robotic state, but it's equally necessary to diagnose the causes, and if you can't help, at least don't add to it.

Nigerian men are humans too. They want to live with ease, and thrive, not just exist. Men are at their happiest when they give and protect those they care about. It is a thing in males, to sacrifice themselves (either time, money, or even life) for something meaningful, and family is one.

The above paragraph is the archetype of the messiah, to die on the cross for mankind, so others could thrive. That's what a man is about. And any man that deviates from this pattern, will suffer even more than those that look up to him. The data backs it up. For a start, men die earlier.

madscientist88:
have you finished defining what you want for yourself? you totally forgotten that bad eggs litters all over communities in the world,in my opinion you preferr a man who would slave for you ? yet you don't want to slave for him? how just is that? would you call yourself a lioness or s queen?do you know what female lions do for their king?most of you women dont want to accept that men are automated and genetically wired to be dominant ,why wont people just let life be life?men are the positive part of this energy field,dont forget that in a rush,we may be robotic as the creator made us to be but we deserve to be understood too,when you are created to be something its unfair to try to be something else,i have seen women in trouble and all they say often is i wish i have a man or a son,you wont understand that part,my sisters husband would hurt her certain times,this time he did something terrible,when he came to my house he wanted to force her to leave with him and was struggling with her,i heard them then went upstairs, with a single stare from me i could feel chill going down his spine,i told him to leave since she said she wasn't ready to go with him,he stood up without a word and left.why do you think he left? he left because a real man never underestimate another man and he knew i got my defences up,this isone mans language to another man, my intention wasn't to fight him but to let him know he was disrespecting me by what he was doing and he got the message, since then he has been carefull towards my sis. sometimes a dominant force needs to fend off another that's just the way its , therefore you can't just rule out men for being who they are,men are not women and we are trying hard to understand women,there is a man for every woman except if that woman decided to build walls around herself which has blinded her from seeing the man made for her, maybe we shouldn't write what we think our stories should be in life,may life just want us to live so it can make our stories,no one should try to change anyone, sooner or later,you come to realise in this life " its each beauty to her own beast". that kind of man you are looking for isnt on earth, something's are called wifely duties or chores,if you think wifely chores and dutiy is suffering then marriage isnt for you.

Olaxbolax100:
Omo... I can't believe I read everything on this thread... It's quite insightful... I love the arguments for and against... I also think everything that needed to be said, has been said...

One thing I'd love to add is the fact that by reason of our genetic makeup and environment we find ourselves in, guys have been wired not to be too emotional.
We are basically logical rather than emotional. @persephone1, ur arguments are valid but I also think it falls within the ambit of hasty generalization.

If the tables were turned, how many ladies would be able to continually support their family (wife, kids and other extended family members)... The implication of this massive financial burden itself turns some men into something else. They become less romantic and all but believe me, they (they still care about their women)... For every woman that contributes equally or more to the finances of the family, I'd count 100 men who do same and carry this burden for a lifetime.
I also think it's more about the man you find... Is he someone who is flexible enough to learn and become a better version of himself? Are you as a lady also doing ur bit to alleviate his burden and contribute not just through s*x ( some ladies have nothing else to offer).... That's y a guy can have s*x with a lady he has no affection for even when he has a wife ( Not supporting this in any way). This is because s*x can't tie a man down....

If a man is not financially stable, 99% of the time, he wouldn't get the woman of his dreams. That's nature... A man by nature, is designed to provide for his family, failure to do that is tantamount to being useless and subject to ridicule.... Even the Bible says it -1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own
Not only for his wife and children, but for his parents, when grown old, and cannot help themselves:

and specially for those of his own house;
that is, who are of the same household of faith with him; see ( Galatians 6:10 ) , and so the Syriac version renders it, "and especially those who are the children of the house of faith"; for though the tie of nature obliges him to take care of them, yet that of grace makes the obligation still more strong and binding; and he must act both the inhuman and the unchristian part, that does not take care of his pious parents: wherefore it follows,
he hath denied the faith;
the doctrine of faith, though not in words, yet in works; and is to be considered in the same light, and to be dealt with as an apostate from the Christian religion.

And is worse than an infidel
for the very Heathens are taught and directed by the light of nature to take care of their poor and aged parents. The daughter of Cimon gave her ancient father the breast, and suckled him when in prison. Aeneas snatched his aged father out of the burning of Troy, and brought him out of the destruction of that city on his back; yea, these are worse than the brute creatures, and may be truly said to be without natural affections; such should go to the storks and learn of them, of whom it is reported, that the younger ones will feed the old ones, when they cannot feed themselves; and when weary, and not able to fly, will carry them on their backs. The Jews F23 have a rule or canon, which obliged men to take care of their families, which runs thus:

``as a man is bound to provide for his wife, so he is hound to provide for his sons and daughters, the little ones, until they are six years old; and from thenceforward he gives them food till they are grown up, according to the order of the wise men; if he will not, they reprove him, and make him ashamed, and oblige him; yea, if he will not, they publish him in the congregation, and say such an one is cruel, and will not provide for his children; and lo, he is worse than an unclean fowl, which feeds her young.''...

Putting religion aside,
I think communication matters alot... Based on your initial agreement before going into marriage, you guys can decide to have a house-help who can take care of some menial tasks (just that it has become dangerous) and all. If a woman is the one working and providing for the family, the husband should look for a way to do the needful by cooking, cleaning the house and so on (but I can tell you that majority of such marriages won't last as most ladies find it difficult to singlehandedly sustain a family over a prolonged period of time - it's because they are engineered by nature to be like that and not because they are lazy or other things)...

While not putting to disrepute or belittling the duties of both gender, I think a common ground should be found... No man or woman is perfect but the major factor is... Are you flexible enough to adjust and reason towards making the marriage work out?

I've also seen how married women tend to divert all their energy and love towards their children ( I understand and respect the effort put into childbirth) while leaving their husbands in limbo.

This would lead me to the final conclusion... According to the 2nd law of nature - No system is 100% efficient.... Men are not perfect... Women are not perfect... We can't achieve perfection... Nature itself ain't perfect... Your fears and points are valid and I appreciate the fact that you sound and reason differently from some other ladies...
We men can also do better.... I rest my case

Exceed15:
Your opinion is noted and made some sense However I'd suggest you stay away from marriage because it will never be the way u envisioned it. Funnily you might just be the one that develop headache for the man in the house. You will not fully understand until u get in. One can be happy, fulfilled without marriage. It's society that lied to us that we are missing something big . I m married and n have my challenges I never read in a book or told.

kazyhm:
You have three choices....
1) Marry a retired man or
2) Marry a new recruit.......
3) Don't marry at all.....

All has it advantages and disadvantages

Only if you understand that life is a crazy ride..... caveat: you can't marry a new recruit and expect retirement benefits......

life is not a bed of roses madam Cinderella!

The question you should have asked is.....do most men like how their life turned out to be or do most men become what they dream ?

Life is hitherto class struggle

Women think empathy and emotion is all about breaking down in tears............that at its best is a survival trick for women....but for a man...."a chick that can't crack it shell; shall die"

PepeXKermit:
The problem with women is that the want to men to see the world how they also see the work not realizing that men and women are totally different beings. Like she rightfully said, her mothers did not teach them about men. Your mother is not supposed to be teaching you any jackshit about men. Where is your dad? That is his indirect job. If your father was at home and responsible, you will definitely get a glimpse of what a masculine man is about through his behavior. Single mothers have been raising boys and trying to shape them to the man they think women want. Women themselves do not even know what they want. They say they want a man to show emotions, as soon as you show those emotions, they tag you weak. Women are not built to take bitching from men. There is a difference between showing emotions and having emotional intelligence. Don't let them misconstrue both of them to you.

The only way they can have their way is through manipulation as they are the weaker gender and that is the only power they have. This post here is manipulation. If you are a man, you take care of your family, provide and protect, love your kids and wife, don't let any body especially a woman tell you that you are not worthy. Even this one ranting sef she will still have to be in competition with the foreign women for their men. Abi she no hear say black women and Asian men dey the bottom of the dating chain in the world? Nobody wants to be with a black girl outside Africa, so she will tell me if she will be the one doing the choosing. This one still get alot to learn she does not know anything. Its also surprising how these women will think they are very smart but they don't know jackshit about men. Think of it, these women just have to sit there, be pretty and wait for a man to approach them and court them, and for a man who is successful with women, you have to know alot about them, know how to talk to them, predictively think of their needs just to make them happy to even still want to be with you, them on the other hand do not know anything at all, and they will be calling a mans house school. Why you no go call am school when you never even went to it before... Yeye gender. The world does not owe you understanding

iLoveYouToo:
You're confused at least that's what you wrote points at. Is your grouse against men or society in general (which women also constitute).

...Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.



The latter part of the bolded statement which emanated from you is an indictment of the Nigerian woman.

It proves you reserved the best benefits for the highest bidder

Most Nigerian women are golddiggers. QED

Persephone1:


Magnoliæ you need to see this.

Shey nah documentary be this abi what?

TemplarLandry:
Pay no mind to that Phosphorus joker of a man who pretends to be a woman.

And by the way, women who are like that live their later lives in regrets.

When they're in their prime, they live in an illusion that men are faulty. And boom, it's only when they're close to 50 that they realize their foolishness.

Just like this story: https://www.nairaland.com/7905755/lady-cries-out-over-being

Magnoliaa:
You're a star, baby. 😍🧡


Iwo lomo to n so!

Lol... I just dey laugh since. So these guys can't take what they dish out to women everyday on this forum. Just a single post they are jumping up and down unable to catch their breath.

One of them open thread to show comments in support of men Incase other missed them.

No wonder domestic violence is on the high side, They can't take criticism and lack emotional intelligence. if online posts can get to them this much I wonder what women in their lives are going through.

My opinion stands abegggiii, I'm not convinced otherwise

Persephone1:
Lol... I just dey laugh since. So these guys can't take what they dish out to women everyday on this forum. Just a single post they are jumping up and down unable to catch their breath.

One of them open thread to show comments in support of men Incase other missed them.

No wonder domestic violence is on the high side, if online posts can get to them this much I wonder what women in their lives are going through.

My opinion stands abegggiii, I'm not convinced otherwise

Persephone1:


Magnoliaa you need to see this.

Shey nah documentary be this abi what?

Olaxbolax100:
One thing consistent with majority of the comments is that they are respectful and not bias.... I know you're a smart lady... You just said we lack emotional intelligence... Being intelligent is not about being right all times but more about how you unlearn and relearn what you think you know. My submission was without bias.

Magnoliaa:
See. That's exactly what I said. They should have a taste of their own medicine.



I must admire their solidarity in that aspect, though. When it comes to banding against women, no one does it better than them. They are so so scared of critical individual thinking and would rather go along with an imprisoning herd mentality of their fellow còcks.



They'll tell you they don't take the Internet seriously. They take it serious pa! Swears, convincing the world that they are the logical gendar is the greatest scam in history.



When nor be say you kee persin, lmao?

Like........ Logical gender releasing spittles everywhere. I just dey laugh.

Una no benefit from Marriage, Nigerian women no good for you. As a Nigerian woman i say i no rate una, them come dey cry. Where's the sense in that?

Over 10 pages I could only count 10 reasonable counter posts most of which came from the earlier days when the thread was created. All others were wails, attempt at insults, make believes, assumptions, gaslights, tantrums. Nothing upstairs at all.

Yet these ones will say Nigerian women are dumb. Imagine?

FalseProphet1:
The op is based in Nigeria where some of the vilest and toxic girls are located, and she's saying why she won't marry a Nigerian man.

If you don't want to marry a Nigerian man, leave Nigeria first. If you find a foreigner who would be emotionally connected to you and adore you like a Nigerian man, thank your God.

Many Nigerian girls abroad are crying for husbands, some are even coming back home to marry and sponsor their man over there. You're here saying this

Do you think a foreigner would dot over you like a Nigerian? Once they fúck your black pússy, they're done with you. Before you even find one who would commit to you, you'd be in your 40s.

Let him that hath an ear hear.

This I have seen.

Another attempt at gaslighting

When everybody knows the most lasting relationship/marriage is between black women and white/, foreign men. You all should take a minute to search who you want to direct your gibberish to before dishing it to avoid sounding foolish.

Next time you travel back to your village, tell this to the ladies and girls there. Thank you.

Persephone1:
Like........ Logical gender releasing spittles everywhere. I just dey laugh.

Una no benefit from Marriage, Nigerian women no good for you. As a Nigerian woman i say i no rate una, them come dey cry. Where's the sense in that?

Over 10 pages I could only count 10 reasonable counter posts most of which came from the earlier days when the thread was created. All others were wails, attempt at insults, make believes, assumptions, gaslights, tantrums. Nothing upstairs at all.

Yet these ones will say Nigerian women are dumb. Imagine?

Persephone1:
Another attempt at gaslighting

When everybody knows the most lasting relationship/marriage is between black women and white/, foreign men. You all should take a minute to search who you want to direct your gibberish to before dishing it to avoid sounding foolish.

Next time you travel back to your village, tell this to the ladies and girls there. Thank you.

Persephone1:
Another attempt at gaslighting

When everybody knows the most lasting relationship/marriage is between black women and white/, foreign men. You all should take a minute to search who you want to direct your gibberish to before dishing it to avoid sounding foolish.

Next time you travel back to your village, tell this to the ladies and girls there. Thank you.

Persephone1:
Una go cry tire today

Magnoliaa:
Crying gallore. 😭😂

One has been wailing in my mentions for the past 30 minutes.

I see am

He just dey follow you around like shadow

Persephone1:
I see am

He just dey follow you around like shadow