₦airaland Forum

Magnoliaa:
That is one way to put exactly how I felt about the post.

Magnoliaa:
Maybe it's 'cause it's late, and that's why I am find it hard to articulate my thoughts on the post.

Like, money is not the root issue. If somebody will lose respect for you without money, then what they're respecting is the money, not you as a person.

Yeah, true, while money is an important part of marriage to be considered, what is the point of a marriage if it's going to break down over over financial problems?

Meerahbel:
Back in college, I dated someone who was relatively rich. It was my birthday. We had a CCD outlet within my college campus, were we usually bought birthday cakes.

There were two cakes to choose from: chocolate or red velvet. He bought both because he didn't know my preference. Flexing in front of our friends was another reason.

At this point, we had already been together for over two years. Two years of ‘being in love' and still, he didn't know that chocolate flavour is the obvious choice. I disliked red velvet cakes. This made me notice — he didn't really know anything about me. The small things. Things that bring me joy. Things that trigger me. Things I would rather avoid.

I would always wear subtle colours and would tell him I hated anything that is brightly coloured. He would buy expensive funky colored headphones for me. This was a pattern.

I would make gifts for him. He wouldn't consider them as gifts at all because it wasn't store bought

Financially, my family wasn't doing great back then. So, I had a general disdain for people who didn't value money and spent it loosely. I hated his spending habits. Now, I am doing quite well for myself. I can spend recklessly if I want to and still not be broke. But I still hate people who don't value money.

'I bought this shirt for 3k' — that's how he talked. About things and about people. Expensive things and rich people. Rest didn't mean anything to him. Thank god, the relationship didn't work out.

The fact that he was rich wasn't an issue, but the way he treated money was.

The fact that he can afford expensive things didn't matter, when he didn't even know my likes and dislikes.

I can afford a lot of things that I couldn't afford 3 years ago. If a dress had a 4 digit price tag, it was an absolute no for me earlier. Now, even though I can buy them — I don't automatically look for expensive clothes. I look for clothes I like — sometimes they cost less, sometimes they cost more — I'll buy it if I like it and if it's a reasonable price. That's the attitude I have and the attitude I looked for in a partner.

You can make your partner happy with whatever money you have. You can also fail at making her/him happy, inspite of being stinky rich. It depends …

Magnoliaa:
I have not even finished reading this post, but the blanket statements are turning me off already.


Is it not getting married out of necessity that pushes people to cheating? I would have expected the post to address how there are many ingredients for a successful marriage. Espousing either of money or love as the most important thing is what will always lead to issues.

So if financial security is guaranteed, there'll be no more problems?

And did you really say (most) broken marriages are caused by finances? What does broken means here? Because they're many couples who are living together and fulfilling their responsibilities to each other, like robots, but there's no love shared between them. And where will you rank infertility, infidelity, abuse, children rebellion, family interference, etc., on the scale of marital issues? What data is backing such claim up here in Nigeria?

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

segcymoor:
The most simple trait I admire in an average human


Intelligence....


I admire you..

pocohantas:
It would never make sense to me. That is how one Nlder's wife was hustling for a low paying job, all because she wants to be working class. By the time she starts that job, she won't be able to save or even contribute to the home after deducting transport and other overhead expenses. She would still come back tired. Unable to tend to the kids, let alone the husband's sexual needs.

I recommend a source of income for women, but it doesn't have to be this crazy 9to5 schedule. She can have a skill and create a workspace at home. Anything to keep her mind busy and have her interract with people. It helps clear the mind and support the home/her immediate family.

flexydote:
Op. God bless you for this your writeup.

That's how my babe have been telling me that I shouldn't worry about money, infact I shouldn't even talk about it.

That when we marry, there will be blessing attached to the marriage.

Reason why I don't want to go into marriage now is cause I'm not making to much to start feeding two mouth, health, cloth and practically take of two individuals now. So I told her to chill first cause tho I'm expecting something huge that could upgrade my financial status but the pressure to get married to her no be here o.

I have seen a lot in the streets to not have sense in this matter. Omo forget Love o cause when it comes to the real matter it boils down to MONEY.

back in the days sef, you only marry when you can take care of a lady not because of Love.

Gen Z dem have changed the narrative.

Marriage is an Institution but na only few understand that terminology.

loswhite:
Are you married? If not go and sleep. Internet makes everyone thinks they are expert....lol

Magnoliaa:
So as a man money is what defines you and make you marriageable/attractive to a woman?

emmaodet:
It may not break down but will stretch the marriage probably to the limit
Argument, quarrels, insults start springing up when the man can't easily renew his rent and landlord embarrassing the family at the top of his voice regularly. School sending kids back home for non payment, hubby not able to raise any meaningful money during family events like burial of parent, wedding of siblings etc.
You said many women are loyal and respectful to their hubbys but do you know what is going on inside? Privately? What the man is facing?
I am a man and I know how close friends and families with respectful wives call me privately and share what they are passing through in their homes when soliciting for financial help.
Believe me, alot is happening behind the curtain

Gerrard59:
If I am to understand the bold, sowing first seed is giving one's entire salary as tithe to the church?

Do people still do such in present day Nigeria?

Abyounghammed:
Babami, them no dey shalaye for people wey their heart beat dey run 20hz, them no dey get patient in anything, na wuruwuru to the answer them like, have u wonder why an oloshi dey get hope of marriage, na cuz of say after every every she don believe say one pastor or baba go give her juju to get anything she want, she no even care of the repercussions

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Kaycee54321:
Very salient points to discuss.

Especially that number 8.

Before somebody's daughter will sow family savings as first seed after one powerful sermon from a "Man of God" in January.

Imagine how the whole year will look like, starting off on that foot.

No strength to shout.
We gats agree and if possible put it in writing...because I don't even know what couples sign on the wedding day that it's looking like they don't know what they agreed to do in the first place, after some years...

pocohantas:
It would never make sense to me. That is how one Nlder's wife was hustling for a low paying job, all because she wants to be working class. By the time she starts that job, she won't be able to save or even contribute to the home after deducting transport and other overhead expenses. She would still come back tired. Unable to tend to the kids, let alone the husband's sexual needs.

I recommend a source of income for women, but it doesn't have to be this crazy 9to5 schedule. She can have a skill and create a workspace at home. Anything to keep her mind busy and have her interract with people. It helps clear the mind and support the home/her immediate family.

seanwilliam:
Naz gul, emmad obet, always kill the urge to qoute that mongoose and pheromone moniker on sensitive topics like this abeg . E Dey vex me die. Dem no different from kobo junkie

Gbadugbakun:
Simp

flexydote:
Op. God bless you for this your writeup.

That's how my babe have been telling me that I shouldn't worry about money, infact I shouldn't even talk about it.

That when we marry, there will be blessing attached to the marriage.

Reason why I don't want to go into marriage now is cause I'm not making to much to start feeding two mouth, health, cloth and practically take of two individuals now. So I told her to chill first cause tho I'm expecting something huge that could upgrade my financial status but the pressure to get married to her no be here o.

I have seen a lot in the streets to not have sense in this matter. Omo forget Love o cause when it comes to the real matter it boils down to MONEY.

back in the days sef, you only marry when you can take care of a lady not because of Love.

Gen Z dem have changed the narrative.

Marriage is an Institution but na only few understand that terminology.

kponkedenge:
This is the summary of the matter. If you don't have money, stay away from marriage.

seanwilliam:
Nazgul, emmadobet, always kill the urge to qoute that mongoose and pheromone moniker on sensitive topics like this abeg . E Dey vex me die. Dem no different from kobojunkie

Daradared2:
Hmmmm!!!! This what we are facing in my own family. I don't blame my husband, rather, I want to step up my game by relocating to Lagos for hustle. But my man no wan gree😥.

He wants me to be around him. Playing wify and motherly role while manage whatever comes.

Omo!! Nigeria no easy for that kind formula at all.

May God help me!

kponkedenge:
This is the summary of the matter. If you don't have money, stay away from marriage.

DREAMHOMES6970:
If we are going to be sincere to ourselves, you and I know in the real World majority of Gen Z ladies respect money in marriage. How many of you ladies talk about love. Even the few that still believe in love hold money first as first priority in any relationship or marriage. Reason you see a girl of 20yrs marrying a rich man of 50 and above and they call it love, like if that man wasn't rich enough they would look him twice. Please we shouldn't deceive ourselves. Money is very important. You ladies
have made it so.

Do you know like right now there are more more than 10 million Nigerian ladies that are ready to freely throw themselves at someone like davido, wizkid, jowizaza for sex once they call. Will you call that love?

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Persephone1:
Ah ah ah ah This is funny to read Is the way i live my life so obvious on Nl? Do I type about myself on Nl ? I hardly do that. Yes I believe in having a stable and running life before you get anyone in or become another's half if that's what you mistake for "living without man" lol it's on you !
But come to think of it "isn't that what you all crave for on Nl? "Strong independent woman" who doesn't ask you all for wig money, allowance or who doesn't mind going to chicken republic with you after she has satisfied herself at Marriott lounge before meeting up . Are you saying a woman shouldn't live life so she won't sound like she can live without a man? Pick a side.

You could have easily done that without throwing women under the bus with some malicious fallacy about women. The lady in your scenario could have been blinded by feelings the same way your guy was but you made it seem like she is a manipulative mastermind of marrying and living in poverty. Do you have any pity for women at all? Do you even try to consider them at as humans who are not above mistakes and do not carry Krystal balls around to see into the future? Cut us some slack!

This is not a gender war, at least not the post you quoted. Nahhhhh this is just you assuming we are with axes and knives because we called out your mistakes and errors. Some weeks ago you blamed women for getting killed because they go after rich guys now this is a woman who married for love/feelings to a broke man. Instead of you to address how "couples" can manage their finances with none left out or demonized. You are edging men to be rich before considering marriage because only when they are rich will "women respect them" . Is money that easy to make? Is this (the impression you create of women) not the reason men do all sort of crimes just to feel like men (commanding respect and value)? You see... It's not as simple as that after all . You men create the society (practices and values) and integrate women into it yet same you blame women for the society you create.

And to your question, I will not marry a man who is still struggling to find his bearing, I'm not doing that, he shouldn't. Nevertheless I wouldn't marry a man who thinks all he has to offer is money! Nahhhhhh If a man's worth is tied to his financial ability then that's a huge red flag. What happens when he isn't liquid? Keep selling off properties to have cash or what if we don't even have "properties"? What will sustain the marriage? What will we hold onto as the bedrock of our marriage? How will he handle losing HIMSELF (Money)? I definitely won't want to be a punching bag to a man who lacks what he believes makes him whole (MONEY). In addition, I'm not marrying for myself alone so I must get hitched with [b]a man whose genes, personality,values, ideology and attributes are worth preserving and pass onto coming generations. [/b]I definitely don't want an EMPTY MONEY BAG for that.