Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Persephone1:
This dude is an undercover misogynist no cap! From accusing the woman of sweet tonguing to painting his friend as an innocent non thinking creature to generalizing all women to value and respect men for their financial abilities c'mon!

Funny enough in the same post there are ratios of which responsibilities are shared among couples meaning some women really do not sweet tongue,or respect men for what they can offer financially only. Some women love, plan,share responsibilities and grow with their husbands HALLELUJAH!

What I see in your story is two couples who got married without plans and reality dawn on them too late. Your friend is as guilty as the woman.

Great points BTW on your financial tips but damn you sound like you'd rather do them with a fellow man !

This is me sticking to your belief that the woman left her husband on financial terms and no other possible reasons

emmaodet:


Yes, you are right.
I guess it is the high poverty rate in Nigeria reason why many men are requesting for a working class woman.
Tbh, I was once in that boat too supporting women working when I was still struggling financially but as things improved, I tend to appreciate my wife been at home tending to the family.
She is always researching foods and snacks to make for us, different designs of clothes to show the tailor to sew for us, she is more relaxed and not stressed and she has all her time for me and the kids.
Honestly, I am really enjoying it and appreciate it and I give her more than enough for the house so that she can have a reasonable amount for herself, her parent and still save or buy things she needs for herself and the kids without asking me or waiting for me and the family has been running far more smoothly now.
I will always recommend it for men if they have the resources to do it.

flexydote:
Op. God bless you for this your writeup.

That's how my babe have been telling me that I shouldn't worry about money, infact I shouldn't even talk about it.

That when we marry, there will be blessing attached to the marriage.

Reason why I don't want to go into marriage now is cause I'm not making to much to start feeding two mouth, health, cloth and practically take of two individuals now. So I told her to chill first cause tho I'm expecting something huge that could upgrade my financial status but the pressure to get married to her no be here o.

I have seen a lot in the streets to not have sense in this matter. Omo forget Love o cause when it comes to the real matter it boils down to MONEY.

back in the days sef, you only marry when you can take care of a lady not because of Love.

Gen Z dem have changed the narrative.

Marriage is an Institution but na only few understand that terminology.

FalseProphet1:
I see more struggling brothers getting married to broke and jobless girls, I see these girls insulting them horribly in that marriage.

I see them coming to my spiritual center for solutions, I see myself asking them to pay heavily because they married based on nyash and breasts, I see many marriages crumbling.

This I have seen.

Emaprince:
What type of hustle you wan leave your familly come lagos do?

At first you may think nothing will happen until you reach lagos....and find your self deep into hook up like many girls have done.

pocohantas:


It would never make sense to me. That is how one Nlder's wife was hustling for a low paying job, all because she wants to be working class. By the time she starts that job, she won't be able to save or even contribute to the home after deducting transport and other overhead expenses. She would still come back tired. Unable to tend to the kids, let alone the husband's sexual needs.

I recommend a source of income for women, but it doesn't have to be this crazy 9to5 schedule. She can have a skill and create a workspace at home. Anything to keep her mind busy and have her interract with people. It helps clear the mind and support the home/her immediate family.

Nazgul:

The bolded is where I'm going to focus on.

Lack of finances can easily make a woman cold towards her husband. She would loose the respect she has for him, deny him sex, if she's still in shape, she can even start keeping men who would be bankrolling her. And in some instances move out of the house...

For the man, lack of finances or job loss would make him moody, some might seek solace in alcohol. He would easily get angry over nothing by transferring his aggression on his wife and kids.

Finally you were asking what broken home means. If you mistakenly throw a glass or ceramic cup on the floor it would shatter. No matter how hard you try to patch it, you would never be able to re-assemble it back to its original state.

Same with a broken home. Once there is a break in finances, (let's say for instance the man looses his job) the home would shatter and loose it's structure. Why if you might ask? Because the whole financial responsibilities would fall on the woman, she might not complain initially, but with time, she would begin to verbally express her displeasure towards the man. She would disrespect him, deny him sex, compare him with his friends who are doing fine...etc.

The man might struggle to get back on his feet, but the traumatic experience he had with his wife would leave him in a capricious state. Thus it's safe to say that the home is broken. Because like the glass cup, it would be impossible for it to return back to its original playful and loving state.

Meerahbel:
Back in college, I dated someone who was relatively rich. It was my birthday. We had a CCD outlet within my college campus, were we usually bought birthday cakes.

There were two cakes to choose from: chocolate or red velvet. He bought both because he didn't know my preference. Flexing in front of our friends was another reason.

At this point, we had already been together for over two years. Two years of ‘being in love' and still, he didn't know that chocolate flavour is the obvious choice. I disliked red velvet cakes. This made me notice — he didn't really know anything about me. The small things. Things that bring me joy. Things that trigger me. Things I would rather avoid.

I would always wear subtle colours and would tell him I hated anything that is brightly coloured. He would buy expensive funky colored headphones for me. This was a pattern.

I would make gifts for him. He wouldn't consider them as gifts at all because it wasn't store bought

Financially, my family wasn't doing great back then. So, I had a general disdain for people who didn't value money and spent it loosely. I hated his spending habits. Now, I am doing quite well for myself. I can spend recklessly if I want to and still not be broke. But I still hate people who don't value money.

'I bought this shirt for 3k' — that's how he talked. About things and about people. Expensive things and rich people. Rest didn't mean anything to him. Thank god, the relationship didn't work out.

The fact that he was rich wasn't an issue, but the way he treated money was.

The fact that he can afford expensive things didn't matter, when he didn't even know my likes and dislikes.

I can afford a lot of things that I couldn't afford 3 years ago. If a dress had a 4 digit price tag, it was an absolute no for me earlier. Now, even though I can buy them — I don't automatically look for expensive clothes. I look for clothes I like — sometimes they cost less, sometimes they cost more — I'll buy it if I like it and if it's a reasonable price. That's the attitude I have and the attitude I looked for in a partner.

You can make your partner happy with whatever money you have. You can also fail at making her/him happy, inspite of being stinky rich. It depends …

tosinhtml:


All you needed to do was to let him know what you liked, instead you came here to gaslight this shit out of us. It wouldn't have taken anything out of you to communicate what you like & didn't like.

You have mouth to speak & communicate but will rather do this. Makes no sense at all!