Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A - Family

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Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A - Family - Nairaland

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Court Marriage Without Paying Bride Price / Should I Meet Her Biological Father Before Paying Bride-Price To Her Step-father / How Do You Gain Complete Custody Of A Child Born Out Of Wedlock? (2) (3) (4)

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Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 9:34pm On Jan 20

Hey guys, I am looking for answers or solutions to my situation.
I am married to my Igbo husband for 6 years now and we are living abroad, I myself am of mixed blood, half amerindian and half African.
The problem is, my husband has a son with a woman many years ago, he now wants to pay her bride price to claim his son.
Will that action give her any rights or is it only for him to be able to get his child. This woman has been calling his phone unstoppable as if she is his wife, what am I missing here? I am his wife, and this matter is disrupting the peace in my home. We have 3 children together , a son and after two daughters.

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Malroux: 9:35pm On Jan 20

That son when he finally claims him is his first son. Let no one deceive you about it. This is Africa.

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by EreluRoz: 9:37pm On Jan 20

Malroux:
That son when he finally claims him is his first son. Let no one deceive you about it. This is Africa.

Any big deal about first son?

2 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Malroux: 9:39pm On Jan 20

EreluRoz:
Any big deal about first son?

Are you asking me? Who owns the father's compound and his first choice investments? Who dictates the tempo when the father is no more? Unless there's a written will from the father before his demise.

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by EreluRoz: 9:39pm On Jan 20

I can't marry anyone that already has a child and I will quit without looking back if my partner birth an illegitimate child. It brings a lot of problems in marriage but since op is aware of this child before marriage then she should continue to play along.

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 9:40pm On Jan 20

I have nothing against him getting his first son back, my problem would be if that boy's mother actually becomes his wife when paying her bride price, when he's already married to me.

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by EreluRoz: 9:40pm On Jan 20

Malroux:
Are you asking me? Who owns the father's compound and his first choice investments? Who dictates the tempo when the father is no more?

All the sons have equal rights and it's not right to give much power to a first son.

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Malroux: 9:42pm On Jan 20

EreluRoz:
All the sons have equal rights and it's not right to give much power to a first son.

Ok. Goodnight.

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Oyindidi(f): 9:43pm On Jan 20

In some part of Nigeria they do that to claim the child, I have not heard of such practice in Igbo land. There is something fishy

6 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 9:52pm On Jan 20

Oyindidi:
In some part of Nigeria they do that to claim the child, I have not heard of such practice in Igbo land. There is something fishy

He explained to me, that if the mother wasn't alive he would have to pay bride price by her grave to get his son. The thing that actually worries me, is the woman. She actually acts like they are in a relationship and my husband keeps telling me that she will never be my problem, yet I find it disturbing.

3 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Oyindidi(f): 9:54pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:

He explained to me, that if the mother wasn't alive he would have to pay bride price by her grave to get his son. The thing that actually worries me, is the woman. She actually acts like they are in a relationship and my husband keeps telling me that she will never be my problem, yet I find it disturbing.

As you can see the woman is a big problem in your marriage.

3 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Ance4Liverpool: 10:03pm On Jan 20

It doesnt still matter if the son comes in,everything depends on your husband when writing his wheel.

1 Like

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by fykes(m): 10:10pm On Jan 20

I perfectly understand what you mean and yes it's very much a part of the igbo culture. That child cannot bear his name nor be his except he pays the mothers bride price...in effect, he marries her.

He may say it's for the child and I don't believe there is any special status for a first born except emotional attachment.

You have every right to be worried, your husband is taking another wife regardless of what he calls it

5 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by UjuJoan2: 10:12pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:

He explained to me, that if the mother wasn't alive he would have to pay bride price by her grave to get his son. The thing that actually worries me, is the woman. She actually acts like they are in a relationship and my husband keeps telling me that she will never be my problem, yet I find it disturbing.

Your husband is marrying a second wife, plain and simple!

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 10:37pm On Jan 20

If that first son gets married now, does that change the situation or not?

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Kobojunkie: 10:44pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:
■ Hey guys, I am looking for answers or solutions to my situation.
I am married to my Igbo husband for 6 years now and we are living abroad, I myself am of mixed blood, half amerindian and half African.
The problem is, my husband has a son with a woman many years ago, he now wants to pay her bride price to claim his son.
Will that action give her any rights or is it only for him to be able to get his child. This woman has been calling his phone unstoppable as if she is his wife, what am I missing here? I am his wife, and this matter is disrupting the peace in my home. We have 3 children together , a son and after two daughters.

Paying her bride price means she becomes his wife and your husband a polygamist meaning no longer are you his only wife. undecided

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Kobojunkie: 10:47pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:
■ He explained to me, that if the mother wasn't alive he would have to pay bride price by her grave to get his son. The thing that actually worries me, is the woman. She actually acts like they are in a relationship and my husband keeps telling me that she will never be my problem, yet I find it disturbing.

You should probably do your own investigation to find out what is in fact going on between the two of them. undecided

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 10:53pm On Jan 20

Kobojunkie:
You should probably do your own investigation to find out what is in fact going on between the two of them.

In my gut, I fear the worst😢

1 Like

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Kobojunkie: 11:02pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:
■ In my gut, I fear the worst😢

As you rightly should. So what do you intend to do with this fear? undecided

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by SUPERPACK: 11:12pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:

In my gut, I fear the worst😢

Tell him to go to court and file for custody of the child with an agreement with the mother if the child is below 18. if he is 18 and above then it is easier if the boy choose to stay with the father as he will have the right to choose who to stay with. The court has the final say as it concerns children born out of marriage. Do not allow her tradition or culture to intimidate you people into committing Bigamy that is if you are already married in court.

See a lawyer immediately and make settlement arrangements.

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Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 11:24pm On Jan 20

SUPERPACK:
Tell him to go to court and file for custody of the child with an agreement with the mother if the child is below 18. if he is 18 and above then it is easier if the boy choose to stay with the father as he will have the right to choose who to stay with. The court has the final say as it concerns children born out of marriage. Do not allow her tradition or culture to intimidate you people into committing Bigamy that is if you are already married in court.

We are indeed married in court. Thank you for this advice, because my husband has made me to believe that there is no other way and it is his fate

See a lawyer immediately and make settlement arrangements.

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 11:25pm On Jan 20

Kobojunkie:
As you rightly should. So what do you intend to do with this fear?

I have a lot going through my mind now, am thinking of leaving but also what will happen to our kids😢

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Kobojunkie: 11:28pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:
■ I have a lot going through my mind now, am thinking of leaving but also what will happen to our kids😢

Why consider leaving? You should investigate the matter first and have facts available to you before you do that though. Who knows what you may turn up. undecided

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by We4all: 11:28pm On Jan 20

There are some stupid rites that men are mandated to perform in order to claim an illegitimate child. But paying of bride price isn't one of them. Both your husband and the woman are trying to use your head.

6 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 11:39pm On Jan 20

Kobojunkie:
Why consider leaving? You should investigate the matter first and have facts available to you before you do that though. Who knows what you may turn up.

I know leaving isn't what I am supposed to do, but, knowing myself, if it turns out they WANT to get married, I can't bear that, and I don't want to do anything stupid. Am in tears while writing this

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Crystal08: 11:43pm On Jan 20

We4all:
There are some stupid rites that men are mandated to perform in order to claim an illegitimate child. But paying of bride price isn't one of them. Both your husband and the woman are trying to use your head.

He is an ozubulu man, do they have such rites?

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by We4all: 11:49pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:

He is an ozubulu man, do they have such rites?

I can't tell because I'm not from there. The rites people perform are mostly monetized. But saying that he has to pay her bride price before claiming his son is trash. No one does that.

5 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Kobojunkie: 11:51pm On Jan 20

Crystal08:
■ I know leaving isn't what I am supposed to do, but, knowing myself, if it turns out they WANT to get married, I can't bear that, and I don't want to do anything stupid. Am in tears while writing this

I think you need to put your big girl pants on in order to rule over those fears of yours at least for the sake of your girls. You need to find out exactly what is going on for yourself. You should at least consider getting the upper hand in the case it turns out to all be what you originally feared. undecided

1 Like

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by Fiscus105(m): 12:00am On Jan 21

Crystal08:

He explained to me, that if the mother wasn't alive he would have to pay bride price by her grave to get his son. The thing that actually worries me, is the woman. She actually acts like they are in a relationship and my husband keeps telling me that she will never be my problem, yet I find it disturbing.

Madam ur husband not sincere to you.

Meanwhile, I will advise you to ask ur hubby,a simple but bitter question.

if you are the one in his shoes, will him allow another man to be disturbing you with calls just because you born for him before?

Can he allow you to do any traditional rite with ur ex because of son u born outside?

4 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by talk2hb1(m): 12:15am On Jan 21

Crystal08:
Hey guys, I am looking for answers or solutions to my situation.
I am married to my Igbo husband for 6 years now and we are living abroad, I myself am of mixed blood, half amerindian and half African.
The problem is, my husband has a son with a woman many years ago, he now wants to pay her bride price to claim his son.
Will that action give her any rights or is it only for him to be able to get his child. This woman has been calling his phone unstoppable as if she is his wife, what am I missing here? I am his wife, and this matter is disrupting the peace in my home. We have 3 children together , a son and after two daughters.

This is a Poker Game, and in a Game of poker, if you don't know who the Patsy is, then you are the patsy😔

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by EEIA: 12:20am On Jan 21

Crystal08:

He explained to me, that if the mother wasn't alive he would have to pay bride price by her grave to get his son. The thing that actually worries me, is the woman. She actually acts like they are in a relationship and my husband keeps telling me that she will never be my problem, yet I find it disturbing.

she will be your number one problem when you allow her grow wings.

Her bargaining power is her son. she will always have a way into your husband’s life using that boy.
wise up

This is Africa.

2 Likes

Re: Paying Bride Price To Claim Child Born Out Of Wedlock When Already Married To A by missjekyll: 7:27pm On Jan 21

Crystal08:
Hey guys, I am looking for answers or solutions to my situation.
I am married to my Igbo husband for 6 years now and we are living abroad, I myself am of mixed blood, half amerindian and half African.
The problem is, my husband has a son with a woman many years ago, he now wants to pay her bride price to claim his son.
Will that action give her any rights or is it only for him to be able to get his child. This woman has been calling his phone unstoppable as if she is his wife, what am I missing here? I am his wife, and this matter is disrupting the peace in my home. We have 3 children together , a son and after two daughters.

Paying the bride price makes her his 2nd wife. He doesn't need that to acknowledge his son. While he is out of Nigeria,he can't do much with his 2nd wife. But I would start making contingency plans, if I were you and be ready to implement them.

Good luck

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