₦airaland Forum

I work as a full-time bank marketer, but the job is taking a toll on me. I no longer have peace of mind. Every day, I wake up dreading the hellish experience of my supervisor's yelling and insults.

I haven't been fortunate with this job, and it has significantly lowered my self-esteem.

I'm considering quitting and focusing on my tech skills, but fear is holding me back. I almost clicked the exit button, but the fear of returning to my old life prevented me. I don't want to depend on anyone for anything.

What do you think? What advice can you give me? I feel like I'm slowly dying.

on one hand you are losing your sanity and peace of mind, and on the other hand you are fearful of the uncertain future... what you need to do right now is to FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEMS and move forward. if you dont then in 10 yrs you will probably be in that same space (because nothing changes if you change nothing).... so ask yourself how can you change/improve your situation and get on with it.

remember the saying:"if you dont change and go after what you want, you will never get it"

SeunSister:
I work as a full-time bank marketer, but the job is taking a toll on me. I no longer have peace of mind. Every day, I wake up dreading the hellish experience of my supervisor's yelling and insults.

I haven't been fortunate with this job, and it has significantly lowered my self-esteem.

I'm considering quitting and focusing on my tech skills, but fear is holding me back. I almost clicked the exit button, but the fear of returning to my old life prevented me. I don't want to depend on anyone for anything.

What do you think? What advice can you give me? I feel like I'm slowly dying.

Your mindset is not good. My advice for you is to quit that job immediately or take a leave to go recalibrate your mental health and have it drilled into your psyche that the top is never crowded.

Now that you have an opportunity to learn how to sell, sieze the opportunity to be truly willing to learn and seek guidance/ mentorship from those doing well in same task you are struggling with. At the top of most organizations, regardless of the profession, is a Chief Salesman/Saleswoman.

If you hope to get there some day, get serious and stop seeking pity. If you lose that job, someone else will get the job and the organization will move on.

You are not doing the organization a favor, you got the job because you sought for the job and promised to deliver. Go and do your job. First, you need to do away with that negative and defeatist mentality, if you don't kill that mentality, it will follow you to your next job.

Nigeria is a frustrating country to be. U must be dogged and radical to live in it. We all our facing our fair share of challenges

FreeStuffsNG:
Your mindset is not good. My advice for you is to quit that job immediately or take a leave to go recalibrate your mental health and have it drilled into your psyche that the top is never crowded.

Now that you have an opportunity to learn how to sell, sieze the opportunity to be truly willing to learn and seek guidance/ mentorship from those doing well in same task you are struggling with. At the top of most organizations, regardless of the profession, is a Chief Salesman/Saleswoman.

If you hope to get their some day, get serious and stop seeking pity. If you lose that job, someone else will get the job and the organization will move on.

You are not doing the organization a favor, you got the job because you sought for the job and promised to deliver. Go and do your job. First, you need to do away with that negative and defeatist mentality, if you don't kill that mentality, it will follow you to your next job.

What a stupid advice. Don't listen to him your mindset is perfect. All in the name of money you shouldn't have your supervisor shouting at you because you are not delivering. They can fire you instead of screaming at you that's demeaning and you don't have to put up with that.

At this point you have realised that you are not satisfied with how your life is. That is a good start. Now let's talk about the options that you have.

What is your current age bracket?

Based on your self assessment. Which of the tech skills do you think you are capable of learning?

What is stopping you from looking for another job? It can be in sales/marketing but in another industry.

Aside from tech. Do you have any other skill that can be monitized?

How free are your weekends?

Do you currently have a laptop?

How long have you been working and do you think have money saved that can take you for at least six months?

Are you staying alone or with parents?

Hmmmm

FreeStuffsNG:
Your mindset is not good. My advice for you is to quit that job immediately or take a leave to go recalibrate your mental health and have it drilled into your psyche that the top is never crowded.

Now that you have an opportunity to learn how to sell, sieze the opportunity to be truly willing to learn and seek guidance/ mentorship from those doing well in same task you are struggling with. At the top of most organizations, regardless of the profession, is a Chief Salesman/Saleswoman.

If you hope to get there some day, get serious and stop seeking pity. If you lose that job, someone else will get the job and the organization will move on.

You are not doing the organization a favor, you got the job because you sought for the job and promised to deliver. Go and do your job. First, you need to do away with that negative and defeatist mentality, if you don't kill that mentality, it will follow you to your next job.

This is one of them,
He is either an employer with a toxic business environment or a kiss ass employee in a supervisors position.


Because the economy is bad and unemployment is on the rise is no reason to treat a fellow human being like an animal.
Delete this rubbish before I look for you

I have been in your shoes. If you cannot quit now, enrol for ICAN or ACCA. This will help you to switch careers from sales to other meaningful ones. But in the mean time, you will have to treat their insults like the ranting of an ant. But be careful. They will set integrity and insubordination traps for you, hoping to destroy your future chances of getting a good job.


Read my threads about what I experienced as a banker:

https://www.nairaland.com/7242281/experience-banker

Also read my thread on what you need to survive as a banker:
https://www.nairaland.com/7117921/8-things-need-survive-banker

These threads was in the front page a couple of years ago.

This may also be helpful:
https://www.nairaland.com/7103678/toxicity-score-various-occupations-sectors

How to Define Yourself Beyond a Dysfunctional Family Background

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can leave deep emotional scars and shape the way you perceive yourself and the world around you. Dysfunctional family dynamics, characterized by poor communication, instability, and unresolved conflicts, can have lasting effects on your mental health and personal identity. However, understanding these impacts and taking proactive steps to define yourself outside of these influences is crucial for personal growth and well-being. In this blog post, we'll explore how to navigate this challenging journey, offering practical strategies and insights to help you reclaim and build your sense of self.

Understanding Dysfunctional Families

A dysfunctional family is one where the structure and dynamics interfere with the well-being and development of its members. Common characteristics include ineffective communication, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, and constant conflict. Dysfunctional families often struggle with unresolved issues, and members may experience inconsistent or chaotic environments.

What Causes Family Dysfunction?

Family dysfunction can stem from various sources, including parental substance abuse, mental health issues, domestic violence, or extreme financial stress. Often, these issues are compounded by generational patterns, where dysfunctional behaviors and unhealthy coping mechanisms are passed down through generations. Societal pressures and external stressors can also exacerbate these problems, making it challenging for families to maintain healthy dynamics.

Identifying the Signs of Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family

Recognizing the signs of growing up in a dysfunctional family is the first step toward addressing and overcoming its impact. Common signs include:


• Low Self-Esteem: Individuals may feel unworthy or inadequate, often due to criticism or neglect during their formative years.

• Difficulty Forming Healthy Relationships: Trust issues and difficulty with boundaries can stem from unstable family dynamics.

• Emotional Instability: Anxiety, depression, or mood swings may be linked to the emotional chaos experienced in childhood.

Being aware of these signs can help you understand how your family background has influenced your behavior and mindset. Acknowledging these patterns is essential for beginning the process of self-definition and healing.

Recognizing and Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can instill limiting beliefs that hinder personal growth. These beliefs might include:

• "I am unworthy": This belief often develops from constant criticism or lack of validation during childhood.

• "I am responsible for others’ happiness": Individuals may feel the need to constantly please others, stemming from a dysfunctional family’s focus on roles rather than emotional support.

Strategies for Challenging These Beliefs

1. Cognitive-Behavioral Techniques: These techniques involve identifying and changing negative thought patterns. By recognizing faulty beliefs and replacing them with positive affirmations, you can begin to reshape your self-perception.

2. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices: Mindfulness helps you stay present and avoid ruminating on past issues. Self-compassion encourages you to treat yourself with kindness, countering the harsh self-judgments learned in a dysfunctional environment.

Overcoming these limiting beliefs is a critical step in redefining yourself and fostering a healthier self-image.

Building a Strong Sense of Self-Identity

Developing a strong sense of self-identity is crucial for moving beyond the influence of a dysfunctional family. Here’s how you can build and solidify your identity:

• Self-Awareness and Self-Acceptance: Start by exploring your values, interests, and passions. Understanding what truly matters to you, rather than what was imposed by family dynamics, helps in forming a more authentic sense of self.

• Practical Steps for Defining Your Identity: Engage in activities that reflect your interests and values. Set personal goals that align with your aspirations, and explore new hobbies or interests that resonate with you.

These practices not only help you define who you are but also build confidence and self-worth.

Developing Healthy Relationships and Boundaries

Healthy relationships and clear boundaries are vital for maintaining a strong sense of self. Here’s how to develop these aspects:

• The Role of Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive and positive individuals who respect your boundaries and contribute to your personal growth. Healthy relationships reinforce a positive self-image and provide emotional support.

• Setting Boundaries with Family: Establishing and maintaining boundaries with family members can be challenging but necessary. Communicate your needs clearly and assertively, and prioritize your well-being.

Effective boundaries protect your emotional health and allow you to build a life that reflects your true self, independent of past dysfunction.
Seeking Professional Support and Resources

Professional support can be instrumental in navigating the complexities of a dysfunctional family background. https://tematherapy.com/best-therapists-in-new-jersey-top-10-mental-health-professionals/ offers valuable resources for individuals seeking to address these issues. Therapy and counseling provide a safe space to explore your experiences, develop coping strategies, and gain insights into your behavior and thought patterns.

Benefits of Therapy and Counseling

• Types of Therapy: Individual therapy focuses on personal issues, while group therapy offers support from others with similar experiences. Family therapy can address collective issues and improve communication within the family.

• Finding the Right Professional: Choose a therapist who specializes in trauma and family dynamics. Look for credentials and experience in handling issues related to dysfunctional family backgrounds.

In addition, if you suspect that narcissistic tendencies may be influencing your family dynamics, taking an https://tematherapy.com/testing-evaluation/adhd-screening/, could provide valuable insights and guide your therapeutic journey.

Seeking professional help can facilitate personal growth and aid in redefining your sense of self beyond the constraints of your family history.
Creating a Personal Growth Plan

Developing a personal growth plan helps ensure continued progress in redefining yourself. Here’s how to create and maintain an effective plan:

• Setting Goals: Define clear, achievable goals that align with your values and aspirations. Regularly review and adjust these goals as needed to reflect your evolving needs and progress.

• Daily Practices for Long-Term Change: Incorporate practices such as mindfulness, self-care, and continued learning into your daily routine. These practices support ongoing personal development and resilience.

By following a structured plan, you can build on the progress made in therapy and personal exploration, ensuring long-term growth and self-improvement.

Conclusion

Defining yourself beyond a dysfunctional family background is a challenging but rewarding journey. By understanding the impact of family dysfunction, recognizing limiting beliefs, and building a strong sense of self, you can create a fulfilling and authentic life. Developing healthy relationships, seeking professional support, and maintaining a personal growth plan are crucial steps in this process. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and take proactive steps to define who you are independent of your family history.

This same job that some people are dying to get, this is naija o, there's nothing like emotions or mental health and psychology. As far as the job pays your bills and give you source of income. And there is no other alternative job in sight for you.
It's not even matter of trying to depending on anybody for survival, when there's no even anyone to depend on in the first place. Some people don't even get anyone to depend on.

Stay put in that job, it's not easy anywhere. Learn more marketing skills to perfect your job. The world of business is about marketing whether you like it or not. Jobs are hard to find these days.

[quote author=SeunSister post=131927982][/quote]I believe you shouldn't quit your job to start to learn a tech skill just yet. Continue the job while searching for a better job instead. One that is less stressful or performance based even if the take home is not as competitive.
Hopefully you'd find one. At least you already have a crazy work experience. If you have run with horses (even though they have wearied you, hence your post), you will not find it difficult to run with footmen.

Thereafter, you can learn new [tech] skills from the position of rest and and improved mental health.

My two cents. MAY GOD HELP YOU.

Adewale1603:
This same job that some people are dying to get, this is naija o, there's nothing like emotions or mental health and psychology. As far as the job pays your bills and give you source of income. And there is no other alternative job in sight for you.
It's not even matter of trying to depending on anybody for survival, when there's no even anyone to depend on in the first place. Some people don't even get anyone to depend on.

Bank marketing jobs is not for the weak. It's performance based and the pressure can be overwhelming. It is the real ghetto. I actually don't think many are 'dying' to get that kind of job in Nigeria.

I am speaking from experience.

I can sense the desperation and frustration in your words. It's heartbreaking to hear that your job is affecting your mental well-being and self-esteem.

Firstly, please know that you're not alone. Many people face similar struggles, and it's essential to prioritize your well-being.

*Acknowledging your feelings:*
1. You're feeling burnt out, demotivated, and helpless.
2. Your supervisor's behavior is unacceptable and affecting your mental health.
3. You're scared to quit due to financial uncertainty.

*Reflection:*
1. What are your core values, and is this job aligning with them?
2. What aspects of your job are causing the most stress?
3. Have you talked to HR or anyone about your supervisor's behavior?

*Considerations:*
1. Your mental health is crucial; don't underestimate its impact.
2. You deserve respect and kindness in your workplace.
3. Exploring new opportunities or skills can revitalize your career.

*Advice:*
1. *Document incidents:* Record specific instances of your supervisor's behavior, including dates, times, and details.
2. *Seek support:* Talk to HR, a trusted colleague, or a mentor about your situation.
3. *Explore options:* Research companies with better work cultures and values.
4. *Upskill:* Invest in your tech skills to boost confidence and marketability.
5. *Create an exit plan:* Set realistic financial goals and timelines for transitioning.
6. *Prioritize self-care:* Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

*Fear of uncertainty:*
1. Understand that uncertainty is temporary.
2. Weigh the pros and cons of staying versus leaving.
3. Visualize your ideal life and career.

*Actionable steps:*
1. Schedule a meeting with HR or a trusted supervisor to discuss your concerns.
2. Dedicate 30 minutes daily to learning new tech skills.
3. Update your resume and LinkedIn profile.
4. Network with professionals in your desired field.

Remember, you're strong and capable. Take small steps toward reclaiming your peace of mind and career fulfillment.


Additional resources:
1. Mental health support hotlines (e.mm
2. Career counseling services
3. Online communities (e.g., nairaland, reddit r/careeradvice and https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaH6zEJFHWpuQ1zwxt1Q)


Keep in mind that you're not alone, and there's support available.


What's the first step you'll take?

LeopardX:
Bank marketing jobs is not for the weak. It's performance based and the pressure can be overwhelming. It is the real ghetto. I actually don't think many are 'dying' to get that kind of job in Nigeria.

I am speaking from experience.

And also cooperate prostitution.

IyaTola:
And also cooperate prostitution.

I'm telling you.

LeopardX:
I'm telling you.

You have to meet target by hooknor crook otherwise you come to work and you cannot login into your system.