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I have done the best to be a supportive person but I have realized that should I wait for him, we will continue to wallow in poverty which is why I'm looking for ways to improve my own personal income.

5 years ago, I was lucky to have a contact that gave me a business deal to help produce something and I would be paid for it. My husband had a fair idea of this work. The profit for one job was as much as N150k to N250k. The monies were paid to me and I transferred to him. I would even beg to be given something out of the profit. But then he was also doing things at home so I continued to bring these jobs. Guess what, if in a period I upset him, he would abandon the job, the customer is asking me where is my job and me I am begging my husband to complete this job and he ignores me. I would have to start looking for all the potential people who he could have given the job to, until I find the person and get the customer job done. It's not something I want to take up, because it would be too stressful for me. Besides, it's 'a man's type of work. I stopped pursuing that work. I wasn't taking any of the profits, he got everything o.

Secondly, I convinced him to learn social media management and marketing. I got someone to teach him one on one, even paid the person. I provided data for the online class, my husband didn't call nor attend any classes. Again, I said give me content, you have this particular skill, I paid social media manager for one month, to see how we can use online marketing to get him clients. It was his phone number on the page, I would just pay the manager for a while, after the first week, he stopped providing content, I begged and begged until I gave up. My husband is not the lazy type, he has strength and agility. I'm more of a think tank, generating ideas because I'm an avid reader, but he punishes me for the wrong I've done to him and that's not someone I want to do anything business with.

So I think I have done my best. I am not guiltless o. I have my own faults that has been pointed out to me even by pastors which I need to work on but when the other party never forgives or forgets, then it becomes a problem. I have told him that as long as we live together, it is almost impossible that I would not offend you, i can't even guarantee that. But why do I have to serve punishment for the wrongs I commit. He offends me, 90% of the time, I never bring it up.

He drags me to police station for offending him, because the first time my family heard that he beats me up, they went to the police and told him to sign an undertaking that he would never touch me. It was even church people that called my mum to come and carry their daughter and told my family not to sweep it under the carpet.

I don try o. Honestly, I have tried my best. Even suggesting new business ideas gets him angry. He says he's the one that's supposed to be determining whether we're going to do any business at all.

I can't say all, because I would be opening a can of worms. We have been to Lagos State, I was asked to go get a place and they would take it up, I was the one who didn't push through. I forgave because the Bible says forgive. I have contacted lawyer twice this year, I didn't push through again, because my pastor would be quoting Bible and telling me to endure and be praying. I'm tired. I have even been accused of having evil spirit because I said I cannot be doing midnight prayer on Monday and Wednesday night by 1am. I said put the midnight prayer on Fridays. He said I'm opposing him as head of the home, I always argue every suggestion. At some point I agreed to the midnight prayer, but put it by 12am, not 1am, because I have to be up by 4am. That was another issue that dragged and got me being locked outside. I am tired o. Very very tired and frustrated.

jify:
Thank you for your post. I make it a point of duty to only take up things I can do within the confines of my 9-5 job. In 9 hours of work, I get to work like only 4 hours,so I have like 5 hours to do any order thing which I fully utilize.

Why I outsource is cause, first I'm asthmatic, I do little work and I'm already drained. I explained this to him, that a normal woman would do this, but just mopping floors drains my total energy, so that's why I seek to outsource these. When these people come around, I'm always at home. I don't go anywhere weekend except church. I don't even have any friends, visit family like once a month. I'm not allowed to take my kids to any event where my family members are, so I don't attend all events, cos where do I keep them? Secondly, like I said the other things I do are mentally draining and I wake up 4am every single work day, I get back by after 6, so the children are my responsibility till 10pm when I go to bed, so naturally weekends I want to rest. Whenever he is upset with me, he stops the person who I pay to bring them home by 5pm when he is around. I have to go pick them up.

I don't browse or do anything from 6pm that I come back. I stopped watching TV shows to stop anger that was boiling in my mind (he would just come and turn off the TV asking me what kind of show am I watching). It's been 4years that I stopped watching any TV show.

Believe me, I get your point but I had factored all these into my situation.

This is so inhumane. No one should treat the other person like this. I wonder what he will do if he was GOD. Please prioritize yourself. The children will be fine. You don't have to divorce him. Take a break from the marriage, if you can't say your mind verbally, take your time and write everything then leave till he behaves.

The Bible says GOD hates divorce not separation and even if it leads to divorce, GOD wants you to live and be in good physical and mental health.

If you are saying the truth, this is just absolutely too much.

May GOD give you strength.

jify:
I have done the best to be a supportive person but I have realized that should I wait for him, we will continue to wallow in poverty which is why I'm looking for ways to improve my own personal income.

5 years ago, I was lucky to have a contact that gave me a business deal to help produce something and I would be paid for it. My husband had a fair idea of this work. The profit for one job was as much as N150k to N250k. The monies were paid to me and I transferred to him. I would even beg to be given something out of the profit. But then he was also doing things at home so I continued to bring these jobs. Guess what, if in a period I upset him, he would abandon the job, the customer is asking me where is my job and me I am begging my husband to complete this job and he ignores me. I would have to start looking for all the potential people who he could have given the job to, until I find the person and get the customer job done. It's not something I want to take up, because it would be too stressful for me. Besides, it's 'a man's type of work. I stopped pursuing that work. I wasn't taking any of the profits, he got everything o.

Secondly, I convinced him to learn social media management and marketing. I got someone to teach him one on one, even paid the person. I provided data for the online class, my husband didn't call nor attend any classes. Again, I said give me content, you have this particular skill, I paid social media manager for one month, to see how we can use online marketing to get him clients. It was his phone number on the page, I would just pay the manager for a while, after the first week, he stopped providing content, I begged and begged until I gave up. My husband is not the lazy type, he has strength and agility. I'm more of a think tank, generating ideas because I'm an avid reader, but he punishes me for the wrong I've done to him and that's not someone I want to do anything business with.

So I think I have done my best. I am not guiltless o. I have my own faults that has been pointed out to me even by pastors which I need to work on but when the other party never forgives or forgets, then it becomes a problem. I have told him that as long as we live together, it is almost impossible that I would not offend you, i can't even guarantee that. But why do I have to serve punishment for the wrongs I commit. He offends me, 90% of the time, I never bring it up.

He drags me to police station for offending him, because the first time my family heard that he beats me up, they went to the police and told him to sign an undertaking that he would never touch me. It was even church people that called my mum to come and carry their daughter and told my family not to sweep it under the carpet.

I don try o. Honestly, I have tried my best. Even suggesting new business ideas gets him angry. He says he's the one that's supposed to be determining whether we're going to do any business at all.

I can't say all, because I would be opening a can of worms. We have been to Lagos State, I was asked to go get a place and they would take it up, I was the one who didn't push through. I forgave because the Bible says forgive. I have contacted lawyer twice this year, I didn't push through again, because my pastor would be quoting Bible and telling me to endure and be praying. I'm tired. I have even been accused of having evil spirit because I said I cannot be doing midnight prayer on Monday and Wednesday night by 1am. I said put the midnight prayer on Fridays. He said I'm opposing him as head of the home, I always argue every suggestion. At some point I agreed to the midnight prayer, but put it by 12am, not 1am, because I have to be up by 4am. That was another issue that dragged and got me being locked outside. I am tired o. Very very tired and frustrated.

You have really tried. Your husband is an insecure unforgiving person.... Please save yourself

Your children will be fine.

Mariangeles:
When you finally come to the point in that situation where nothing and no one is worth your peace, you will know what to do.

Are you suggesting a divorce? You have to be direct Mariah

Op, Your relationship is a master slave relationship. Do not ever think for once that you have a marriage and how do you manage to have sex with such an individual? I honestly do not get it. I will never sleep with you if I am not happy with you.

D

jify:
Honestly I'm at that point but I fear that I would only be thinking about myself and not how it affects my kids negatively. Like I said he is a great father and there's a great bond between him and the kids.

You both are manipulative. My advice is go for therapy and counseling and learn to communicate. It is unworthy to be married and live a singles. Learn to talk about everything from personal life to work, family etc.

jify:
I have never been verbally abusive to him. In all our over nine years of marriage, I can say that I have insulted him twice (God go punish you), after he locked me out and I left to go live with my sister and he called after a month that I should come back. His mother divorced his father but I have never used that to insult him.

You have no right to abuse him with this. You knew the mother divorced the father and decided to marry him. Besides, this is your home and not that of his parents so, why will you want to bring them into your arguments?

jify:
Yes he picks up the phone and insults my mother. Most times when he wants me to react and I'm fighting to control myself not to react. He knows that if I hear that he has called my mother I would react. He says my mother raised us not to be submissive to our husbands. That's why she gets the bulk of insults.

The first time would have been his last if you had handled it properly. Have a discussion with him on this and let him know the last time he did would be his last. Let him know you do not appreciate it and you expect him to be the gentleman you married. Tell him the consequence the next time he tries such which could be that you will organize touts to beat him to order.

jify:
When my brother told him that was on the occasion when he asked me to leave and pushed me out,my brother was mad and angry that it had become one too many, he saw the bruises on my body. My brother actually came to pack my things and they got into an altercation.

It wasn't in your brother's position to say such to him no matter what. You chose to marry him and have every right to tell him what you wouldn't take. It isn't in the position of your siblings to do such.

jify:
One of my major faults is that I'm not someone who takes instructions on face value, I want to be heard in decision making that affects me and my kids in the home. But he wants to say this is what we are going to do and that's final. When I object to it or refine it to suit my strength, I'm disrespectful and wants to be in charge. He always says he is the man and knows what he is doing.

What was agreed before marriage? At this stage you can sit him down and echoes this. I'm sure he knows he didn't marry a stooge and you should have a say in what concerns you and your immediate family in the least. Stand your ground on this and do this ASAP as part of the starting phase of reconciliation.

jify:
Example, He wants me to teach the children in weekends and when I say I can't work all the week and then Saturdays when I'm supposed to rest I am to start drawing lesson and turn to a teacher. Some weekends I don't even want to get out of bed. I propose that we hire a teacher who can come in on Saturdays. For me opposing the way he says it, shows that I am not submissive to my husband. I work 3 jobs at a go. I have a normal 9-5 job, I manage an online business for someone, then I manage another personal full fledged business from my office. I work 3 mentally draining businesses, I still do assignments with the kids, cook as soon as I drop my bags, wash dishes, etc. When I wanted to get washing machine, he called it waste of resources and that i shouldn't, i refused and went ahead to get one.

Why can't he do the teaching? Both of you should be able to do this without any form of complaints. Learn to set aside some 2 to 3 hours to do this. It could be a simple as checking their notes and revising with them.

jify:
He believes that I am lazy (domestic work) and is willing to pay other people to do my duties. And for me, why do I have to put stress on myself when I can pay people to do the work. I already have a weak heart condition, I'm asthmatic, why add more stress.

You should let him understand pay off the essence of writing is being able to delegate some of this chores when necessary. You can't be going through all of these and want to over labor yourself.

You tolerated too much madness but I don't know what the foundation wa(i)s.

Sterope:
If what you are saying is true - search yourself

Save your evidence for the future. One day you might need to tell these stories to your children including your culpability.

Remove yourself from the marriage but don't deny the children their father.

Don't be negative about him towards them in whatever form. You will ruin them too and it will come back to bite you.

Don't let him get to you, because he would try to hurt you after this. It is not worth it. You are also ruining your mental health by engaging with him.

Please get your brother involved. You are not helping yourself from him if you don't. People like him will only understand when they meet their match. He needs know your support system is reliable and can go to hell back for you.

Jify, this right here is excellent advice.

Please note that even if you're about to go for Marital Counselling, nothing will change until both of you individually go for Individual Counselling, separately.

This didn't just start now, it started from when you got married. So these are foundational character issues. You aren't perfect but he has issues and they didn't start because of you, he had them from childhood, same as you.

He's not great with the kids, if he was able to ignore them for a year when you left the first time. It's very hard to be a good parent and not want to see your children. That's a fact. Get them a phone and give him the number.

Document everything you do, because when you guys get to Court, what will come out of his mouth will amaze you. He will rewrite your history. Men tend to be emotional and play the victim much better than women (speaking from experience). Send only texts and emails.

Never insult him back. Go No Contact, only speak to him about the kids, once the topic deviates, shut it down immediately.

I'm glad you're leaving. Please go and get therapy (what state are you?) for yourself.

Admit your faults, it takes 2 to end a marriage. Nobody is perfect, please work on yourself.

Focus on yourself. Expect that he's going to get worse and ignore your kids, prep them for the fact that their father is going to ignore them or use them to fight you. He will try and drag custody, he will flaunt babes in your eyes. Please move on with your life, nothing concerns you and him anymore.

Always take the high road and maintain your dignity. Be angry, firm and draw your boundaries, but don't blast him everywhere.

He will definitely character-assasinate you everywhere. Be prepared to handle it without too much explanation ("that's a lie, please let him bring evidence. I won't waste time and energy on this, thanks".

Please know that we're in Nigeria, everyone will believe the man without a shred of evidence but demand even your grandmother come and swear that you're telling the truth. And even if they admit it, they'll still blame you. So just nod and say "okay". Expect to lose some friends and family members.

I saw a post that said he thinks he can do better with other women, it may be true. Men tend to think the grass is greener outside and then punish their wives for being around them and "keeping them away from true happiness". The more anyone tries to reconcile them, the worse they act.

The best cure for that malady is Freedom. Let him have it. If the grass is greener and he's happier, wonderful. If it isn't, yikes. He'll join the numerous millions of people globally living with regrets.

People must learn Actions have Consequences. I personally wouldn't take him back if he comes back regretful in the future. I may take him back if he comes back remorseful. However, Remorse is sorrow for the pain you caused someone and getting a Character Transplant (that rarely happens). Regret is sorrow for the self-inflicted pains you caused and feeling sorry for yourself.

Most people are regretful. Very few are remorseful.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Sapasenator:
Op, Your relationship is a master slave relationship. Do not ever think for once that you have a marriage and how do you manage to have sex with such an individual? I honestly do not get it. I will never sleep with you if I am not happy with you.

This is how it should be but most women have learnt otherwise before they are accused of "hoarding" sex .

I really feel bad for Op . Another virtuous wife down

Proserpina:
This is how it should be but most women have learnt otherwise before they are accused of "hoarding" sex .

I really feel bad for Op . Another virtuous wife down

The virtuous wife these men are supposed to love and cherish, they ALWAYS fumble them so bad. I read this thread at 1am and was really sad.

I kuku nor wan be Proverbs 31 woman.

folake4u:
The virtuous wife these men are supposed to love and cherish, they ALWAYS fumble them so bad. I read this thread at 1am and was really sad.

I kuku nor wan be Proverbs 31 woman.

Many, MANY men globally, fumble the good women. I've read forums from different countries and I'm frankly so afraid for my sons.

Because there's so very few good resources teaching men how to be Good, Upright Men.

Even the Church and the Mosque are failing. Now, add Red Pill to it.

Even my male uncles that are elderly now, look back at their mistakes and are full of regrets, some have remorse. But nobody's listening to them and learning from them.

Marriage rates are plummeting, even in Nigeria (it's not yet noticeable, but young people are legit delaying marriage now).

There are a lot of resources and teachings and admonitions for women and very little for men. So women fumble good men, but at lower rates.

Like a wise man once said, "the Divorce rate rising, fewer people wanting to get married and have children and the rise of Feminism can all be attributed to man failing in their godly roles. Because those are all the world trying (and failing) to course-correct the roles a godly man should have filled".

Proserpina:
This is how it should be but most women have learnt otherwise before they are accused of "hoarding" sex .

I really feel bad for Op . Another virtuous wife down

She is in for a long thing. The pastors will tell her to pray about it and she will continue taking the abuses until she will lose her job and the real abuse will start. The little respect she gets in that marriage is because she has a job and the man sees that as a big threat.

I have a sister married to a man like that and I despise the guy more than Ebola virus.

folake4u:
The virtuous wife these men are supposed to love and cherish, they ALWAYS fumble them so bad. I read this thread at 1am and was really sad.

I kuku nor wan be Proverbs 31 woman.

Like! It's crazy!

Honestly, what I've learned is choosing a partner is way deeper than what we think. Craziest part is qualities to look out for keeps changing everyday.

I don kukuma talk am no matter how much I earn the man must provide. That percentage thing is not for me. I used to be an advocate but these Men don't deserve it.

Onegai:
Many, MANY men globally, fumble the good women. I've read forums from different countries and I'm frankly so afraid for my sons.

Because there's so very few good resources teaching men how to be Good, Upright Men.

Even the Church and the Mosque are failing. Now, add Red Pill to it.

Even my male uncles that are elderly now, look back at their mistakes and are full of regrets, some have remorse. But nobody's listening to them and learning from them.

Marriage rates are plummeting, even in Nigeria (it's not yet noticeable, but young people are legit delaying marriage now).

There are a lot of resources and teachings and admonitions for women and very little for men. So women fumble good men, but at lower rates.

Like a wise man once said, "the Divorce rate rising, fewer people wanting to get married and have children and the rise of Feminism can all be attributed to man failing in their godly roles. Because those are all the world trying (and failing) to course-correct the roles a godly man should have filled".

You are totally spot on!

There's little or no guidance/resources for men. Everyone seems to focus on women grooming right from childhood. The men murmur that there's too much focus on the girl child, yet these men don't want to team up together and start focusing on raising the male child from infancy. Or maybe, they're still waiting for women to do this for them.

This is why I simply laugh at all these Alfa meils, because body go tell them for old age.

Of course, marriage rates are plummeting and divorce cases are on a high now. One of my friends is always happy when he gets divorce briefs. His favourite line is "What God has not joined together, let me put asunder".

The economy too isn't friendly for prospective couples however life must go on. It only takes wisdom for couples these days to navigate their marital journey.

And also, my generation isn't really interested in this "marriage" institution. They see from their parents experiences and do not want to repeat same mistake; others are insisting on financial stability before venturing into it.

It is not well.

Proserpina:
Like! It's crazy!

Honestly, what I've learned is choosing a partner is way deeper than what we think. Craziest part is qualities to look out for keeps changing everyday.

I don kukuma talk am no matter how much I earn the man must provide. That percentage thing is not for me. I used to be an advocate but these Men don't deserve it.

I know right!!!!!! Really crazy!

Ahhh about the qualities ehn? Topping my list is "If the person has sense" because Omooo! That one is just non-negotiable for me. And my list hasn't changed too.

Previously when one of my friends tried matchmaking, I Just asked him if his friend has sense, he just laughed. He couldn't even vouch for him, I told him not to bother.

Toh! I've never been a fan of that one oh. If we are to go by that rule, make him carry the belle too na.
A man that can't provide for his family is worse than an infidel, nor be me talk am sha. Na the Holy Bible.

folake4u:
I know right!!!!!! Really crazy!

Ahhh about the qualities ehn? Topping my list is "If the person has sense" because Omooo! That one is just non-negotiable for me. And my list hasn't changed too.

Previously when one of my friends tried matchmaking, I Just asked him if his friend has sense, he just laughed. He couldn't even vouch for him, I told him not to bother.

Toh! I've never been a fan of that one oh. If we are to go by that rule, make him carry the belle too na.
A man that can't provide for his family is worse than an infidel, nor be me talk am sha. Na the Holy Bible.

That Sense is very important and it comprises a lot of things. Maturity and Emotional intelligence are part of the things Sense contain. Be matured enough to communicate and let things go, these things are missing in Op's husband abeg.

You think you have your list on point until you hear tales like Op's and you have to recheck if you are certain you have all covered it's tiring biko .

Lol make them no come match you with wahala.

Bible don talk am finish my sister, may God help us.

Sapasenator:
She is in for a long thing. The pastors will tell her to pray about it and she will continue taking the abuses until she will lose her job and the real abuse will start. The little respect she gets in that marriage is because she has a job and the man sees that as a big threat.

I have a sister married to a man like that and I despise the guy more than Ebola virus.

You get it!

What do you want them to say? No pastor will plainly tell you to separate from your partner before they are not misquoted and you see members leaving their marriages at the slightest provocations.
Pastors will only subtly let you know the truth but it will be your decision to make.

Men like that are truly viruses. May God help us

jify:
I need matured advice. (Long read)

My husband has become like a thorn in my flesh.

When we got married, we were sharing responsibilities and financial contribution like 60:40; I take the bulk because I earn more. The goal was that I would support until it gets to a point where he was earning more to take up more responsibility. I don’t complain about money, if I asks and he says he doesn’t have, I don’t ask again. Over time, I don’t ask, he just uses his initiative to drop whatever he has. Whether its N60k or 90k per 3 months as income increases, I don’t bother.

He gives me issues on money problem, he wants us to save jointly, I refused. The reason for this is because in the course of this marriage journey, we have both really hurt each other. I am not the type that talks too much, but when he gets me angry, I would vomit words that is unpalatable as a result of piled up anger. When he starts with his arguments, most times I go silent. But he starts poking me to talk. In some cases, I tell him that if I open my mouth to talk, he would not like what would come out of it, but then he starts dragging me on the cloth, leg or anywhere he can grab me saying I must say what is on my mind, just so I would respond. Sometimes he starts to insult my parents, siblings, etc.

He looks for every reason to quarrel. If I tell him that I am very tired and not in the mood for sex, the next day, he would wait till 6.25am and tell me that henceforth I have to start prepping the children for school, I leave for work by 6.30am. Meanwhile I have been up since 4am, cooking and arranging the children’s things. My kids stay for afterschool and so I have to cook what they would eat till evening. Then later in the evening, he would tell me he wants sex. Truth be told and I think he also knows that sex is more of a moral obligation for me, so that he won’t have something to accuse me of. During sex, I remember all the hurtful words and messages he has sent to me while in the office, and I just can’t wait for it to end.

In May this year, he told me that because my brother told him 3 years ago, that he doesn’t know why I am still with him, that I should have left as I can take care of myself and don’t need him, therefore he would no longer contribute money for food. I said nothing. Since that time I have been taking care of feeding. Before now I do part feeding, children’s school, children’s lesson, children transport to school, cleaner, hospital bills, etc. He takes care of rent and electricity. At some point, I was doing electricity and lawma but I had to stylishly push that to him.

I don’t have a problem if we share these things with mutual agreement, but each time we have an argument, he reneges and uses the kids to start punishing me, putting my job in jeopardy, insulting my parents as much as picking up the phone to insult my mother just to make me react, locks me outside when I tell him that the decision he took on something has caused an issue. These days I don’t express my feelings about anything, whether I like it or not, because if I say I am not happy with how things are, I would most likely get a call in the office and if I don’t respond because I know it is to harass me and mess up with my mental state, when I get back from work, the doors would be locked since he comes before me.

I have begged to hire a nanny (I would pay for it and he knows that); all I need was approval, but it has been denied. I begged for 3 years to have someone come in to clean the house on weekends. He is the one doing it but the complaint was too much. Eventually he agreed to have someone come in on weekends, but if we have disagreements (not quarrel o), he would stop the person from coming, so that I would do it myself.

My family don’t like him, I have been told several times to leave him. But he is an amazing father, my children adore their dad and love him. Leaving him would also affect them, but my mental state is in tatters.

I am a very private person but since I married him, he has reported me to every pastor I know, and when I am asked and I lay my own side of the story, he quarrels with the pastors for not taking sides with him and we have to change church. I have told him that if he reports me to anyone, I won’t honour it because it’s become one too many. Are we the only ones who cannot seem to manage our problems? And I am done hopping from one church to the other.

His family members have waded in, and he gives me like one month and we are back to square one. I am tired and frustrated. I told him all I wanted from him was peace of mind. My mother’s mantra raising us was if your husband does not do it, then you do it. Don’t wait for any man to do anything for you. As girls, we were not raised to be dependent. My mother hates it. So we don’t usually ask husbands for money, we expect that husbands would do what is right and if they don’t, we take it up and do it.

So I don’t wait for him to do anything, I do it or provide the money to do it, and I have told him I won’t enter into a joint savings with him where he has the full control. This year alone, I have been locked out of the house up to 6 times, if I save money with him, it means when he locks the door, I would be stranded.

Please how do I navigate this? When he locked me out of the house 3 years ago, I had to rent a place to stay. Mind you, the house we live in now, was the house I rented when I left because it was far better than our previous accommodation. For almost one year I was away with the children, he didn’t pay them any visits, didn’t ask to see them, occasionally he calls to talk to them, but he didn’t see them, and my kids were broken. They need that stability and I am so afraid of denying them that fatherly love (maybe because I lacked it in my childhood and it affected me badly). The only thing holding me here is my children. But God knows I am tired, frustrated, bitterness is growing in me at a rapid rate.

leave that marriage now and look for means to carry your children. Lock him up whenever he calls your mum/parents to abuse them. But make sure you have evidence to back it up

Capernum:
My sisters are very submissiveness to their husbands.. It's not rossy anywhere.

Any good marriage you see out there are product of several endurance, wise actions and patience.

Mumu. You think everyone gives up quickly on marriage like you? OYO is your case.


Op's marriage will work out, she'll pay the price while you continue to stay out of marriage with your deformed toxic children you're raising alone.

you're sick upstairs. The woman has taken up the man's responsibility (Financially) and you are expecting submission? Lol, you want her to pay the price while the idiot man pays what? A man wey get liver dey insult him wife parents? You must be insane telling her not to divorce the animal.

Proserpina:
You get it!

What do you want them to say? No pastor will plainly tell you to separate from your partner before they are not misquoted and you see members leaving their marriages at the slightest provocations.
Pastors will only subtly let you know the truth but it will be your decision to make.

Men like that are truly viruses. May God help us

Lots of people in Marriages are suffering and smiling and putting on a facade while some are staying for the children.
The marriage contract should be carefully evaluated before one gets into it.
I know a Lady who earns about N7m per annum in a bank. The husband asked her to resign because he felt threatened and when she refused he made up some lies and reported to her company and she was fired eventually.

Proserpina:
That Sense is very important and it comprises a lot of things. Maturity and Emotional intelligence are part of the things Sense contain. Be matured enough to communicate and let things go, these things are missing in Op's husband abeg.

You think you have your list on point until you hear tales like Op's and you have to recheck if you are certain you have all covered it's tiring biko .

Lol make them no come match you with wahala.

Bible don talk am finish my sister, may God help us.

You know! Omoo.

Nor be lie oh. Make I even go recheck that list again and add to the red flags. It is tiring, no jokes.

Seeeeee!!! I'm just a soft baby girl, I nor like wahala for my life.

Amennn oh.

folake4u:
You know! Omoo.

Nor be lie oh. Make I even go recheck that list again and add to the red flags. It is tiring, no jokes.

Seeeeee!!! I'm just a soft baby girl, I nor like wahala for my life.

Amennn oh.

People pretend a lot before marriage and change afterward. I have intervened in many marriages, and you will shake your head if you hear tales. One even threw his wife's load outside for abroad o, she ran to sleep in the women's shelters. Your career first and foremost, have your assets before venturing into marriage and having only one child.

Sapasenator:
People pretend a lot before marriage and change afterward. I have intervened in many marriages, and you will shake your head if you hear tales. One even threw his wife's load outside for abroad o, she ran to sleep in the women's shelters. Your career first and foremost, have your assets before venturing into marriage and having only one child.

True. People pretend a lot but for how long??

That's wild!!!!

Yes, certainly. I'm not joking with my career and finance before venturing into marriage. So help me God.

Capernum:
My sisters are very submissiveness to their husbands.. It's not rossy anywhere.

Any good marriage you see out there are product of several endurance, wise actions and patience.

Mumu. You think everyone gives up quickly on marriage like you? OYO is your case.


Op's marriage will work out, she'll pay the price while you continue to stay out of marriage with your deformed toxic children you're raising alone.

The fact you think this is a flex.....

Mille:
Doesn't even include love or hate. Being a good or bad wife/mother doesn't automatically mean the person loves or hate husband/children.

Good wife - Does many of the things expected of a wife (by her husband or societal standards)

Bad wife - Doesn't do many of the things children (or the society) expects from a mother.

For example, you can claim to love your child, but if after they close from school, you put a tray on their head to go and hawk groundnut on the expressway, you are a bad mother.


Take this scenario that unfolded this year in the estate I live in.

Husband is the breadwinner. Husband loses his source of income while wife only has a petty shop just outside the estate. Wife is supportive of husband in his downtime. Takes charge of the home using her petty business, uses her finance to make him able to attend interviews, and uses her contacts to find him job opportunities, and ultimately lands him a job. Home was kept running smoothly without husband having to borrow from friends or family.

The truth was wife's business was not flourishing either during this downtime. Turns out wife, without the knowledge of the husband or anyone else, has been pimping out her 12 year old daughter to the Hausa men who do security for many of the houses in the estate. It was only exposed when she tried stopping after the husband was back on his feet.

In less than 3 sentences, do you consider her a good/bad wife/mother?

@bold:

Nkan be!

Jorussia:
Personally, What i see here is a man with a low self esteem that is Jealous of his successful wife.I pray to God for me not to change when i get married in about year.This is the kind of woman i pray for,who doing very well for herself.My wife wants to pay for weekend teacher for my children,what's the big deal there?For God sake she works from Monday to Friday.Why should i insist she should teach my children on weekends?is that not wickedness?

We generally don't change when we get married.I am almost 35 and all my close guys are married,and they didn't change very much.
When I see some things they do as married men it doesn't surprise me because that's how they have always been.For me,this marriage stuff,is not a do or die affair.The only deal breaker for me is a cheating spouse.I can't stay with a cheating wife,when i have been faithful
to my marital vows.

The way we were brought up as men usually shape how we become as a husband and father.Can u imagine the audacity to call your mother in law and insult her, because of quarrel with her daughter,nor be see finish be that one?I have married sisters(both elder and younger),I can't imagine their husbands calling to insult my mother,say na wetin happen? Sometimes for years,i don't talk to their husbands and all of us are in Nigeria.One them even message me last month to say bros na wa o.some of us guys here are supporting this so called man.I read one comment here saying may the wife insulted his family that's why he pick up the phone to rain insults on wife's mum,can u imagine that kind yeye talk?Abeg make i rest here,this thread they annoy me.

Nor vex.

You know the quality of homes some people come from when they support nonsense.

How can a husband have the audacity to call his mother-in-law to insult her because he has a fracas with his wife.

It is a different case if it was an issue involving the mother and it degenerated.

But to call your MIL from the blues to insult her?

jify:
I was finally allowed to enter the house around 11pm.

I have decided to get separated. My BP is at 200+ and I know I'm at high risk. I have to consider a lot of factors, my children school, when I decide to leave, school needs to be in break so there's no disruption for them.

My mum is away for a burial and won't be back till December, so I need to be sure I have someone to help me settle down, the last times, she was with the kids while I went to work, and the transition was easier for me.

Getting a one bedroom apartment in a good part of Lagos, I need about N1.7m which I never planned for. So I have given myself till December to be able to sort myself. I am done hopping to my sister's house. I also intend to as much as possible avoid any form of conflict, continue with status quo.

My brother would have been ready to help me out with finance but he would escalate the issue because he's already angry and I don't want any more drama.

My sister is aware of my current situation and I know I have someone who would be with me in secret through this whole process. Thank you all so much, I appreciate.

Please if you can move out before December, do.

A lot of things can get spoilt before then.

It is well with you. 🫂 🤗 👐

Onegai:
Many, MANY men globally, fumble the good women. I've read forums from different countries and I'm frankly so afraid for my sons.

Because there's so very few good resources teaching men how to be Good, Upright Men.

Even the Church and the Mosque are failing. Now, add Red Pill to it.

Even my male uncles that are elderly now, look back at their mistakes and are full of regrets, some have remorse. But nobody's listening to them and learning from them.

Marriage rates are plummeting, even in Nigeria (it's not yet noticeable, but young people are legit delaying marriage now).

There are a lot of resources and teachings and admonitions for women and very little for men. So women fumble good men, but at lower rates.

Like a wise man once said, "the Divorce rate rising, fewer people wanting to get married and have children and the rise of Feminism can all be attributed to man failing in their godly roles. Because those are all the world trying (and failing) to course-correct the roles a godly man should have filled".

@bold:

Have been failing, I have a ten year old thread on it.

The Church breeds and condones baby husbands like white on rice.

Specific to the Church because I am not conversant on Islamic operations.

Proserpina:
Like! It's crazy!

Honestly, what I've learned is choosing a partner is way deeper than what we think. Craziest part is qualities to look out for keeps changing everyday.

I don kukuma talk am no matter how much I earn the man must provide. That percentage thing is not for me. I used to be an advocate but these Men don't deserve it.

@bold:

Proserpina:
Like! It's crazy!

Honestly, what I've learned is choosing a partner is way deeper than what we think. Craziest part is qualities to look out for keeps changing everyday.

I don kukuma talk am no matter how much I earn the man must provide. That percentage thing is not for me. I used to be an advocate but these Men don't deserve it.

I like as you talk true because we done argue this thing before and I told you to leave me alone biko.

bukatyne:
@bold:

Have been failing, I have a ten year old thread on it.

The Church breeds and condones baby husbands like white on rice.

Specific to the Church because I am not conversant on Islamic operations.

The church is the wrong place for marital advice with most of the pastors not qualified to give advice in that area. I always ask couples to visit a qualified and certified marriage counselor. We tend to Idolize these pastors and ascribe to them knowledge they do not possess.