₦airaland Forum

Have the majority of men given up on trying to date?

I'm 56. I gave up on wanting to get married when I was around 40. Around 45 I gave up wanting to date. Around 50 I gave up wanting to have sex. I completely gave up on women. After giving up on women, I have more peace and serenity than I'd never known. I wish I'd given up on women 15 or 20 years sooner. I could have saved myself a lot of money, time, pain, and humiliation.

Being without a woman is great if you embrace it and focus on its positive aspects. It's peaceful, low stress, more dignity and self respect, my time is my own, my career and hobbies are completely my choice, I save a lot of money, I work more and make more money, and I'm happier. I'm in a much better place financially, mentally, and even physically.

Trying to get dates is stressful and unpleasant. It's like a series of stressful unpleasant job interviews with unreasonable interviewers that usually ends in rejection. Likely her rejecting me, but possibly me rejecting her. Either source of rejection is uncomfortable and somtimes painful.

Actually going on a date is a 2nd job interview, but who enjoys being interviewed for a job? No one ever. Especially a job that pays little or nothing and cost me time, money, and probably in rejection.

I had 3 girlfriends in my life. The 1st was wonderful to be with. I enjoyed her until I found out she was married. The 2nd was immature and miserable to be around and she used to punch me. I did not hit her back. The 3rd was nice part of the time, but she had a volatile temper and a sharp tongue. I broke up with the 1st one. With 2 & 3 it was a mutual breakup. With 2 & 3 I never felt relaxed nor at peace with them.

Most women stress me out. There are some nice women, but the nice ones are highly in demand by men. I can't compete with the top 10% of men to get them. Also (IME) after I turned 40 there are very few similar-age single women worth being with.

Are younger women an option for me? I think not. Most younger American women don't want a man my age, and I accept that. Sure there are some (a minority of) younger women who would date an older man, but do I want to deal with dating stress anymore? No I don't. And the younger and better looking she is, the more nervous I'd feel.

Also, I'm old enough to look at my married male friends and relatives as examples of marriage. Many are divorced (and poor due to divorce). Alimoney is legalized slavery for life. Some are still in unhappy marriages. Some are happily married to women who treat them like dirt. It's perplexing why some men enjoy being married to women who treat them badly. I know a few happily married men whose wives treat them well, but those marriages are a small minority.

Does being without a woman have downsides? Yes of course, but I'd still have most of those issues if I was with a woman. Here's the downsides of being without a woman:

It's lonely sometimes, but that's also the case in a bad relationship, and most seem to be bad or go bad. If you're lonely, hang out with friends, family, or get a dog.

I get Hot sometimes, but trying to date isn't likely to solve that. Having a GF or wife is often not a solution either because she might not be in the mood, or might be withholding as a powerplay, or she might not want to do the things I want to do. A more reliable solution is to masturbate if/when needed, but I try to keep that to a minimum. For some men, another solution might be to hire a hooker if that's legal in your state, but that would be a sad waste of money. Better just to masturbate IMO, but I suggest keeping that to the minimum needed to alleviate.

Men, we don't need women. If you want a woman, then I wish you good luck and hope you suceed, but remember that wanting a woman is a want, not a need. Also realize that having a woman does not guarantee happiness. She might cause unhappiness.

My mom and dad were married 55 years (until he passed away). My dad advised me to date, but never get married. At the time he told me that, I was 38 and I still very much still wanted to date, marry, and have kids. Luckily I'm over that delusion now. If I'd given up on women sooner, I could have started having more peace and a better life sooner.

Culled from Quora.

Guys , ladies, what are your opinions on the above? Do you think dating is not worth it?

Above is the opinion of Charley B, a programmer based in the US. Do you think dating is a waste of time and resources? What are your dating experiences so far and is it similar to Charley's?

For me, I find his opinion interesting especially looking at the Asian countries like Japan where dating and child birth is on a sharp decline with young men losing interests in ladies and sex generally. Also, most people are miserable in marriage and trying to pretend all is well.

Is he right or wrong?

Faded-Quora:

a lot of of men are just better off alone.

unfortunately society enculturates the belief that we must all find our soulmate, which can cause tremendous suffering in our hearts when we inevitably don’t. most women post-35 don’t even look that good anyway and can’t bear children.

John Quora

Interesting perspective- I never see it like this. I always go into dates with the idea that I’m simply meeting another person just for the fun of that one single encounter. I don’t have any other expectations or pressure, which makes the whole thing lighthearted.

Do we even date in Nigeria? Hehheheh

The thing tire me self!

Most humans has this blindness of not seeing their own bad character towas sister A, but will want to criticize sister A. If you invite sister A, she will even tell u the bad character of the person painting sister A bad.

If you can't change a person, live them quitly
If you can, do it with all sincerity of heart and always balance your own character to effect the change.

When people often criticize you on particular ways of life or doing things, pause and reflect on that area and improve.

Creamypussy:
Most humans has this blindness of not seeing their own bad character towas sister A, but will want to criticize sister A. If you invite sister A, she will even tell u the bad character of the person painting sister A bad.

If you can't change a person, live them quitly
If you can, do it with all sincerity of heart and always balance your own character to effect the change.

When people often criticize you on particular ways of life or doing things, pause and reflect on that area and improve.

I agree with you but the guy is not criticizing as he has learnt to live with himself, even gone to the extent of questioning the relevance of dating or wanting a woman from his perspective. Does not mean women are bad or anything like that.

Sp1ritHusband:
Do we even date in Nigeria? Hehheheh

The thing tire me self!

Only you created thread, replied to it and argued with yourself. Na wa!

VeryWickedGoat:
Only you created thread, replied to it and argued with yourself. Na wa!

Thank you for your contribution.

I know say no girl gree date you so nothing to contribute. I can arrange babe for you.

I think to each his own, I have not given up on dating but I try avoid Nigerian girls. E get Y !

This is an interesting topic lets see how it goes. I think the benefits of relationship and dating is grossly overrated. You might end up losing your peace of mind and that is the reason why Seun has remained single.

I am more comfortable being the side niggaa than the main guy, the real ones know this.


Dating a Nigerian or any girl right now, you have to have the realization she's not for you alone, that it's only your turn when shes with you, don't kill yourself trying to check what shes up to or who else she's bleeping 😑😑

Just take your own 3points widely when it's your turn.

Dating and marriage no really favour men this present time and era,sadly

Gadafii:
I am more comfortable being the side niggaa than the main guy, the real ones know this.


Dating a Nigerian or any girl right now, you have to have the realization she's not for you alone, that it's only your turn when shes with you, don't kill yourself trying to check what shes up to or who else she's bleeping 😑😑

Just take your own 3points widely when it's your turn.

Dating and marriage no really favour men this present time and era,sadly

That is a sad reality but I am sure our ladies may beg to disagree with you. I am never dating someone who I know is sleeping with others. I demand loyalty even if I do not provide one.

I agree with you,who get time for dating, anytime Bleep hungry, I go olosho HQ go Bleep. Simple

Date if you want, but don't be stupid enough to put your heart and soul into it. In essence, trust no one.

Your opinion, your experience deal with it. You can’t force your experience on others. Cheers

Sp1ritHusband:
Above is the opinion of Charley B, a programmer based in the US. Do you think dating is a waste of time and resources? What are your dating experiences so far and is it similar to Charley's?

well first of all, everyone’s reality about life can’t be thesame, secondly dating/marriage can be awesome if from the get go you didn’t play the PUA(Pickup Artist)mind manipulation games because you end up with a first basis impression you can’t keep up with,be kind to women you fancy not nice, correct them they are wrong, raise your voice accordingly but also shower them with kindness when they’ve earned it, that’s how alpha’s go about the dating game and if eventually they end up with any of the favorites they dated, you’d realize the woman already has an idea of what to expect and what not to expect. As for masturbation that is literally wasting seeds, it’s not efficient, ivf even though frowned at by the Catholics is another way to get a child, I might personally consider that if I can afford it. I don’t want to be single at 40/50 yrs old tbh. But what do I know? Also women who treats their husbands or partners like trash aren’t worth been around especially when kids aren’t involved.

Not when your age is 50 plus. Be wise brother

Sp1ritHusband:
John Quora

Interesting perspective- I never see it like this. I always go into dates with the idea that I’m simply meeting another person just for the fun of that one single encounter. I don’t have any other expectations or pressure, which makes the whole thing lighthearted.

I don’t c myself getting married(probably nt in d nearest future).All my focus is on how to make ds money without been distracted.Women are distraction,especially gettin married and not financially buoyant. Wen I meet a girl,I make my intentions known and if u cul wit it,we roll(jst d sex and fun)not monetary..I gat two boiz and gat no reason rushing abt gettin married.

Nigerian women have shown men shege even pass buhari and tinubu put together. If you don't date a foreign lady , you will not be able to know that there are many nice ladies in this world.
Ordinary Cotonu here, meet there woman and see peace of mind,

If I didn't marry when I did, I probably wouldn't even find the strength to date again. Dating in current times is now so stressful and material based. I sympathise with the unmarried men, the pressure is just too much now.

When I was dating, which is over 10 years ago, the level of materialism wasn't this high, and social media was in it's infancy stage. Everything now is a mess. Anyone lucky to find a decent woman should hold her tight.