₦airaland Forum

My brother, my wife dare not say such to me.

If she does - the marriage is over and SHE DARN WELL KNOWS IT.

Don't tolerate sh*t, how can she say she did you a favour.

If it were me, off she goes immediately.

ghettochild:
Well before you make any decision.
Sit her down n ask if she's no longer interested in the marriage so you both can part ways...
Her response will tell you what next should be ur line of action..
N.B: Don't let a woman threaten u that she's young n beautiful..
Tell her u are handsome and financially comfortable.
Anyways that's childish.
Just give her your rules...if she can't give you peace of mind then she goes.

Did you not grab what he said? He said his wife is already tired of the marriage but just helping to keep her appearance at home.

The wife is blackmailing him emotionally and she would definitely cheat to pay her husband back because he doesn't want to succumb to her alpha dominance.

Valoromega:
I've been married for a while now and I have a daughter.

My wife and I has always had issues, anytime issues arise her first reaction is to leave the marriage.

She has said this several time and u cautioned her about the statement because I don't like it ( she's making it seem she's doing me a favor by marrying me)

So last week we got into an issue because of my younger sister who I gave money to for her store rent, my wife found out about it and was very angry, she said that I gave my sister money without informing her and that she needed Money I refused to give her ( I gave her 150k Dat same day to change her Clothes).
She also accused me of cheating which was not true, she said she very young and fresh and she can go outside anytime.

She had once told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend with another guy once when she was in school because the boyfriend was misbehaving.

So I thought about everything and the fact that she continuously accuses me of being a bad husband, and abusive husband ( I've never hit her before) and that she was tired of the marriage.

So I'm thinking of calling her father and collecting the bride price I paid for her because I'm tired of the whole thing

Oga, your marriage is just hanging on a loose thread.

It's better you call it off now than she would call it off herself. This is a race of who wins the 100metres.

Don't worry that you already have a daughter, she's gonna be fine. It's better you win her by calling off the marriage now. Be man enough or she would pound you to an emotional blackmail.

I've been in your shoes and I know how this situation plays out. No matter the family intervention, she will never change because she's already wired this way right from time.

She will definitely cheat on you and give you STDs, you can bet on that. You're on a long thing. If you stay in this toxic marriage and she eventually get pregnant for your second child. Make sure that you do a DNA. The first child is yours but any subsequent ones will never be yours and you may commit suicide because of that if you're not mentally strong.

Don't worry about what people would say if you divorce her. You're young and can marry another wife who would be humble and understanding to your philosophy.

A word is enough for the wise.

What's this thing about wanting to collect back bride price when opting out of marriage? I honestly don't get it. What about the kwarfing that took place? Can you unkwarf her?

If you wan move, move...
.

Una married men dey try oo l swear...so after l suffer to make my money finish...Then, one ldiot like that who most prolly wasn't even a virgin when l married her will come and start dictating to me how to spend my hard-earned money and making my life hell all in the name of marriage Say wetin happen na...who marriage help sef...I go sharply use craze pursue you comot my house be that oo...

YouandiAllofus:
I may not fully be abreast with the severity of the misfortunes in your marriage right now. But going by the story you posted up there, I don't think that you have a problem in your marriage.

Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.
Your sincerity is put to question.
What you're trying to make her understand is that 1 + 1 is equal to 2 which is correct outside marriage but in marriage, 1 + 1 is equal to 1.
Aside emergency situations, every intentions and reactions are supposed to be shared at all times no matter how weighty or light they may be.
This is one way to build trust and shut the door to suspicions.

He does not need his wife's permission before rendering assistance to members of his family so long as he is doing it from his own personal money!

galadima77:
What's this thing about wanting to collect back bride price when opting out of marriage? I honestly don't get it. What about the kwarfing that took place? Can you unkwarf her?

If you wan move, move...
.

Collecting back the bride price is a symbolic way of officially ending the marital union

Fast and Pray my brother.

Today is Sunday you can start now.

Valoromega:
I've been married for a while now and I have a daughter.

My wife and I has always had issues, anytime issues arise her first reaction is to leave the marriage.

She has said this several time and u cautioned her about the statement because I don't like it ( she's making it seem she's doing me a favor by marrying me)

So last week we got into an issue because of my younger sister who I gave money to for her store rent, my wife found out about it and was very angry, she said that I gave my sister money without informing her and that she needed Money I refused to give her ( I gave her 150k Dat same day to change her Clothes).
She also accused me of cheating which was not true, she said she very young and fresh and she can go outside anytime.

She had once told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend with another guy once when she was in school because the boyfriend was misbehaving.

So I thought about everything and the fact that she continuously accuses me of being a bad husband, and abusive husband ( I've never hit her before) and that she was tired of the marriage.

So I'm thinking of calling her father and collecting the bride price I paid for her because I'm tired of the whole thing

She'll cheat on you soon or already has. Anyways time to pack up this marriage.

peropoliet:
You are an igbo man and they are the weakest of men when it comes to marriage

I'm Igbo too and I agree with you that Igbo men are the weakest when it comes to women and marriage.

Proserpina:
Fast and Pray my brother.

Today is Sunday you can start now.

He should also enrol in gym classes. If he is 2 minutes man, should take sexuaal enhancement drugs to up his games.
Buy flowers and cook for her.
How dare him thinking of ending it.
Seems he has been cheating all along.
Brolosho like him.

It's better to end a marriage than the marriage to end your life . Be wise.

YouandiAllofus:
I may not fully be abreast with the severity of the misfortunes in your marriage right now. But going by the story you posted up there, I don't think that you have a problem in your marriage.

Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.
Your sincerity is put to question.
What you're trying to make her understand is that 1 + 1 is equal to 2 which is correct outside marriage but in marriage, 1 + 1 is equal to 1.
Aside emergency situations, every intentions and reactions are supposed to be shared at all times no matter how weighty or light they may be.
This is one way to build trust and shut the door to suspicions.

Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.

Guy what are you even saying? Soo before i render financial help to siblings i will first of all seek permission from my wife or let her know that i want to send money to my siblings or mom? As far wetin?

See, just pray you don't marry a bad wife....your mind go touch ground.

Give a woman such privilege and see how she will be manipulating you like remote control
OP no offense you married a bad wife...if she want to leave then let her leave for your own peace of mind and sanity.

YouandiAllofus:
Yes!
You must discuss every important issue with your partner. In marriage, there are supposed to be no room for secrets.
And if she doesn't accept, it is either you failed to make her see good enough reasons to accept or there is a reservation she is keeping away from you.

Either way, presenting issues before her doesn't always mean that she has to consent. If she knows her onion, she will know when to give her consent and if the man knows his onion, he will know when to listen to her woman's consent.
But the most important thing is updating her with the awareness of your intention and actions.

You are a joker,,as a man if you must always seek your wife’s consent before helping or giving to any of your siblings (not outsiders) ,you re the wife nd she the husband….

Valoromega:
I've been married for a while now and I have a daughter.

My wife and I has always had issues, anytime issues arise her first reaction is to leave the marriage.

She has said this several time and u cautioned her about the statement because I don't like it ( she's making it seem she's doing me a favor by marrying me)

So last week we got into an issue because of my younger sister who I gave money to for her store rent, my wife found out about it and was very angry, she said that I gave my sister money without informing her and that she needed Money I refused to give her ( I gave her 150k Dat same day to change her Clothes).
She also accused me of cheating which was not true, she said she very young and fresh and she can go outside anytime.

She had once told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend with another guy once when she was in school because the boyfriend was misbehaving.

So I thought about everything and the fact that she continuously accuses me of being a bad husband, and abusive husband ( I've never hit her before) and that she was tired of the marriage.

So I'm thinking of calling her father and collecting the bride price I paid for her because I'm tired of the whole thing

this is common in new marriages,with time she will adjust and mature,just keep on managing her,women has this uncanny talent of tasting a man's patience and endurance to the limit

This is what you people call marriage?

YouandiAllofus:
I may not fully be abreast with the severity of the misfortunes in your marriage right now. But going by the story you posted up there, I don't think that you have a problem in your marriage.

Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.
Your sincerity is put to question.
What you're trying to make her understand is that 1 + 1 is equal to 2 which is correct outside marriage but in marriage, 1 + 1 is equal to 1.
Aside emergency situations, every intentions and reactions are supposed to be shared at all times no matter how weighty or light they may be.
This is one way to build trust and shut the door to suspicions.

Mumu man, U deserve the award of the most stupid man in the world.

Make man dey beg woman before he give his own family money.

Chai u mumu no be small

Dexy4yah:
Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.

Guy what are you even saying? Soo before i render financial help to siblings i will first of all seek permission from my wife or let her know that i want to send money to my siblings or mom? As far wetin?

See, just pray you don't marry a bad wife....your mind go touch ground.

Give a woman such privilege and see how she will be manipulating you like remote control
OP no offense you married a bad wife...if she want to leave then let her leave for your own peace of mind and sanity.

The guy naa mumu somebody

He don chop vegetables

Your last paragraph is what you should do.

Bro, let that last paragraph be your greatest achievement this year.

Please, just do it. Do it and you will receive peace that surpasses all understanding.

Ironically, these are red flags you noticed during dating/courtship and didn't rectify.

Anyway, that's the past.

1. You don't need your wife's permission to do anything. Especially when it is an action that will help build your family.

You don't need your wife's permission for anything. Anything at all.

It doesn't mean she doesn't have a say in the relationship. But as a leader, you know what's best for the relationship. You will listen to her. Let her speak. If her conclusion doesn't tally with the best plan on the ground, don't take it.

2. Help her fulfill her dream of exiting the relationship. When next she makes that statement, help her arrange her "Ghana must go bag".

Probably, she came with nothing. She will definitely go with nothing except her clothes and pants - which you even gave her 150k to buy. If not for pity, let her go naked to her father's house. You own everything.

Because a woman who has contributed greatly to her family will never threaten to leave. She will think of her investment first before making such silly statements.

It's easier for the low investor to exit a relationship than the highest investor.

But you can change the game in her eyes. The highest investors own the highest power and leverage. You need to flex this power for her to see.

3. Any woman who accuses of cheating without any evidence is simply projecting two things:

A. She wants to cheat but looking for a way for you to cheat. So that when she cheats, she will justify it by your cheating. "I cheat because he cheated too".

B. She has cheated. But wants to push you to cheat so that her guilty conscience can be at rest. She wants a joyful draw.

4. Her ex-boyfriends or young men wooing her will only use and dump her. No man in his right senses will ever knot a woman who left her husband's house. The reason doesn't matter.

Please, help her let her dream come true this December. Please, I am begging you.

And when she finally leaves the house, DON'T EVER TAKE HER SORRY SILLY ASS BACK!

5. You don't need to inform families. Just tell her to go.

She doesn't love you.
She is an ungrateful woman.

Your immediate and drastic actions will be the corrective measure to bring her to reality.

6. Love and relationship is full of hurdles. However, to keep it going, the love, respect, peace, and unity must always be there. You can't continue to beg for these values. Once it absent, it's high-time you "Japa" out of the relationship.

And for your young daughter, she will be fine. Dedicate the best of your fatherly love to her. When she becomes a reasonable adult, she will understand the truth.

Thanks.

YouandiAllofus:
I may not fully be abreast with the severity of the misfortunes in your marriage right now. But going by the story you posted up there, I don't think that you have a problem in your marriage.

Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.
Your sincerity is put to question.
What you're trying to make her understand is that 1 + 1 is equal to 2 which is correct outside marriage but in marriage, 1 + 1 is equal to 1.
Aside emergency situations, every intentions and reactions are supposed to be shared at all times no matter how weighty or light they may be.
This is one way to build trust and shut the door to suspicions.

Sir, you're quite on point!
Unfortunately, following the story, the wife has insecurity issues and naturally feels it when anything is done in favor of one who's not herself or her family members!
Let me tell you, if your wife doesn't do so then you're very lucky and have a very rare case.
Mostly, women have this attitude they can't control, once you buy something for yourself, better buy hers too else....
Notice that the OP said he had given her 150k for clothing same day too. I can guarantee that had he told his wife he was helping his sister with cash she would have found means to discourage him. Imagine saying she's asked him for money and he'd not given her!
A huge percentage of husbands give to their relations without info to their spouses, it's not about trust but about discretion...

Valoromega:
I've been married for a while now and I have a daughter.

My wife and I has always had issues, anytime issues arise her first reaction is to leave the marriage.

She has said this several time and u cautioned her about the statement because I don't like it ( she's making it seem she's doing me a favor by marrying me)

So last week we got into an issue because of my younger sister who I gave money to for her store rent, my wife found out about it and was very angry, she said that I gave my sister money without informing her and that she needed Money I refused to give her ( I gave her 150k Dat same day to change her Clothes).
She also accused me of cheating which was not true, she said she very young and fresh and she can go outside anytime.

She had once told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend with another guy once when she was in school because the boyfriend was misbehaving.

So I thought about everything and the fact that she continuously accuses me of being a bad husband, and abusive husband ( I've never hit her before) and that she was tired of the marriage.

So I'm thinking of calling her father and collecting the bride price I paid for her because I'm tired of the whole thing

U don't need to call her father...u re just a little fuul who shouldn't have business with woman or at least for now.

Whenever she says she want to leave, just tell her if she doesn't leave she's a basteerd. Then don't say anything again. Then watch her adjust(if she's just blackmailing you, but still love you) or pack out(if she's not feeling you)

Mind you, she may be feeling you but still pack out, just wanted to do some women shakara but don't panic. Watch her come back after some months


But wait, why are u guys so mumu with women like this as if not same women we re rolling with. Nawa ooh

Kobicove:
He does not need his wife's permission before rendering assistance to members of his family so long as he is doing it from hos own personal money!

As light as some of you guys may look at this issue, I have actually heard of a case where a married woman kept sending money to her younger sister for the purpose of traveling abroad to stay with a childhood friend who was to fix her a job in no time without the knowledge of her husband.
Although the woman was working then and bulk of the money she sent came from her pulse, her husband didn't take it likely with her when he found out. As he almost sent the wife packing.
According to the man, the wife had to neglect some of the little assistance she use to render at home without giving any concrete reason. And as a result, their home ran lean for a while before the issue was finally resolved.
At the end, the one that was collecting money to travel was just siphoning funds for her personal purpose.

What say you to this:
Was that man wrong to confront the wife about her personal spending? or
Was the wife wrong for not bringing her husband to the knowledge of her intentions?

Dexy4yah:
Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.

Guy what are you even saying? Soo before i render financial help to siblings i will first of all seek permission from my wife or let her know that i want to send money to my siblings or mom? As far wetin?

Letting her know first is not the same thing as seeking her permission. Although there are some things that requires her permission.

See, just pray you don't marry a bad wife....your mind go touch ground.
Give a woman such privilege and see how she will be manipulating you like remote control
OP no offense you married a bad wife...if she want to leave then let her leave for your own peace of mind and sanity.

It all depends on the type of woman you marry, the level of understanding you both have, shared values etc...

viceddy95:
You are a joker,,as a man if you must always seek your wife’s consent before helping or giving to any of your siblings (not outsiders) ,you re the wife nd she the husband….

Scroll up to the questions in my reply to @kobicove provide an answer

Lordbinsmar:
Mumu man, U deserve the award of the most stupid man in the world.

Make man dey beg woman before he give his own family money.

Chai u mumu no be small

If you are so pained, break your phone.
Atleast somebody broke their tv set after watching Tyson lose to Jake.
https://www.nairaland.com/8268560/man-destroys-expensive-tv-after

Valoromega:
I've been married for a while now and I have a daughter.

My wife and I has always had issues, anytime issues arise her first reaction is to leave the marriage.

She has said this several time and u cautioned her about the statement because I don't like it ( she's making it seem she's doing me a favor by marrying me)

So last week we got into an issue because of my younger sister who I gave money to for her store rent, my wife found out about it and was very angry, she said that I gave my sister money without informing her and that she needed Money I refused to give her ( I gave her 150k Dat same day to change her Clothes).
She also accused me of cheating which was not true, she said she very young and fresh and she can go outside anytime.

She had once told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend with another guy once when she was in school because the boyfriend was misbehaving.

So I thought about everything and the fact that she continuously accuses me of being a bad husband, and abusive husband ( I've never hit her before) and that she was tired of the marriage.

So I'm thinking of calling her father and collecting the bride price I paid for her because I'm tired of the whole thing

Your wife has the termerity to be threatening you with leaving you and that she's still young for other men and challenging you for giving your younger one money without telling her and all sorts of verbal abuse and you are asking if you should put her in her place?
I believe you must be an Igboman. Igboman are the weakest of men when it comes to marriage.
Kick her out already let her go and flirt around with those men she's crushing on and then discover too late that they'll only use her as sex object and dump her.
STOP BEING A WEAK MAN AND ASSERT YOUR AUTHORITY AND DOMINANCE IN YOUR HOME.
Anyone that challenges it should be thrown outta the streets!

jaszplus12:
Sir, you're quite on point!
Unfortunately, following the story, the wife has insecurity issues and naturally feels it when anything is done in favor of one who's not herself or her family members!
Let me tell you, if your wife doesn't do so then you're very lucky and have a very rare case.
Mostly, women have this attitude they can't control, once you buy something for yourself, better buy hers too else....
Notice that the OP said he had given her 150k for clothing same day too. I can guarantee that had he told his wife he was helping his sister with cash she would have found means to discourage him. Imagine saying she's asked him for money and he'd not given her!
A huge percentage of husbands give to their relations without info to their spouses, it's not about trust but about discretion...

While I understand your points clearly. Whether she will approve or disprove of the assistance to the siblings is not the main issue.
For me, the main issue is not letting her know first before going ahead despite the fact that he had all the leisure to do so.
From experience, i know most men can't stand a wife that often uses her discretion or being deliberately secretive.

She will be accused of planning a marital coup so as to overthrow the head of the house.

It doesn't matter who makes the money, they are into joint partnership to run a family and they both need money to do this.

She's supposed to first discuss it with the wife and ensure it wouldn't have any negative impact on the family financially.

Aammee77:
Very foolish comment a man doesn't need his wife's opinion or permission to give his family financial assistance unless they run a joint business..

YouandiAllofus:
I may not fully be abreast with the severity of the misfortunes in your marriage right now. But going by the story you posted up there, I don't think that you have a problem in your marriage.

Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.
Your sincerity is put to question.
What you're trying to make her understand is that 1 + 1 is equal to 2 which is correct outside marriage but in marriage, 1 + 1 is equal to 1.
Aside emergency situations, every intentions and reactions are supposed to be shared at all times no matter how weighty or light they may be.
This is one way to build trust and shut the door to suspicions.

Na wao. Advise plenty on this platform oo.
As far as they are not running a joint account, it is not compulsory the husband inform the wife before rendering financial or whatever assistance to his siblings or even friends.

YouandiAllofus:
I may not fully be abreast with the severity of the misfortunes in your marriage right now. But going by the story you posted up there, I don't think that you have a problem in your marriage.

Actually, by not telling your wife before handing that financial assistance to your sister is enough to give your wife reasons to be concerned regardless whether you gave her money for clothing as well.
Your sincerity is put to question.
What you're trying to make her understand is that 1 + 1 is equal to 2 which is correct outside marriage but in marriage, 1 + 1 is equal to 1.
Aside emergency situations, every intentions and reactions are supposed to be shared at all times no matter how weighty or light they may be.
This is one way to build trust and shut the door to suspicions.

Na wao. Advise plenty on this platform oo.
As far as they are not running a joint account, it is not compulsory the husband inform the wife before rendering financial or whatever assistance to his siblings or even friends

If she wants to leave, free her let her go.. demand for refund of the bride price you paid and move on.
Let her go back to the streets and be begging guys for urgent 2k.. for this current economy, her eyes go see shege.

You should have chosen better.