₦airaland Forum

I have a cousin sister in her late 20s, she's going out with a guy in his mid 30s. This guy works in the oil and gas sector while this cousin of mine works in the telecommunication. They both based in Portharcourt. She met this guy immediately after her service year and they've been together for over 2 years now.

This guy hasn't asked my cousin out to be his girlfriend neither has he proposed to her to be his wife. He spent so much on my cousin. My cousin has met his parents and some of his siblings. He flew her from pH to Lagos to and fro before Christmas just to attend his friend's dad burial. This guy can spend close to million on a seat for her. He gave her ANYTHING, I mean just anything she wants. It got to a point my cousin started feeling somehow the way he spend.

The issue she's having with him is that, he can go for days at times weeks without communicating with her. Then the moment he reached out to her, he'd spend heavily on her. He's not a married man. He's single. Although he has jokingly told my cousin that all what he's doing for her is absolutely nothing . My cousin earn up to 100+ in salary while this guy earn million He jokingly told my cousin not to catch feelings for him as all what he's doing is nothing but unfortunately it mean a whole lot to my cousin. This guy isn't freak about sex. She can count the numbers of times they've had sex together. My cousin is confused why is he spending this much on her if he doesn't see her as his girlfriend or wife to be.

If not that my cousin has been to his office once and always goes to his house. She'd have think the guy is either a yahoo boy or into drugs due to how he spent on her. When he flew her to Lagos to his friends event, they spent a week in Lagos. The girl was in her parents house while the guy was in his parents house in Lagos. The guy didn't asked to meet her parents but he took my cousin younger siblings out for shopping, gave them money and also get stuff for my cousins mother.

My cousin understand the guy might have other girls as a successful young guy. She's just worried the way the guy is doing. She's really confused and doesn't know what to do.


NB: My cousin has left him at some point and blocked him but he drove down to her house to beg her. He will apologise and they will come back together. He's not ready to leave her and he's not committed to her only spend spend spend spend

Please what's your advice to my cousin

Confusion with what?

One cannot be confused without having conflicting thoughts. So, what are those conflicting thoughts that get your cousin confused?

As for the guy, he is generous.

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immortalcrown:
Confusion with what?

One cannot be confused without having conflicting thoughts. So, what are those conflicting thoughts that get your cousin confused?

As for the guy, he is generous.

Yes, i told her the guy is generous. But my cousin said this guy refused to give his younger brother that recently finished service money to add to the one he has to go watch Davido life show. His brother only asked for 50k to add to what he has

UnfairLife7:
Yes, i told her the guy is generous. But my cousin said this guy refused to give his younger brother that recently finished service money to add to the one he has to go watch Davido life show. His brother only asked for 50k to add to what he has

Let's focus on your cousin.

What are the conflicting thoughts that get her confused?

UnfairLife7:
Yes, i told her the guy is generous. But my cousin said this guy refused to give his younger brother that recently finished service money to add to the one he has to go watch Davido life show. His brother only asked for 50k to add to what he has

Maybe he is a WIZKID fan like me

STARBOY

😎

immortalcrown:
Let's focus on your cousin.

What are the conflicting thoughts that get her confused?

He didn't ask her out officially neither has he proposed to her and they are both single. The guy claimed all what he's doing for her is nothing but she felt why should someone be spending this much on someone you don't plan to have a future with. She's not getting any younger you know. She's contemplating blocking him and move on with her life or sit him down to know his intentions or what exactly he wants.

First, your cousin is covetuous. Has she imagined loving the same guy without his money or as a broke guy? If she's not covetous, she would have acted firm against such extravagant spendings. No matter how wealthy a man is, spending anyhow coupled with absence of communication for over a week or more is a sign of unseriousness, lack of commitment and focus and no career ambition

As for the guy, you said he's either a yahoo boy or into drugs but you forgot to mention that he may be into rituals too and your cousin may have been used. She should go for spiritual check up. Sorry o, it's just the truth.

She should ask the guy what he wants and confirm from him. The guys intention is clear though but for her own emotional health, it's necessary. Once she does that, she should withdraw gradually from him, not suddenly at once (e get why) but I doubt if your cousin is mature enough to do that. You should also tell her to bear in mind that the man who will love her and want to spend the rest of life with her may not be as rich or a money spender like this guy and she might face a hard time trying to adjust to a new lifestyle of minimal spendings as her mouth is already widened by this give-away guy.

UnfairLife7:
I have a cousin sister in her late 20s, she's going out with a guy in his mid 30s. This guy works in the oil and gas sector while this cousin of mine works in the telecommunication. They both based in Portharcourt. She met this guy immediately after her service year and they've been together for over 2 years now.

This guy hasn't asked my cousin out to be his girlfriend neither has he proposed to her to be his wife. He spent so much on my cousin. My cousin has met his parents and some of his siblings. He flew her from pH to Lagos to and fro before Christmas just to attend his friend's dad burial. This guy can spend close to million on a seat for her. He gave her ANYTHING, I mean just anything she wants. It got to a point my cousin started feeling somehow the way he spend.

The issue she's having with him is that, he can go for days at times weeks without communicating with her. Then the moment he reached out to her, he'd spend heavily on her. He's not a married man. He's single. Although he has jokingly told my cousin that all what he's doing for her is absolutely nothing . My cousin doesn't earn up to 100k in salary while this guy earn millions. He jokingly told my cousin not to catch feelings for him as all what he's doing is nothing but unfortunately it mean a whole lot to my cousin. This guy isn't freak about sex. She can count the numbers of times they've had sex together. My cousin is confused why is he spending this much on her if he doesn't see her as his girlfriend or wife to be.

If not that my cousin has been to his office once and always goes to his house. She'd have think the guy is either a yahoo boy or into drugs due to how he spent on her. When he flew her to Lagos to his friends event, they spent a week in Lagos. The girl was in her parents house while the guy was in his parents house in Lagos. The guy didn't asked to meet her parents but he took my cousin younger siblings out for shopping, gave them money and also get stuff for my cousins mother.

My cousin understand the guy has other girls as a successful young handsome guy. She's just worried the way the guy is doing. She's really confused and doesn't know what to do.

Please what's your advice to my cousin

Your cousin is toiling with emotional trauma...

dawnomike:
Your cousin is toiling with emotional trauma...

please how do you mean?

Commitment is not in the guy's dictionary. Tell her to enjoy herself while it lasted and don't double date

The guy may not be interested in marriage or anything serious at this moment.

UnfairLife7:
➜The issue she's having with him is that, he can go for days at times weeks without communicating with her. Then the moment he reached out to her, he'd spend heavily on her. He's not a married man. He's single. Although he has jokingly told my cousin that all what he's doing for her is absolutely nothing . My cousin doesn't earn up to 100k in salary while this guy earn millions. He jokingly told my cousin not to catch feelings for him as all what he's doing is nothing but unfortunately it mean a whole lot to my cousin. This guy isn't freak about sex. She can count the numbers of times they've had sex together. My cousin is confused why is he spending this much on her if he doesn't see her as his girlfriend or wife to be.
If not that my cousin has been to his office once and always goes to his house. She'd have think the guy is either a yahoo boy or into drugs due to how he spent on her. When he flew her to Lagos to his friends event, they spent a week in Lagos. The girl was in her parents house while the guy was in his parents house in Lagos. The guy didn't asked to meet her parents but he took my cousin younger siblings out for shopping, gave them money and also get stuff for my cousins mother.
My cousin understand the guy has other girls as a successful young handsome guy. She's just worried the way the guy is doing. She's really confused and doesn't know what to do. Please what's your advice to my cousin

She is just a side-gig for him — seems she understands and accepts that much. So what is she confused about? Or are you the one who is instead confused about their relationship?🤔

The only advice to give is that she makes certain she understands that she is solely responsible for her safety in all of this.

Your cousin is seriously suffering

What is confusing your cousin's sister?

Hope it is not the same thing confusing you that you forgot the sibling of a cousin is a cousin?

In this Animashun's defence, he has stated multiple times that he is not interested in a relationship yet your 'cousin's sister' is confused

A rich man spending money is just that 'spending money'! It is not a proof of love or commitment.

I think she is in it because of the money, that's why she's not worried that the guy has other girls. She's only confused that the guy has not formalized their relationship, perhaps by marrying her.

The other guy on the other hand could just be catching fun and doesn't want commitment with her, after all their are other ladies in the picture.

Like someone earlier asked,will she still be in love with him if the money is no more there. But let her not waste too much time waiting for a man that's not ready.

Ha..ha..ha..the story sounds familiar. Firstly, that dude is suffering from a severe case of low self esteem and is hiding under the cover of being generous.

Secondly, he is the only one who knows what he is getting from your cousin. One thing I know for sure is that, nothing is free.

Thirdly,a lady I know had similar experience. The guy would spend thousands on her and she thought he was generous. Eventually, he had a court marriage with her without a witness from her family.

After living together for a couple of months, he ran away claiming he was tired of the marriage. Obviously, he was after something and has gotten it.

That dude is after something and will dump your cousin when he is satisfied.

Married man. Don’t deceive yourself

ednut1:
Married man. Don’t deceive yourself

He's a single guy. Igbo don't indulge in polygamous unlike Yoruba. She's also an Igbo girl. She knows him down to his office, his house, family's house and siblings.

Don’t you think your cousin should use this rare opportunity she has to ask for a favor that will set her up for life. So, if the guy doesn’t marry her at least she would have gained something good through him.
The man is definitely not ready or have any intention of having a woman at home.

UnfairLife7:
He's a single guy. Igbo don't indulge in polygamous unlike Yoruba. She's also an Igbo girl. She knows him down to his office, his house, family's house and siblings.

Yul Edochie , Nwoko and Flavour are not igbos? U and your olosho cousin she rest. The guy no rate una 😂

We4all:
ì..

a lady I know had similar experience. The guy would spend thousands on her and she thought he was generous. Eventually, he had a court marriage with her without a witness from her family.

After living together for a couple of months, he ran away claiming he was tired of the marriage. Obviously, he was after something and has gotten it.

That dude is after something and will dump your cousin when he is satisfied.

ahnie you're speaking from experience, stop claiming a lady you know.
We all know it's you. We know your story on this forum

ednut1:
Yul Edochie , Nwoko and Flavour are not igbos? U and your olosho cousin she rest. The guy no rate una 😂

those ones are public figures to an extent and they're very few. The person in question is not a public figure. You can't compare that to a tribe that consider polygamous as a norms for both the rich and the poor. Check your environment in Nigeria, how many igbo man has more than one wife.

Delightsome2023:
ahnie you're speaking from experience, stop claiming a lady you know.
We all know it's you. We know your story on this forum

.. lol ..


Is that Ahnie??

😁😁

UnfairLife7:
those ones are public figures to an extent and they're very few. You can't compare that to a tribe that consider polygamous as a norms for both the rich and the poor. Check your environment in Nigeria, how many igbo man has more than one wife.

rest with your imaginary stories. A female cousin is discussing how many times she has had sex with her man. We no be mumu here. Majority of the successful igbo men have side chicks and children outside their homes. The one abroad have one wife abroad one in Nigeria. Commot for here

ednut1:
Married man. Don’t deceive yourself

from op illustration, he's not a married man. She knows his office, house and family members and he's igbo. The guy is not just serious and he's not ready to settle down.

Villa12:
from op illustration, he's not a married man. She knows his office, house and family members and he's igbo. The guy is not just serious and he's not ready to settle down.

what is all this

I don't suppose there's a thing called "cousin sister". It is only "cousin" or "sister". If you want to denote the gender of your "cousin", you use female or male.

ednut1:
Married man. Don’t deceive yourself

Nah

The dude probably no want marriage in his life for now or he has someone he's committed to. I don't think he's married. Far from it.

ednut1:
what is all this

Op is right. An average igbo man doesn't practice polygamous marriage. That aside, op is clear enough that the guy is a single guy not married. I see no reason why insisting he's a married man when ordinarily you don't know the guy more than the cousin. Or you think single guys don't spend like that? Lol

UnfairLife7:
He didn't ask her out officially neither has he proposed to her and they are both single. The guy claimed all what he's doing for her is nothing but she felt why should someone be spending this much on someone you don't plan to have a future with. She's not getting any younger you know. She's contemplating blocking him and move on with her life or sit him down to know his intentions or what exactly he wants.

The guy has made it clear that he is just a friend.

Your cousin has no excuse to hope on him. He is not stopping her from finding another man. Apparently, your cousin is dying for him because of his wealth and his friendliness.

If he earns in millions, then he'll have enough cash to throw around.. guys like that hardly show commitment to only one woman..
Just tell your cousin to use her head, he gave her a clue not to catch feelings meaning he is not planning to marry her.
The bad thing is that your cousin sister won't be feeling other guys because of the dough she is chopping from this guy till it's late snd guys no longer find her artractive.