₦airaland Forum

Good afternoon, Nairaland community. I'm seeking your guidance on a sensitive issue affecting my marriage. My wife and I have been married for almost four years, and we have a beautiful three-year-old son. She's a wonderful partner - young, caring, and hardworking.

However, our sexual relationship has become a point of concern. As someone with a high libido, I've struggled to adjust to our differing sexual needs.

The Issues:

1. Frequency: We rarely have sex, averaging about twice a month. Sometimes, we go an entire month without intimacy.
2. Duration: Even when we do have sex, it's often brief, lasting around 3-5 minutes. Reasons is because she cum within that time range while I'll still be active for 30mins
3. Initiation: Sex usually happens when my wife is in the mood or during ovulation.

My Concern:

This year, I've made a commitment to myself to remain faithful and not cheat on my wife. However, our differing libidos have led me to reconnect with an ex-partner who shares my sexual appetite. Being with her makes me feel satisfied, and I often find myself wishing I had that same connection with my wife.

My Request:

I'm not looking for excuses or justifications for infidelity. Instead, I'm seeking advice on how to address our sexual mismatch and strengthen our relationship. I've taken good care of my wife, and she's happy and content in our marriage.

Please Help:

How can I overcome this challenge and find a more fulfilling sexual relationship with my wife? I'm committed to our marriage and want to ensure that our differing libidos don't drive us apart.

So sorry I can’t help u. I’m in a similar situation here.. married for 9yrs with 2 wonderful boys. Sometimes there could be no sex for a month sef.. this last December that just went by, it was just two times. I have talked and talked, and stopped talking sef. U only get it good when she comes around, I mean when she initiates it. If not, I get to write and write before getting laid. I have helped myself out sha.. currently in a relationship with a single mom who’s got her own apartment so I don’t get to pay hotel bills and shiii.. even slept over on Christmas Eve. See ehn, right about now, I don’t even feel any guilt, though I’m being cautious. If she ever finds out, I’ll apologize and move on. I don already seal my mind.

First of all, I DETEST infidelity.
Saying you are committed to your wife while actively cheating on her is MADNESS.

That said, let's dive into the issue of the DEAD bedroom.

First thing you must understand is that the ULTIMATE goal of the female sexual strategy is to LOCKDOWN a man who'll finance their soft, babygirl lifestyle.

That goal is achieved through MARRIAGE.

They'll do anything to achieve it.
They seduce.
They lure.
They flatter.
And they'd pretend to be ANOTHER person entirely if they think it'll help them achieve that goal.

Women are the ULTIMATE chameleon!

They'll transform into the EXACT person you want your FUTURE wife to be until they become your ACTUAL wife.

A hoe will become a church girl.
And a church girl will become a hoe.

If they've marked you as the PROVIDER they want, they'll become the person YOU long to provide for.

That's how a girl who has a low libido because she doesn't find you sexually attractive will FORCE herself to match your own libido.

UNTIL marriage.

Once the ENDGAME is actualised, there is ZERO reason to keep up the ruse. Especially after childbirth.

Excuses will flow like gutter water after a flood.
No more seduction, flattery or attempts to be sexual with you.

If sex happens ONLY when she wants it and ENDS when she cums prematurely, she does NOT desire you sexually.

To her, you are just a DILLLDO that pays bills.

There is NOTHING you can do about the situation. She just doesn't find you sexually attractive.

Talking to her will NOT solve the problem because genuine desire CANNOT be negotiated.

Threatening to divorce her will NOT work either. Unless you want BEGRUDGING and performative sex that's akin to fuccking a brothel prostitute.

Your marriage is JUST 4 years and your wife is already RATIONING sex like she's about to run out of pussy.

Sex is KEY!

A marriage without sex is like a house with NO roof.
It's a joke. A mere caricature of the real thing.

ONLY solution is to END the marriage.

DON'T beg for more sex.
DON'T set timetables for sex.
DON'T talk about doing more chores or whatever to make her more relaxed and ready to put out more.

NONE will work!

Just ask the man above this post.

He has a wife and 2 kids YET he spent Christmas Eve with his single mother concubine.

Better to END a sexless marriage and fucck who you want with your dignity INTACT.

Than to stick with a wife who'll NOT let you Bleep her just to be skulking around with concubines and side pieces.

END the marriage.
Do a DNA test on your kid and take care of him if he's yours.
Bleep the girl who likes to Bleep you back with a clear conscience.

This is the ONLY way.

elmagnifico411:
So sorry I can’t help u. I’m in a similar situation here.. married for 9yrs with 2 wonderful boys. Sometimes there could be no sex for a month sef.. this last December that just went by, it was just two times. I have talked and talked, and stopped talking sef. U only get it good when she comes around, I mean when she initiates it. If not, I get to write and write before getting laid. I have helped myself out sha.. currently in a relationship with a single mom who’s got her own apartment so I don’t get to pay hotel bills and shiii.. even slept over on Christmas Eve. See ehn, right about now, I don’t even feel any guilt, though I’m being cautious. If she ever finds out, I’ll apologize and move on. I don already seal my mind.

We are almost the same truly. That my ex is also a single mom. She's really good and match my s*xual fantasy. I wish my wife can be at least 50% like her but hell know
The only time I enjoyed our sex life is whenever she did something wrong and trying to apologize and initiate sex.
This last December, we only had it once. Only when I went to the other woman I enjoyed my time

dierich:
The only time I enjoyed our sex life is whenever she did something wrong and trying to apologize and initiate sex.

This is NOT about low libido.
She has the ability to give good sex, she just DOESN'T do it.

This is the action of a deeply MANIPULATIVE woman.

Good sex that should be a GIVEN in marriage is being used as a TREAT in yours.

You know what to do.

Namaster:


This is NOT about low libido.
She has the ability to give good sex, she just DOESN'T do it.

This is the action of a deeply MANIPULATIVE woman.

Good sex that should be a GIVEN in marriage is being used as a TREAT in yours.

You know what to do.

If I know what to do, I won't be here
I've discuss about the issue with her several times, she'll promise to change and later on she won't comply

Jesuspistol:
Gracious goodness. What else does a man have to enjoy in marriage sef? Respect, she won't give, sex she won't give. Most huge responsibilities such as house rent, school fees etc are on our shoulders and when the children become productive, the women will go and sit with them abroad for omuguo living the man to himself to die lonely early.

How more selfish can a woman be; giving the person she's supposed to submit to, sex only 2ce in a month and once she cums in 5 minutes, it's over. That's super selfish. This is one occurrence that disputes the sheepish advice given to couples in wedding not to allow a 3rd party in their relationship. That advice requires a lot than many couples can offer. Here's a man who admits his weakness and positively wants to make it work between him and his wife but is wife does not have same understanding. How can she level up to such understanding without someone (a third party) teaching her the lessons she's refused to learn on her own. The only alternate option is for her to learn the hard way which is to lose her man to some other girls who provide what he wants.

That's why I advocate for men marrying women about 1-2 years older. Women ordinarily have very low reasoning capacity let alone the younger ones. Expecting a very young girl to be a good cook, good sexually, good mother, good career woman, good this, good that. In all honesty, her emotional and reasoning intelligence is too low to bear all that. It might look similar with older women but there are significant differences.

My brother, the way out if I may advice you is still the old way which is to report to those who have her control at hand in her family: her parents especially. Let them know that you spoke out. If she changes after you speak out fine, if she doesn't, any action you take thereafter, the result of which may be having a child outside wedlock is justified. Stay strong brother

I don't want to discuss that kind of issues with anyone, especially both my family and her own.
I've spoke to her several times, she'll promise to change but still she won't. I know some people may criticize me that I'm jobless, but hell no. I'm hustling real hard but it's just my libido. Within less than 3 weeks, if I don't, wet dreams will set in.
This makes me to cheat which I want to totally stop this year but I don't think she'll give me the chance to stop cheating.
And if I should take a second wife then that's the end

dierich:
I don't want to discuss that kind of issues with anyone, especially both my family and her own.
I've spoke to her several times, she'll promise to change but still she won't. I know some people may criticize me that I'm jobless, but hell no. I'm hustling real hard but it's just my libido. Within less than 3 weeks, if I don't, wet dreams will set in.
This makes me to cheat which I want to totally stop this year but I don't think she'll give me the chance to stop cheating.
And if I should take a second wife then that's the end

That's my point too. You shouldn't take a second wife spontaneously. You should let people know the reason for such action especially because offering 3-5minutes sex once or twice a month is very low and bad for any man. Asking beyond that does not mean you have excessive libido. It's rather your wife who has very low sex drive likely inspired by considering only herself or perhaps, hormonal imbalance.

Amidst other issues, my wife n I have it daily. When she's tired, she teases me with a kiss apology (I insistently trained her to do that though) and I'm sure some women do better than that. What I'm grooming my wife to do now which she's not been doing well is initiating sex during the day. I'm usually the one who initiates that when it ever happens. So, many men are enjoying what you think is a libido problem. It's your wife who should work on herself. The problem emanates from her.

Jesuspistol:
That's my point too. You shouldn't take a second wife spontaneously. You should let people know the reason for such action especially because offering 3-5minutes sex once or twice a month is very low and bad for any man. Asking beyond that does not mean you have excessive libido. It's rather your wife who has very low sex drive likely inspired by considering only herself or perhaps, hormonal imbalance.

Amidst other issues, my wife n I have it daily. When she's tired, she teases me with a kiss apology (I insistently trained her to do that though) and I'm sure some women do better than that. What I'm grooming my wife to do now which she's not been doing well is initiating sex during the day. I'm usually the one who initiates that when it ever happens. So, many men are enjoying what you think is a libido problem. It's your wife who should work on herself. The problem emanates from her.

So, what do you think I should do now? Report to someone close to me from her family, like her mom?
Coz this is really bad of her. Imagine it's even once last month. I traveled, spent 6 days in another state, when I came back she don't even try to initiate it as a sign of missing my presence. When I tried to do it, she'll behave as if she don't understand what I need. If not that I have it enough during my 6 days trip, I would be having wet dreams by now.
And I don't like the fact that my wife will be with me at home and I'll be think & missing another lady giving me what I really want.
It's not as if I'm not taking care of her, if I show u her throwback b4 marriage and after marriage, you'll know I give her everything she want.

dierich:
So, what do you think I should do now? Report to someone close to me from her family, like her mom?
Coz this is really bad of her. Imagine it's even once last month. I traveled, spent 6 days in another state, when I came back she don't even try to initiate it as a sign of missing my presence. When I tried to do it, she'll behave as if she don't understand what I need. If not that I have it enough during my 6 days trip, I would be having wet dreams by now.
And I don't like the fact that my wife will be with me at home and I'll be think & missing another lady giving me what I really want.
It's not as if I'm not taking care of her, if I show u her throwback b4 marriage and after marriage, you'll know I give her everything she want.

Yes, tell her mom or dad. If they're no more, tell someone in her family you know she listens to. To me that's the next positive way forward towards a change except you wanna register her for emotional and sex therapy if you can afford it.

Learn to make her romantic.
Let her go without clothes at night and just plug the thing in as you go romancing her.
Gradually, you will make her get used to sex. Later, na you go run!

imagrg:
Learn to make her romantic.
Let her go without clothes at night and just plug the thing in as you go romancing her.
Gradually, you will make her get used to sex. Later, na you go run!

see bros, no matter how hard you try, woman wey no wan hear, no go hear.. naturally, women are more romantic than men. She knows what to do, she’s not jus doing it.

dierich:
We are almost the same truly. That my ex is also a single mom. She's really good and match my s*xual fantasy. I wish my wife can be at least 50% like her but hell know
The only time I enjoyed our sex life is whenever she did something wrong and trying to apologize and initiate sex.
This last December, we only had it once. Only when I went to the other woman I enjoyed my time

as I write, I’m with the other woman. Earlier in the day, I tried getting down with wifey, her sharp reply was “I’m not in the mood”. I just turned to the other side and slept a little knowing full well that I’d be seeing the other woman today. This is almost 10pm. I’ve been fed both bodily and internally, we even showered together. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, but mehn, I no fit dey argue becos of sex again. If she try compensate with sex when I get home, I go just tell am sey I no dey d mood too.. we go sleep like that.

elmagnifico411:
So sorry I can’t help u. I’m in a similar situation here.. married for 9yrs with 2 wonderful boys. Sometimes there could be no sex for a month sef.. this last December that just went by, it was just two times. I have talked and talked, and stopped talking sef. U only get it good when she comes around, I mean when she initiates it. If not, I get to write and write before getting laid. I have helped myself out sha.. currently in a relationship with a single mom who’s got her own apartment so I don’t get to pay hotel bills and shiii.. even slept over on Christmas Eve. See ehn, right about now, I don’t even feel any guilt, though I’m being cautious. If she ever finds out, I’ll apologize and move on. I don already seal my mind.

Embrace Islam and peacefully and legally marry her as a second wife....that will give you peace of mind and satisfaction

dierich:
Good afternoon, Nairaland community. I'm seeking your guidance on a sensitive issue affecting my marriage. My wife and I have been married for almost four years, and we have a beautiful three-year-old son. She's a wonderful partner - young, caring, and hardworking.

However, our sexual relationship has become a point of concern. As someone with a high libido, I've struggled to adjust to our differing sexual needs.

The Issues:

1. Frequency: We rarely have sex, averaging about twice a month. Sometimes, we go an entire month without intimacy.
2. Duration: Even when we do have sex, it's often brief, lasting around 3-5 minutes. Reasons is because she cum within that time range while I'll still be active for 30mins
3. Initiation: Sex usually happens when my wife is in the mood or during ovulation.

My Concern:

This year, I've made a commitment to myself to remain faithful and not cheat on my wife. However, our differing libidos have led me to reconnect with an ex-partner who shares my sexual appetite. Being with her makes me feel satisfied, and I often find myself wishing I had that same connection with my wife.

My Request:

I'm not looking for excuses or justifications for infidelity. Instead, I'm seeking advice on how to address our sexual mismatch and strengthen our relationship. I've taken good care of my wife, and she's happy and content in our marriage.

Please Help:

How can I overcome this challenge and find a more fulfilling sexual relationship with my wife? I'm committed to our marriage and want to ensure that our differing libidos don't drive us apart.

Embrace Islam and peacefully remarry a second wife, that will give you peace of mind and satisfaction

You guys are not sexually compatible, plain and simple.

Your options are in the following order;

1. End the marriage and find someone sexually compatible.
2. Get a side cheek and keep your marriage
3. Stay and remain sex-starved.
4. Get a good lubricant and start a campaign of vigorous masturbations'. I will suggest two, One oil-based and, another, water-based.

The bad news, She is not gonna change, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news. She is who she is and, you are who you are.

All the proponents of no sex before marriage, see what you have caused.

Me , my problem is I want to have sex in the kitchen, bathroom, car. I also want to introduce some kinky roleplays and she would not allow. As a genuine born again Christian, what should I do?

CockPit:
You guys are not sexually compatible, plain and simple.

Your options are in the following order;

1. End the marriage and find someone sexually compatible.
2. Get a side cheek and keep your marriage
3. Stay and remain sex-starved.
4. Get a good lubricant and start a campaign of vigorous masturbations'. I will suggest two, One oil-based and, another, water-based.

The bad news, She is not gonna change, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news. She is who she is and, you are who you are.

All the proponents of no sex before marriage, see what you have caused.

Me , my problem is I want to have sex in the kitchen, bathroom, car. I also want to introduce some kinky roleplays and she would not allow. As a genuine born again Christian, what should I do?

Thrash!

This is not a no sex thing but the normal thing where people marry bad wives, since they know more than God.

Dtruthspeaker:
Thrash!

This is not a no sex thing but the normal thing where people marry bad wives, since they no more than God.

What do you know about life my friend other that to abuse others.

elmagnifico411:
So sorry I can’t help u. I’m in a similar situation here.. married for 9yrs with 2 wonderful boys. Sometimes there could be no sex for a month sef.. this last December that just went by, it was just two times. I have talked and talked, and stopped talking sef. U only get it good when she comes around, I mean when she initiates it. If not, I get to write and write before getting laid. I have helped myself out sha.. currently in a relationship with a single mom who’s got her own apartment so I don’t get to pay hotel bills and shiii.. even slept over on Christmas Eve. See ehn, right about now, I don’t even feel any guilt, though I’m being cautious. If she ever finds out, I’ll apologize and move on. I don already seal my mind.

Correct guy.

You got to live once and your life is not supposed to end because of marriage. This other woman treats me like a king, gives me attention like Kilode and buys gifts for me like there is no tomorrow even when I never asked for it. Now, wifey is begging for sex and I have to think about it a little bit.

CockPit:
What do you know about life my friend other that to abuse others.

I know many things eg that when people behave stupidly they get abused and 2 God is absolutely right but men never listen to Him only to later come and start complaining about their lives after doing the same thing their ancestors did.

One definition of stupidity is to drive on the same road where a car got sunk.

Dtruthspeaker:
I know many things eg that when people behave stupidly they get abused and 2 God is absolutely right but men never listen to Him only to later come and start complaining about their lives after doing the same thing their ancestors did.

One definition of stupidity is to drive on the same road where a car got sunk.

Kiddo, this is adult discussions. Go play with toys or something. People don't care about your God.

Sp1ritHusband:
Kiddo, this is adult discussions. Go play with toys or something. I don't care about your God.

See clear case of madness of Satanist. I did not even talk to you yet my talk pepper you. Go lick the menses wey you dey lick before after all na you God go punish wen He ready.

Sp1ritHusband:
Correct guy.

You got to live once and your life is not supposed to end because of marriage. This other woman treats me like a king, gives me attention like Kilode and buys gifts for me like there is no tomorrow even when I never asked for it. Now, wifey is begging for sex and I have to think about it a little bit.

See Satanist creed.

Live once and burn forever!

Zhunnurayn:
Embrace Islam and peacefully and legally marry her as a second wife....that will give you peace of mind and satisfaction

So the only reason for one to embrace Islam is because of Bleep? What a religion.

Zhunnurayn:
Embrace Islam and peacefully and legally marry her as a second wife....that will give you peace of mind and satisfaction

Embrace Islam bawo? Can we not live our lives without religion in the way? Abeg oooo… another wife, another problem.

Amumaigwe:
So the only reason for one to embrace Islam is because of Bleep? What a religion.

Dude has no common sense.

Tell me she settled without telling me she settled. You're the smart and healthy choice sir. Nobody wants to eat sugar free everyday! If you can find what you like then enjoy please. You're out of the game because that's your choice.

Amumaigwe:
So the only reason for one to embrace Islam is because of Bleep? What a religion.

No. Islam saves you the trouble of explaining no evidence. Muslim men are not online crying about women every day 😂

This may be a spiritual case. Your wife may have a spiritual spouse who you know services her. I know you won't believe but make time to talk with her let her open up.

Double0h7:
No. Islam saves you the trouble of explaining no evidence. Muslim men are not online crying about women every day 😂

Jarus was online recently and he is a staunch Muslim. This has nothing to do with religion.