₦airaland Forum

I'm feeling really down right now and don't know what to say. Generally, I'm a very mentally strong person, but this situation has left me confused. I'm 29 years old and at an age where I'm probably trying to settle down. Normally, I understand women and can read body language and aura quite well.

Recently, I approached three different girls, and coincidentally, all of them just turned 20 last month. During the wooing stage, I sensed certain things, but I kept pushing to satisfy my curiosity. After some back-and-forth, I started thinking the age difference might be the issue.

However, I later noticed a few things. I promised to give them a certain amount of money, and after some pressure, I ended up sleeping with all three of them. To test them further, I used another WhatsApp number to chat with these girls, pretending to be someone else, and they all agreed to meet for sex in exchange for money.

These girls appear to be random, non-materialistic, and very responsible on the surface. It's disappointing because I thought their age and demeanor might mean they were different.

Guys, how do you find serious and decent girlfriends—women who are genuinely looking for love? I even thought 'catching them young' would make a difference, but I'm utterly disappointed. How do you spot wife material, and what are the techniques?

Blood of Abel

The meaning of the phrase "Trying to settle down" has been seriously abused and basterdized in Nigeria. To the average Nigerian dude, it means taking on more liabilities and making his life more miserable including that of others.

At what point did we start equating " Settling down" with getting married?

kingmeme:
➜I'm feeling really down right now and don't know what to say. Generally, I'm a very mentally strong person, but this situation has left me confused. I'm 29 years old and at an age where I'm probably trying to settle down. Normally, I understand women and can read body language and aura quite well.
Recently, I approached three different girls, and coincidentally, all of them just turned 20 last month. During the wooing stage, I sensed certain things, but I kept pushing to satisfy my curiosity. After some back-and-forth, I started thinking the age difference might be the issue.
However, I later noticed a few things. I promised to give them a certain amount of money, and after some pressure, I ended up sleeping with all three of them. To test them further, I used another WhatsApp number to chat with these girls, pretending to be someone else, and they all agreed to meet for sex in exchange for money. These girls appear to be random, non-materialistic, and very responsible on the surface. It's disappointing because I thought their age and demeanor might mean they were different.
➜Guys, how do you find serious and decent girlfriends—women who are genuinely looking for love? I even thought 'catching them young' would make a difference, but I'm utterly disappointed. How do you spot wife material, and what are the techniques?

What exactly is this one rambling on about abeg? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

2. You met up with 3 gals who would rather collect money and maybe sleep with you than enter a committed relationship with you and that didn't set off flags to let you know that if you want a wife, you would need to find instead gals who would desire to be in a committed relationship with you? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Kobojunkie:
What exactly is this one rambling on about abeg? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

2. You met up with 3 gals who would rather collect money and maybe sleep with you than enter a committed relationship with you and that didn't set off flags to let you know that if you want a wife, you would need to find instead gals who would desire to be in a committed relationship with you? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Incoherent gibberish from the ever-predictable Kobojunkie!

Kobojunkie:
What exactly is this one rambling on about abeg? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

2. You met up with 3 gals who would rather collect money and maybe sleep with you than enter a committed relationship with you and that didn't set off flags to let you know that if you want a wife, you would need to find instead gals who would desire to be in a committed relationship with you? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

how do i spot the pls? av tried and its end up dsame

kingmeme:
➜how do i spot the pls? av tried and its end up dsame

If that is the case, then it probably means you need to do more work on yourself as an individual. Stop chasing women and focus on developing yourself mentally and your social intelligence. This is 2025, and the best way to attract other partners interested in meaningful long-term relationships— not just leaches or hit-and-runs — is to work on yourself, your self-esteem, intelligence, and discipline. These changes won't cause you to find a girlfriend and wife over night but they will cause you to become better able to spot exactly what you need in a partner and also help you see these things in those who have them. Save you a whole lot of money in the end too.

Nigeria is experiencing serious economic problems. Most Nigerian women are in survival mode.

Look for a matured woman who is ready to settle down. Leave those teenagers.

29 means you were born in 1995 or 1996. What is wrong with selecting women born in 1999? They will be 26 this year and a lot have been chasing my 40 year old cousin that they want to settle down.

Youn man go and make money

meobizy:
29 means you were born in 1995 or 1996. What is wrong with selecting women born in 1999? They will be 26 this year and a lot have been chasing my 40 year old cousin that they want to settle down.

No mind am

He dey pursue pikins wey Dem born 2005

No mind am,.. Closet pedophile. Dey look for small pikins. A teenager or 20y old that hasn't finished going to school, you want to be a housewife. A girl 2years younger willl be 27 and ready to add value to your life. Keep chasing kids who are just starting to experiment sex

meobizy:
29 means you were born in 1995 or 1996. What is wrong with selecting women born in 1999? They will be 26 this year and a lot have been chasing my 40 year old cousin that they want to settle down.

This is where you get it wrong -: Women who are genuinely looking for love? I even thought 'catching them young' would make a difference, but I'm utterly disappointed. How do you spot wife material, and what are the techniques?
The only genuinely looking for LOVE in all these GenZ ladies is Kudi, Ego, Owo and money even your future inlaw. Though it take grace of God to have the characteristics of the ladies you are looking for

kingmeme:
I'm feeling really down right now and don't know what to say. Generally, I'm a very mentally strong person, but this situation has left me confused. I'm 29 years old and at an age where I'm probably trying to settle down. Normally, I understand women and can read body language and aura quite well.

Recently, I approached three different girls, and coincidentally, all of them just turned 20 last month. During the wooing stage, I sensed certain things, but I kept pushing to satisfy my curiosity. After some back-and-forth, I started thinking the age difference might be the issue.

However, I later noticed a few things. I promised to give them a certain amount of money, and after some pressure, I ended up sleeping with all three of them. To test them further, I used another WhatsApp number to chat with these girls, pretending to be someone else, and they all agreed to meet for sex in exchange for money.

These girls appear to be random, non-materialistic, and very responsible on the surface. It's disappointing because I thought their age and demeanor might mean they were different.

Guys, how do you find serious and decent girlfriends—women who are genuinely looking for love? I even thought 'catching them young' would make a difference, but I'm utterly disappointed. How do you spot wife material, and what are the techniques?

igboro ti daru my brother Things don fall apart. Socially, economically, everythingcally.

Yinmu … I hope you know you’re one of the things happening to Nigeria. After giving money and applying pressure to coerce 20 year olds to sleep with you, you still have the effrontery to come ask this question. Look in the mirror, you’re part of the problem!

kingmeme:
u believe i dont have money at all?

U urself knew those girls were 304's the moment U got close. As a guy U should be able to know a lady from a 304 the moment they open their gaps and start speaking or by their actions, major moves to the most insignificant detail. U have to be smart. LISTEN AND OBSERVE DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY BY BEAUTY OR FIGURE. WATCH, LEARN AND READ HER. THE SIGNS NEVER LIE...
No let olosho deceive U do wedding ooh

You finally Bleep this year and this is how you chose to share your testimony wowww op you must be a rough nigga ,share the girls contact make I lash her too because, married or not married them Bennie's must be lashed by different niggas.

@OP That's the sad reality now.. it takes self discipline for a young girl or guy not to go astray in this present day and time.

Lol welcome to reality.

U no get work o

Keyword - 20 years old and native

Sadly there is nothing like wife material.. you just have to take one of those random girls as wife and hope she won't put you to shame.
Take for example one 'Lege miami' guy that the wife went to play truth or dare with Baba T and ended up collecting doggy..

Women don't really know what they want.. Ayinla Omowura in one of his apala songs that I enjoy so much said it that 'if you put a woman in a house full of money, she'd still go out to look for what is not lost'.

Your analogy is flawed tho,you met three hungry ladies rather…I’m not saying good girls exist ooo,but there are girls that won’t take their off their pants for you if you start the conversation with money..
Na million you wan give them

It sounds like you’re carrying both disappointment and a sense of disillusionment right now — not just with those particular women, but with the whole dating process.
You went in hoping to find sincerity, but the way things unfolded left you feeling misled and questioning your own approach.

I think it might help to break this down into two parts:

1. Why you’re feeling this way
Expectation vs. reality clash: You approached them believing youth or “catching them young” might mean more innocence or loyalty. When they didn’t meet that expectation, the gap between what you hoped for and what you saw hit hard.

The method shaped the outcome: By introducing money (even with good intentions), the dynamic shifted from romance to transaction. This made it easier for them to see you in a “provider” role rather than a potential life partner.

Your test had a built-in bias: Pretending to be another person and offering sex-for-money isn’t really a neutral way to check loyalty — it sets up a scenario where the only women who “pass” are those who’d refuse even under temptation. That’s a high bar, and people often behave differently when it’s just chatting online with someone they don’t think they know.

2. How to actually find “wife material”
Instead of focusing on age, focus on shared values, emotional depth, and context:

Change the hunting ground: People looking for genuine love tend to be in environments that nurture connection over transaction — e.g., faith communities, volunteering groups, career/professional circles, mutual friends.

Look at how they treat others when you’re not involved: Their kindness, honesty, and generosity with strangers and friends will tell you more than how they act with you.

Avoid leading with money: If money is on the table early, it’s hard to tell if someone’s affection is for you or for the benefits. Let the relationship build on shared experiences first.

Test through time, not traps: Consistency over months will reveal character more clearly than a one-off “loyalty test.”

Focus on women in a similar life stage: Someone in her early 20s is still exploring life, identity, and independence. Late 20s or early 30s women may be more aligned with your mindset if you’re ready to settle down.

If I were in your shoes, I’d reset the approach completely — no rush, no testing games, no mixing romance with financial incentives early on. Build connections in spaces where you’re not “just another guy trying to date” but a person they meet organically through shared purpose.

kingmeme:
I'm feeling really down right now and don't know what to say. Generally, I'm a very mentally strong person, but this situation has left me confused. I'm 29 years old and at an age where I'm probably trying to settle down. Normally, I understand women and can read body language and aura quite well.

Recently, I approached three different girls, and coincidentally, all of them just turned 20 last month. During the wooing stage, I sensed certain things, but I kept pushing to satisfy my curiosity. After some back-and-forth, I started thinking the age difference might be the issue.

However, I later noticed a few things. I promised to give them a certain amount of money, and after some pressure, I ended up sleeping with all three of them. To test them further, I used another WhatsApp number to chat with these girls, pretending to be someone else, and they all agreed to meet for sex in exchange for money.

These girls appear to be random, non-materialistic, and very responsible on the surface. It's disappointing because I thought their age and demeanor might mean they were different.

Guys, how do you find serious and decent girlfriends—women who are genuinely looking for love? I even thought 'catching them young' would make a difference, but I'm utterly disappointed. How do you spot wife material, and what are the techniques?