₦airaland Forum

Nebes:
Bro please don't just pause your plans. Please never marry this girl. You've entered trouble if you do.

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

Her dad is late, and in their village, there's a rite that must be done for the late dad before any TM. I told her I would like both TM and white wedding to be done in the village since we are both from the same state and it'll be easy for me so I know I'm done with any wedding. she disagreed citing that she wanted her friends, colleagues, and family to be present as they cant travel due to the economy. I considered so it wont look like I'm selfish and I wanted my people to be present more. I agreed to do the white wedding in our current base to balance up everything.

Few weeks later, her elder sister suggested we do the late dad's rite only in the village , then come to lagos and do the TM citing that's the way she did hers as they don't want people who weren't there for them to reap where they didn't sow. I disagreed and told them I gave my sisters hand in marriage last year and both TM and white were done in the village to make everything easy. Also told her most TM I attend are done in the village. They reluctantly agreed and stuck to the initial plan but said we should do it on a low key of which I agreed.

Note that all the while I was visiting her family in Lagos, it was only her mom's people that were present. I asked after her dad's siblings and they said they were in the village. I told her its necessary to be in good rapport with her dads people as they are the major deciders.

I requested for her dad's brothers contact so he will help me on some things since he will be standing as her dad. I called him and we started making plans. Few days later, my babe called me that my uncle told her 'I wont be around on the late dads rite, that ill send my younger brother'...i was shocked and angry and told her I never said that. my instincts told me its false as they wanted the TM to be in Lagos. The next day, her mom and sister called and were telling me they don't like the way I'm calling the uncle and asking him things.

It was a heated argument and I told them I've called off the wedding plans, we exchanged words and I hung up. The uncle called me next day and I told him what my babe said and he said he never said such. I told him my family said I should pause wedding plans for now so I don't enter a family where there's no unity. I told him to call my babe's mom and ask her what she wants since shes not cool with me calling him.

He pleaded but I stood my ground. I love her but it seems all is not well and I cant risk it. I need your advice.

seanery:
AFTER HIN DON FUVK FUVK HER FINISH

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

.

SporaD8:
Our guy don fuvk-down already, nothing fit change that one. But guyman go fuvk-up real bad if he marry that girl without resolving the raging issue in that family.

seanery:
AFTER HIN DON FUVK FUVK HER FINISH

Remijuice:
Which type of Igbo culture

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

Her dad is late, and in their village, there's a rite that must be done for the late dad before any TM. I told her I would like both TM and white wedding to be done in the village since we are both from the same state and it'll be easy for me so I know I'm done with any wedding. she disagreed citing that she wanted her friends, colleagues, and family to be present as they cant travel due to the economy. I considered so it wont look like I'm selfish and I wanted my people to be present more. I agreed to do the white wedding in our current base to balance up everything.

Few weeks later, her elder sister suggested we do the late dad's rite only in the village , then come to lagos and do the TM citing that's the way she did hers as they don't want people who weren't there for them to reap where they didn't sow. I disagreed and told them I gave my sisters hand in marriage last year and both TM and white were done in the village to make everything easy. Also told her most TM I attend are done in the village. They reluctantly agreed and stuck to the initial plan but said we should do it on a low key of which I agreed.

Note that all the while I was visiting her family in Lagos, it was only her mom's people that were present. I asked after her dad's siblings and they said they were in the village. I told her its necessary to be in good rapport with her dads people as they are the major deciders.

I requested for her dad's brothers contact so he will help me on some things since he will be standing as her dad. I called him and we started making plans. Few days later, my babe called me that my uncle told her 'I wont be around on the late dads rite, that ill send my younger brother'...i was shocked and angry and told her I never said that. my instincts told me its false as they wanted the TM to be in Lagos. The next day, her mom and sister called and were telling me they don't like the way I'm calling the uncle and asking him things.

It was a heated argument and I told them I've called off the wedding plans, we exchanged words and I hung up. The uncle called me next day and I told him what my babe said and he said he never said such. I told him my family said I should pause wedding plans for now so I don't enter a family where there's no unity. I told him to call my babe's mom and ask her what she wants since shes not cool with me calling him.

He pleaded but I stood my ground. I love her but it seems all is not well and I cant risk it. I need your advice.

Kobicove:
It's clear that you are from the south east

It is the's father's family that plays the major role when a daughter is getting married therefore your girlfriend's paternal uncles need to be fully involved in this process, tell her and her siblings to first go and resolve any internal issues they have with their uncles before you proceed with the marriage

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

Her dad is late, and in their village, there's a rite that must be done for the late dad before any TM. I told her I would like both TM and white wedding to be done in the village since we are both from the same state and it'll be easy for me so I know I'm done with any wedding. she disagreed citing that she wanted her friends, colleagues, and family to be present as they cant travel due to the economy. I considered so it wont look like I'm selfish and I wanted my people to be present more. I agreed to do the white wedding in our current base to balance up everything.

Few weeks later, her elder sister suggested we do the late dad's rite only in the village , then come to lagos and do the TM citing that's the way she did hers as they don't want people who weren't there for them to reap where they didn't sow. I disagreed and told them I gave my sisters hand in marriage last year and both TM and white were done in the village to make everything easy. Also told her most TM I attend are done in the village. They reluctantly agreed and stuck to the initial plan but said we should do it on a low key of which I agreed.

Note that all the while I was visiting her family in Lagos, it was only her mom's people that were present. I asked after her dad's siblings and they said they were in the village. I told her its necessary to be in good rapport with her dads people as they are the major deciders.

I requested for her dad's brothers contact so he will help me on some things since he will be standing as her dad. I called him and we started making plans. Few days later, my babe called me that my uncle told her 'I wont be around on the late dads rite, that ill send my younger brother'...i was shocked and angry and told her I never said that. my instincts told me its false as they wanted the TM to be in Lagos. The next day, her mom and sister called and were telling me they don't like the way I'm calling the uncle and asking him things.

It was a heated argument and I told them I've called off the wedding plans, we exchanged words and I hung up. The uncle called me next day and I told him what my babe said and he said he never said such. I told him my family said I should pause wedding plans for now so I don't enter a family where there's no unity. I told him to call my babe's mom and ask her what she wants since shes not cool with me calling him.

He pleaded but I stood my ground. I love her but it seems all is not well and I cant risk it. I need your advice.

adaperry25:
no matter what happens, the dad's family takes the major call during weddings like this. I wasn't in good terms with my late dad's brothers but when my dad died and younger sis wanted to get married, I had no option than to involve them.

My people already told me to pause

Nazgul:
I've never heard of this culture in my entire life.

Remijuice:
Which type of Igbo culture

Nazgul:
I've never heard of this culture in my entire life.

marlow1962:
Hmm but my question is why wait till any of the females get married, before performing such rite? Why must an impending son-in-law be the one to perform such rite cus he wants to get married?
Why can't the family of the affected carry on with the rites themselves, maybe weeks, months or years after the deceased is gone? Why wait for soon to be son-in-law to do that for you.

I don't understand what kind of culture is that, sounds absurd.

Nemesis0147:
don’t say what you don’t know
Which Igbo culture?

Remijuice:
Is there none in your community that can stand in for your father, even from your kindred?

Do you have to hire

gunners160:
please it is not a minor issue. No accident or divorce has every occurred from a major issue; they all started from minor. How would you call manipulation by a family minor issue? It is different if the lady family had come out straight and told him what is involve instead of telling the uncle something else and telling him anoda thing. LASTLY, in marriage, you dnt just marry the lady but you also marry the family even their problems. he is not married yet and he is battling with problem . ....... Yet, u call it minor.....

SouthSouth1914:
These are part of the things you’d see when you want to be part of someone’s life. You are not ready yet, these are minor issues you should be able to use diplomatic ways to sort out. You acted too rash calling off the wedding without anything tangible!

elmagnifico411:
you are sooo wrong! u didn’t read his words with an open mind. He didn’t act rash, sometimes diplomacy doesn’t bring out the best in decision making. What he’s done is fine. It’s better for him to pause let the girls family sort their issues out.. the fact that u ant to get married to somebody doesn’t mean that you’d come and inherit their problems. They want rites done for their father, but they don’t want to have anything to do with their fathers people, is it their moms people that would make decisions on how to go about the rites? Love isn’t enough, bruv.

Jozilinn:
Do you know what unity is do you know that Uncle better than them, oga just say you are not united with this babe like seriously get the uncle on phone put on speaker let them listen to him afterall it's the lady you want to marry and start a marriage with not her mum or her uncle. You can decide what to do within this period of preparation, talk true you have another as plan B you have another Lady and you would probably marry that one sharparly sharparly I'm just saying oh don't get offended.


Please call your bride to be and talk to her privately if you love her call her uncle don't let him know she's beside you and talk your mind then allow her talk for me I feel her mum wants everything to be on her own family and that might not sir well with your own family.


So plead with him and also make her speak to him, like someone said you are the unity. Please think about this points of mine and clear your mind if you truly love that girl. Trust me it's nothing, it is not serious enough okay, if you see some family you would understand why I said this to you. Help your self and that girl she's is forever going to end up maybe not even getting married because of the way her uncle is behaving. Right now you need to know who is lying Because either of the is actually lying to you.

You never know wetin dey sup before their father died. But either ways I wish you the best please I need your response to this advice thank you dear. 🙏

SouthSouth1914:
You painted a marriage situation that don’t exists. All marriages have their problems, remember you are going to live with someone else forever. No rosy ride anywhere

gunners160:
so because all marriages have problem does that mean he should start living with one even before the marriage? So because marriage is not a rosy ride he should collapse and die before even the marriage? Food wey go sweet na from the aroma we go know. What soever a man starts with in marriage he will end with it. I am not suggesting he breaks up with the lady but he should let them know he is not a kid and can be their puppet.They should either start coming out clean or leave it. Last time i checked, a half said truth is no truth

budaatum:
You are too hotheaded and you react before you think and I don't think I want to marry you anymore.

adaperry25:
My fiancee and I are from the East and engaged her last month. All medical and background checks have been done and are fairly ok. Now here's where the issue lies:

Her dad is late, and in their village, there's a rite that must be done for the late dad before any TM. I told her I would like both TM and white wedding to be done in the village since we are both from the same state and it'll be easy for me so I know I'm done with any wedding. she disagreed citing that she wanted her friends, colleagues, and family to be present as they cant travel due to the economy. I considered so it wont look like I'm selfish and I wanted my people to be present more. I agreed to do the white wedding in our current base to balance up everything.

Few weeks later, her elder sister suggested we do the late dad's rite only in the village , then come to lagos and do the TM citing that's the way she did hers as they don't want people who weren't there for them to reap where they didn't sow. I disagreed and told them I gave my sisters hand in marriage last year and both TM and white were done in the village to make everything easy. Also told her most TM I attend are done in the village. They reluctantly agreed and stuck to the initial plan but said we should do it on a low key of which I agreed.

Note that all the while I was visiting her family in Lagos, it was only her mom's people that were present. I asked after her dad's siblings and they said they were in the village. I told her its necessary to be in good rapport with her dads people as they are the major deciders.

I requested for her dad's brothers contact so he will help me on some things since he will be standing as her dad. I called him and we started making plans. Few days later, my babe called me that my uncle told her 'I wont be around on the late dads rite, that ill send my younger brother'...i was shocked and angry and told her I never said that. my instincts told me its false as they wanted the TM to be in Lagos. The next day, her mom and sister called and were telling me they don't like the way I'm calling the uncle and asking him things.

It was a heated argument and I told them I've called off the wedding plans, we exchanged words and I hung up. The uncle called me next day and I told him what my babe said and he said he never said such. I told him my family said I should pause wedding plans for now so I don't enter a family where there's no unity. I told him to call my babe's mom and ask her what she wants since shes not cool with me calling him.

He pleaded but I stood my ground. I love her but it seems all is not well and I cant risk it. I need your advice.

budaatum:
You called off the wedding rites?

I guess you hadn't invested so much in your relationship then, or are taking advantage of the disunity in the family. Because if I were the woman you were intending to marry, I'd call off the wedding due to what I'd perceive as i lack of respect for me.

But I'm certain I'm not taking your culture into consideration and I'm missing out a lot not being in your shoes.

So people, good advice only please. And make sure its much better than mine.

adaperry25:
learn to read and digest information