₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
Do Nigerian men, a majority of who end up cheating in marriage --side-chick culture is the norm --, some eventually marrying other women, marry for this love you pretend Nigerian women ought to marry for?

Why should a Nigerian woman marry for love when the vast majority of Nigerian men don't? What incentive or benefit is there for her doing any such?

I didn't pick out any gender. My post is for both gender. Both men and women - men mostly apart from thinking that they are of age, they are mostly driven by lust. Why ladies are mostly driven by societal pressure to get married before a certain age and also by the availability of a man that is ready to settle down.

Men lost their true love because they were not ready financially, whereas ladies leave their true love behind for the same reason. This is not true for the whole case but in most cases if you dig properly you will find this at the center of the problem.

NairalandVDM:
I sent a PM

Sorry I don't have access to the email account anymore.

dettolgel:
Sorry I don't have access to the email account anymore.

Ok. Here's my WhatsApp line: zero8-1-3-one-fifty-fifty-7-five

NairalandVDM:
Ok. Here's my WhatsApp line: zero8-1-3-one-fifty-fifty-7-five

Bro I appreciate you trying to make contact but unfortunately I can't. This is a faceless forum and I want to remain anonymous to everyone here ooh. I am really sorry about that.

dettolgel:
Bro I appreciate you trying to make contact but unfortunately I can't. This is a faceless forum and I want to remain anonymous to everyone here ooh. I am really sorry about that.

I need ur help if u can, pls

dettolgel:
✓ I didn't pick out any gender.
✓ My post is for both gender. Both men and women - men mostly apart from thinking that they are of age, they are mostly driven by lust.
✓ Why ladies are mostly driven by societal pressure to get married before a certain age and also by the availability of a man that is ready to settle down. Men lost their true love because they were not ready financially, whereas ladies leave their true love behind for the same reason. This is not true for the whole case but in most cases if you dig properly you will find this at the center of the problem.

1. I am glad we are both not on issue of gender. 😁

2. According to legal definition of marriage, the contract can literally be entered into for any reason which both parties see fit to do so for. People have been known to marry for numerous reasons including for purpose of sex(lust), fear of being alone(both in young age and old), business, and maybe even love. And stats do not show any one reason to be of greater benefit to those in the marriage over the others.

3. How can it be at the center of a problem when even those who claim to have married for love are equally not spared in the end?

Kobojunkie:
Because she was programmed from a very young age to believe that her life is to be spent with a Nigerian man. That is the issue. Some of them eventually break out of that programming but a majority of them live and die even holding on to the delusion believing that somehow the Sky daddy will send them a Nigerian man to keep them. This is all connected to the Nigerian tradition of raising the girl child for marriage, a terrible thing.

Except you are a Northerner this is a huge lie!
There is hardly a female in southern Nigeria that didn't go to school or learn a trade, if u call cooking and cleaning which a girl would do whether she marries or not raising her for marriage then you are brainwashed!
Whether you admit it or not, Nigerian men are very desirable abroad, we are some of the last few men on earth who would mostly carry the family 100% if he can, even if he has to struggle a bit,
Not saying there are no supportive women, those coincidentally last with their husbands, home or abroad

StaffofOrayan:
✓ Except you are a Northerner this is a huge lie!
There is hardly a female in southern Nigeria that didn't go to school or learn a trade, if u call cooking and cleaning which a girl would do whether she marries or not raising her for marriage then you are brainwashed!
✓ Whether you admit it or not, Nigerian men are very desirable abroad, we are some of the last few men on earth who would mostly carry the family 100% if he can, even if he has to struggle a bit,
Not saying there are no supportive women, those coincidentally last with their husbands, home or abroad

It isn't just in Northern Nigeria that female are trained or brainwashed into seeing themselves as nothing without a Mrs. Badge. This very topic exists exactly because of that.

2. It matters nothing to me whether you think Nigerian men are desirable somewhere or not, as the facts are instead what I focus my attention on. You ask the average Nigerian woman abroad why she is not dating...the older generation included--- and you almost always get the same response which is that they are waiting for a man, preferably the Nigerian man -- not even an African -- to complete them. You can easily visit your local Nigerian church abroad to confirm this of the singles in the crowd.

dettolgel:
Sorry I don't have access to the email account anymore.

It's well. Thanks so much. No problem

Kobojunkie:
It isn't just in Northern Nigeria that female are trained or brainwashed into seeing themselves as nothing without a Mrs. Badge. This very topic exists exactly because of that.

2. It matters nothing to me whether you think Nigerian men are desirable somewhere or not, as the facts are instead what I focus my attention on. You ask the average Nigerian woman abroad why she is not dating...the older generation included--- and you almost always get the same response which is that they are waiting for a man, preferably the Nigerian man -- not even an African -- to complete them. You can easily visit your local Nigerian church abroad to confirm this of the singles in the crowd.

The phenomenon of wanting to date a local is universal! That is why indigenous people are still around, that is why we still have ethnic groups! It is not unique to Nigerian or African women!
There are women that leave their toxic husbands rightfully I might add, but for the most part it's an overdose of new 'freedoms'. Then they decide the only person they would be submissive to are their bosses, they forget their own inadequacies!

When you are desirable, you automatically get suitors, these women quickly find out no man wants them, so they toil away in the cold, getting infected with the European disease called depression,

Kobojunkie:
You mean like your ancestors were able to bundle a woman back to her father's house without so much as an explanation or even alimony? Is this what you regard as a deserved privilege?

Not surprised coming from someone who has never earned her keep, you just had things handed out to you. Living your life on handouts is fake.

1Sharon:
See your mouth like mortgage. Who dash am? About 30% of homeowners in the UK are black. For an immigrant Nigerian, that percentage is even less.

If a Nigerian immigrant man is paying the mortgage, there is a good chance that his wife is helping him pay it.

Money stops nonsense, if women in Nigeria had the means, they'll also leave their marriages.

I always tell my little cousins in Nigeria to make money before marrying. A broke woman is more vulnerable than a broke man.

Why are you developing high BP is my facts are wrong? Alimajiri.

StaffofOrayan:
➜The phenomenon of wanting to date a local is universal! That is why indigenous people are still around, that is why we still have ethnic groups!
➜It is not unique to Nigerian or African women! There are women that leave their toxic husbands rightfully I might add, but for the most part it's an overdose of new 'freedoms'. Then they decide the only person they would be submissive to are their bosses, they forget their own inadequacies!
➜When you are desirable, you automatically get suitors, these women quickly find out no man wants them, so they toil away in the cold, getting infected with the European disease called depression,

1. This isn't true at all. Studies have shown that environment, upbringing, ideas, and even self-esteem play a role in how we choose out partners. Wanting to day what you consider that local to you is not universal at all. :-That those you term Indigenous people are still around DOES NOT in any way constitute proof for this preposterous idea that universally people desire to date "a local".

2. This makes no sense!

3. This also makes no sense!

nwirinedu:
➜Not surprised coming from someone who has never earned her keep, you just had things handed out to you. Living your life on handouts is fake.

Are you high on drugs or something?

nwirinedu:
Why are you developing high BP is my facts are wrong? Alimajiri.

Yes.

Kobojunkie:
It isn't just in Northern Nigeria that female are trained or brainwashed into seeing themselves as nothing without a Mrs. Badge. This very topic exists exactly because of that.

2. It matters nothing to me whether you think Nigerian men are desirable somewhere or not, as the facts are instead what I focus my attention on. You ask the average Nigerian woman abroad why she is not dating...the older generation included--- and you almost always get the same response which is that they are waiting for a man, preferably the Nigerian man -- not even an African -- to complete them. You can easily visit your local Nigerian church abroad to confirm this of the singles in the crowd.

Same way men are seen as walking ATM. Same way men are seen as utility tools to be used and discarded by the female gender m. The female gender rarely achieve anything on their own without using men. Men are not loved. Tell me what’s the contribution of the average woman to marriage other than sex and cooking

irumole1975:
✓ Same way men are seen as walking ATM. Same way men are seen as utility tools to be used and discarded by the female gender m. The female gender rarely achieve anything on their own without using men. Men are not loved.
✓ Tell me what’s the contribution of the average woman to marriage other than sex and cooking

Wrong! The one and only reason a man marries a woman who sees him as an ATM is because it is exactly what the man wanted in a wife. So, try to hold the men responsible for their choices.

2. A man has the choice of marrying for himself a wife who contributes just that which he desires in the marriage. So, when a man chooses a woman to contribute nothing but sex and cooking, it is the man's choice and so the man is to be blamed.

BloomingDale:
Yet na una dey cry pass. Leave women alone. Most of them will rather be alone then being burdened by a man.

There will always be fresh new, willing babes out there, nothing concern us with old bitter people

Kobojunkie:
Wrong! The one and only reason a man marries a woman who sees him as an ATM is because it is exactly what the man wanted in a wife. So, try to hold the men responsible for their choices.

2. A man has the choice of marrying for himself a wife who contributes just that which he desires in the marriage. So, when a man chooses a woman to contribute nothing but sex and cooking, it is the man's choice and so the man is to be blamed.

Are you a man or woman? And
How depressed are you? Are you utilizing all the resources at your disposal for ur depression?

irumole1975:
➜Are you a man or woman? And How depressed are you? Are you utilizing all the resources at your disposal for ur depression?

Are you high or something?

Ruke1989:
The Nigeria society is full of dull and ignorant folks who generally don't have a personal vision in life but copy other people's life. So they watch nollywood and begin to desire marriage to a prince that can take them out of the village and upgrade their family. Then they come back to the village to pepper their uncle. Haven't you seen that the movies doesn't teach the steps to genuine riches or empower with knowledge. Rather it focuses on sudden twists of fate, occults money, princely heritage and other dull things

Na Igbo girls get this kind mentality pass.

DaddyCoool:
There's a difference between marriage you're enjoying and marriage you're forced to stay in due to society.
Some Nigerian marriages are like high-security prisons - no escape

Again, I believe that's because the standards we use to judge those marriages are also from borrowed culture. Romanticism, Chivalry, Emotionalism, and what we use to describe the ideal of "love" today which most people are expecting in futility from their marriages weren't at the core of African culture. We had other meanings. But since we want to depend on their own definitions/standards, we of course inherit their own problems. It's just simple.

imustsaymymindo:
Again, I believe that's because the standards we use to judge those marriages are also from borrowed culture. Romanticism, Chivalry, Emotionalism, and what we use to describe the ideal of "love" today which most people are expecting in futility from their marriages weren't at the core of African culture. We had other meanings. But since we want to depend on their own definitions/standards, we of course inherit their own problems. It's just simple.

Did I say anything about love?
A man would be beating his wife and if she runs to her family they'd take her back to him. Or the marriage would long be over but they'd live under same roof and always appear at functions together. There's just no mechanism for divorce in our traditional society, especially if it's the woman that wants the divorce

EmmyDJourno:
There will always be fresh new, willing babes out there, nothing concern us with old bitter people

As if fresh new, willing babes will go for broke fools like you.

DaddyCoool:
Did I say anything about love?
A man would be beating his wife and if she runs to her family they'd take her back to him. Or the marriage would long be over but they'd live under same roof and always appear at functions together. There's just no mechanism for divorce in our traditional society, especially if it's the woman that wants the divorce

Exactly my point. We are on the same page. Because there are mechanisms for divorce - culture, norms, and even an economy would be built with it. So the more we borrow from that culture, the more divorces or failed marriages. When there is less focus on divorce as an easy mechanism like the traditional society, people would resort to other ways of fixing the issue rather than divorce like the family example you gave.

The question now would be which is more efficient, divorce or the other strategies? Maybe, I'll need more data for that. But if divorce was that efficient, people wouldn't be experiencing 2nd, 3rd, or 4th divorce. I also know the dangers of some of the traditional strategies, however, the traditional strategies seem to be beneficial to the collective(Husband, wife, and children), while divorce seems to be more favorable to the unhappy individual only. Where my talk on "love" comes in is because the expectations in marriages these days are based on definitions of the "borrowed culture" while we expect the outcome of the "traditional values". But I guess it's high time we realize that it has come to stay, and divorce rates will get higher both in Nigeria and everywhere else.

Kobojunkie:
Are you high or something?

If you’re a woman, I can excuse you. Since women are t known to be an intelligent gender really..so anything you say here actually go and will be considered cute and feminine..

But if you’re a woman and since you’re in the US, here are the resources that can help u. Screenshot here

imustsaymymindo:
Exactly my point. We are on the same page. Because there are mechanisms for divorce - culture, norms, and even an economy would be built with it. So the more we borrow from that culture, the more divorces or failed marriages. When there is less focus on divorce as an easy mechanism like the traditional society, people would resort to other ways of fixing the issue rather than divorce like the family example you gave.

The question now would be which is more efficient, divorce or the other strategies? Maybe, I'll need more data for that. But if divorce was that efficient, people wouldn't be experiencing 2nd, 3rd, or 4th divorce. I also know the dangers of some of the traditional strategies, however, the traditional strategies seem to be beneficial to the collective(Husband, wife, and children), while divorce seems to be more favorable to the unhappy individual only. Where my talk on "love" comes in is because the expectations in marriages these days are based on definitions of the "borrowed culture" while we expect the outcome of the "traditional values". But I guess it's high time we realize that it has come to stay, and divorce rates will get higher both in Nigeria and everywhere else.

So we agreed - some Nigerian marriages are like jail for one or both partners, a jail they can't escape

irumole1975:
In the Nigerian system, the men do most of the heavy financial lifting in the family. But over there, the structure and system requires women to participate in the heavy financial lifting also. So along the line, these 9ja .women begin to get overwhelmed and they begin to loose interest in the man that took them there , because in the first place most of their reasons for settling down weren't from a strong conviction of love for the man, but just some that will lighten their financial burden.

So abroad system puts.. ...that financial burden back on them, then they find out that, they don't even love this man or need him after all. These men are innocent, it's just the women that mostly married for the wrong reason, no body treated them wrongly in Nigeria.

If for anything, the abroad is... helping to expose this Nigerian women and their ulterior motives.
Maybe if they start marrying for the right reason, then there will see that, geographical location has nothing to do here.

The major reasons for the failed Nigerian marriages abroad are:

1. Lack of free women to knack.
2. Loss of interest due to work pressure and mental stress.
3. Opportunity for women to cheat without stigmatisation.
4. Cheating suspicions.
5. Disagreement over finance
6. Lack of intimacy
7. Poor quality time spent together as couples
8. Association with bad friends
9. Women and Children’s right acts.
10. Inability of the man to secure a better paying job.
11 Existing problems in marriages before travelling abroad.

Solution:

1. Women, in particular, should be encouraged to take food or vitamin D supplements daily.
2. Men should try their best to secure good paying jobs
3. Men should look and smell good
4. Couples should make out times to hang out
5. Men should influence the type of friends their wifes keep.

Hotguy27:
The major reasons for the failed Nigerian marriages abroad are:

1. Lack of free women to knack.
2. Loss of interest due to work pressure and mental stress.
3. Opportunity for women to cheat without stigmatisation.
4. Cheating suspicions.
5. Disagreement over finance
6. Lack of intimacy
7. Poor quality time spent together as couples
8. Association with bad friends
9. Women and Children’s right acts.
10. Inability of the man to secure a better paying job.
11 Existing problems in marriages before travelling abroad.

Solution:

1. Women, in particular, should be encouraged to take food or vitamin D supplements daily.
2. Men should try their best to secure good paying jobs
3. Men should look and smell good
4. Couples should make out times to hang out
5. Men should influence the type of friends their wifes keep.

Men should also allow their wives to cheat in peace without hassle. Most women abroad want to taste new dick. A woman that’s making her own money now should be given such opportunity at least. Allowing your wife to bring home the man he craves will improve ur relationship and will ensure she won’t send you out of the home

BloomingDale:
As if fresh new, willing babes will go for broke fools like you.

Lol, yesterday newspaper rest please, as a man ages so does the demographic of women he can get, as a man ages so does he discover the secret to wealth
A man’s life is always on the rise, while a woman’s own is in decline, take your beef to nature, it has nothing to do with me, you bitter old newspaper🤣

EmmyDJourno:
Lol, yesterday newspaper rest please, as a man ages so does the demographic of women he can get, as a man ages so does he discover the secret to wealth
A man’s life is always on the rise, while a woman’s own is in decline, take your beef to nature, it has nothing to do with me, you bitter old newspaper🤣

While you are right, but you still have to explain to that individual in a way he/she will understand. The fact that you’re right diesnt mean you should be harsh to them. What you’re saying is a scientifically proven fact..no one should disagree with that

DaddyCoool:
FACT!
Unless you're other than human. We are SOCIAL animals

Yeah! Jesus is coming…..!

Who planted that believe into your head? That you are a social animal.
Better protect your mind from manipulation and misinformation or miseducation.