₦airaland Forum

So long she is not je.wessgratitud3 please carry on.
Godspeed

I see no reason of coming to nairaland for an advice for important issues. Because, some will say no and some will say yes, at the end of day, you will get more confused.

If the OP takes this advise, then he is not wise. This comment is from a very ignorant person who knows nothing.

If your woman is 39 she still has many years ahead to give birth to children naturally. . Menopause in healthy women begins between 46 -52. I have seen women above 40 have children.

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

femi4:
That's the simple truth

Go marry a one-year-old or 90.

Insane for what? Insane for what? ...

Na mumu u be if u dare get yourself into that

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

Agree with you. However, her barrenness doesn't prevent the man from putting another woman in the family way. He doesn't need to runaway. A second wife is within his capability if he so wishes.

the risk is not worth it! look for a much more younger lady!!

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

She will concieve but don't delay in getting her pregnant.

charlsecy:
Go marry a one-year-old or 90.

ki lomode ẹ mọ

So men are immune to heartbreak?


Some of you just open mouth and immediately your hatred for women starts pouring out uncontrollably

Robertgreene1:
Yes...90% of women in that age bracket are broken women...with countless severe heartbreaks...hence they are always frustrated...and transferring their frustrations and agressions on others...a broken-hearted young lady told me this herself.... So if you want to marry in Naija...better go for fresh young girls between 18 to 22...yes they may still act childish...but childishness is much better than being with a broken woman with multiple heartbreaks...and ex boyfriends that she still secretly loves... who still have the passwords to their pussies anytime anyday
Shalom

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Run ooo.

Look for a younger woman.

Klass99:
The other time you were concerned about finding a serious date/relationship with one of your own (a fellow Naija woman) overseas. You've found one now and you're back again with a different dilemma

You are in the obodo where there's far more advanced technology dealing with fertility matters and the ability for early detection of issues if any. Yet, here you are, asking jamb question, when an honest conversation with healthcare experts and medical tests will help you more than NL.

Some of you will migrate and still carry along your warped African mentality and prejudices that never served you well to your new location, how do you expect to build a new life and thrive if you don't let go of un-helpful beliefs?

Smile4me, I thought you had more sense than this. My post is not meant as an insult but you can do better than bringing this to NL. High five that woman for refusing to have a child out of wedlock, she has a good head on her shoulders, before she ends up being part of the single mother statistics.

Do things right if you mean business. I don't know why at your age you should be looking for more than one child sef. You should be glad if you are able to have even one healthy child, women are not the only ones with fertility issues.

Oyo offer him your vagina sow that he can sow his oats and have children while he goes ahead to marry that one and live happily.


Your new year resolution was supposed to be to have sense in 2024 but it seems that is not happening anytime soon.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Truth is;
The fact you're asking these questions shows there is no love between you two.

You're in it for something (whatever it is) and she's also probably in it for the change of name.

I personally won't advice it but I'm also not God to know tomorrow.

Lastly: If you go ahead; child or no child; healthy kids or sick kids - you wld be a bad man to turn your back on her and an ingrate.

decide.
Goodluck

[quote author=Evercurious post=128108837]Pls shut up and stop saying what you don't know. People like you come here talking rubbish all the time. What's wrong with a 39 or 40 year old lady? Me wey be 43 years and got pregnant naturally without pills, never have I had an abortion nor being pregnant before nko( This one has always been my own choice).. No complication, no stress or unnecessary illness , Not even all those inconveniences that come with pregnancies for some ladies. Infact I went to work offshore while pregnant at 6 months and still worked without complaints in a 12 HR shift. Mind you my work is purely engineering.You sound pained and frustuated and am not the reason that you got married in your old age. you are an educated illiterate. am talking from proffesional experience. what do you know? ask any doctor and he would tell you that the chances of conception of a 43yrs old woman is low. you are talking nonsense. would you advise your own brother to wife a 40yrs woman?

[quote author=Aladdin1 post=128116867][/quote]Pls shut up... Pained as in how? You re here saying rubbish all in the name of your professional point of view and I m here talking of reality. So mine is what again? Keep shifting your goal post till you get to oblivion. As I said earlier, when matured and reasonable men speak , you LL surely know . Unlike you Irredeemably damaged men spreading your bile around.. Nonsense

I marry late according to you, is that one your business? Or person tell you say I no see husband marry very early even while in school as an undergraduate? Or dem tell you say my problem for life naa marriage? Abeg carry your ancient and useless mentality waka pass.. Professional indeed.. Professional without common sense

Evercurious:
Pls shut up... Pained as in how? You re here saying rubbish all in the name of your professional point of view and I m here talking of reality. So mine is what again? Keep shifting your goal post till you get to oblivion. As I said earlier, when matured and reasonable men speak , you LL surely know . Unlike you Irredeemably damaged men spreading your bile around.. Nonsense

I marry late according to you, is that one your business? Or person tell you say I no see husband marry very early even while in school as an undergraduate? Or dem tell you say my problem for life naa marriage? Abeg carry your ancient and useless mentality waka pass.. Professional indeed.. Professional without common sense

So why are you dancing naked in the market place and advocating for someones son to marry an aged spinsters like yourself? you want evil for the poor guy.you are very selfish and myopic. learn to speak factual.fertility rate of a woman begins to decline by age 35.

ZiktotheWorld:
Please, where can one get this Fertility booster??

Food

gaby:
This already bears all the hallmarks of a relationship that won't end well.

Not once in your submission did you ever imply that "true love/feelings" from both sides were the rationale behind your quest.

It was either her immigration status or her ability or lack thereof to procreate.

This is a recipe for disaster, and the earlier you disembark from this journey, the better for you.

I'd also advise that you seek out help for your past trauma so you don't bring that into your future relationship.

You aren't ready for a union in the right sense of it, you are just trying to find someone as desperate as you to hitch on and use.

while love is a great thing. We are humans and we always follow our selfish interest, based on that he shouldn't be faulted as he wishes for something different from what you feel should be.
Las Las whatever he sees, he will bear the consequences as long as he doesn't blame anyone but himself.

madridguy:
As a man you should know what you want. If I am to be in your shoe I will marry her. I prefer matured ladies, doing well for herself, already know what she want.

OP please take this advice seriously,I take God beg you 🙏

Aladdin1:
So why are you dancing naked in the market place and advocating for someones son to marry an aged spinsters like yourself? you want evil for the poor guy.you are very selfish and myopic. learn to speak factual.fertility rate of a woman begins to decline by age 35.

😂 You must be a dunce since you were blind to see where I advised him to see a gynaecologist and also advocated fertility test.. Selfish and myopic indeed.. All these Irredeemably damaged lads roaming around spreading their frustration like bile.... Abeg go get a life and keep your stupid talks to yourself .. As I said earlier, when matured men speak , we all know.. So shut the Bleep up. And I believe the OP has seen enough reasonable men speak here and not frustrated things like you

PrinceofSarcasm:
You want to marry her because she is a citizen. That's the main motivation for you ...

So just know it won't be a marriage because this is purely transactional so don't go in there with warped expectations.

Don't go there looking for love because she is just desperate to have a family while you want documents

So don't call this what it is not. This is an arrangement

Even if it is an arrangement, they can still be happy together. They both come with something the other needs, and they can form a good, strong partnership. They are obviously friends who respect each other. Love can grow and that is the most lasting kind of love. OP, go for it and best of luck to both of you.

eniolorunfe:
If the bolded is true, where is your desperation coming from? You need to address that first, before settling down with just anyone for God knows what. Why put yourself in a precarious situation?

His goal is Canadian citizenship not the nursing degree he's claiming to be embarking on at 39. They're many in the US and Europe doing this. He's concerned about fertility and doesn't know whether he's shooting blanks. She also knows it's transactional is why she wants a wedding first. It's the hypocrisy for me, he's the exact same age as her but she seems to have made a better headway than him but he's here creating a thread asking if he's doing the right thing. Leave her alone. She'll find a man who genuinely cares for her.

Ynix:
Food

Which type of food , please

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

liked by 141 f00lish people

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

You SHOULD be concerned about both of you in terms of fertility. Men also experience fertility issues as we get older due to inhaled or ingested toxic metals in the bloodstream which can lead to sperm damage and combine to cause autism and down syndrome in babies.

When both you and the 39-year-old lady in Canada go for fertility tests, then you both can get married or just simply have kids together through co-parenting if that's what you want.

But genetic screenings must be done at a fertility clinic to ensure the foetuses aren't carrying any genetic diseases.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.

Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.

Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Your concerns are genuine however, I would think what you want to know is her history. If she tells you everything is fine, then you should be good to go.
The good thing is at your age, if you try for 6 months and she isn't pregnant, you are quickly considered for assisted pregnancy which involves doing all necessary tests and providing the best solution/alternative.

PrinceofSarcasm:
You want to marry her because she is a citizen. That's the main motivation for you ...

So just know it won't be a marriage because this is purely transactional so don't go in there with warped expectations.

Don't go there looking for love because she is just desperate to have a family while you want documents

So don't call this what it is not. This is an arrangement

Don't be too hay in your conclusion. If he's also in Canada, he doesn't necessarily need marry he for his papers. You don't know his status, so why conclude?

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Someone enlighten me on something similar to this post

You all scream that tradition bullshit is mandatory and that irrelevant dark age shit is important now this fella said going back to Nigeria to get married is not an option
So logically he can't be doing the fucking traditions
So are you all just plain fucking liars or are you just a nationality of coward men that are nothing but hypocrites with double standards

Your own fucking people contradict yourselves all the fucking time

You come to our countries to marry white women and take part none of traditions or customs
You leave Nigeria to marry your own without the tradition bullshit but you are such lying dick heads that you try and force us to do yours here

As if this sap of a man is really going to fly her family to Canada to do the introduction

Be given bullshit list of useless trinkets that he cant find in canada

Then depending on tribe all the other shit

This whole post and your replies proves you men are nothing but a nationality of liars and scammers and it also proves that the women are angels

Fenrir:
Someone enlighten me on something similar to this post

You all scream that tradition bullshit is mandatory and that irrelevant dark age shit is important now this fella said going back to Nigeria to get married is not an option
So logically he can't be doing the fucking traditions
So are you all just plain fucking liars or are you just a nationality of coward men that are nothing but hypocrites with double standards

Your own fucking people contradict yourselves all the fucking time

You come to our countries to marry white women and take part none of traditions or customs
You leave Nigeria to marry your own without the tradition bullshit but you are such lying dick heads that you try and force us to do yours here

As if this sap of a man is really going to fly her family to Canada to do the introduction

Be given bullshit list of useless trinkets that he cant find in canada

Then depending on tribe all the other shit

This whole post and your replies proves you men are nothing but a nationality of liars and scammers and it also proves that the women are angels

As if he would have paid her bride price last year and from the sounds of it she makes more then him, so she probably bailed the sap out and paid her own bride pride
And yet you fool men in this country are all ganging up on here because you are just jealous that's she's more successful then broke fools here and she got away and you're stuck here

And so what if she's 39, ever heard the saying a woman ages like a fine wine? And only an insecure little man with a tiny dick that can't touch the sides of pussy worries about body count

And the abortion shit is just disgusting from the sounds she got out earlier so abortions were done it would have been safe and professional not the dark age shit you inflict on women here

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

It is likely that she is still fertile at 39, but if you have doubts, it is best to undergo a medical test to find out.

Sorry about your childhood trauma. I understand how you feel because I have been there. It is very likely that an introvert has experienced trauma, as people often cheat, manipulate, and take advantage of them.

Introverts are also more likely to miss out on many opportunities. They are highly calculated and full of potential, but their timid and gentle nature may prevent them from unleashing even a quarter of their true abilities.

I used to be very timid. People could barely find fault in me; in fact, I was a people-pleaser. I dreamed of a happy world where everyone was kind and got along, but now I don’t care. I simply reciprocate people's attitudes toward me.

I consider being introverted a serious illness. If you are not happy with being introverted, please try to work on yourself. I worked on myself and was able to overcome the illness to a large extent.

Start by being open to criticism. Try to care less about other people's opinions of you, and don't seek their validation or allow them impose it on you, if they are not the ones paying your bills, then their validation shouldn't matter.

Be open to making mistakes, nobody is perfect, you don’t have to be either. Don’t be bothered by insults. Most insults aren’t even real; they are just meant to make you feel bad. People can have opinions about you, but that doesn’t mean they are right.

Merry100:
It is likely that she is still fertile at 39, but if you have doubts, it is best to undergo a medical test to find out.

Sorry about your childhood trauma. I understand how you feel because I have been there. It is very likely that an introvert has experienced trauma, as people often cheat, manipulate, and take advantage of them.

Introverts are also more likely to miss out on many opportunities. They are highly calculated and full of potential, but their timid and gentle nature may prevent them from unleashing even a quarter of their true abilities.

I used to be very timid. People could barely find fault in me; in fact, I was a people-pleaser. I dreamed of a happy world where everyone was kind and got along, but now I don’t care. I simply reciprocate people's attitudes toward me.

I consider being introverted a serious illness. If you are not happy with being introverted, please try to work on yourself. I worked on myself and was able to overcome the illness to a large extent.

Start by being open to criticism. Try to care less about other people's opinions of you, and don't seek their validation or allow them impose it on you, if they are not the ones paying your bills, then their validation shouldn't matter.

Be open to making mistakes, nobody is perfect, you don’t have to be either. Don’t be bothered by insults. Most insults aren’t even real; they are just meant to make you feel bad. People can have opinions about you, but that doesn’t mean they are right.

Introverted, extraverted who cares split it down the middle and be perverted it's much more fun and more satisfying life 😀