₦airaland Forum

ediko5:
Oga court divorce is a lawsuit and it takes place in the court with protocols like any court case and not like a document based agreement like land sale where a lawyer prepare a document from a chamber for concern parties to append their signatures from anywhere

They are watching movies thinking what they do in movies is what happens in real life... divorce proceedings take years to accomplish

Is it until you loose your sanity before you do the right thing?

goran3310:
You see, unlike him, I went through the exact same thing he did. Identical. But I endured it all for a long time until the children grew up. And then I finally got divorced. Now, from this point of view, I can responsibly say that the children weren't worth it.

Your endurance nor be here o. Me I nor just like stress. Stress over woman?

FuckYeyeMods:
You're probably in your early thirties or the story is for the gods.
Sincerely you don't know what you're in for..
God forbid, everything will crumble before your eyes while she keep dragging you down psychologically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
Stop deceiving yourself that everything is OK interms of finances.
That's how she will pull you till you fall into depression and lost focus and interest in everything.
Please, don't impregnate her again. Go and do family planning and watch what next.
Anytime she raise such thing again, change it for her.
Tell her that you don't want to see her again. She should leave immediately.
She's a low life that want to spoil your life.
Please free that girl, she's not a good wife.
After they beg and settle things, once in two days, remind her that you both know that the marriage is going nowhere. Let her feel exactly what she made you felt.

She belongs to the street

goran3310:
Suggest to her that you get a divorce and that she gives you custody of the children. They would live with you, and you would take care of them, and in return, you will pay her alimony until the children turn 18. Instead of her paying you because the children are with you, you will pay her.
Women are greedy fo themmoney. She will agree. Try it.

Please don't get tired with this back and forth reply. It might go a long way for me.
She have a small business I established for her recently and I observed She's doing a bit fine.
She always behave as if she just came for vacation at my place 'after more than two kids ooo'.
Her house (her mum and siblings) are far more important to her than the family she established me. I am not pety and I understand how wife's do behave and not easily let go of their home they came from. But my wife once boldly told me that "I know this marriage would not last"
She's just greedy else, I made her a good offer. I will rent house for her close to her business, and she would have access to the children anytime anyday. I turned the proposal to a daily routine trying to convince her that im not angry but just to have clean divorce without going dirty but she keep pretending.
I woke up one day and discovered that she abscond with my kids tand embark on a journey of almost 2days to her village.
She kept telling everybody that I'm the one that keep pestering her to leave. But between me and her, we both know she wanted the divorce and i also would not object to it but she doesn't want to look like a bad mother by leaving her kids behindso she pick the kids and left. I couldn't ignore because she took my kids to her village. Everybody keep telling not to leave the kids with her, that she'll abandoned them with the mum and move to another city or location. I obliged to people call and she's back with the kids.
I bet, she doesn't want the marriage but greed is not allowing her to quit easily.
What annoys me most are the siblings. They're very not good people. Greediness run in their blood. My wife would not talk to me but would go outside and say very unpleasant things. If I ask her what is going on, she'll say nothing.
Please, any further advice?

Double0h7:
This is the place marriages come to die! Not a single person advised to try to keep the family together. Nobody giving op solutions to correct her behaviour and his enabling behaviour. If op follows all these people, another one bites the dust! So many broken homes. So many single parents and abandoned children.

You don't fix a sinking shipping. He might end up drowning.

goran3310:
I can responsibly say that the children weren't worth it.

Please what do you mean by this statement

Double0h7:
He's obviously enabled her bad behaviour. He could adjust his ways and lead his home instead of running away at the first sight of a problem. He has a child with her, that child shouldn't suffer for his father's choices. Men are always shouting about being leaders but when things become hard they run away from their children. Their marriage is still new, everyone goes through hardship in the beginning of their marriage, until they finally understand each other. He sounds weak af!

What is new about a marriage that the woman feel comfortable about bragging with divorce.. from what you read so far, is this your conclusion.
Woman don't threaten man with divorce. Only a weak man endure such. I m currently in same shoe.
When the divorce matter became very obvious, she abscond with my children.
Don't encourage or try same my dear its very unacceptable.

AllBlack:
plenty talk no dey full basket.

Have you ended it or not?

Finally I hope you have recorded proof because she will deny everything she said.

Mine denied everything and push the blame on me.. I'm the person that wanted her to leave.

FuckYeyeMods:
What is new about a marriage that the woman feel comfortable about bragging with divorce.. from what you read so far, is this your conclusion.
Woman don't threaten man with divorce. Only a weak man endure such. I m currently in same shoe.
When the divorce matter became very obvious, she abscond with my children.
Don't encourage or try same my dear its very unacceptable.

I understand its a sensitive topic and I probably have zero knowledge or experience but I just feel so bad for the children. Men here are sensitive and I don't want to be insulted for expressing anything contrary to the consensus at play which is divorce her. It would just be nice to hear some other solutions.

I would advise figuring out what the other person needs, wants, feels, and thinks. In this case op obviously over pampered his wife in the beginning to win her love, he continued with this plan until it was unsustainable.

The mature thing wouldn't be to jump ship but to admit to himself and his wife that what he did was wrong. He could take into consideration that he robbed this woman of a dream she had: to marry a man that can comfortably look after her. He has to confess, seek forgiveness and come up with a plan that can get them from where they are to where they need to be.

I believe op wanted to spoil his wife and family! He too dreamed of having the finer things in life. I think op is probably capable of providing that life for his family and all he's asking for is some time, a team player and some peace.

If he could convey that to his wife in a humble manner, I believe if she has sense she might play along. The reason she's shouting for a divorce is she feels like she's been sold a false dream. Men say everything (lies) to tie down the woman they want. Until those men could admit to their problem instead of fighting the woman (gaslight her) to be what she never claimed to be.

Ops wife made it clear that she wanted the soft life before they were married. In fact men like op, approach with the bs without you even asking! He'll buy this, spend this, take you here, take you there! He will create a fake image of himself. Then when we're locked in (marriage and kids) he'll start telling you to budget the water, don't use too much tissue paper, I can't buy meat this month! This is the same man who took you two 5 star restaurants! Then he'll tell everyone that listens that you are an unreasonable woman, your lazy, you waste money.

Men are teaching each other that women love lies.
Don't tell her truth because she'll leave or cheat. This is the result when men lie about their abilities, needs, and requirements. If he was honest and up front he's wife wouldn't have married him and he knew that from day 1.

Kaido:
You don't fix a sinking shipping. He might end up drowning.

So men are leaders only when it suits them?

Is the ship not his?

Why wouldn't he fix it when his seed is on board the ship?

An honourable captain goes down with his ship!

Double0h7:
So men are leaders only when it suits them?

Is the ship not his?

Why wouldn't he fix it when his seed is on board the ship?

An honourable captain goes down with his ship!

How is Somalia today?

Wakatumbit:
I've made some previous posts about how my wife threatens me with leaving our marriage everytime we have small issues (I didn't post it with this account).
She always threaten to leave anytime we have misunderstandings, not even only misunderstandings, even when we are having normal conversations and someone refers to maybe a bad marriage experience, she always says if it's her she will leave. I've spoken to her about it several times, I have even spoken to her family about the issue but it keeps repeating itself.

She has this kind of mentality that she can leave the marriage at any time I do something to her and she repeats it every time, the last one was during an outing when we had a misunderstanding, even before hearing my own side of the story, she said she already tired of the marriage and wants to leave, so I told her to go if she wants. The next morning, she came to wake me up and told me she doesn't want to do again that she wants to leave, she said she'll call her people and I should call my people. I said fine.

I told my family about it, and they supported me because a woman can't threaten me with marriage after one child.

Another thing my wife does is that she constantly compares me to other men, telling people I don't provide for my family, I don't take care of her, to the extent her friends are telling her that if a man doesn't provide for his woman, then he's pushing her out to meet other men.

In regards to the issue of providing, when we met, things were going very well, it was just the two of us and I had money at the time, I took her on vacation, booked flights for her, bought her hairs, a new phone and all. But now we have a child, added responsibilities, and money isn't as it used to be before but one thing I never do is to starve my family.

Last year I made close to 20m but I didn't see the money, not because I'm an extravagant spender but because of family expenses, I can't even explained what happened to the money aside the fact that I bought a car.

I opened a business for her with almost 3 million, the business crumbled, she doesn't want to do anything, she stays home all day just pressing phone. If I don't have any money at all she can't support me, she calls me for everything, even to as little as salt in the house.

She started comparing our marriage to when she was single, that she used to wear the lastest clothes and buy the lastest hair, and now she's married she doesn't get those things forgetting those where the thing I used to do for her when there was enough money.


This whole thing has made me tired of the marriage and I don't feel like continuing it any more, I've told her to call her people since she doesn't want to continue the marriage so they can return the bride price. I just want to focus on my life

.

Mary95:
How is Somalia today?

Your guess is as good as mine!

Wakatumbit:
I've made some previous posts about how my wife threatens me with leaving our marriage everytime we have small issues (I didn't post it with this account).
She always threaten to leave anytime we have misunderstandings, not even only misunderstandings, even when we are having normal conversations and someone refers to maybe a bad marriage experience, she always says if it's her she will leave. I've spoken to her about it several times, I have even spoken to her family about the issue but it keeps repeating itself.

She has this kind of mentality that she can leave the marriage at any time I do something to her and she repeats it every time, the last one was during an outing when we had a misunderstanding, even before hearing my own side of the story, she said she already tired of the marriage and wants to leave, so I told her to go if she wants. The next morning, she came to wake me up and told me she doesn't want to do again that she wants to leave, she said she'll call her people and I should call my people. I said fine.

I told my family about it, and they supported me because a woman can't threaten me with marriage after one child.

Another thing my wife does is that she constantly compares me to other men, telling people I don't provide for my family, I don't take care of her, to the extent her friends are telling her that if a man doesn't provide for his woman, then he's pushing her out to meet other men.

In regards to the issue of providing, when we met, things were going very well, it was just the two of us and I had money at the time, I took her on vacation, booked flights for her, bought her hairs, a new phone and all. But now we have a child, added responsibilities, and money isn't as it used to be before but one thing I never do is to starve my family.

Last year I made close to 20m but I didn't see the money, not because I'm an extravagant spender but because of family expenses, I can't even explained what happened to the money aside the fact that I bought a car.

I opened a business for her with almost 3 million, the business crumbled, she doesn't want to do anything, she stays home all day just pressing phone. If I don't have any money at all she can't support me, she calls me for everything, even to as little as salt in the house.

She started comparing our marriage to when she was single, that she used to wear the lastest clothes and buy the lastest hair, and now she's married she doesn't get those things forgetting those where the thing I used to do for her when there was enough money.


This whole thing has made me tired of the marriage and I don't feel like continuing it any more, I've told her to call her people since she doesn't want to continue the marriage so they can return the bride price. I just want to focus on my life

Hi,

I'm deeply sorry about your experience, and as a man who have also heard some of these things, I understand what you're going through.

The thing is that she is not happy in that marriage with you. Most likely you were her "settle down " man who was ready to marry her but not her ideal man she wanted to marry.

She loves what you are and what you are able to provide, more than she cares about you. And this will never be sustainable in that marriage because she will never have enough. You won't be enough for her even though you're trying your best. She believes there's a better person than you!

But you know what? She chose you! And for whatever reason, it's her decision and you don't have to feel sorry or grateful for that. You also chose her and nobody is doing anybody a damn favor! If anything, you're doing her the bigger favor by taking care of her financially, psychologically, etc. So don't feel sorry because you married somebody bro! Or is there a reason why you're hesitant in asserting your dominance and letting out your voice? Maybe you should give context on that.

My advise is to first know your worth. I can see you're living a comfortable life and also see you're doing the best for yourself and your family. For real, you're a spec and the real deal. Accept the fact that you're an ideal man anywhere in the world. Upon realisation that you're the best, put her in her place by making her realize that she needs you more than you need her. Except you value yourself, she's going to keep looking down on you and you'd never be enough for her. But I'm telling you that she needs you.

Your wife should never threaten you with leaving your marriage, if anything, it should be the other way round! Take charge of your marriage bro! Don't be at her mercy.

With these, you're not trying to be toxic or anything, but you have to lay a good foundation for your child, that's why you should consider putting your wife in order so your child can have a proper family.

Best wishes bro!

Double0h7:
So men are leaders only when it suits them?

Is the ship not his?

Why wouldn't he fix it when his seed is on board the ship?

An honourable captain goes down with his ship!

Nah! The only person he needs to save is just his child. She should find another nigga to keep up with her bullshit.

Why go down with a ship, when you can save yourself and sail on other beautiful fleet of ships?

goran3310:
Suggest to her that you get a divorce and that she gives you custody of the children. They would live with you, and you would take care of them, and in return, you will pay her alimony until the children turn 18. Instead of her paying you because the children are with you, you will pay her.
Women are greedy for money. She will agree. Try it.

Wakatumbit:
I've made some previous posts about how my wife threatens me with leaving our marriage everytime we have small issues (I didn't post it with this account).
She always threaten to leave anytime we have misunderstandings, not even only misunderstandings, even when we are having normal conversations and someone refers to maybe a bad marriage experience, she always says if it's her she will leave. I've spoken to her about it several times, I have even spoken to her family about the issue but it keeps repeating itself.

She has this kind of mentality that she can leave the marriage at any time I do something to her and she repeats it every time, the last one was during an outing when we had a misunderstanding, even before hearing my own side of the story, she said she already tired of the marriage and wants to leave, so I told her to go if she wants. The next morning, she came to wake me up and told me she doesn't want to do again that she wants to leave, she said she'll call her people and I should call my people. I said fine.

I told my family about it, and they supported me because a woman can't threaten me with marriage after one child.

Another thing my wife does is that she constantly compares me to other men, telling people I don't provide for my family, I don't take care of her, to the extent her friends are telling her that if a man doesn't provide for his woman, then he's pushing her out to meet other men.

In regards to the issue of providing, when we met, things were going very well, it was just the two of us and I had money at the time, I took her on vacation, booked flights for her, bought her hairs, a new phone and all. But now we have a child, added responsibilities, and money isn't as it used to be before but one thing I never do is to starve my family.

Last year I made close to 20m but I didn't see the money, not because I'm an extravagant spender but because of family expenses, I can't even explained what happened to the money aside the fact that I bought a car.

I opened a business for her with almost 3 million, the business crumbled, she doesn't want to do anything, she stays home all day just pressing phone. If I don't have any money at all she can't support me, she calls me for everything, even to as little as salt in the house.

She started comparing our marriage to when she was single, that she used to wear the lastest clothes and buy the lastest hair, and now she's married she doesn't get those things forgetting those where the thing I used to do for her when there was enough money.


This whole thing has made me tired of the marriage and I don't feel like continuing it any more, I've told her to call her people since she doesn't want to continue the marriage so they can return the bride price. I just want to focus on my life

sorry to say oga you are a fool, a woman u marry telling u this , u still dey beg her , she come dey get power u are fool,my advice to u is that secretly in your own start preparing for break up

Sonnobax15:

Bro,the bitter truth is that your wife has left you emotionally....

exactly

Double0h7:
I understand its a sensitive topic and I probably have zero knowledge or experience but I just feel so bad for the children. Men here are sensitive and I don't want to be insulted for expressing anything contrary to the consensus at play which is divorce her. It would just be nice to hear some other solutions.

I would advise figuring out what the other person needs, wants, feels, and thinks. In this case op obviously over pampered his wife in the beginning to win her love, he continued with this plan until it was unsustainable.

The mature thing wouldn't be to jump ship but to admit to himself and his wife that what he did was wrong. He could take into consideration that he robbed this woman of a dream she had: to marry a man that can comfortably look after her. He has to confess, seek forgiveness and come up with a plan that can get them from where they are to where they need to be.

I believe op wanted to spoil his wife and family! He too dreamed of having the finer things in life. I think op is probably capable of providing that life for his family and all he's asking for is some time, a team player and some peace.

If he could convey that to his wife in a humble manner, I believe if she has sense she might play along. The reason she's shouting for a divorce is she feels like she's been sold a false dream. Men say everything (lies) to tie down the woman they want. Until those men could admit to their problem instead of fighting the woman (gaslight her) to be what she never claimed to be.

Ops wife made it clear that she wanted the soft life before they were married. In fact men like op, approach with the bs without you even asking! He'll buy this, spend this, take you here, take you there! He will create a fake image of himself. Then when we're locked in (marriage and kids) he'll start telling you to budget the water, don't use too much tissue paper, I can't buy meat this month! This is the same man who took you two 5 star restaurants! Then he'll tell everyone that listens that you are an unreasonable woman, your lazy, you waste money.

Men are teaching each other that women love lies.
Don't tell her truth because she'll leave or cheat. This is the result when men lie about their abilities, needs, and requirements. If he was honest and up front he's wife wouldn't have married him and he knew that from day 1.

You are not making sense my brother

Double0h7:
So men are leaders only when it suits them?

Is the ship not his?

Why wouldn't he fix it when his seed is on board the ship?

An honourable captain goes down with his ship!

Lol!

Meaning the man must endure the suffering/stress in his marriage even if it kills him

How can anyone not love women?!

Ojagun:
Lol!

Meaning the man must endure the suffering/stress in his marriage even if it kills him

How can anyone not love women?!

Isn't that what women are told to do endlessly, on this very website by these very men?

I have made same mistake though. But come to now think of it base on my present experiences, why do men end up with bad wife?: major reason is premarital sex(FORNICATION)!

No girl suddenly change after marriage. The red flag were there staring at you in the face always. You saw them all but lacked the ability to ACT bcause your psyche was DROSS and reflex NUMBED through sex with her.

A woman without her virginity is a LovePeddler, prostitute. Trying to be “reasonable” is settling for the least and expecting the best after marriage.

The day you marry such was the day you formerly told her, “i have no honour”, and shouldnt be treated honourably.

For the unmarried stay away from fornication and you may never need to pray to get a good wife because you will see them to the bone like Xray machine. I wish you grace of Jesus Christ!

laivwire:
Chief, you are not alone in this issue. A lot of husbands are going through the exact same thing.

Stay at home wives who feel entitled and unappreciative. Who always boast that they are loyal and their contribution to the marriage are the kids. Who glamorize their spinster years as the golden era and say they believe they would be better off if they didn't marry their current husband.

Ultimately, you should put yourself first and give yourself peace. Do what you can for the family and leave the rest. Don't expect gratitude. The people they would slander you to know better so don't worry as long as you know you're doing you own bit.

Learn to enjoy your life with or without family as this is your golden age.

Baba, seems you have seen shege based on your comment.

emmaodet:
Baba, seems you have seen shege based on your comment.

Haha. Many if not all humans are like that brother. It's a human thing and only takes a naturally gentle and righteous person to not exhibit such characters. Others try to mask it.

The only difference between men and women is how we think however and so it's a bit worse on their side.

It is bad if she keeps threatening you with divorce over trivial issues because I don't even see any issue here. Except there are parts you left out.

If she insists on leaving, let her go. There are things you workout, threats isn't one of them. It is not in your place to convince her to stay. If she leaves and you for any reason take her back, ensure she feels it and sees the end of the marriage flash before her eye. Then you warn her not to try that threat with you again. It either gets better or worse from there.

FuckYeyeMods:
Please don't get tired with this back and forth reply. It might go a long way for me.
She have a small business I established for her recently and I observed She's doing a bit fine.
She always behave as if she just came for vacation at my place 'after more than two kids ooo'.
Her house (her mum and siblings) are far more important to her than the family she established me. I am not pety and I understand how wife's do behave and not easily let go of their home they came from. But my wife once boldly told me that "I know this marriage would not last"
She's just greedy else, I made her a good offer. I will rent house for her close to her business, and she would have access to the children anytime anyday. I turned the proposal to a daily routine trying to convince her that im not angry but just to have clean divorce without going dirty but she keep pretending.
I woke up one day and discovered that she abscond with my kids tand embark on a journey of almost 2days to her village.
She kept telling everybody that I'm the one that keep pestering her to leave. But between me and her, we both know she wanted the divorce and i also would not object to it but she doesn't want to look like a bad mother by leaving her kids behindso she pick the kids and left. I couldn't ignore because she took my kids to her village. Everybody keep telling not to leave the kids with her, that she'll abandoned them with the mum and move to another city or location. I obliged to people call and she's back with the kids.
I bet, she doesn't want the marriage but greed is not allowing her to quit easily.
What annoys me most are the siblings. They're very not good people. Greediness run in their blood. My wife would not talk to me but would go outside and say very unpleasant things. If I ask her what is going on, she'll say nothing.
Please, any further advice?

Well, what can I tell you?
Sit down and talk to her.
You established her business. That means you are more capable than her. Try to explain this to her in a reasonable way. You don't have to respond to this, but you must be aware of it.
If you are not "sleeping" with her. If you are not attracted to "sleeping" with her. Then that is the root of all the problems. If she refuses to "sleep" with you, then your marriage is over.
Why isn't it worth suffering for the children?
The children are yours, so they are yours. But however you raise them, if they are susceptible to other influences, the environment, society, and social media will ruin them. Of course, less so if they grow up with you. And much more so if they grow up with their mother.
That retarded phenomenon of attachment to parents and siblings is completely out of place in my world. (I am a white man from Europe, in case you didn't know.)
Marriage and family (you, your wife, and children) cannot coexist with her former family or your former family.
That is out of the question. If you or she decide to prioritize siblings, mothers, and fathers, then there is nothing left of your marriage.
It's obvious that you made the same mistake I did. Like many other men. You raised your wife to your level to be equal to you, and in return and as a "reward," she lowered you below her level. Try to draw her attention to the fact that you created her and that you are more important than her father, mother, brothers... That she has children with you.
I know that nothing will come of that conversation and that you won't make her see sense, but it is necessary for your conscience for what will follow when the conversation fails.
When the conversation fails, you will have to deal with her without mercy. It will be difficult. You will feel bad. But you have to do it because she has no mercy for you either.
Withdraw all your money from your account. Hide it very well. Cut off all her financial, emotional, and any other support. Do everything to make her business start to fail. For her to start struggling financially. Then file for divorce. Tell her that you want custody of the children and that you will then help her financially after the divorce and when the children belong to you.
You must fight first and foremost for yourself, your children, and your money. When all that is over, help her a little. Just enough so that she is not ruined, and then turn around and forget her. Don't help her anymore. Leave her alone, let her do what she wants. Dedicate yourself to your own personal success and your children.

Chubhie:
Your endurance nor be here o. Me I nor just like stress. Stress over woman?

What are you talking about?
How are you talking like that?
Buzz off.

You saw the signs earlier and you ignored it.

Wakatumbit:
I've made some previous posts about how my wife threatens me with leaving our marriage everytime we have small issues (I didn't post it with this account).
She always threaten to leave anytime we have misunderstandings, not even only misunderstandings, even when we are having normal conversations and someone refers to maybe a bad marriage experience, she always says if it's her she will leave. I've spoken to her about it several times, I have even spoken to her family about the issue but it keeps repeating itself.

She has this kind of mentality that she can leave the marriage at any time I do something to her and she repeats it every time, the last one was during an outing when we had a misunderstanding, even before hearing my own side of the story, she said she already tired of the marriage and wants to leave, so I told her to go if she wants. The next morning, she came to wake me up and told me she doesn't want to do again that she wants to leave, she said she'll call her people and I should call my people. I said fine.

I told my family about it, and they supported me because a woman can't threaten me with marriage after one child.

Another thing my wife does is that she constantly compares me to other men, telling people I don't provide for my family, I don't take care of her, to the extent her friends are telling her that if a man doesn't provide for his woman, then he's pushing her out to meet other men.

In regards to the issue of providing, when we met, things were going very well, it was just the two of us and I had money at the time, I took her on vacation, booked flights for her, bought her hairs, a new phone and all. But now we have a child, added responsibilities, and money isn't as it used to be before but one thing I never do is to starve my family.

Last year I made close to 20m but I didn't see the money, not because I'm an extravagant spender but because of family expenses, I can't even explained what happened to the money aside the fact that I bought a car.

I opened a business for her with almost 3 million, the business crumbled, she doesn't want to do anything, she stays home all day just pressing phone. If I don't have any money at all she can't support me, she calls me for everything, even to as little as salt in the house.

She started comparing our marriage to when she was single, that she used to wear the lastest clothes and buy the lastest hair, and now she's married she doesn't get those things forgetting those where the thing I used to do for her when there was enough money.


This whole thing has made me tired of the marriage and I don't feel like continuing it any more, I've told her to call her people since she doesn't want to continue the marriage so they can return the bride price. I just want to focus on my life

Na you go marry SLAY QUEEN na... And now she wants to slay you
Some men go see better women for ground, them no go go for them, na wetin dey shine shine, wetin go shorten life span, na im go dey hungry una.