₦airaland Forum

GloriousGbola:
also as a nigerian, knowing yourself and knowing what you want in a woman may not really mean that much

I know someone who told his pregnant wife that exact line "maybe I didn't know myself before I got married", before running off to greener pastures and FB babes. He swears he's happy now, living with another woman. Saw him recently and "hmmm" was all I could say.

A lot of people don't know what they truly want till they've lost it.

A lot of men in my family got married not younger than 39-mid 40's. It's been a mixed bag of results. That's why I don't think there's a set age for anything. I had my kids later (one pregnancy was a geriatric one ) and I think I'm a better Mum now, not really because I waited.

A lot depends on whom you marry, because the guy I would have married in my early 20's was actually my friend (he still is) compared to whom I ended up with.

GloriousGbola:
it also works the other way - better to have kids when you are young and have energy. also better to have them when you are starting out and dont have that many things they can break

chasing pikins when you are older and have many more responsibilities is stress in itself.
and having money may mean outsourcing the rearing of the children which means you have no real relationship with them

also as a nigerian, knowing yourself and knowing what you want in a woman may not really mean that much

it is in obodo oyibo where the spectrum of marriageable women goes beyond church/mosque babe.

also a unique naija phenomenon - that fun chick, that randy chick , that party girl - it seems they become very religious when they grow older. even the regular chicks same thing. so saying i want to maarry a chick who is not too religious and has a sense of fun may not mean anything in the long run

i was looking through FB and seeing as some absolutely wild chicks i knew back in school are now deeply religious and dropping quran/bible verses was disconcerting

GloriousGbola:
if not for my last born - i would simply know that in the next five -six years my kids would be out of uni and i would be free and have my life for myself

Empty nester to be. Is the mom also happy they are moving out? If no, no worries, your grandkids will probably soon storm the house.

GloriousGbola:
it also works the other way - better to have kids when you are young and have energy. also better to have them when you are starting out and dont have that many things they can break

chasing pikins when you are older and have many more responsibilities is stress in itself.
and having money may mean outsourcing the rearing of the children which means you have no real relationship with them

also as a nigerian, knowing yourself and knowing what you want in a woman may not really mean that much

it is in obodo oyibo where the spectrum of marriageable women goes beyond church/mosque babe.

also a unique naija phenomenon - that fun chick, that randy chick , that party girl - it seems they become very religious when they grow older. even the regular chicks same thing. so saying i want to maarry a chick who is not too religious and has a sense of fun may not mean anything in the long run

i was looking through FB and seeing as some absolutely wild chicks i knew back in school are now deeply religious and dropping quran/bible verses was disconcerting

if not for my last born - i would simply know that in the next five -six years my kids would be out of uni and i would be free and have my life for myself

Men that married later tend to have fewer kids compared to marrying ear’y so reducing chances of raising lots of kids and children are life-long responsibilities so decision to have them should be taken seriously with utmost clarity of mind.
Had my first child at 24 and then, my prinary concern was sex and not the future of the children. I had my second kid a year later and the third. Daughter finished high school diploma exam last month and I sm planning for university and career in the future. Sane goes for others.

Nnamdipapa:
Men that married later tend to have fewer kids compared to marrying ear’y so reducing chances of raising lots of kids and children are life-long responsibilities so decision to have them should be taken seriously with utmost clarity of mind.
Had my first child at 24 and then, my prinary concern was sex and not the future of the children. I had my second kid a year later and the third. Daughter finished high school diploma exam last month and I sm planning for university and career in the future. Sane goes for others.

wellll

i had my first kid at 26. next one at 28. that was where it closed until 9 years later we had one more

imho it would have been easier if i had had the last one at 30.

having kids when you are completely settled also means there is a lot more to break and get damaged. better have pikins when you are driving a beater car that they can vomit in and write al over and generally mess up like kids do, rather than have them when you have a luxury car and you will see red as the boy writes on the leather with a marker, or drives a toy car allover the paint finish

as for finding oneself - i found as long as i have money i am content to watch my stack of movies and play my video game library in 4k with surround sound.

Hahahahaha
..
See epistles on top of the same marriage that they say does not benefit them.

They have nothing to gain getting married but they are still spending their hard earned savings on marriage

You don't want to talk about the people's lives you will destroy in the 16-29 before you are ready to settle down shey? You people who talk about maturity to me are capping because your grandparents married early. Go and draw your family tree and find out how old your mama, grandma or great grandma (if you are Gen Z) was when they got married. How old were the husbands? You can't cheat nature. You are a sexual person. If you decide to be celibate, no problem but please don't test different men and women then tell us you want to get married. Once you hit the age of puberty, your body starts changing. Africans knew this and they started training you before you do nonsense but these days we are living in denial.

Marriage was an institution protected by family and society. When you made mistakes, you had older men correcting you. Nowadays, technology has become the next of kin to many of us. When a man had responsibility of taking care of a child in his early 20s, he still has enough energy to hustle and his wife is fertile to have enough kids. All these excuses you all give are in your head. I agree with you that you are wiser in your 40s but there are adults who still behave like kids and there are teenagers who are more mature than some people in their 50s.

Let me tell you, the old school way is still the best. There, they are mentoring you everyday of your life till you are ripe for the rituals of marriage. Today, we think formal education is all you need in life and parents are no longer teaching their children. They are leaving it to technology and western education. Education is not just the books you read, the first education you get is from your home. That's what they call 'well brought up'. Once you have home training, the rest will fall into place. We all go back to Maslow's theory that the basic things we need is food, clothes and shelter. All the rest is jara.

spiceadole:
Hahahahaha
..
See epistles on top of the same marriage that they say does not benefit them.

They have nothing to gain getting married but they are still spending their hard earned savings on marriage

Hahahahhahaha😂😂😂

@OP. Better tell them to have money o.
Else, e done be for them.

A woman stands little chance of using you. Except they have cursed you to be used. Because around that age is when most men are in their flourishing seasons, in career, business, even clarity of purpose, self love, self esteem at its peak. Super desirable too, especially, if you take good care of your body and mind.
All your hard work and sacrifies begin to manifest

Onegai:
I know someone who told his pregnant wife that exact line "maybe I didn't know myself before I got married", before running off to greener pastures and FB babes. He swears he's happy now, living with another woman. Saw him recently and "hmmm" was all I could say.

A lot of people don't know what they truly want till they've lost it.

A lot of men in my family got married not younger than 39-mid 40's. It's been a mixed bag of results. That's why I don't think there's a set age for anything. I had my kids later (one pregnancy was a geriatric one ) and I think I'm a better Mum now, not really because I waited.

A lot depends on whom you marry, because the guy I would have married in my early 20's was actually my friend (he still is) compared to whom I ended up with.

I totally agree with you. Life comes with experience, that's why they say it's the best teacher. Even if you see other people, it can never be like you going through it. People are afraid to go through the experience and what they want is on the other side of fear.

Our mamas in the past, some of them married 2-3 times. Back then, unless they tell you, you don't know some women's kids were from different men
Today people are afraid of marriage and divorce but men and women back then walked out if it didn't work out. Today it is taboo. The older I get, the more I love African wisdom. It has more freedom than the foreigners could give us

Don't marry too late. Think of your kids too. It's better to actually be done raising kids early. But I do see your point and they are very very good and thoughtful points. I got angry when I couldn't marry before 30. Got married at 33 and I feel it's one of the best age to do so. Say between 30 and 37. That's a good age to marry. It also helps you with whom you will be married to as you can marry a lady between 27 and 33. If you are 40 and you marry a lady below 30, that's a generation apart and it could be a challenge at times. Once a lady starts hitting 35, there's pressure on her for marriage and kids. You really don't want that for your wife. A man at 40 is more likely to marry a lady above 33.

Peakdesign23:
You're on point but there are some people who aren't financially stable in their 30's and 40's and would want kids, even if everything is not working out, some are staying with their parents. What is your advice?

They should get married and not get more than one kid.I believe at least both couple should be able to raise a kid

You are not entirely right.
Marrying and managing the marriage has nothing to do with age sometimes, but with the individual and other extraneous factors, most times.
The write-up is purely academical, not 100% practical.

Its more difficult to reproduce in your late 30s and early 40s.

Wen u get married at 40 wat time do u tink u have to train your children?

Life expectancy in Nigeria is 50yrs if you surpas it ots Gods grace . Dont let op fool u ooo. Getting married early and having kids early is d best thing to do wen u can. As a man or a woman. Dont put yourself in a fic because of people or circumstances... Nothing is fun at old age. So do wat ever u can wen you are young. Make hay when the sun shines.. am out.

We grew up nurtured on the fact that one absolutely had no business getting married before 30
And it’s a true story

For me a divorced man in his early 40s with 2 teenage daughters living with him. I would advise Nigerians never to hope on their children for money and others. They have Thier lives to live and soon they will live your house to start their own families. You better keep funds for your old age and live and inheritance for your children

Nnamdipapa:
So to explain better, in the early 20s, religion was a big deal for me and it was important to marry someone very religious, now as I mature, I have to come to realize I was only a victim of religious indoctrinations and cannot stand religious women.

In the 20s, I thought I love kids like everyone in my society, as I grew and matured, i realized that was not the case.

In the 20s, I believed the biggest quality to date and marry a lady is virginity and her spirituality. I have come to realize these are totally wrong criterias. You see where I am going?

I also believed premarital sex was a sin, and the only way to satisfy the raging of my youthful hormones was to get married. As I grew and matured, I realized two consenting adults can have sex as many times as they want, and nothing is sinful about it.

You didn't become more matured or experienced, you backslided. I pray you are restored soon. Amen

AfahaAbia:
For me a divorced man in his early 40s with 2 teenage daughters living with him. I would advise Nigerians never to hope on their children for money and others. They have Thier lives to live and soon they will live your house to start their own families. You better keep funds for your old age and live and inheritance for your children

Why? What has your eyes seen, Sir?

I am 31 everyday i kept thinking that e don finish for me cuz im not married. i keep thinking that am a failure

spiceadole:
Hahahahaha
..
See epistles on top of the same marriage that they say does not benefit them.

They have nothing to gain getting married but they are still spending their hard earned savings on marriage

if no be pikin,Wetin concern man with Una gender before.

The earlier, the better. If not my condition and financial situation right now, I would have been married

elobrave17:
Op you made some good points but if I should take back the hands of time, I would have married at mid twenties. Nothing beats having kids on time bro. I have seen many men that married late struggle to raise their children at old age.
Dear men please make hay while it shines biko. Them no dey tell person.

It's very good to marry early if you have the resources.
Emotionally, Financially, psychologically, spiritually, mentally.
Just that generation of these days wan test all the testable before settling for one, and after the 'said settling down' still go out side and continue the testing.

Nnamdipapa:
There is nothing like struggling to raise kids when you are financially and emotionally mature. The people who struggle to raise kids are those who married early or those who chose to have many kids.

The secret formula is to marry late and have one kid.

This cracked me up.

Nnamdipapa:
So to explain better, in the early 20s, religion was a big deal for me and it was important to marry someone very religious, now as I mature, I have to come to realize I was only a victim of religious indoctrinations and cannot stand religious women.

In the 20s, I thought I love kids like everyone in my society, as I grew and matured, i realized that was not the case.

In the 20s, I believed the biggest quality to date and marry a lady is virginity and her spirituality. I have come to realize these are totally wrong criterias. You see where I am going?

I also believed premarital sex was a sin, and the only way to satisfy the raging of my youthful hormones was to get married. As I grew and matured, I realized two consenting adults can have sex as many times as they want, and nothing is sinful about it.

Abeg which religious book you take read this one?

Nnamdipapa:
Men that married later tend to have fewer kids compared to marrying ear’y so reducing chances of raising lots of kids and children are life-long responsibilities so decision to have them should be taken seriously with utmost clarity of mind.
Had my first child at 24 and then, my prinary concern was sex and not the future of the children. I had my second kid a year later and the third. Daughter finished high school diploma exam last month and I sm planning for university and career in the future. Sane goes for others.

You should read your topic very well and take your time to read your advice and reply. The greatest mistake any man can make is to father children in their early forties. Like you are in your sixties and your first child is barely 20 are you serious mr man?. Nothing beats early marriage blessed with children.

Nnamdipapa:
So to explain better, in the early 20s, religion was a big deal for me and it was important to marry someone very religious, now as I mature, I have to come to realize I was only a victim of religious indoctrinations and cannot stand religious women.

In the 20s, I thought I love kids like everyone in my society, as I grew and matured, i realized that was not the case.

In the 20s, I believed the biggest quality to date and marry a lady is virginity and her spirituality. I have come to realize these are totally wrong criterias. You see where I am going?

I also believed premarital sex was a sin, and the only way to satisfy the raging of my youthful hormones was to get married. As I grew and matured, I realized two consenting adults can have sex as many times as they want, and nothing is sinful about it.

And i can bet..


In the next 10 years your interest will change


That is life..

As we grow older our interests changes

Nnamdipapa:
So to explain better, in the early 20s, religion was a big deal for me and it was important to marry someone very religious, now as I mature, I have to come to realize I was only a victim of religious indoctrinations and cannot stand religious women.

In the 20s, I thought I love kids like everyone in my society, as I grew and matured, i realized that was not the case.

In the 20s, I believed the biggest quality to date and marry a lady is virginity and her spirituality. I have come to realize these are totally wrong criterias. You see where I am going?

I also believed premarital sex was a sin, and the only way to satisfy the raging of my youthful hormones was to get married. As I grew and matured, I realized two consenting adults can have sex as many times as they want, and nothing is sinful about it.

I was agreeing with your points bro until I read this .... Now I realised you're actually confused. Get some clarity. Going on a break, self reflection and retreat will help.

maasoap:
First lie! No pressure on any Nigerian young man to get marry at his early 20s

He's just dishing out wrong advice, what can be more prideful than watching your children graduate from the University in your late 40s and early 50s?

Nnamdipapa:
There is nothing like struggling to raise kids when you are financially and emotionally mature. The people who struggle to raise kids are those who married early or those who chose to have many kids.

The secret formula is to marry late and have one kid.

Lol! You and Gerrard59 would head the ministry in charge of reducing population.
I commend women who are working tirelessly to ensure humanity doesn't go extinct. They are more selfless than I can ever be.

I laugh 🤣🤣 🤣 at number 2 even as it was supposed be like that but mhenn It's crazy walai..

papyjaypaul:
Our mamas in the past, some of them married 2-3 times. Back then, unless they tell you, you don't know some women's kids were from different men
Today people are afraid of marriage and divorce but men and women back then walked out if it didn't work out. Today it is taboo. The older I get, the more I love African wisdom. It has more freedom than the foreigners could give us

Back then, a Man who married a woman with children KNEW that all her children were now his responsibility. He didn't insist that their biological father keeps them.

That ensured that children ALWAYS had a father present in their lives. Children need BOTH their fathers and mothers.

A lot of popular families will testify to this, MKO Abiola never refused a child. But it ended up causing problems because people are greedy.

Nowadays men treat single mothers like lepers, punishing them for being responsible and training their kids. Which is why women are now opting to send those kids to their dads (and a stepmother who will never love them). Causing even more problems.

And that is why Divorce is described as Violence in the Bible: it wrecks havoc on the family and that affects the society at large.

To quote an American commentator: "I ain't never seen a school shooter from a happy home, before".