₦airaland Forum

Nnamdipapa:
As I grew and matured, I realized two consenting adults can have sex as many times as they want, and nothing is sinful about it.

Your orientation or socalled realization is erroneous. 2 consenting adults having sec outside marriage is fornication/adultery and it's a sin

olabrad:
Your orientation or socalled realization is erroneous. 2 consenting adults having sec outside marriage is fornication/adultery and it's a sin

There is nothing like fornication but you have been brainwashed by religion so you believe this exists. Two consenting adults can have and enjoy safe sex and there is no God anywhere.

Nnamdipapa:
There is nothing like fornication but you have been brainwashed by religion so you believe this exists. Two consenting adults can have and enjoy safe sex and there is no God anywhere.

It's not brainwashing. It's the truth. You can as well call the existence of God a brainwashing

AfahaAbia:
For me a divorced man in his early 40s with 2 teenage daughters living with him. I would advise Nigerians never to hope on their children for money and others. They have Thier lives to live and soon they will live your house to start their own families. You better keep funds for your old age and live and inheritance for your children

This is the most important thing: whether marrying early or not - have fewer children, and prepare for gradual retirement. Except in cases where the man is well-to-do. Too many people marry and have many children, thus putting pressure on the children to take care of them in old age.

Marrying early has its advantages. I watched Isaac Fayose's interview on the HonestBunch, and him playing with his teenage son was very lovely to hear. Interestingly, Mr Isaac wants to undergo a vasectomy in his early 50s.

olabrad:
It's not brainwashing. It's the truth. You can as well call the existence of God a brainwashing

Your illusion is now my truth? Its truth because you have to listen to the same sermon, from the same books, three times a week for the past 20years? That is a classic definition of brainwashing my friend znd, I am no longer a part of that.

Nnamdipapa:
Your illusion is now my truth? Its truth because you have to listen to the same sermon, from the same books, three times a week for the past 20years? That is a classic definition of brainwashing my friend znd, I am no longer a part of that.

When you visit hospitals or court, you will understand that the Law of God is not only protective but also flourishing.

Nnamdipapa:
You know yourself more and the world around you the more uou grow, interact with others and ha e real world experience. In my late 30s, I later met women that matched 100% with my personality, goal and I would have been more happier with them. One was Chinese from Taiwan and the other was white but I was already in a marraige.

I won't invalidate your experiences. I too, believe that I would have been happier with my ex from 20 years ago (I was certainly more committed to making things work with him, till I messed up ).

But that's the thing about Life: nobody knows how the road and the journey will be till they are more than halfway through it.

So whilst I feel I would have been happier, the truth may be different.

I have far too many male relatives who took 2nd wives, or got a divorce and remarried their specs (some UpTo 4 times).

30 years down the line, almost none of them will ever let their own sons make that same choice that they made. One of them, when he heard I was thinking of divorce, called me and warned me not to do it. He's been remarried for 34 yrs.

If men who have walked down the path I was thinking of, were telling me to turn back, telling their sons not to repeat their mistakes, then maybe, just maybe, whatever they saw on their journey made them realise that the road they took wasn't worth it.

Heck, even abroad, statistically 2nd marriages fail more but most people on Divorce forums would rather not be honest and tell you that, they'll swear they've never been happier.

Which seems to track biblically too.

So you may have been happier with a foreign lady, I used to be attracted to white guys too. But again, I have no idea what would have happened. I'm pretty sure every couple in divorce court once thought they had married someone who matched them and suited them perfectly.

eagleonearth:
what if the 35 year old is a virgin and is truly down with you?

Forget Virginity.

Seriously, I need men to FORGET THIS WHOLE CONCEPT OF VIRGINITY AS A YARDSTICK FOR JUDGING CHARACTER.

I'm a Christian, I believe in Sex.ual purity.

But I've seen far too many women lie, eyes wide, shining with manipulation, about being virgins, to ever use it as a yardstick. They'll bring out bible and be crying and praying daily, writing on their Facebook pages about being godly women...whilst moving in and living with a man (sometimes he'll be married) for a whole year. Nobody will know about their whereabouts. When that relationship doesn't work out, they come back outside, continue being "virgins" and "godly women" to another unsuspecting man.

That's like doing a business deal with a man who swears he's a Pastor and would never cheat you, so no need for caution, just give him a loan of N2million with no guarantors.

In this Nigeria, that term is a Manipulation Technique.

Tell any woman who tells you she's a virgin that that's between her and the Lord, we are all to work out our own salvation. Watch how once she realizes that manipulation doesn't work on you, she'll reach for another tactic.

PS: for a weird reason, all the girls I knew who claimed virgin and holy, always moved in with a man they were determined to marry. And they're all from the same tribe. Apparently it's a tactic they've seen work a lot. Go to Festac, Amuwo Odofin and Ago Palace way, a lot of suffering husbands will have stories to tell.

Onegai:
I won't invalidate your experiences. I too, believe that I would have been happier with my ex from 20 years ago (I was certainly more committed to making things work with him, till I messed up ).

But that's the thing about Life: nobody knows how the road and the journey will be till they are more than halfway through it.

So whilst I feel I would have been happier, the truth may be different.

I have far too many male relatives who took 2nd wives, or got a divorce and remarried their specs (some UpTo 4 times).

30 years down the line, almost none of them will ever let their own sons make that same choice that they made. One of them, when he heard I was thinking of divorce, called me and warned me not to do it. He's been remarried for 34 yrs.

If men who have walked down the path I was thinking of, were telling me to turn back, telling their sons not to repeat their mistakes, then maybe, just maybe, whatever they saw on their journey made them realise that the road they took wasn't worth it.

Heck, even abroad, statistically 2nd marriages fail more but most people on Divorce forums would rather not be honest and tell you that, they'll swear they've never been happier.

Which seems to track biblically too.

So you may have been happier with a foreign lady, I used to be attracted to white guys too. But again, I have no idea what would have happened. I'm pretty sure every couple in divorce court once thought they had married someone who matched them and suited them perfectly.

I see what you mean and I do appreciate your input. I wouldn’t do a second marriage and would just have one child. I realized I didn't believe in marriage and the Chinese lady was desperate to have a child for me. I will only have friends with benefits situation and would never re -marry after the first.

tarboshi:
When you visit hospitals or court, you will understand that the Law of God is not only protective but also flourishing.

I was in deeper life for 20 years, I preached on the streets. I would wake every morning, 5am to read the Bible and pray. In hindsight, it's the biggest waste of my time and I deeply regret all that wasted time.

Nnamdipapa:
I see what you mean and I do appreciate your input. I wouldn’t do a second marriage and would just have one child. I realized I didn't believe in marriage and the Chinese lady was desperate to have a child for me. I will only have friends with benefits situation and would never re -marry after the first.

I have in-laws and relatives who have one child and one who has chosen to be childless. Everyone finds out what the Lord wants for them. I always wanted 4 children but didn't believe in Marriage. Now I do.

Onegai:
I have in-laws and relatives who have one child and one who has chosen to be childless. Everyone finds out what the Lord wants for them. I always wanted 4 children but didn't believe in Marriage. Now I do.

Omg! We are at the opposite end. I have four and I now realized I spent almost all my life raising kids with few time spent on myself. In retrospect, I would be better with just one plus, I have an itch to travel the world and learn new languages. I want ro live six months in every country of the world and just experience things out of this world. I can't because I have teenagers to raise. Hehehehe

Whatever you want now is the real you and borne out of a careful self scrutiny. It means you understand yourself better now than before.

@DIVINEEVIDENCE

Bros, all I'll say is:

There's no such thing as "Peace of Mind from Another Person".

Mother didn't give me peace of mind, none of my kids are giving me peace of mind. Why would I expect my spouse to give me peace of mind?

When that peace comes from the Lord and Him alone.

And dead that talk about marrying a younger woman for "controllability and peace of mind*. Again, move to Festac, Ago Palace Way and Amuwo Odofin areas of Lagos state and go drinking at beer parlours and listen to men who made that choice.

Honestly, I don't get men. Y'all see millions of men make decisions that don't work out well in the long run yet keep parroting and repeating that same advice, hoping that your case will be different. (Deep negro sigh)

Onegai:
@DIVINEEVIDENCE

Bros, all I'll say is:

There's no such thing as "Peace of Mind from Another Person".

Mother didn't give me peace of mind, none of my kids are giving me peace of mind. Why would I expect my spouse to give me peace of mind?

When that peace comes from the Lord and Him alone.

And dead that talk about marrying a younger woman for "controllability and peace of mind*. Again, move to Festac, Ago Palace Way and Amuwo Odofin areas of Lagos state and go drinking at beer parlours and listen to men who made that choice.

Honestly, I don't get men. Y'all see millions of men make decisions that don't work out well in the long run yet keep parroting and repeating that same advice, hoping that your case will be different. (Deep negro sigh)

You are the only one that can give yourself peace of mind and I find it totally crazy for men wanting to go with very young women with whom they have nothing in common. If I were to date, I would have no business with any lady under 30 and I really have no need to control a woman. I like fierce, independent sel- opioniated women who know what they want andI woùd hate someone who àlways agree with me.

Spiff20:
You sef 90% of what you said is wrong but you're so convinced you're right and have refused to rethink your thoughts.

What is wrong about two adults who are in love and decide to have sex? Or someone who pays a call girl for satisfaction? I don't engage in both but I can't criticize it either. And when you say random, how random is it having sex? You think it's that easy that you had to equate humans with animals.

Age comes with maturity and more self discovery. You can take this to the North Pole and back and it'll remain the same. That there immature people at 40 doesn't mean age is not equal to maturity. The experiences I've had in my life at my age now, I didn't have them when I was 16 and these experiences have helped shaped me into a more mature man. Take experiences like traveling. Most kids below 18 are under their parents apron strings and can't travel. With age they can travel more and learn more about themselves when they relate with others. First time I traveled and stayed in a hostel I discovered I don't like sharing things. Some people are not allowed to date until they are 18. From 18 you enter the dating pool and learn more about love until maybe 28 30 when you marry with lots of experiences that makes you more mature. So I don't know what you people are saying with so much conviction.

Thank you for sharing your opinion, although I do not share the same view. I will not waste my time arguing about morality with someone whose conscience is numb. Regarding maturity, I encourage you to conduct more research—you’ll find that maturity is not tied to age, which is why we cannot set a universal age for marriage.

You are confusing experience with maturity and speaking from the perspective of an elder. You will agree me that that today’s children are exposed to many things that we only encountered later in life. Just because you had certain experiences late does not mean that age is what makes someone responsible. Some teenagers today—when it comes to topics like sex, travel, and others—are exposed much earlier, and a 16-year-old girl now may have the experiences that a 30-year-old woman had in the past.

Experience in life is different from maturity. Knowledge and experience shape our ability to make sound judgments, and teenagers who are exposed to things earlier in life that you only experienced or learned later can also attain this ability.

For example, a person who didn’t learn about fire as a child because their parents protected them may get burned later in life. On the other hand, a child whose parents were less careful and allowed them to touch fire will get burned early and avoid it from then on. Their subsequent caution comes from experience, not necessarily from maturity. This has nothing to do with maturity itself. Humans are evolving, becoming better in some aspects and worse in others.

Furthermore, in this generation, we often mistake lust for love when it comes to marriage. We talk about love constantly, and even our musicians sing about it all the time. Many people do not want to marry unless they are “in love,” not realizing that what they feel is actually lust—which fades with time. When this feeling fades, people become frustrated and troubled in their marriages, and begin to question whether true love exists, often leading to divorce. Now, we are pegging the success of marriage to age, mistakenly equating age with maturity.


Peace!

Nnamdipapa:
Omg! We are at the opposite end. I have four and I now realized I spent almost all my life raising kids with few time spent on myself. In retrospect, I would be better with just one plus, I have an itch to travel the world and learn new languages. I want ro live six months in every country of the world and just experience things out of this world. I can't because I have teenagers to raise. Hehehehe

Whatever you want now is the real you and borne out of a careful self scrutiny. It means you understand yourself better now than before.

I like visiting new places but I'm a very nervous flyer so I don't know how to make that work. I do feel I would be very happy moving to Asia to live there, however when I was in my 20's I felt nothing would make me happier than living in Europe. So who knows what will happen in 2 decades, maybe I'll finally fall in love with the Americas.

It's why I don't trust my choices that change with Time. So I look out for what remains constant in my life.

I'd rather ask myself "what was it that I loved about Europe and now Asia and how can I find it?", then make a choice.

Almunjid:
Thank you for sharing your opinion, although I do not share the same view. I will not waste my time arguing about morality with someone whose conscience is numb. Regarding maturity, I encourage you to conduct more research—you’ll find that maturity is not tied to age, which is why we cannot set a universal age for marriage.

You are confusing experience with maturity and speaking from the perspective of an elder. You will agree me that that today’s children are exposed to many things that we only encountered later in life. Just because you had certain experiences late does not mean that age is what makes someone responsible. Some teenagers today—when it comes to topics like sex, travel, and others—are exposed much earlier, and a 16-year-old girl now may have the experiences that a 30-year-old woman had in the past.

Experience in life is different from maturity. Knowledge and experience shape our ability to make sound judgments, and teenagers who are exposed to things earlier in life that you only experienced or learned later can also attain this ability.

For example, a person who didn’t learn about fire as a child because their parents protected them may get burned later in life. On the other hand, a child whose parents were less careful and allowed them to touch fire will get burned early and avoid it from then on. Their subsequent caution comes from experience, not necessarily from maturity. This has nothing to do with maturity itself. Humans are evolving, becoming better in some aspects and worse in others.

Furthermore, in this generation, we often mistake lust for love when it comes to marriage. We talk about love constantly, and even our musicians sing about it all the time. Many people do not want to marry unless they are “in love,” not realizing that what they feel is actually lust—which fades with time. When this feeling fades, people become frustrated and troubled in their marriages, and begin to question whether true love exists, often leading to divorce. Now, we are pegging the success of marriage to age, mistakenly equating age with maturity.


Peace!

AI?

Hhh4444:
if no be pikin,Wetin concern man with Una gender before.

Lolz...
Nothing suppose concern Una at all.

Pikin dey important?

Nnamdipapa:
So to explain better, in the early 20s, religion was a big deal for me and it was important to marry someone very religious, now as I mature, I have to come to realize I was only a victim of religious indoctrinations and cannot stand religious women.

In the 20s, I thought I love kids like everyone in my society, as I grew and matured, i realized that was not the case.

In the 20s, I believed the biggest quality to date and marry a lady is virginity and her spirituality. I have come to realize these are totally wrong criterias. You see where I am going?

I also believed premarital sex was a sin, and the only way to satisfy the raging of my youthful hormones was to get married. As I grew and matured, I realized two consenting adults can have sex as many times as they want, and nothing is sinful about it.

to reiterate what i said before - the irony is that as long as you marry nigerian and - you may find as i said before that for whatever reason most nigerian women become religious as they grow older.

Onegai:
I like visiting new places but I'm a very nervous flyer so I don't know how to make that work. I do feel I would be very happy moving to Asia to live there, however when I was in my 20's I felt nothing would make me happier than living in Europe. So who knows what will happen in 2 decades, maybe I'll finally fall in love with the Americas.

It's why I don't trust my choices that change with Time. So I look out for what remains constant in my life.

Asia it is for me, most of my friends here are Asian, Vietnamese and Chinese. I find them to be down to earth and very cool. I cannot live in Europe, I hate the culture and the weather and I despise living with white people. Their society is mostly boring, Asia is closer yo Africa the way their society is organized. Also, I wîll be touring African countries once I land in Nigeria. I am slated for Tanzania and Kenya for January and will do a tour of Ghana as well.
I love road trips and hate flying because of being constricted in an airplane, my last flight was 19hours and nearly drove me crazy.

Nnamdipapa:
AI?

Lol, E shock u abi? Na so I dey write my own Ooo. I no dey too like summaries.
I dey take my time to write, check my previous comments.

Shalom!

GloriousGbola:
to reiterate what i said before - the irony is that as long as you marry nigerian and - you may find as i said before that for whatever reason most nigerian women become religious as they grow older.

I agree with you. Most of my friends are non-Nigerian. My mom is the most religious woman I ever knew. When in Nigeria, my sisters litereraily want to drag me to church. All thry want to talk about is their religion. Now I am returning permanently to Nigeria, I think we are going to clash on religious beliefs.

Almunjid:
Lol, E shock u abi? Na so I dey write my own Ooo. I no dey too like summaries.
I dey take my time to write, check my previous comments.

Shalom!

You won't even admit to the truth and choose to lie on sn anonymous forum. That writing is the exact format for ChatGPT writings.

Nnamdipapa:
You are a religious person, a product of your environment, Nigeria. I used to think like you for decades before I deconstructed and started questioning everything. No God, devil, sin, fornication et all.

I refrain from engaging in moral debates with individuals who appear to have a desensitized conscience. As for maturity, I suggest further research, as it reveals that maturity is not necessarily linked to age, making it impractical to set a uniform age for marriage.
It is important to also note that financial literacy and maturity are distinct concepts, with no direct correlation between the two.

Gracias!

Almunjid:
I refrain from engaging in moral debates with individuals who appear to have a desensitized conscience. As for maturity, I suggest further research, as it reveals that maturity is not necessarily linked to age, making it impractical to set a uniform age for marriage.
It is important to also note that financial literacy and maturity are distinct concepts, with no direct correlation between the two.

Gracias!

You are hunting for an argument which I don't see any benefits. What I wrote above are not my feés but backed up by empirical science. People mature the more they grow. Even if uou argue otherwise, the younger ones who are mature now wîll be more mature nd knowledgeable over time. Mark Zuckerberg of today is not the same Mark Zuckerberg 8th years ago so my points are well thought out and valid. Everyone matures as they grow and deal witb different life experiences.

Now with the above comes the ability to better understand yourself and make a better decision which involves marriage. You see where I am going. I was very smart at 22, was a chartered accountant at 21 but over the years, I understand more about myself as I deal witb different life experiences.

eagleonearth:
what if the 35 year old is a virgin and is truly down with you?

Not really bad at all. It's just that women have a biological clock. But with God, nothing is impossible.

Nnamdipapa:
You won't even admit to the truth and choose to lie on sn anonymous forum. That writing is the exact format for ChatGPT writings.

I don't use AI to generate responses; I mostly write lengthy write-ups, sometimes using abbreviations, which is not appropriate on this platform. So, I use AI to rewrite them in full and apply correct punctuation. If you need the original text of my write-up with abbreviations, I can send it to you. While doing so, I learned something from AI: whenever my reply seems insulting, it changes it to something less offensive. I think AI is not supposed to be more reasonable than humans in its dealings with others.

As a result, I started using the format of thanking people for taking their time to write their opinions even when I don't share their views, instead of hurling insults. I know the AI format too, but that’s not the AI—that’s my own style of writing. Check my previous writings.

Peace!

Almunjid:
I don't use AI to generate responses; I mostly write lengthy write-ups, sometimes using abbreviations, which is not appropriate on this platform. So, I use AI to rewrite them in full and apply correct punctuation. If you need the original text of my write-up with abbreviations, I can send it to you. While doing so, I learned something from AI: whenever my reply seems insulting, it changes it to something less offensive. I think AI is not supposed to be more reasonable than humans in its dealings with others.

As a result, I started using the format of thanking people for taking their time to write their opinions even when I don't share their views, instead of hurling insults. I know the AI format too, but that’s not the AI—that’s my own style of writing. Check my previous writings.

Peace!

Ok. I get what you mean.

Nnamdipapa:
Ok. I get what you mean.

By the way, the way you respond swiftly to comments, are you sure you're not an AI?

Almunjid:
By the way, the way you respond swiftly to comments, are you sure you're not an AI?

No I am not this post but I use AI a lot. I have paid versons of AIs which I use for business. I have humanized my AI systems to the extent even if I use them, it will be very hard to know.

Nnamdipapa:
You are hunting for an argument which I don't see any benefits. What I wrote above are not my feés but backed up by empirical science. People mature the more they grow. Even if uou argue otherwise, the younger ones who are mature now wîll be more mature nd knowledgeable over time. Mark Zuckerberg of today is not the same Mark Zuckerberg 8th years ago so my points are well thought out and valid. Everyone matures as they grow and deal witb different life experiences.

Now with the above comes the ability to better understand yourself and make a better decision which involves marriage. You see where I am going. I was very smart at 22, was a chartered accountant at 21 but over the years, I understand more about myself as I deal witb different life experiences.

Lol, I learn from arguments. There’s a point you raised that even you don’t seem to fully understand: maturity is like puberty—it begins at a certain stage in our lives and develops over time. However, there is no universal age for this because human growth is dynamic and constantly changing. The same applies to maturity; it starts at different times for different people and continues to improve. What makes you think that some people’s maturity didn’t begin in their teenage?

Financial literacy, as I mentioned, has nothing to do with maturity. It is a level of education and experience that, once attained, enable us to make sound judgments regarding our finances irrespective of our age. If you check the dictionary definition of education, you’ll see it involves knowledge, skills, and sound judgment. A teenager can be educated and capable of making better decisions than an uneducated adult in their forties.

I’m not saying you’re entirely wrong Ooo, but you are mostly mistaken because what you refer to as maturity is influenced by your level of education and personal choices—a level you could have reached earlier if not for the poor educational standards in Nigeria. Take a moment to reflect on the difference between education and maturity, and only then will you understand how mistaken you were.


Peace!

Almunjid:
Lol, I learn from arguments. There’s a point you raised that even you don’t seem to fully understand: maturity is like puberty—it begins at a certain stage in our lives and develops over time. However, there is no universal age for this because human growth is dynamic and constantly changing. The same applies to maturity; it starts at different times for different people and continues to improve. What makes you think that some people’s maturity didn’t begin in their teenage?

Financial literacy, as I mentioned, has nothing to do with maturity. It is a level of education and experience that, once attained, enable us to make sound judgments regarding our finances irrespective of our age. If you check the dictionary definition of education, you’ll see it involves knowledge, skills, and sound judgment. A teenager can be educated and capable of making better decisions than an adult in their forties.

I’m not saying you’re entirely wrong Ooo, but you are mostly mistaken because what you refer to as maturity is influenced by your education and personal choices—a level you could have reached earlier if not for the poor educational standards in Nigeria. Take a moment to reflect on the difference between education and maturity, and only then will you understand how mistaken you were.


Peace!

Ok, whatever floats your boat my friend.