₦airaland Forum

it depends on individuals and how they make relationships. Some try to be friends b4 or during the relationships so it's easy to maintain that friendship after the relationships ends aslong as its not on a very bad note.

hoygift:
Just let go and enjoy your time here. The reason for the separation had its purpose and the woman feels it when a man moves on for real. She begins to see all the qualities she's lost and can never have. That's why she tries to bring back that feeling. To the man I don't think that's what matters, it's best to focus on ur new relationship with finance and self discipline. Stop gambling with your emotions. Focus.

When she calls when you haven’t spoken to her in ages it’s like ripping off a bandaid cos it always ends in pain. pain. pain.

Ericmaestrooffi:
Call me childish or whatever but I don’t keep friends or contact with any of my ex regardless of how the relationship ended.
Immediately the relationship ends I block and delete everything that reminds me of them, contact , pictures e.t.c Currently I don’t have any of my exes contact on my phone, early this year I had to change my number so I cut ties totally with all of them.

I don’t see them as my enemies or anything of sort, as a matter of fact I wish them well but it’s from a distance, I can’t imagine being just friends with someone I once loved unless the feelings wasn’t genuine.
Most people I shared this view with says I’m childish and there’s nothing wrong with being friends with an ex but for me I think cutting you off is the surest way for me to move on.

What do you think?

You've never truly truly loved someone. I'll just leave Lt at that

Ericmaestrooffi:
Ok, and how’s the experience?

He's yet to reply you this question.

bigpicture001:
U are on point .. and same page as me... If u dnt cut them off initially, u will never move on...

There will still remain this jealousy thing ..

See all our celebrity and there exes ... Non ones to move on... U can imagine that up till now , Sophia of davido has refused to share pix of a nu boifriend since about 13 years later..

Because sh doesn't want to move on... Sophia of Israel bmw still snoops into her ex to know latest


I HV tried so many ways...and I realized..that the best way to handle it emotions after break up is complete blockage of ur mind from the ex..then physically, through all contact blockage..


After u get a nu patner and u guyz have gone done with time ND love..u can unblock...as the ex will now look ordinary to u

I love this but we also need to realize that what works for everyone is different. There’s this ex of mine whom I couldn’t get off my chest until I started communicating with her (platonic friendship) and of course, not frequently.
I started finding my peace back the day we started talking not because any feeling was reignited but because ceasing contacts with her took away my peace and made things look like we were enemies and as a result, competition started creeping in. Yes, the urge to quickly find someone else to replace her and the urge to make more money and a change of status (though finances was not the reason for the breakup) and I believe this is the most common chain of actions and thoughts that follow breakups. Trust me, all these will take away your peace and put the two of you in a perpetual state of competition. The moment you play the bigger person and start talking to them again (though not constantly) without showing any tendencies that you want them back or have any sexual desire towards them, it means they are already in the past because creating enmity with someone after a breakup is an indication that you still love them (you may not want to admit but deep down, you are still in love and the love is what’s causing you to fight back using ghosting) Once you start seeing them as a mere friend or even your own blood sister/brother, sexual desire towards them would become irritating to you.
As a lady, once I start talking to you and deep down, I have no urge to ‘knack’ you, you are gone; as in, you are now completely in the past and in fact, if you love me and I start talking to you without showing any form of sexual attraction, just move on already my sister😂
Keeping malice with someone shows they are still living rents-free in your head and heart.
But in all this, be careful and never allow your ex to be too close, not every ex moves on completely. Never let your communication be suggestive or ambiguous so they don’t start reading a different meaning.

OP, you're on the right track. That is the way it should be, especially if you're in a new relationship or you're married. I've read too many threads on here to know Nigerians love to disrespect their partners and spouses because they want to keep communicating with their exes. If you're with another man or woman, the right thing to do is focus on that person and leave your ex be, especially so they can also move on with their life. If you want to go back to your ex, then do that, otherwise cut off the communication and you both move on. If you're still both single and still want to communicate, then go ahead, but even then you're just preventing yourselves from finding someone else. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. It's ok to let them go. You gotta close the chapter before you can begin a new one.

Ericmaestrooffi:
Call me childish or whatever but I don’t keep friends or contact with any of my ex regardless of how the relationship ended.
Immediately the relationship ends I block and delete everything that reminds me of them, contact , pictures e.t.c Currently I don’t have any of my exes contact on my phone, early this year I had to change my number so I cut ties totally with all of them.

I don’t see them as my enemies or anything of sort, as a matter of fact I wish them well but it’s from a distance, I can’t imagine being just friends with someone I once loved unless the feelings wasn’t genuine.
Most people I shared this view with says I’m childish and there’s nothing wrong with being friends with an ex but for me I think cutting you off is the surest way for me to move on.

What do you think?

Do you know some people never really "broke up" in the usual sense?

Work, distance, unaccepting family, genotype, stuff like that make people go their separate ways.

Not all relationships end badly like, due to cheating, maltreatment, incompatibility or abuse.

Such people do remain friends, and communicate. They even help each other through rough patches.

There are ladies I may consider "exes". I still talk to most of them today, even though we haven't seen each other for decades. A "congrats" or a "happy birthday" isn't cheating.

saviourGeorge:
No matter how hard it was when we broke up
Sometimes I'll still want to hear their voice
I can't imagine myself turning down a call from someone I once loved

For wetin? I love you scatter but once we are over, LIGHTS OUT.
no replies,
block block block if you keep calling,
fxck whatever is on your social media down to WhatsApp,
No fights or hate just GHOST MODE to stamp and seal your IRRELEVANCE & INSIGNIFICANCE in my future.

malaria:
You can stay friends either your ex if both of you have emotional maturity and just have set your boundaries, if your relationship was not all.about sex , you will find out you guys can have something reasonable to talk about ..even assisting each other if the need arises .. not all exes are bad..A bad person in relationship will stil be a bad ex .. This does not mean you should be in constant communication with your ex.

I know it has to be a girl to bring this kind of talk .

The way una take dey try to justify olosho vibes dey tear person.

Keeping an ex off has nothing to do with whether the person is good or bad. It has everything to do with the respect you have for yourself and your partner

Oyibo say " old embers are soon stirred" naija say old firewood dey quick catch fire

Person when you done share your body and time with and passion with when E end and you're still there, that is the biggest betrayal and disrespect you can give your husband or fiancé.

U no be marriageable person

Wickedlywicked:
I love this but we also need to realize that what works for everyone is different. There’s this ex of mine whom I couldn’t get off my chest until I started communicating with her (platonic friendship) and of course, not frequently.
I started finding my peace back the day we started talking not because any feeling was reignited but because ceasing contacts with her took away my peace and made things look like we were enemies and as a result, competition started creeping in. Yes, the urge to quickly find someone else to replace her and the urge to make more money and a change of status (though finances was not the reason for the breakup) and I believe this is the most common chain of actions and thoughts that follow breakups. Trust me, all these will take away your peace and put the two of you in a perpetual state of competition. The moment you play the bigger person and start talking to them again (though not constantly) without showing any tendencies that you want them back or have any sexual desire towards them, it means they are already in the past because creating enmity with someone after a breakup is an indication that you still love them (you may not want to admit but deep down, you are still in love and the love is what’s causing you to fight back using ghosting) Once you start seeing them as a mere friend or even your own blood sister/brother, sexual desire towards them would become irritating to you.
As a lady, once I start talking to you and deep down, I have no urge to ‘knack’ you, you are gone; as in, you are now completely in the past and in fact, if you love me and I start talking to you without showing any form of sexual attraction, just move on already my sister😂
Keeping malice with someone shows they are still living rents-free in your head and heart.
But in all this, be careful and never allow your ex to be too close, not every ex moves on completely. Never let your communication be suggestive or ambiguous so they don’t start reading a different meaning.

U never see anything, ex never show u something.....This will work for exes you dumped.... What about exes who dumped u...


Believe me, total cut off is the best till u heal... Healing is just about time passing away with her in her heart or activity...
. everyone has a weakness, u specifically focus ur mind on her weakness so that she doesn't appear special any more


But after u av got a nu person... Not necessarily because u want to find a replacement, and time passes with that person... U will b cool with your ex.. ND not feel anything for her anymore...

lanocfoods:
You've never truly truly loved someone. I'll just leave Lt at that

lol, you don’t even know me yet you’re already assuming I have never try loved anyone.

For context, my previous ex betrayed and cheated on me, she even got pregnant for another guy while we were still dating .

This is someone I helped through school, someone I supported and sacrificed a lot for. After everything she repay me with evil. After the break up she tried to stay friends with me, calling me and checking up on me. The more I talk to her the harder it was to move on .

Eventually I had to cut her off, stop talking to her permanently and even block her everywhere. It was after that I could move on.

I’m a very emotional guy and the only way to detach is to cut all communication.

Omo my own bad gaaaan, once me & u break up. No turning back ooohhh. D worst is dat I 4get their names

saviourGeorge:
No matter how hard it was when we broke up
Sometimes I'll still want to hear their voice
I can't imagine myself turning down a call from someone I once loved

when I read machiavellian principles it changed my ideology concerning human beings and any type of relationship. For people who still have deep feelings like you,rule number one: in any relationship be it work,family, intimate relationship or social relationship, always train your mind to be stronger than your feelings

Rule number 2: understand that your emotions is not your friend,your logic is. Go and reminisce anytime you make any decisions emotionally it always puts you in trouble but when you make logical decisions,,you end up being the victor.logical decisions will sometimes make you the villian in another person's story but it saves you a lot of drama, messiness and a complicated life especially when you are involved with a man.

Go and check the lives of women that married or dated for love or s3x and the ones that dated with their common sense intact and with strategy,check who lives a better quality of life and whose children go to good schools.


Let me paint an analogy for you.your emotions is like drinking carbonated drinks everyday. It's feels good to your taste buds when you take it but in the long run it's bad for your body and we'll being or future

Your logic is like taking bitter herbs ,exercising or taking tasteless fruits vegetables. It might taste and look unattractive ,the gyming may come with body pains but in the long run it will give you a beautiful body,lifestyle and a future.you see the difference. Taking logical decisions are usually painful but it's necessary if you no want a complicated life

"Friend"

Ur Ex was once a source of joy and happiness to you who you exchanged promises with
So no longer in the relationship does not mean you two are now enemies okay?
Things went south, causing you two to separate so it's alright to keep that friendship but that doesn't mean you dating.
So If you see what will benefit ur EX please let them have it!

Jah bless

psychology has made us know that there are four types of intelligence
1. Intelligent quotient Which is the ability to memorize, improvise solve logics and calculations

2 Emotional quotient Which allows you to respect people and respect boundaries

3. Social quotient allows you to keep friends with people, understand people and be friendly

4. I cannot remember it now. But it allows you to endure different situations without loosing your mind or committing suicide

The truth is that you're not socially intelligent and that's why you can't keep friend with someone you once dated

PerfectStranger:
We dey the same WhatsApp group. Thanks to Okafor's law of Congo dynamics.

Enemies of progress
God pass all of una

Topman0001:
psychology has made us know that there are four types of intelligence
1. Intelligent quotient Which is the ability to memorize, improvise solve logics and calculations

2 Emotional quotient Which allows you to respect people and respect boundaries

3. Social quotient allows you to keep friends with people, understand people and be friendly

4. I cannot remember it now. But it allows you to endure different situations without loosing your mind or committing suicide

The truth is that you're not socially intelligent and that's why you can't keep friend with someone you once dated

I am not socially intelligent you say?
I don't like insulting people so I will just overlook your comment.

Have a blessed day!!!

Na him be say na ogbaje dey worry you...

Cutting ties with someone you once loved shows you never care in the first place. Some ex fit give you link or connections later in life. E no work for una no mean say the world don ènd.

The only exes I had to cut off, were the ones I realized were using me to get what they wanted at the time(one used me to get a car and the other, I felt used me just cos she needed shelter over her head at the time). I hate feeling being used. It makes me look stupid and anyone who ever makes me feel that way, I disconnect from totally. But the truth is, I really and genuinely loved both ladies. I have other exes I'm relatively cool with and maintain a normal friendship with.

bigpicture001:
U never see anything, ex never show u something.....This will work for exes you dumped.... What about exes who dumped u...


Believe me, total cut off is the best till u heal... Healing is just about time passing away with her in her heart or activity...
. everyone has a weakness, u specifically focus ur mind on her weakness so that she doesn't appear special any more


But after u av got a nu person... Not necessarily because u want to find a replacement, and time passes with that person... U will b cool with your ex.. ND not feel anything for her anymore...

If you read my first paragraph well, you would easily see where I specifically said what works for everyone differs and secondly, biko why would I be feeling restless about someone who dumped me? Why should I be forcing communication with someone who obviously doesn’t want to talk to me? That is why I clearly stated that it depends and also depends on the circumstances surrounding your breakup. The person I mentioned earlier isn’t my first, second or third Ex but the circumstances under which the relationship collapsed and the kind of person she was to me while in the relationship didn’t allow for enmity hence the reason I was feeling restless. Also, I made it clear that you need to set boundaries, no too much closeness and again, if you still have the urge to replace your ex with someone else or the urge to compete with them that you are now better or that they have lost a gem or that you’ve found someone better, then you still love them. Malice is a pointer to the fact that you are either pained as a sour loser or you just find it difficult to move on and more often than not, it leads to making mistakes upon mistakes because you aren’t at peace while trying to compete with them. Once you start seeing your ex as a mere friend and the thoughts of sleeping with them don’t cross your mind again, you are fully and finally at peace with yourself and with them. Blocking people and keeping malice is a sign that you are defeated, pained and they still live rent-free in your head.

I believe we are all matured, and we should be able to forgive each other,

I remember in 2016 when my ex called that," Oga you will be the one planning my wedding ooh,"
I said I will, did all the planning with her and her husband, handled the decor myself.

on my wedding day, i was surprised to see her family members honoring my wedding though i did send invitation to them.

though there may be some exception where you have to ignore your ex if you can feel that their inclusion in your life may have impact on your present relationship.

please note,

the relationship ended in a bad note.

but we later let go of grudges and move on.

Very indisciplined, boundariless people…. One small fight with their spouse … them go jump into the the bed of their ex

Ericmaestrooffi:
Call me childish or whatever but I don’t keep friends or contact with any of my ex regardless of how the relationship ended.
Immediately the relationship ends I block and delete everything that reminds me of them, contact , pictures e.t.c Currently I don’t have any of my exes contact on my phone, early this year I had to change my number so I cut ties totally with all of them.

I don’t see them as my enemies or anything of sort, as a matter of fact I wish them well but it’s from a distance, I can’t imagine being just friends with someone I once loved unless the feelings wasn’t genuine.
Most people I shared this view with says I’m childish and there’s nothing wrong with being friends with an ex but for me I think cutting you off is the surest way for me to move on.

What do you think?

Sorry, but you are probably childish. No need for long talk.

PerfectStranger:
We dey the same WhatsApp group. Thanks to Okafor's law of Congo dynamics.

“OKAFOR’s law of Congo dynamics” works for people who are sexually loose, with no discipline and restraint and for people whose relationship was ALL ABOUT SEX, touching body and NOTHING MORE - no substance.

That you can use it to get any of your ex’s at anytime you feel like says a lot about you, and the shallowness and emptiness of your relationship(s).

When next you are in a relationship, focus on substance and leave the chaff.

What most of you have and call relationship (which sometimes culminate into marriage) is nothing but sexual partners - nothing more. That is why, when (if) peradventure your paths cross in future, the end result is often sex…. Nothing else

Ouchbabe:
Enemies of progress
God pass all of una

I know women also apply okafor's law too. So it's not just a man's thing

Ericmaestrooffi:
Call me childish or whatever but I don’t keep friends or contact with any of my ex regardless of how the relationship ended.
Immediately the relationship ends I block and delete everything that reminds me of them, contact , pictures e.t.c Currently I don’t have any of my exes contact on my phone, early this year I had to change my number so I cut ties totally with all of them.

I don’t see them as my enemies or anything of sort, as a matter of fact I wish them well but it’s from a distance, I can’t imagine being just friends with someone I once loved unless the feelings wasn’t genuine.
Most people I shared this view with says I’m childish and there’s nothing wrong with being friends with an ex but for me I think cutting you off is the surest way for me to move on.

What do you think?

I'm not ashamed of my exs.

Friendship with my ex some of the best relationships I have kept. The past is a part I remember for the good memories and also for paths not to take. If your reasons for dating and choice of persons you dated was pure, you will not start blocking them.

So I should stop talking with Amina, block Halima, delete my gist with Esther, stop running to Henrietta for consultations etc Na depression be that nah

Mariangeles:
Even she from her end shouldn't be communicating with you (not to talk of regularly),since you and her sister are no longer together.

Do what you think is right for you.
You don't have to prove anything [that it doesn't affect you]

Shey ogun layé ni??

What's wrong with keeping a healthy friendship with an ex or their people? Let's keep things simple, life is not hard biko. 😏

PerfectStranger:
I know women also apply okafor's law too. So it's not just a man's thing

The last time I checked, na men carry Okafor's law for head like gala.

You people should rest biko

Wickedlywicked:
If you read my first paragraph well, you would easily see where I specifically said what works for everyone differs and secondly, biko why would I be feeling restless about someone who dumped me? Why should I be forcing communication with someone who obviously doesn’t want to talk to me? That is why I clearly stated that it depends and also depends on the circumstances surrounding your breakup. The person I mentioned earlier isn’t my first, second or third Ex but the circumstances under which the relationship collapsed and the kind of person she was to me while in the relationship didn’t allow for enmity hence the reason I was feeling restless. Also, I made it clear that you need to set boundaries, no too much closeness and again, if you still have the urge to replace your ex with someone else or the urge to compete with them that you are now better or that they have lost a gem or that you’ve found someone better, then you still love them. Malice is a pointer to the fact that you are either pained as a sour loser or you just find it difficult to move on and more often than not, it leads to making mistakes upon mistakes because you aren’t at peace while trying to compete with them. Once you start seeing your ex as a mere friend and the thoughts of sleeping with them don’t cross your mind again, you are fully and finally at peace with yourself and with them. Blocking people and keeping malice is a sign that you are defeated, pained and they still live rent-free in your head.

You're wrong, and your comment shows how out of touch you are. Have you ever tried to exhaustively explore why people may switch off completely from an Ex? Why would you refer to those who choose to switch off completely as 'defeated and pained? Maybe they're pained, yes, but there might have been elements of betrayal, emotional damage, material loss or even trauma.

Therefore, switching off completely is not 'malice' (as you posited) but a way of managing the effects of the break-up, a way of dealing with stress, and above all, a coping strategy.

You need to understand what we refer to as 'lived experience', as this would help you to probably fully understand their story. Everyone's story provides us with insight, and with insight comes empathy.

Take care.