₦airaland Forum

From My DM:

Good day sister Rach,
I have a serious relationship issues that I would need your advice on. Please post for me and conceal my identity.

So, I've being dating this young lady for 2years plus now. We met on Facebook and we've being good. She stays in akwa-ibom and I'm resident in Calabar. We've not met each other before. But due to the constant communication between us, I can say that she's actually sincere and she obviously loves me.
I'm 29 and she's 24. She's in her final year at the University and now in her final semester. I assist her financially once in a while. She has never demanded anything from me before, not because she has. I only help her whenever I'm led to. She requested for my mum's number and I gave her, she's been in constant touch with my mum. She also sent me her mum's line too and I have been checking on her. We intend getting married in three years time after she would have rounded off her NYSC.
There were times I got tired of the whole relationship and I wasn't too serious to keep in touch again. She would call and I will ignore her calls. She will call my mum and be reporting me. My mum will now call to talk some sense into me and I will change. When I later discovered that she actually loved me due to her persistent care and show of concern, despite my attitude towards her, I then decided to fully give her my attention and began showing more love to her.
As I began to show her love, she started misbehaving. She will send a text telling me that she wants a break from the relationship, I'll read the text and ignore it. I will refuse chatting or calling her, I won't pick her calls too. Later she will apologize for days, I'll forgive and we'll continue. She would say I'm not serious about the relationship and that she's tired and wants to end it. That if I was serious, I would have come to see her in Akwa-ibom. Sometimes she would also say someone is trying to snatch her away from me, I'll hear it and ignore, then cut the call on her. She said she expected me to fight any guy trying to snatch her from me. But I told her I don't have such strength. And that if she likes the guy, she's free to date him or them. My problem is I don't chase ladies here in Calabar and I don't have any other girlfriend cos I don't want to cheat on her. I already see her as my wife.
Just last week, I called thrice, she didn't pick up, I left a WhatsApp message, she read it and ignored till the next day. I was so angry. I began to suspect that she is now actually dating someone else. I insulted her and blocked her on Facebook and WhatsApp. She sent me a text saying "Yes I cheated. I did. And you're the cause of it". When I read it, I was shocked. I decided to use wisdom in getting the answer from her roommate in sch, cos I have the girl's number. I called the roomie and I went straight by hitting her with this question, " Hello Ruth, why did u allow your friend to be cheating on me with another guy"?. Ruth replied by saying, "It's because u are not serious with her na". So I now confirmed it.
She called my mum to ask her to beg me to forgive her. She claimed she didn't sleep with the guy. I laughed. So funny. It could be true though. She cried and called me for many days pleading for forgiveness. I forgave her and we are good now.
But since three days now, I've being asking her to tell me when she began dating that other guy. How long they have being dating and what the current status of their relationship is. She's refused to tell me. She said If she tells me, it will break my heart even more and that she has cut ties with the said guy. I keep insisting on knowing everything but she is not willing to tell me. She said it was during the period I wasn't keeping in touch with her that she gave someone else my position to occupy, but now she realized I'm the best for her. Her roommate is also her tribe and friend. We are all from same tribe. Though, the roommate told me that the guy doesn't live in same town with my girl. I pressed further to know how often they see each other, but the roommate said she doesn't know and that she hasn't even seen the guy before, that they only spoke on the phone just once. They only greeted.
I'm trying not to destroy the relationship between my girl and her roommate so they don't start fighting each other that's why I'm unable to disclose all these details to my girl because if I did, she will know it was her roommate that informed me. I'm only acting on her attitude towards me which led to my suspicion of her cheating on me, and Also acting on her text message telling me that she actually cheated.
Ma, what do I do?

Following.........


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Over 40 views with no comment, I guess you get the message.

I don't think you've shown enough interest in a girl you've been dating for 2 years but have never met.

In fact, I feel you have not got a clue what "obvious love" means, because neither have you shown any love (sending her money despite her not asking is not love, its you buying a product!), nor can I say she has shown you much love either, and what you've not seen can hardly be obvious.

If trust has broken down to the extent you claim, I strongly suggest you move on and find someone else to love who loves you back. But if you do love each other and are willing to do the work that strengthens love, then do it and stop being lazy thinking love needs no work.

Good luck.

*sighs*


I won't waste my time on this one

Another useless post
Another useless post
Another useless post next please

What will leaving our comments change for them?

Who is sister Rach?

You have been dating someone for two years and you have not met her. You even gave her your mother's number. It's not like she is in Canada and you are in Burkina Faso, it is calabar here and akwa ibom there. You two are just fooling yourselves and when you people get tired, you will stop. I'm particularly disappointed in you. Is this how you want to pay your father back for all the hardwork he did to raise?

The time wey I use read this thing, if I use am learn mechanic, I for don go far. Please anything you want to do please do.

For 2yrs + and yet you haven't met with her.
You're even close to her and yet you haven't planned on seeing her and you want to marry her.

When you start the 2nd episode of this novel please tag me.
Thank you

Who won read all this stuff

2special:
Over 40 views with no comment, I guess you get the message.

What message?

You are just one person, you don't represent every nairalander

budaatum:
I don't think you've shown enough interest in a girl you've been dating for 2 years but have never met.

In fact, I feel you have not got a clue what "obvious love" means, because neither have you shown any love (sending her money despite her not asking is not love, its you buying a product!), nor can I say she has shown you much love either, and what you've not seen can hardly be obvious.

If trust has broken down to the extent you claim, I strongly suggest you move on and find someone else to love who loves you back. But if you do love each other and are willing to do the work that strengthens love, then do it and stop being lazy thinking love needs no work.

Good luck.

What are you saying?

Nonexisting1:
You have been dating someone for two years and you have not met her. You even gave her your mother's number. It's not like she is in Canada and you are in Burkina Faso, it is calabar here and akwa ibom there. You two are just fooling yourselves and when you people get tired, you will stop. I'm particularly disappointed in you. Is this how you want to pay your father back for all the hardwork he did to raise?

Some of u are really terrible and uncouth.
You can comment sensibly and pass your message across without resorting to using insulting words. Respect people's parents even if you don't respect yours

MistyDense:
What are you saying?

Start by telling me what you understand from what you read me say to start with please, so I can help you understand what I've already said and that I am certain you must have read me say.

Its after all not possible that you don't understand anything in what I wrote and that you read. Or is it?

MistyDense:
What message?

You are just one person, you don't represent every nairalander

You read what I posted but you didn't get the message.

You are looking for advice and you typed this project work? Who do you want to read this huge block of text?

Nah overfeeding dey worry you. Too much bread on your table.🥱

If na waiting all unaa dey face for relationship I'm out... . Make Op go for medical checkup first. Im BP go don rise above normal!!! See the shege wey the girl show Op... Sorryooo

Akwaibom to Calabar.......... Haba, any serious guy would try to meet up.


2 years and no physical meeting between 2 neighbouring states....... The lady has a point

AngelicDamsel:
Akwaibom to Calabar.......... Haba, any serious guy would try to meet up.


2 years and no physical meeting between 2 neighbouring states....... The lady has a point

You're right dear

Too much sense will not kill you there. I must commend that you're a reasonable guy. I am not in support of flicky amorous relationships because most end up with sex, abortion, heartbreaks, toxicity, etc., and you've been able to keep free from such. It's either you're friends with the opposite sex (where you relate as bro-sis) or you're courting. Anything outside this is a trap.

In your case, you need to define the relationship. If you're just friends, let her know that's what it is. It is through true friendship that you get to know who a person is, and you shouldn't cross the friendship boundary. If you think you can marry her, then inform the 'bodies' involved, and start your courtship.

Courtship is a formal way of proposing/telling someone you want to marry them. It's a period where you are both committed to studying each other and committing to each other in preparation for marriage. You both can't have any other partner except yourselves. Personally, for me, one year is enough to court and then have the marriage ceremony. But in friendship, you don't have the power to tell the other person not to have other friends.

In your case, I would say your girlfriend may have a wrong concept of your relationship. You should both decide what you want for yourselves and go for it. But know that as friends, you can only go on dates, not go to each other’s houses and have sex. That would complicate your relationship with her.

Divaan:
Too much sense will not kill you there. I must commend that you're a reasonable guy. I am not in support of flicky amorous relationships because most end up with sex, abortion, heartbreaks, toxicity, etc., and you've been able to keep free from such. It's either you're friends with the opposite sex (where you relate as bro-sis) or you're courting. Anything outside this is a trap.

In your case, you need to define the relationship. If you're just friends, let her know that's what it is. It is through true friendship that you get to know who a person is, and you shouldn't cross the friendship boundary. If you think you can marry her, then inform the 'bodies' involved, and start your courtship.

Courtship is a formal way of proposing/telling someone you want to marry them. It's a period where you are both committed to studying each other and committing to each other in preparation for marriage. You both can't have any other partner except yourselves. Personally, for me, one year is enough to court and then have the marriage ceremony. But in friendship, you don't have the power to tell the other person not to have other friends.

In your case, I would say your girlfriend may have a wrong concept of your relationship. You should both decide what you want for yourselves and go for it. But know that as friends, you can only go on dates, not go to each other’s houses and have sex. That would complicate your relationship with her.

Apt!
Thanks so much Sir 🙏

MistyDense:
➜But since three days now, I've being asking her to tell me when she began dating that other guy. How long they have being dating and what the current status of their relationship is. She's refused to tell me. She said If she tells me, it will break my heart even more and that she has cut ties with the said guy. I keep insisting on knowing everything but she is not willing to tell me. She said it was during the period I wasn't keeping in touch with her that she gave someone else my position to occupy, but now she realized I'm the best for her. Her roommate is also her tribe and friend. We are all from same tribe. Though, the roommate told me that the guy doesn't live in same town with my girl. I pressed further to know how often they see each other, but the roommate said she doesn't know and that she hasn't even seen the guy before, that they only spoke on the phone just once. They only greeted.
I'm trying not to destroy the relationship between my girl and her roommate so they don't start fighting each other that's why I'm unable to disclose all these details to my girl because if I did, she will know it was her roommate that informed me. I'm only acting on her attitude towards me which led to my suspicion of her cheating on me, and Also acting on her text message telling me that she actually cheated.
➜Ma, what do I do?

OP, both of these people are two immature beings who don't need to be in relationships at this point. There are red flags spread all over this story that these two should not be dating until after they have each come to understand what they are each looking for in a relationship.

2. Break up with the gal and try to do some self-reflecting. That could help him better understand a lot about himself in the meantime.

If you were not brother I would wake you up from sleep with a slap.

Stopped where you called the roommate, tried even to get to that stage. Run

If you go ahead with a woman who never takes responsibility for her actions you are on your own, someone who dated another but blamed the guy


Run Run Run

ExudeLoveToAll:
If you were not brother I would wake you up from sleep with a slap.

Stopped where you called the roommate, tried even to get to that stage. Run

If you go ahead with a woman who never takes responsibility for her actions you are on your own, someone who dated another but blamed the guy


Run Run Run

Honestly bro. How can someone not take responsibility for her actions and inactions, but would rather push the blame on another person?

Yeah lost interest when he said he forgave her after she admitted and her friend confirmed her cheating... Total waste. Like who does that

Ohh and you guys haven't even met. You're not dating anybody guy rest