₦airaland Forum

Eeya ... pele ...

One of the ways to exonerate yourself is to have hidden cameras all over the house so u can have evidence of her hitting u or else, bros, na muritala u go appear one of these days ...

If she wan go, make she go ... atleast, no lose your hard earned properties

dbabs500:
Since we moved to the UK from Nigeria, its been a total change in situation. Whenever my wife and I have an argument, 3 ouf ot 5 times she will quickly pack her boxes and leave the house and then we resolve issue then comes back home or she comes back herself after her begging. Overtime now, she will just take few clothes and then drive off. Moreso its when we moved here that she started being domestically violent, using omo rogun, pestle to hit me, or slap me with left hand, or bite any part of my body. After we did marriage therapy session, I discussed all of these things, and she promised it will stop, but I just knew it in my heart that for her to have started to those traits, she wont stop. 2 days ago, we had an argument about her going to drop the kids at school without wearing pant and what she wore was a bit transparent, these are things we have talked about over and over again but she will end up doing it and tell me she feels comfortable without wearing pant.

A call came from my Nija friend, while talking i could overhear his gf grumbling in the background and some sort of argument started, he was now complaining to me about how his gf does not listen to him, shes always like a rebel, na him i dey advise am sey make she nor go marry nija girl now ooo, unless sey him dey sure, sey make him try to go other nationalities, this my woman dun dey back door dey hear me na so she show just push me comot for road, as i hold her hand na him she sey are u trying to hit me, omo na so she run enter room remove some clothes then drove out in her car, i come lock door based on sey as she dash out, she left the door wide open, i come go lock door with key, next thing i just see sey person enter house, all the way from where, from the back room window, she climb through window enter house, i try talk to her she slam door on me, she sha kuku drive out, i call her after 25mins, she nor pick, send whatsapp sey make i text am, i asked where the door key is, omo she ignore and didnt reply me. I left for work, 10mins after kids close school, my son called me and said mummy said i should call u to ask if ur at home or at work, i asked her why that is, she said to ask if i can pick them up. That day was my work day and her off day,in which na so we dey rotate am, but because she left the house she could not make it to pick the kids, the serious issue behind the above am talking about his, 3 weeks ago i was in nija for just 10 days, and the 9th day, my son was hit by her a car after school hours when she went to pick them, na barb i dey bard hair when she called me on video call laying down on a busy road that car has hit our daughter, i was calm and had faith, after taking her to the hospital all test came back good and was discharged same day, and after the traume she went through and myself and also the kids, cos my daughter who is my second witnessed this all scenario, madam promised she will never allow them walk home again, and i did same, but because of argument, she left the house and could not make it up while i was at work stating she went to fix her car. The parol enter my marrow, i come see sey since the kids nor even really matter to her, wetin come remain for the union, guys guys girls...take care.

Kobojunkie:
Well, she made the move first, so you should get yourself a lawyer to fight for shared custody at least. With shared custody, you can see your kids at least 2 weeks a month, as opposed to you depending on her to make time for you to see the kids on her schedule.

All these ones wey she dey talk cant work, we came here cos of the kids, but with the event of things i noticed she wanted us here for our own advantage. Caring for kids here in the UK no be beans, i only went for 9days and motor clear my child under ur care, i understand anything ca happen to anyone at anytime, but that incident rang a bell of awareness. However if it gets to a level where she feels it can work out without me being in the picture, God will take control. The repetition of proposing a mutual separation almost all the time when issues arise is just something that is such a mystery to me.

bigl:
Eeya ... pele ...

One of the ways to exonerate yourself is to have hidden cameras all over the house so u can have evidence of her hitting u or else, bros, na muritala u go appear one of these days ...

If she wan go, make she go ... atleast, no lose your hard earned properties

I have no property yet. I have few evidences of the domestic abuse.

Divorce ASAP, and stop complaining, I think this generation of men are weakling.

What tribe are you?

Am asking because you did not mention extended family members helping to settle issues or advice her.

We have warned you people several times without number and we kept saying it all days but since you have decided to turn a deaf ears, other people can learn from your own mistake, the best l can advice you to do right now is to find a way to run for your life if not you will either be deported or she might kill you, don't sleep with her nor eat her food anymore, just find a way to run for your life as your life is in danger but u didn't know

I lived abroad with my wife for over a decade and Ibcan tellbyou for sure no woman will try that shi with. Me, I am always looking for a valid reason to end the marriage.

I can't really figure out the problem with UK and Nigerian couples. This strange drama mostly from ladies is becoming a customay menace.

Kobojunkie:
. You mean he should continue inflicting trauma on his kids' futures? He should make a solid decision on whether to leave the marriage or endure, like our elders in Nigeria typically advise women to do.

How will spending time with his kids translate to continue inflicting trauma on his kids' futures

The first thing men should understand abt women is once they start contributing a lot to family expenses or a large chunk of their money,their body will start peppering them thats a big reason why most of them start misbehaving when they travel out with their family.
I have seen firsthand instance of this

Please watch this, it might help.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM_LLJXQfZs?si=qYvxT73Lz-XjBvJy

Dyfynezz12:
The first thing men should understand abt women is once they start contributing a lot to family expenses or a large chunk of their money,their body will start peppering them thats a big reason why most of them start misbehaving when they travel out with their family.
I have seen firsthand instances of this

It's not about living abroad; I believe the wife has an upper hand financially in the marriage, which is the reason for that behavior. No one has ever had the upper hand on me, my entire life, and I will not take disrespect.

dbabs500:
I have no property yet. I have few evidences of the domestic abuse.

What is the family history of this lady?
Are her parents living peacefully? Did she come from a broken home?
The way your mother-in-law treats/treated your father-in-law will likely turn out to be the way your wife will treat you - on the long run.
I used to think this is not true but I've seen it play out several times. There are only very few exceptions.
As it stands, prepare yourself for whatever comes up. Never ever allow her trick you into resorting to domestic violence. Get your emotions under control. Think with clarity.
Start preparing yourself for life without her. If you ever depended on her for anything, start working towards breaking that dependency.
Don't feel bad or bitter. Stop confronting her.
Start doing things that make you happy without involving her. Cheers bro!

Mentholated:
The funny thing is that she is using a well known tactic that women have been using for years to set their partners up.

1. He always locks me out of the house and I have to go through the window atimes.

2. He abuses me all the time, belittles me, accuses me of cheating and always threatens to hit me. I have to go to my friends place atimes to feel safe ( Her friends will collaborate this story).

3. He is insecure, always call me to know where I am and if I do not pick immediately he shouts at me ( Any of her friends that have witnessed any of your calls will collaborate her story).

4. If she is really heartless she might add that you force yourself on her atimes which makes her feel worthless and suicidal and have to go to her friend's place to feel safe. ( Her friends will)

5. Your kids might have heard you people argue one of those days that you want her to acknowledge any of her bad behaviours. The question will be like this " Have daddy ever shouted at mummy". The answer will be yes.

6. Stay safe bro.

hahaha😂😂😂😂 guy you are dam funny

We haven't heard her own side of the story but all the same. Maybe she's paying back all the evil you did to her years ago, have you cheated on her before ? Which i know the answer is YES because you are a man so, this is pay back time your administration has ended it's her time rule

Men always quick to cry when they have not seen anything yet.

louken:
✓ How will spending time with his kids translate to continue inflicting trauma on his kids' futures

You refer to fostering even more friction in a home already uncomfortable for the kids as spending time with the children? Wow...😩😩😩

Kobojunkie:
. You mean he should continue inflicting trauma on his kids' futures? He should make a solid decision on whether to leave the marriage or endure, like our elders in Nigeria typically advise women to do.

Hmm hmmm

Leave her before she leaves you.

Kobojunkie:
You refer to fostering even more friction in a home already uncomfortable for the kids as spending time with the children? Wow...😩😩😩

You mean spending time with kids equates to friction?
Friction with who or what?

louken:
➜You mean spending time with kids equates to friction? Friction with who or what?

Which part of the husband and wife living together like literal enemies do you imagine implies them spending time with kids? What aspect of remaining in an unhappy/toxic marriage do you construe as spending time with kids? Explain this reasoning you have.

Nnamdipapa:
It's not about living abroad; I believe the wife has an upper hand financially in the marriage, which is the reason for that behavior. No one has ever had the upper hand on me, my entire life, and I will not take disrespect.

I mentioned outside the country cox women have a far greater chance to earn big there compared to when they are in Nigeria nd hence they will be obliged to bring out more of their money cox bills there are much.
Women are not wired to spend their money,a woman can have 1m in her acc nd will be finding it very frustrating to spend 50k inside the money

Dyfynezz12:
➜The first thing men should understand abt women is once they start contributing a lot to family expenses or a large chunk of their money,their body will start peppering them thats a big reason why most of them start misbehaving when they travel out with their family. I have seen firsthand instance of this

Peppering them? Nonsense! 🙄🙄🙄

A sensible woman would only desire to be in a relationship that she profits from; that is, simple business sense. If at any time, she finds out that remaining in the relationship no longer benefits her — she is coming up losing more than she gains from it — she has a right to exit the relationship. 🥱🥱🥱

Dyfynezz12:
I mentioned outside the country cox women have a far greater chance to earn big there compared to when they are in Nigeria nd hence they will be obliged to bring out more of their money cox bills there are much. Women are not wired to spend their money, a woman can have 1m in her acc nd will be finding it very frustrating to spend 50k inside the money

. Women are not wired to spend their money, yet women everywhere spend their own money on themselves, buying/houses, cars, caring for their children, etc. 😏😏😏

Bro. Start arranging for a trust to handle your finances. The devil has already entered your wife's heart. Prepare for all eventualities.

Dyfynezz12:
I mentioned outside the country cox women have a far greater chance to earn big there compared to when they are in Nigeria nd hence they will be obliged to bring out more of their money cox bills there are much.
Women are not wired to spend their money,a woman can have 1m in her acc nd will be finding it very frustrating to spend 50k inside the money

I agree 100%

dbabs500:
Since we moved to the UK from Nigeria, its been a total change in situation. Whenever my wife and I have an argument, 3 ouf ot 5 times she will quickly pack her boxes and leave the house and then we resolve issue then comes back home or she comes back herself after her begging. Overtime now, she will just take few clothes and then drive off. Moreso its when we moved here that she started being domestically violent, using omo rogun, pestle to hit me, or slap me with left hand, or bite any part of my body. After we did marriage therapy session, I discussed all of these things, and she promised it will stop, but I just knew it in my heart that for her to have started to those traits, she wont stop. 2 days ago, we had an argument about her going to drop the kids at school without wearing pant and what she wore was a bit transparent, these are things we have talked about over and over again but she will end up doing it and tell me she feels comfortable without wearing pant.

A call came from my Nija friend, while talking i could overhear his gf grumbling in the background and some sort of argument started, he was now complaining to me about how his gf does not listen to him, shes always like a rebel, na him i dey advise am sey make she nor go marry nija girl now ooo, unless sey him dey sure, sey make him try to go other nationalities, this my woman dun dey back door dey hear me na so she show just push me comot for road, as i hold her hand na him she sey are u trying to hit me, omo na so she run enter room remove some clothes then drove out in her car, i come lock door based on sey as she dash out, she left the door wide open, i come go lock door with key, next thing i just see sey person enter house, all the way from where, from the back room window, she climb through window enter house, i try talk to her she slam door on me, she sha kuku drive out, i call her after 25mins, she nor pick, send whatsapp sey make i text am, i asked where the door key is, omo she ignore and didnt reply me. I left for work, 10mins after kids close school, my son called me and said mummy said i should call u to ask if ur at home or at work, i asked her why that is, she said to ask if i can pick them up. That day was my work day and her off day,in which na so we dey rotate am, but because she left the house she could not make it to pick the kids, the serious issue behind the above am talking about his, 3 weeks ago i was in nija for just 10 days, and the 9th day, my son was hit by her a car after school hours when she went to pick them, na barb i dey bard hair when she called me on video call laying down on a busy road that car has hit our daughter, i was calm and had faith, after taking her to the hospital all test came back good and was discharged same day, and after the traume she went through and myself and also the kids, cos my daughter who is my second witnessed this all scenario, madam promised she will never allow them walk home again, and i did same, but because of argument, she left the house and could not make it up while i was at work stating she went to fix her car. The parol enter my marrow, i come see sey since the kids nor even really matter to her, wetin come remain for the union, guys guys girls...take care.

I would have believed your story if you had not said your wife packed up her boxes and left the house.

That is a Nigerian phenomenon where her family is not that far away.

Where is your wife going to pack her boxes to? In obodo oyibo?

No one is going to take you in just like that.

Using pestle to hit you? Where will she buy pestle? What food is she going to use the pestle for? Is yam that cheap in obodo oyibo?

Kobojunkie:
Which part of the husband and wife living together like literal enemies do you imagine implies them spending time with kids? What aspect of remaining in an unhappy/toxic marriage do you construe as spending time with kids? Explain this reasoning you have.

Young lady, this is the advice someone dropped and you quickly countered it:

Your immediate solution now is to be completely independent.
Cook your food, get a private transportation for your children, sleep in a different room from her and always spend your spare time with your children and friends or yourself only, try as much as possible to limit your conversations with her,
She will reset ASAP to wife status

Now tell me, if you ain't already biased towards your gender, how this advice translates to what you are asserting?

Dude doesn't want to vacate the house for the woman. Why are you so irked about that?