₦airaland Forum

A lot of Nigerians are carrying heavy loads in their hearts, but you will never know because everybody is trying to form strong. Society has trained us like that. No matter how bad it is, you must package.

Someone loses his job, and instead of admitting that he is drowning, he still smiles and says, “God is in control.”

A lady is in a relationship that is crushing her spirit every day, but she does not want to look weak, so she keeps posting fine pictures on Instagram.

A young man is neck-deep in debt, but every Friday he borrows clothes and perfume just to sit at a club where nobody even knows his real name. By Saturday morning, reality is waiting for him again: rice without meat, empty account, landlord still knocking.

This is the life many people are living. Not because they don’t know it is fake, but because society has made it shameful to show weakness. We have turned “packaging” into survival. But deep down, people are breaking.

I once met a guy who said, “Bro, I no fit sleep without drinking. I take alcohol every night, not because I enjoy it, but because it is the only way I can stop thinking.” Imagine how many people are using sex, drugs, alcohol, endless church activities, or even overworking themselves just to run away from their own thoughts.

We are not addressing the pain. We are only covering it up. And covering up never heals anything. It only delays the breakdown.

What I've realized it that ntil you face yourself as you are, nothing will change. No amount of borrowed swag or fake smiles can heal what you refuse to confront. Life is not Nollywood. When you sweep dirt under the carpet, one day the stench will become too strong and everybody will smell it.

So ask yourself,, who exactly are you living for? Society? Strangers online? Neighbours? Or for yourself? Because peace of mind will never come from “what people think.” Peace of mind comes when you can finally look in the mirror and not feel like a fraud.

Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do as a Nigerian is to stop forming, stop pretending and admit: “I need help, I need to start again.” That is where healing begins.

Because the real glow-up is not when you buy a car to pepper people. The real glow-up is when you can sleep at night without noise in your head.

You're right but who would save you from your problems even the person you're telling your probs has his/her own. I think its best everyone should learn to carry that burden and get on with their life.

Nobody will teach you this

BlaqJagz:
You're right but who would save you from your problems even the person you're telling your probs has his/her own.

That’s not why you speak up, it’s not to be saved but to unburden yourself. It’s to know that you’re not alone. That you’re not some failure but a valuable person trying their hardest.

Like op said, life’s not a Nollywood movie, nobody is going to solve your problems for you but they are willing to walk beside you and give you a shoulder to lean on.

Imagine you’re already struggling and now you’re worried about what others think about you! Take away the judgement and fear of being judged and you’re burden is already halved.

Double0h7:
That’s not why you speak up, it’s not to be saved but to unburden yourself. It’s to know that you’re not alone. That you’re not some failure but a valuable person trying their hardest.

Like op said, life’s not a Nollywood movie, nobody is going to solve your problems for you but they are willing to walk beside you and give you a shoulder to lean on. Imagine you’re already struggling and now you’re worried about what others think about you! Take away the judgement and fear of being judged and you’re burden is already halved.

I understand what the op wrote but there's no need telling anyone your probs except your family members at least cus it can attract a lot of insults, gossip that could lead to emotional trauma and even more probs, everyone should focus on his/her probs. I just hope your shoulders are strong enough to lean on.

You don't share your challenges with untrusted people because to them, a problem shared isn't half solved, it's broadcasted and rebroadcasted. Some people will even start avoiding you and treating you like a plague. So in a place like Nigeria, it's just better you put your trust in God and hope for a better day...one day, maybe not now, maybe never, but hope is a big thing here.

BlaqJagz:
I understand what the op wrote but there's no need telling anyone your probs except your family members at least cus it can attract a lot of insults, gossip that could lead to emotional trauma and even more probs, everyone should focus on his/her probs. I just hope your shoulders are strong enough to lean on.

That’s what needs to be changed! Why surround yourself with people who would mock you and gossip about you when you’re struggling? Wouldn’t you want to identify those people and cut them out? I don’t have a single person who would kick me when I’m down. I only allow people who love me around me.

The issue is that many people don't listen because the way the country is now, a lot of people are going through one problem or the other nobody have time to comfort their neighbor, instead if you tell them your problems they will start doing " Who have more problems" competition with you.

So many times we just press our troubles inside and smile to the world, I wish Nigeira have affordable or places where you can go for therapy, it's so rare in Nigeria, outside the country you will see so many Therapists offices but in Nigeria we don't take mental health seriously

Double0h7:
That’s what needs to be changed! Why surround yourself with people who would mock you and gossip about you when you’re struggling? Wouldn’t you want to identify those people and cut them out? I don’t have a single person who would kick me when I’m down. I only allow people who love me around me.

If you feel you have to be vulnerable and always share your personal probs to someone then it's fine, everything i did and went through, i did it alone without looking for a shoulder to lean on that's how i brought myself up to the level i am now and never regretted it but at the end of the day everyone should do what he/she wants to do. Suit yourself ⚡

Don't bother sharing your problems with anyone cos they might be sharing it with someone else low key or using it as a anonymous story whenever they find themselves in a situation of something related to your burden or situation.
Make everyone carry their cross and continue smiling lol

Go on your knees and Share your problems with God. The moment you tell people about it, they'll tell you they have their own problems too (which is actually the truth)

The comments here validate the frustration of the OP. I believe it has become a norm, could be our culture. Other cultures encourage sharing and "getting things off the chest". Fela called us a suffering and smiling people. Could ego or fear, the fact remains that most Nigerians have a backdoor in their psyche that manages daily therapy. I for one do not give a fu"k if me sharing will not put me into any more problem than I already have and I have respect for you on a level I will definitely share. How you manage my info is a proof of your maturity which would be good to know on time since I have regard for you. I even asked a lady to mentor me on web 3 recently and she was shocked that I could portray humility and dignity at the same time and has given me access. The problem is that we don't teach logic at an early stage in this country, most of our thinking is flawed, it's evident in the comments lol

Omo u no lie. I blew 120k this month on drinks.food.etc. I now had just 10k left. All the ppl I spent on could not even raise me 1k. Men I felt so bad and depressed and made a vow not to spend a dime on anyone aside myself. One food vendor probably cashed out 700k from street.just cos he gave me his nos abt 2 weeks back and I no call or message am.i heard he had been buying drinks and all. Yesterday he wasted 90k on drinks and food and all.today he wasted another 20k on same set of fools I did too. I just dey laff for my mind say u never know these ppl. My call he no pick or reply back.he blamed it on alcohol beer he no buy me.i just excused myself and left.he later messaged me to send my acct nos.i told him not to worry that I'm OK. He no get car.he never build house.and me I don pass am. I come realise say ppl dey gum body to who dey spend.street ain't loyal

The nation seriously need a ‘feel heard’ group. You know where people will be gathered in a circle, within a room to share problems and solutions

LegendaryGrafix:
A lot of Nigerians are carrying heavy loads in their hearts, but you will never know because everybody is trying to form strong. Society has trained us like that. No matter how bad it is, you must package.

Someone loses his job, and instead of admitting that he is drowning, he still smiles and says, “God is in control.”

A lady is in a relationship that is crushing her spirit every day, but she does not want to look weak, so she keeps posting fine pictures on Instagram.

A young man is neck-deep in debt, but every Friday he borrows clothes and perfume just to sit at a club where nobody even knows his real name. By Saturday morning, reality is waiting for him again: rice without meat, empty account, landlord still knocking.

This is the life many people are living. Not because they don’t know it is fake, but because society has made it shameful to show weakness. We have turned “packaging” into survival. But deep down, people are breaking.

I once met a guy who said, “Bro, I no fit sleep without drinking. I take alcohol every night, not because I enjoy it, but because it is the only way I can stop thinking.” Imagine how many people are using sex, drugs, alcohol, endless church activities, or even overworking themselves just to run away from their own thoughts.

We are not addressing the pain. We are only covering it up. And covering up never heals anything. It only delays the breakdown.

What I've realized it that ntil you face yourself as you are, nothing will change. No amount of borrowed swag or fake smiles can heal what you refuse to confront. Life is not Nollywood. When you sweep dirt under the carpet, one day the stench will become too strong and everybody will smell it.

So ask yourself,, who exactly are you living for? Society? Strangers online? Neighbours? Or for yourself? Because peace of mind will never come from “what people think.” Peace of mind comes when you can finally look in the mirror and not feel like a fraud.

Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do as a Nigerian is to stop forming, stop pretending and admit: “I need help, I need to start again.” That is where healing begins.

Because the real glow-up is not when you buy a car to pepper people. The real glow-up is when you can sleep at night without noise in your head.

Very informative .Let me save this one. I have lot of folks on this situation .May God help 🙏..

Double0h7:
That’s not why you speak up, it’s not to be saved but to unburden yourself. It’s to know that you’re not alone. That you’re not some failure but a valuable person trying their hardest.

Like op said, life’s not a Nollywood movie, nobody is going to solve your problems for you but they are willing to walk beside you and give you a shoulder to lean on.

Imagine you’re already struggling and now you’re worried about what others think about you! Take away the judgement and fear of being judged and you’re burden is already halved.

Nobody will walk beside anyone. Except yourself. So what do you do? Meditation, relaxation, anything to ease your mind, smoke the good herbs 🌿 exercise your body and mind and stay positive. I rather go this way than unburden on another individual that will likely use my problems against me sometimes later. It's a cold world. You need to be calculating. I can only talk to my higher self and no man or woman

kiddaz:
Nobody will walk beside anyone. Except yourself. So what do you do? Meditation, relaxation, anything to ease your mind, smoke the good herbs 🌿 exercise your body and mind and stay positive. I rather go this way than unburden on another individual that will likely use my problems against me sometimes later. It's a cold world. You need to be calculating. I can only talk to my higher self and no man or woman

No man is an Island and I’m very grateful for the amazing people I walk my journey with. Forget leaning on them many have carried me on their backs, and they don’t play about me so Alhamdulilah!

2cribz:
Omo u no lie. I blew 120k this month on drinks.food.etc. I now had just 10k left. All the ppl I spent on could not even raise me 1k. Men I felt so bad and depressed and made a vow not to spend a dime on anyone aside myself. One food vendor probably cashed out 700k from street.just cos he gave me his nos abt 2 weeks back and I no call or message am.i heard he had been buying drinks and all. Yesterday he wasted 90k on drinks and food and all.today he wasted another 20k on same set of fools I did too. I just dey laff for my mind say u never know these ppl. My call he no pick or reply back.he blamed it on alcohol beer he no buy me.i just excused myself and left.he later messaged me to send my acct nos.i told him not to worry that I'm OK. He no get car.he never build house.and me I don pass am. I come realise say ppl dey gum body to who dey spend.street ain't loyal

oga you're taking it too serious at least he cheek on you to send your aza him get problem try to understand life is not always how you see things.