₦airaland Forum

Woman dey show you that kind pepper and you still get mind carry am go UK with you.

Why are you rewarding bad behaviors? See as complain full everywhere yet you keep on rewarding her bad behaviors?

I need to talk to you really.

Loool.. you have this kind of problems and still relocated to UK....
The marriage was over before it started, it was long over before you left Nigeria to the UK.. you should have sorted out your issues or divorce her before relocating to UK...

Women only give respect to men that can control them, obviously she is the one controlling you by her manipulative actions.
Just tell her you lost you job, don't provide any finance for sometime and see what would happen.
She's probably collecting steady gbola from her lovers. Guy save yourself, you cannot love any other person more than yourself, just pity for yourself except to feel you deserve the treatment.

Get rid of that woman while you are still young
She'll never be happy and she'll make you miserable.

You can never satisfy her.

Gotocourt:
Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple, in UK, Christian stories. You took all this red flags to UK

My brother, you are a finished man.

He should watch his back, a person that lives in 🛖 does not play with fire

dipset01:
I honestly feel very frustrated and just need to get this off my chest. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Don’t marry the wrong spouse.” Brethren, I think I may have gotten this one wrong.

My wife and I have been married for seven years. I was 28 when we got married, and she was 22. In the beginning, things were fine, but along the line, the marriage became increasingly challenging. From early on, intimacy was an issue. She often refused sex, saying she was tired. To reduce tension, I limited my request to once a week — usually Saturday mornings — even though I would have liked more.
She also didn’t cook regularly. I complained several times, especially since I covered about 95% of food and household expenses. Eventually, I got tired of complaining. When we moved to lagos from portharcourt, She once told me she didn’t feel loved and wanted me to do more house chores and take her out more. I tried to adjust — suggested she hired a maid, helped around the house, and made an effort to take her out when possible. Lagos life can be very busy, but I did what I could. Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple. She went on vacation to dubai 2 years ago. But she often said I was doing it “for the family (children), not for her.” That she wants her own treatment.


At one point, after a serious conflict, I took her to her father’s house and told him that we didn’t love each other anymore. During the mediation, she played the victim at first, crying. But when her father tried to correct her, she suddenly became defensive and started yelling — even at him. Her father was shocked and had to calm the situation. He later told us something that stuck with me: “You two talk, but you don’t communicate.” Since then, I’ve tried to improve our communication, but it feels like my wife has given up on the marriage.

In the past year, things have gotten worse. Any small thing I say seems to anger her. She interprets normal conversations as arguments and shuts down. I have become conscious of it and tell her not to raise her voice and try to match her voice tone. She’s not open to resolving conflicts. I honestly believe she no longer loves me — she resents me. She gets angry easily, often over nothing. We barely talk deeply anymore. Most of our conversations are shallow. I try to initiate discussions, but she’s either uninterested, on her phone, or just cold.

She no longer sleeps in the same bed with me, claiming back and neck pain. I’ve offered to buy a new mattress or switch beds, but she’s not interested. As a result, our sex life has deteriorated — we’re down to about once in three weeks, and even that comes with tension. Even to approach her now comes with alot of hesitation and fear of rejection. Recently, when I tried to be intimate, she got angry, accused me of hurting her breast, even though she was the one preventing me, she then walked away. That led to another quarrel. It’s extremely frustrating to feel rejected repeatedly, especially after weeks of restraint.

Even minor things turn into big arguments. For example, I once told her not to pour water into the griller after cooking because it could cause rust. Her reaction was explosive — she shouted that she’d never wash the oven again and that I should do it myself, going forward. I felt asked was she was yelling. I tried to calmly explain, but she kept escalating, I must wash it, if she cooks the food, i must wash the burner. It dawned on me that she no longer sees or appreciates what I do in the house. Despite being the main provider, I still handle more than 50% of household chores — I wash dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, take the boys to school, iron everyone cloth etc. She mainly cooks, bathes the kids, and does laundry. I told her I do as much chores and she is in no position to dictate to me, no big deal in washing the burner but she needs to be polite. And she should not take me doing chores for granted, I am just supporting her. We both work from home so there is no stress of commuting to work etc

She acts like she’s disgusted by me. She avoids sitting near me, doesn’t want me to touch her, and even turns her face away when I try to kiss her. If she is sitting on a chair, if i come sit on that chair she will use style and go to the room. It is either my mouth smells or my tummy is big. I am relative fit, not a 6 packs man o. I go just swallow these things. Nothing wrong in feedback, but the way and manner she gives it is not fine. Never ever body shamed her. One day she told me, sabi I was almost calling of the marriage while we were engaged, why did I marry her? I was shocked. It was something I didnt remember doing. It just shocks me to know how unforgiving a woman can be, and what goes through their mind.

When I try to talk things through, she ignores me or gives cold replies. I’ve even sent messages on WhatsApp just to get through to her — she either ignores them or replies with things like, “You win.” We don’t walk together anymore — she either walks ahead or rushes off.

One day I even begged her to forgive and forget whatever I might have done, even if I didn’t know what it was. But things only seem to get worse. We relocated to the UK last year, and I thank God I have a good job that helps me support the home. Honestly, I feel that’s the only reason she’s still around. My spirit tells me that if I ever lose this job, I might lose my home too. Or she is just waiting for the kids to be of age.

I’ve tried to make things better — bought her gifts (including a Samsung S24 for her birthday), taken her and the kids to the cinema, arcade, amusement park, and more. She enjoys these things, but there’s no real change. Even told her to tell me what she wants. The only area I think I need to still work on is the pray more with the family. She says she wants me to pray more with her and the children. I admit it an area I need to work on.

No one is perfect, neither am I or expecting my wife to be. I know I’m a good husband and a great father, But it feels like she’s emotionally checked out. Divorce is never in my mind because I come from a Christian home, and I care deeply about my kids and even her. I still believe any marriage can work if both partners are willing to try. But right now, I’m just tired. It’s painful when you want to communicate, but the other person refuses. She’s grown cold, distant, and resentful. When she cooks, I can see the resentment in her eyes, she is not happy doing it. It is like she went into the marriage with certain expectation and it doesnt look like I am meeting them. I have tried to ask, what can i do, teach me to love you. Tell me what you wants, for where? she will just lock up.

She has good qualities — she’s spiritual, beautiful, ambitious, serious-minded, she takes good care of the kids, she has introduced my children to God and prays with them. But emotionally, it feels like she’s no longer in the marriage. I’m just frustrated and honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been faithful, responsible, and patient.

At this point, I just needed to vent. Maybe someone out there has gone through something similar and found a way forward.

she doesn't love you. Gosh!!! Can't you see? t's so glaringly obvious. She doesn't, probably, never loved you. And never will!

You work from home, your wife works from home.
You guys are spending too much time with each other. No break, no alone time. As immigrants, few friends and small social circle.


Get a shared office or hot desk. Go there in the morning, comeback in the evening. Give your wife some space to reset herself. Take your time and do same.

GerogeI:
You work from home, your wife works from home.
You guys are spending too much time with each other. No break, no alone time. As immigrants, few friends and small social circle.


Get a shared office or hot desk. Go there in the morning, comeback in the evening. Give your wife some space to reset herself. Take your time and do same.

OP better just follow this guy's advice. It's as simple as that and again what's the point of always following everything she tells you like a child. Women love men that controls them but it's obvious your wife controls you. You are providing for the family and you are doing chores and you are shining teeth and happy to say it? It's shameful bro cos as a provider all you need is some time with your kids not belittling yourself and washing dishes because your wife's controlling you do so. Aside the fact I can say your marriage is as good as gone. Women hate crying babies, men who beg and cry especially for sex. How many years you have left in life that you will be using christian man to punish and suffer yourself. Well it's your choice OP. Whether you want to continue suffering it's all in your hands.

OKOATA:
➜OP better just follow this guy's advice. It's as simple as that and again what's the point of always following everything she tells you like a child. Women love men that controls them but it's obvious your wife controls you.
➜ You are providing for the family and you are doing chores and you are shining teeth and happy to say it? It's shameful bro cos as a provider all you need is some time with your kids not belittling yourself and washing dishes because your wife's controlling you do so. Aside the fact I can say your marriage is as good as gone. Women hate crying babies, men who beg and cry especially for sex. How many years you have left in life that you will be using christian man to punish and suffer yourself. Well it's your choice OP. Whether you want to continue suffering it's all in your hands.

Women love men who control them, yet one of the major complaints by women who later divorced their husbands in the UK is that the men attempted to assert control over them even in the UK. Why many of una no dey always make sense?

2. OP, do not let these folks blackmail you into believing you are the problem simply because your description does not portray you are a man interested in manipulating and dehumanizing his wife in marriage.

dipset01:
I honestly feel very frustrated and just need to get this off my chest. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Don’t marry the wrong spouse.” Brethren, I think I may have gotten this one wrong.

My wife and I have been married for seven years. I was 28 when we got married, and she was 22. In the beginning, things were fine, but along the line, the marriage became increasingly challenging. From early on, intimacy was an issue. She often refused sex, saying she was tired. To reduce tension, I limited my request to once a week — usually Saturday mornings — even though I would have liked more.
She also didn’t cook regularly. I complained several times, especially since I covered about 95% of food and household expenses. Eventually, I got tired of complaining. When we moved to lagos from portharcourt, She once told me she didn’t feel loved and wanted me to do more house chores and take her out more. I tried to adjust — suggested she hired a maid, helped around the house, and made an effort to take her out when possible. Lagos life can be very busy, but I did what I could. Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple. She went on vacation to dubai 2 years ago. But she often said I was doing it “for the family (children), not for her.” That she wants her own treatment.


At one point, after a serious conflict, I took her to her father’s house and told him that we didn’t love each other anymore. During the mediation, she played the victim at first, crying. But when her father tried to correct her, she suddenly became defensive and started yelling — even at him. Her father was shocked and had to calm the situation. He later told us something that stuck with me: “You two talk, but you don’t communicate.” Since then, I’ve tried to improve our communication, but it feels like my wife has given up on the marriage.

In the past year, things have gotten worse. Any small thing I say seems to anger her. She interprets normal conversations as arguments and shuts down. I have become conscious of it and tell her not to raise her voice and try to match her voice tone. She’s not open to resolving conflicts. I honestly believe she no longer loves me — she resents me. She gets angry easily, often over nothing. We barely talk deeply anymore. Most of our conversations are shallow. I try to initiate discussions, but she’s either uninterested, on her phone, or just cold.

She no longer sleeps in the same bed with me, claiming back and neck pain. I’ve offered to buy a new mattress or switch beds, but she’s not interested. As a result, our sex life has deteriorated — we’re down to about once in three weeks, and even that comes with tension. Even to approach her now comes with alot of hesitation and fear of rejection. Recently, when I tried to be intimate, she got angry, accused me of hurting her breast, even though she was the one preventing me, she then walked away. That led to another quarrel. It’s extremely frustrating to feel rejected repeatedly, especially after weeks of restraint.

Even minor things turn into big arguments. For example, I once told her not to pour water into the griller after cooking because it could cause rust. Her reaction was explosive — she shouted that she’d never wash the oven again and that I should do it myself, going forward. I felt asked was she was yelling. I tried to calmly explain, but she kept escalating, I must wash it, if she cooks the food, i must wash the burner. It dawned on me that she no longer sees or appreciates what I do in the house. Despite being the main provider, I still handle more than 50% of household chores — I wash dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, take the boys to school, iron everyone cloth etc. She mainly cooks, bathes the kids, and does laundry. I told her I do as much chores and she is in no position to dictate to me, no big deal in washing the burner but she needs to be polite. And she should not take me doing chores for granted, I am just supporting her. We both work from home so there is no stress of commuting to work etc

She acts like she’s disgusted by me. She avoids sitting near me, doesn’t want me to touch her, and even turns her face away when I try to kiss her. If she is sitting on a chair, if i come sit on that chair she will use style and go to the room. It is either my mouth smells or my tummy is big. I am relative fit, not a 6 packs man o. I go just swallow these things. Nothing wrong in feedback, but the way and manner she gives it is not fine. Never ever body shamed her. One day she told me, sabi I was almost calling of the marriage while we were engaged, why did I marry her? I was shocked. It was something I didnt remember doing. It just shocks me to know how unforgiving a woman can be, and what goes through their mind.

When I try to talk things through, she ignores me or gives cold replies. I’ve even sent messages on WhatsApp just to get through to her — she either ignores them or replies with things like, “You win.” We don’t walk together anymore — she either walks ahead or rushes off.

One day I even begged her to forgive and forget whatever I might have done, even if I didn’t know what it was. But things only seem to get worse. We relocated to the UK last year, and I thank God I have a good job that helps me support the home. Honestly, I feel that’s the only reason she’s still around. My spirit tells me that if I ever lose this job, I might lose my home too. Or she is just waiting for the kids to be of age.

I’ve tried to make things better — bought her gifts (including a Samsung S24 for her birthday), taken her and the kids to the cinema, arcade, amusement park, and more. She enjoys these things, but there’s no real change. Even told her to tell me what she wants. The only area I think I need to still work on is the pray more with the family. She says she wants me to pray more with her and the children. I admit it an area I need to work on.

No one is perfect, neither am I or expecting my wife to be. I know I’m a good husband and a great father, But it feels like she’s emotionally checked out. Divorce is never in my mind because I come from a Christian home, and I care deeply about my kids and even her. I still believe any marriage can work if both partners are willing to try. But right now, I’m just tired. It’s painful when you want to communicate, but the other person refuses. She’s grown cold, distant, and resentful. When she cooks, I can see the resentment in her eyes, she is not happy doing it. It is like she went into the marriage with certain expectation and it doesnt look like I am meeting them. I have tried to ask, what can i do, teach me to love you. Tell me what you wants, for where? she will just lock up.

She has good qualities — she’s spiritual, beautiful, ambitious, serious-minded, she takes good care of the kids, she has introduced my children to God and prays with them. But emotionally, it feels like she’s no longer in the marriage. I’m just frustrated and honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been faithful, responsible, and patient.

At this point, I just needed to vent. Maybe someone out there has gone through something similar and found a way forward.

There are 2 types of women you can marry.
1. The woman that rewards you for your loyalty and faithfulness with a happy marriage, which usually results in prosperity.
2. The woman that is never satisfied by your loyalty and faithfulness, in fact, she quickly gets bored with the marriage if you are perfect. She rewards you with constant malice and resentment because you are always there, faithful to her alone. The moment you start cheating, she gets jealous and starts to value you. You must keep such a wife jealous all the time. otherwise, your marriage will be a living hell, including your finances.

*Modified*

Now here is the irony. If you marry the 1st type of woman you will become rich, as she will support your dreams but you will never discover your true calling in life.

However, if you mistakenly marry the 2nd type, you will suffer, she will put you through hell ...but in the middle of the suffering, you will discover yourself and your self discovery will transform your life and you will become wealthy.

Wealthy and rich are 2 different things so choose your poison.

You would have enjoyed more if you kept her as a FWB. A successful man does not need marriage at all.

Op, don't mind those asking you to cheat because it will only compound your issues.

If you get caught, she may use it heavily against you.

Someone here suggested you get an office and be going out of the house to create some space for you and her and see how things pan out, best advice.

Stop giving her too much attention. Become a mystery. Let her be the one trying to figure you out.

It surprises me when people say they can't get a divorce due to blablabla reason. For crissakes, if she doesn't change after everything, is this how you are going to live the rest of your life?

We don't want to hear tomorrow that one you kpaied the other out of frustration o.

If it's not entering even with all the lubricant applied, please withdraw immediately to avoid stories that tosh. Your wife is religious but doesn't know God!!!

It's you first before any other.

I'm a woman but I read your story with tears welling up in my eyes.

Yes, there are two sides to a story, but you have performed above average and no matter your weakness, you deserve a better treatment.

Except, if it's her family that's funding your upward mobility. And even at that, eff everything mahn, you deserve better.

You allow a small girl to conquer you as a man, Your father will be ashamed of you as a man OP....

My small advice for you if you like take it or trash it is that you take time off from her daily, leave the house and come back late at night for a week to start and see if there will be no change, stop asking about her except for your kids and their wellbeing and stop doing whatever she manipulated you to do before like washing dishes and house chores, you can do that at your own volition as a form of assist, don't ask her for sex for the main time and you will see how you become a mystery to her as she will want to know why you stop giving her attention...

U relocated with her despite all this? Your situation is what many working class/ ok men are facing. You used your money to marry a young smallie that loves someone else.

Op, my honest Truth is...... Both of u should separate, do not think too much about. If what you said is the absolute truth, then separation is the solution. Leave her while you are still alive, before she starts doing something extreme. Leave her now, get a woman elsewhere who values you and in no time, she'll be completely forgotten and you have moved on.
Do not allow her make you lose your mind, do not let her cause you your peace of mind. You have to accept separation as a solution. The rich who separates are not foolish. Since you have tried all your best to get her back interested and she's not willing, trust me she never will be willing till maybe you guys have separated. That is my honest Truth bro.

To be sincere, time will come when men and women would find it extremely hard to call themselves husband and wife/ boyfriend and girlfriend.

That what happens when you marry someone who doesn’t love you , no matter how hard you try she will never love you .

The day anything will happen to you or your job sorry 😢.

She’s only around because you have a good job and she’s okay with that .

Any small thing, una don run abroad, especially when you are married to women who give you issues. I don't understand these crop of Nigerian men.

In the past, men relocated alone and the family stayed back. You are loading a gun with bullet and putting it to your head.

Sorry, no much advice for you. Once one partner doesn't like the other, there is nothing much that can change.

The 3 options available are, you keep living like this, one party walks out or a miracle happens and things become smooth. You have a 30% chance of being happy.

Bro, you're doing too much.

Try the family prayer route. If both of you can agree to have a superior power and leader in your home that you both obey and follow HIS instructions, you can have some direction.

Other than that, manage your situation as you see fit and as the challenges come because every union is unique. No one can advice you adequately. You appear to be doing that already so continue. And if you feel, you're getting burnt out, pull back on your efforts.

Remember, you are your priority. Not the wife, not the kids. They would all leave you in your house at your old age

She tasted someone else, and now she hates everything about u, just move on.

dipset01:
I honestly feel very frustrated and just need to get this off my chest. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Don’t marry the wrong spouse.” Brethren, I think I may have gotten this one wrong.

My wife and I have been married for seven years. I was 28 when we got married, and she was 22. In the beginning, things were fine, but along the line, the marriage became increasingly challenging. From early on, intimacy was an issue. She often refused sex, saying she was tired. To reduce tension, I limited my request to once a week — usually Saturday mornings — even though I would have liked more.
She also didn’t cook regularly. I complained several times, especially since I covered about 95% of food and household expenses. Eventually, I got tired of complaining. When we moved to lagos from portharcourt, She once told me she didn’t feel loved and wanted me to do more house chores and take her out more. I tried to adjust — suggested she hired a maid, helped around the house, and made an effort to take her out when possible. Lagos life can be very busy, but I did what I could. Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple. She went on vacation to dubai 2 years ago. But she often said I was doing it “for the family (children), not for her.” That she wants her own treatment.


At one point, after a serious conflict, I took her to her father’s house and told him that we didn’t love each other anymore. During the mediation, she played the victim at first, crying. But when her father tried to correct her, she suddenly became defensive and started yelling — even at him. Her father was shocked and had to calm the situation. He later told us something that stuck with me: “You two talk, but you don’t communicate.” Since then, I’ve tried to improve our communication, but it feels like my wife has given up on the marriage.

In the past year, things have gotten worse. Any small thing I say seems to anger her. She interprets normal conversations as arguments and shuts down. I have become conscious of it and tell her not to raise her voice and try to match her voice tone. She’s not open to resolving conflicts. I honestly believe she no longer loves me — she resents me. She gets angry easily, often over nothing. We barely talk deeply anymore. Most of our conversations are shallow. I try to initiate discussions, but she’s either uninterested, on her phone, or just cold.

She no longer sleeps in the same bed with me, claiming back and neck pain. I’ve offered to buy a new mattress or switch beds, but she’s not interested. As a result, our sex life has deteriorated — we’re down to about once in three weeks, and even that comes with tension. Even to approach her now comes with alot of hesitation and fear of rejection. Recently, when I tried to be intimate, she got angry, accused me of hurting her breast, even though she was the one preventing me, she then walked away. That led to another quarrel. It’s extremely frustrating to feel rejected repeatedly, especially after weeks of restraint.

Even minor things turn into big arguments. For example, I once told her not to pour water into the griller after cooking because it could cause rust. Her reaction was explosive — she shouted that she’d never wash the oven again and that I should do it myself, going forward. I felt asked was she was yelling. I tried to calmly explain, but she kept escalating, I must wash it, if she cooks the food, i must wash the burner. It dawned on me that she no longer sees or appreciates what I do in the house. Despite being the main provider, I still handle more than 50% of household chores — I wash dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, take the boys to school, iron everyone cloth etc. She mainly cooks, bathes the kids, and does laundry. I told her I do as much chores and she is in no position to dictate to me, no big deal in washing the burner but she needs to be polite. And she should not take me doing chores for granted, I am just supporting her. We both work from home so there is no stress of commuting to work etc

She acts like she’s disgusted by me. She avoids sitting near me, doesn’t want me to touch her, and even turns her face away when I try to kiss her. If she is sitting on a chair, if i come sit on that chair she will use style and go to the room. It is either my mouth smells or my tummy is big. I am relative fit, not a 6 packs man o. I go just swallow these things. Nothing wrong in feedback, but the way and manner she gives it is not fine. Never ever body shamed her. One day she told me, sabi I was almost calling of the marriage while we were engaged, why did I marry her? I was shocked. It was something I didnt remember doing. It just shocks me to know how unforgiving a woman can be, and what goes through their mind.

When I try to talk things through, she ignores me or gives cold replies. I’ve even sent messages on WhatsApp just to get through to her — she either ignores them or replies with things like, “You win.” We don’t walk together anymore — she either walks ahead or rushes off.

One day I even begged her to forgive and forget whatever I might have done, even if I didn’t know what it was. But things only seem to get worse. We relocated to the UK last year, and I thank God I have a good job that helps me support the home. Honestly, I feel that’s the only reason she’s still around. My spirit tells me that if I ever lose this job, I might lose my home too. Or she is just waiting for the kids to be of age.

I’ve tried to make things better — bought her gifts (including a Samsung S24 for her birthday), taken her and the kids to the cinema, arcade, amusement park, and more. She enjoys these things, but there’s no real change. Even told her to tell me what she wants. The only area I think I need to still work on is the pray more with the family. She says she wants me to pray more with her and the children. I admit it an area I need to work on.

No one is perfect, neither am I or expecting my wife to be. I know I’m a good husband and a great father, But it feels like she’s emotionally checked out. Divorce is never in my mind because I come from a Christian home, and I care deeply about my kids and even her. I still believe any marriage can work if both partners are willing to try. But right now, I’m just tired. It’s painful when you want to communicate, but the other person refuses. She’s grown cold, distant, and resentful. When she cooks, I can see the resentment in her eyes, she is not happy doing it. It is like she went into the marriage with certain expectation and it doesnt look like I am meeting them. I have tried to ask, what can i do, teach me to love you. Tell me what you wants, for where? she will just lock up.

She has good qualities — she’s spiritual, beautiful, ambitious, serious-minded, she takes good care of the kids, she has introduced my children to God and prays with them. But emotionally, it feels like she’s no longer in the marriage. I’m just frustrated and honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been faithful, responsible, and patient.

At this point, I just needed to vent. Maybe someone out there has gone through something similar and found a way forward.

Please file for a divorce...you are living a life of hell on earth..she is probably seeing another man..please leave her and take care of your children...don't rush to a new relationship.use the few months to observe if her head will reset.

dipset01:
I honestly feel very frustrated and just need to get this off my chest. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Don’t marry the wrong spouse.” Brethren, I think I may have gotten this one wrong.

My wife and I have been married for seven years. I was 28 when we got married, and she was 22. In the beginning, things were fine, but along the line, the marriage became increasingly challenging. From early on, intimacy was an issue. She often refused sex, saying she was tired. To reduce tension, I limited my request to once a week — usually Saturday mornings — even though I would have liked more.
She also didn’t cook regularly. I complained several times, especially since I covered about 95% of food and household expenses. Eventually, I got tired of complaining. When we moved to lagos from portharcourt, She once told me she didn’t feel loved and wanted me to do more house chores and take her out more. I tried to adjust — suggested she hired a maid, helped around the house, and made an effort to take her out when possible. Lagos life can be very busy, but I did what I could. Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple. She went on vacation to dubai 2 years ago. But she often said I was doing it “for the family (children), not for her.” That she wants her own treatment.


At one point, after a serious conflict, I took her to her father’s house and told him that we didn’t love each other anymore. During the mediation, she played the victim at first, crying. But when her father tried to correct her, she suddenly became defensive and started yelling — even at him. Her father was shocked and had to calm the situation. He later told us something that stuck with me: “You two talk, but you don’t communicate.” Since then, I’ve tried to improve our communication, but it feels like my wife has given up on the marriage.

In the past year, things have gotten worse. Any small thing I say seems to anger her. She interprets normal conversations as arguments and shuts down. I have become conscious of it and tell her not to raise her voice and try to match her voice tone. She’s not open to resolving conflicts. I honestly believe she no longer loves me — she resents me. She gets angry easily, often over nothing. We barely talk deeply anymore. Most of our conversations are shallow. I try to initiate discussions, but she’s either uninterested, on her phone, or just cold.

She no longer sleeps in the same bed with me, claiming back and neck pain. I’ve offered to buy a new mattress or switch beds, but she’s not interested. As a result, our sex life has deteriorated — we’re down to about once in three weeks, and even that comes with tension. Even to approach her now comes with alot of hesitation and fear of rejection. Recently, when I tried to be intimate, she got angry, accused me of hurting her breast, even though she was the one preventing me, she then walked away. That led to another quarrel. It’s extremely frustrating to feel rejected repeatedly, especially after weeks of restraint.

Even minor things turn into big arguments. For example, I once told her not to pour water into the griller after cooking because it could cause rust. Her reaction was explosive — she shouted that she’d never wash the oven again and that I should do it myself, going forward. I felt asked was she was yelling. I tried to calmly explain, but she kept escalating, I must wash it, if she cooks the food, i must wash the burner. It dawned on me that she no longer sees or appreciates what I do in the house. Despite being the main provider, I still handle more than 50% of household chores — I wash dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, take the boys to school, iron everyone cloth etc. She mainly cooks, bathes the kids, and does laundry. I told her I do as much chores and she is in no position to dictate to me, no big deal in washing the burner but she needs to be polite. And she should not take me doing chores for granted, I am just supporting her. We both work from home so there is no stress of commuting to work etc

She acts like she’s disgusted by me. She avoids sitting near me, doesn’t want me to touch her, and even turns her face away when I try to kiss her. If she is sitting on a chair, if i come sit on that chair she will use style and go to the room. It is either my mouth smells or my tummy is big. I am relative fit, not a 6 packs man o. I go just swallow these things. Nothing wrong in feedback, but the way and manner she gives it is not fine. Never ever body shamed her. One day she told me, sabi I was almost calling of the marriage while we were engaged, why did I marry her? I was shocked. It was something I didnt remember doing. It just shocks me to know how unforgiving a woman can be, and what goes through their mind.

When I try to talk things through, she ignores me or gives cold replies. I’ve even sent messages on WhatsApp just to get through to her — she either ignores them or replies with things like, “You win.” We don’t walk together anymore — she either walks ahead or rushes off.

One day I even begged her to forgive and forget whatever I might have done, even if I didn’t know what it was. But things only seem to get worse. We relocated to the UK last year, and I thank God I have a good job that helps me support the home. Honestly, I feel that’s the only reason she’s still around. My spirit tells me that if I ever lose this job, I might lose my home too. Or she is just waiting for the kids to be of age.

I’ve tried to make things better — bought her gifts (including a Samsung S24 for her birthday), taken her and the kids to the cinema, arcade, amusement park, and more. She enjoys these things, but there’s no real change. Even told her to tell me what she wants. The only area I think I need to still work on is the pray more with the family. She says she wants me to pray more with her and the children. I admit it an area I need to work on.

No one is perfect, neither am I or expecting my wife to be. I know I’m a good husband and a great father, But it feels like she’s emotionally checked out. Divorce is never in my mind because I come from a Christian home, and I care deeply about my kids and even her. I still believe any marriage can work if both partners are willing to try. But right now, I’m just tired. It’s painful when you want to communicate, but the other person refuses. She’s grown cold, distant, and resentful. When she cooks, I can see the resentment in her eyes, she is not happy doing it. It is like she went into the marriage with certain expectation and it doesnt look like I am meeting them. I have tried to ask, what can i do, teach me to love you. Tell me what you wants, for where? she will just lock up.

She has good qualities — she’s spiritual, beautiful, ambitious, serious-minded, she takes good care of the kids, she has introduced my children to God and prays with them. But emotionally, it feels like she’s no longer in the marriage. I’m just frustrated and honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been faithful, responsible, and patient.

At this point, I just needed to vent. Maybe someone out there has gone through something similar and found a way forward.

She is too comfortable at your expenses.

Its time to shake the table and introduce some discomfort into her life. Ignore, stop appeasing her, fibd a pseudo friend to be chatting with on phone, call and laugh with that fake friend in her presense.

Stay out longer and eat out sometimes, buy things for the kids and not her.

If this doesnt wake her up, she never l9ved you, and you sjould be considering moving on with your life without her.

Divorce her ASAP

Have you even cheated on her, although that one aside did you seek for counselling within 3 to 4 years if your marriage to her before it escalated, honestly I don't want to put so much blames in you it's a marriage and is between 2 people I don't know what she has against you but from your writeup your wife is very manipulative sorry to say this because there's no way you can have all these treatments and still choose to keep malice,hate and anger with someone you call your husband.

You're trying oh what the hell, before you get hbp leave thst house for a week and only call to Check up on your kids.

Try to avoid her if she cares and show sign that she was you know after your wellbeing get therapy and counselling for marriage Asap like Asap.

Marriage is not a do or die affair man don't go and die for nothing. Women appreciate men who care for them if she wants a toxic man let her go and look for it outside abeg.
She lacks maturity and you didn't handle this issue well you do everything she tells you,you are not yourself,you are not yourself again please find yourself and work on your happiness, peace of mind if she's not interested simply let her go you have tried abeg.

There's too much shit,up there you posted relax no more vacations it's obviously not helping take a break from her before you never get a chance to see another day.


I want to ask for you beat her ? If not break and do as I said if you do then i don't know what to tell you just get therapy for your marriage if no improvement break 💔

loffyloffy:
She is too comfortable at your expenses.

Its time to shake the table and introduce some discomfort into her life. Ignore, stop appeasing her, fibd a pseudo friend to be chatting with on phone, call and laugh with that fake friend in her presense.

Stay out longer and eat out sometimes, buy things for the kids and not her.

If this doesnt wake her up, she never l9ved you, and you sjould be considering moving on with your life without her.

Abi now for this economy na him woman go dey use person for daylight like this and for good 8 years and I no hear this guy well.

Stay out and if she no bother then know she doesn't love you just the money and allow her go.
Before the thing makes you to be thinking what you are not supposed to.

Even with money again man go dey find love hmm

immortalcrown:
I have not heard her own side of the story. But if what you say here is true, you can never satisfy her and the marriage can only get worse as long as you desperately beg for her attention.

There are two ungodly ways to make her crave for you:
1.
Stop begging for her attention. Get yourself another woman, whether as wife or as girlfriend. Some people don't value what they have until they lose it.

2.
Give her the freedom to taste other men so that she will tell the difference between the bird at hand and the ones in the bush.

But these two approaches are ungodly.

You started taking her out, lodging her in hotels and taking her to Dubai because she requested such. Yet instead of she to appreciate you for granting her request, she twisted things by saying that you are doing it for the children and that she still wants her own treatment. You married a manipulator.

This is exactly your fate in the marriage.

Someone that treats you this way told you that she wants you to pray more with the family and you are even saying that she introduced your children to God. Indeed, you married a manipulator.

The earlier you take your mind and attention off her, the better for you. If not, she will either unalive you soon or divorce you at the slightest opportunity.

I wouldn't blame the woman. The man appears to be someone bereft of the ability to discern pre-marriage. He is but seeing the result of his CHOICE!

nairaland script writers well done o. No man can withstand such an amount of disrespect and hatred from his wife, and still decide to relocate her abroad. This story is so fake.

peanutbutterr:
nairaland script writers well done o. No man can withstand such an amount of disrespect and hatred from his wife, and still decide to relocate her abroad. This story is so fake.

Suppose her family is the one funding their upward mobility as someone suggested earlier?

Op, Abeg na ya waif family dey sponsor? The babe fit be ogbanje sef 🥺

All that is left is smoking ashes, no coal, fire have waned.