₦airaland Forum

dauntless15:
It's okay to not like your native name, e fit no sound good, e fit no mean good thing, she has her reasons, that doesn't mean she won't ever go home or associate with people from her tribe, it's not that deep.

Yeah! I concur on the name aspect. But if doesn't like speaking her native language, she will find difficult associating with the folks at home. Igbos at home will use mouth to finish her, if she is only speaking English.

Then it is better you go to village and marry

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

tobeezman:
Nothing she tells me in this case will be justified. I know myself. She is also a Nairalander, so I hope she sees post if it makes it to front page.

You did well. This is coming from someone that understands the 3 major Nigerian language and speaks them moderately well.

However, I wish I spoke more Igbo than the rest. But I pride in it. Atleast I can blend easily.

Above all. Being an Nwa afigbo is something to pride about.

thesicilian:
It wasn't about tribal pride but the only reason you rejected her was because she distanced herself from her tribal roots. We like to lie to ourselves to make ourselves seem sophisticated.

"We like to lie to ourselves to make ourselves seem sophisticated."

Are you scolding or supporting him?

denitro:
When someone says they’re not really into their native language, it doesn’t always mean they’ve lost their identity. It could simply mean they see the world beyond tribe or language. Real unity isn’t about speaking the same words, it’s about sharing the same values and understanding. It’s good to love your culture, but it’s also fine for someone to express who they are in their own way. Maybe she isn’t rejecting where she’s from; maybe she’s just finding her own way to connect with the world.

The story of the Tower of Babel shows that language was used to separate people and make them identify only with their own group. Some people still think language should define and divide us. Hopefully, one day you’ll leave that mindset and realize that true maturity comes from understanding people beyond labels and roots.

The guy thinks like a typical auto spare parts seller in Lagos. Tech hubs and summits like Developer Circles, Google’s DG, TechCrunch etc are globalization- oriented. If he's what he said he is, attended a host of summits, met and work with people across cultural lines, he would not put the girl away like he's looking for a wife and sales girl to help with some business somewhere in a local market.
That girl fit no even send am sef.

Nna gị mụrụ gị ọfụma

Cti28:
Yeah! I concur on the name aspect. But if doesn't like speaking her native language, she will find difficult associating with the folks at home. Igbos at home will use mouth to finish her, if she is only speaking English.

My siblings who didn't grow up at home don't speak our native language, but whenever they visit home during the holidays we all speak pidgin and mix it with our language and everyone understands each other, because it's Thier mother tongue it's innate, you can't take that out of your subconscious even if you don't speak it, I dunno if you understand me, I don't speak my native tongue either, but I'm a full blooded male from my tribe and I identify as one anyway, showing it physically isn't the only way you can Belong.

Exceed15:
If the bearing of native name is important keep searching then.

To me its very very important

We have to know our root..

tobeezman:
I never really thought about that but She should have mentioned the native name regardless and then tell me why she does not like to bear the name which I will obviously understand because its my language too.

She said she doesn't like it ... she wouldn't say it unless you ask. It was for you to ask since she didn't. If you asked and she said Chioma .... but did not give her surname which you want to know. Is it she should've mentioned it? ... or you should've asked?

Good decision my n*gga, else the relationship will have many contradictions for you.

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

Don't blame her much man. Most women are like that. They have no pride in where they are from.
Reminds me of one lady then I was toasting but was in mid-30s. She said if her man doesn't have plans to travel abroad, she will quit the relationship. I'm like WTF, you're heading menopausal and your only aim is to travel abroad. Upon that, your papa no fit send you japa but you dey find man wey go take you japa. I deleted her number the next day. Hopefully, you'll find someone better.

That woman might not even know about her background or roots, there are so many of such in Lagos and that's why they don't like traveling anywhere because they don't know where they actually come from.Some of them are also products of unwanted pregnancy abandoned in motherless babies' homes and they find their level when they grow up.

zelnababa:
you never ready to mary.

Oh so he should marry anyone he is not comfortable with so he will later divorce? Come on, let him find who doesn't have issues he considers as red flags.

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

That’s was the kind of thing I encountered with one beautiful lady by name,we just clicked,we talked,laughed at our jokes,at a point,I did asked her about her dream man,she now said ;my qualities are her dream man,boom,she let the cat out of the bag,that she doesn’t like the Igbo tribe,my eyes nearly popped out of his socket.

I gently asked her,why don’t u like the Igbo tribe,she couldn’t even give me a single reason ,and she’s from Delta Igbo,it kept me wondering why she made such statement,and then,I was ready to wife her.

Immediately we left where we were enjoying our drinks and bbq ,I just blocked her.

dauntless15:
My siblings who didn't grow up at home don't speak our native language, but whenever they visit home during the holidays we all speak pidgin and mix it with our language and everyone understands each other, because it's Thier mother tongue it's innate, you can't take that out of your subconscious even if you don't speak it, I dunno if you understand me, I don't speak my native tongue either, but I'm a full blooded male from my tribe and I identify as one anyway, showing it physically isn't the only way you can Belong.

The word "identify'' is the deal. I have met certain people who don't like to associate with their tribe in anyway because they felt they "exotic"

Amen

tobeezman:
I reject that IJN!

Lots of young people think disassociating themselves from their roots makes them “educated”, “enlightened”, “progressive” etc, but it actually does the opposite.

Because if you’re educated and all that, you would know the simple fact that your root is your identity, and when you deny it, you deny yourself. You don’t exist.

It’s the same basic concept that is difficult for the lgbt community to understand. You can’t fool yourself that you’re the opposite sex and expect me to participate in such foolery. It’s the same thing with blurring your identity.

I have worked with folks from many nationalities, and this trend is common with descendants of colonised people. You see a Chinese person introduce themselves with their Chinese name, but it is the Africans that always wants to be the Jennifer, and the Richard and and the Jackson

It goes farther than identity. Another one is in award.

A Chinese musician don’t care about Grammy award, because they don’t need a white award to feel like a success, or Nigerian politicians that must go give a speech in London Chatham house to feel competent.

This is why the decolonisation of the mind is very necessary. As a colonised people, granting political independence is not enough. The mind have to be independent as well.

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

This reason is not enough to quit the friendship . It is your loss, not hers. Did you ask why she is not interested in claiming her Igbo name? There could be a stigma in the past and that experience made her took the decision.

You are still childish and immature for relationship. Really disappointed in you.

Imeteresing perspectives!

@op what you have done is called "prejudice". I believe it is not too late to change your mind.

Originalsly:
According to you .... she said she does not like her name and she does not like speaking Igbo.

It was automatic for you to ask her why instead of ghosting her. How can you not ask her? ... that's the common sense follow up question? Instead you jump to conclusion and wasn't even man enough to tell her why the friendship has to end . If she later marries out of her tribe I'm sure you will join the bashing of Igbo professional women for not choosing their tribesmen.

Many people do not like their name ... that's common. She used her name on her business card ... is it the same name on her certificates? Is it the same name she used for the registration of her business? Is it the same name she uses for official business? She is wayyyy more business savvy than you. If she uses an Igbo name on her business card .... then the reality in Nigeria is she would be limiting herself to Igbo clients only. If she uses an English name she will be attracting more clients from all tribes because of the foreign is better mentality. She does not like speaking Igbo can be for the same reason .... she can lose clients who do not like Igbos. She is trying to stay neutral....it is good for business. That does not mean she has distanced herself from or rejected her culture. If it's not too late ...I suggest you call her up ... let her know what went down and ask for another chance. But on the other hand ... she may not accept since she would reason if you can ghost her because of name ...what else would you ghost her for if she picks up the relationship?;

A man may want five things in a relationship ... he usually settles for three ....to get four he considers the woman his soul mate. To get all five is God sent but God rarely sends. You had four but be looking for five. Gooood luck.

You are one of very few of commentators here, who realise, "the gragra tech boy", is too proud and won't be a listening leader/husband, he also looking for perfection in a woman, any girl that eventually married him, should ready to be his servant.


I won't be surprised if he start marry and remarried, many of them are praising him now, but refused to point to his big flaw, which would make relationship with him miserable.

You did the right thing. Many who are lost might say it doesn't matter but it is the same idiosyncratic view that has kept many bound and down. Be igbotic. Let people call you a tribalist. Do not throw away your values for the foolish woke crowd.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too

@bold that one concern you.

Probably the igbo name you are asked her of will put food on your table

8starmember:
To me its very very important

We have to know our root..

Na name wan chop abi woman wey give you peace

SpencerForbes:
You're chasing perfection, but let's be real, we're all works in progress - guys and gals alike. If you're holding out for that flawless Igbo babe who's smart and checks every box, you might be waiting a while.

So, are you saying if you meet a chill, caring, intelligent lady, you'd pass just because she's Yoruba? Sounds like there's more to the story, or maybe you just didn’t like her.
🚶‍♂️

He is not chasing perfection. He wants genuity, and someone without an identity crisis, who also accept herself wholesomely.

I don’t know what you guys call education, but to me, you’re not educated if the basics as self-acceptance is an alien concept to you. If one has insecurity of their origin, then of what use is their education ?

She might be certificated, with lots of shiny degrees and title, but education? Lol, of course not. Not only that, if one lacks empathy, kindness, then their education is of no use either.

If your education does not make you a better, refined and sophisticated version of yourself, then it’s like a bird with wings but can’t fly. The wings is useless.

I mean, the anglophones (a minority in the white race eg the Brits/Americans) makes up less than 3% of human population. Why can’t she bear Agnieszka (A polish female name), or Nana (A Ghanian female name) or Aaradhya (an Hindu name)?

Why always the Anglophones name? It’s simply because the mind has been colonised.

Cti28:
The word "identify'' is the deal. I have met certain people who don't like to associate with their tribe in anyway because they felt they "exotic"

That's just buojee people, and they exist yea but my argument here is not bearing your native name or speaking your mother tongue doesn't mean you denounce your ethnicity.

pembisco:
He should have tried to find out why instead of ghosting, there could be a trauma behind her response because of the way she was so blunt about it, he never can tell! As a tech guy that he is, I expected more

The way she might interpret it is different. She could think he's coming on too strong, and when a lady senses desperation, it's like game over for you. If she was really interested in making moves, I think she'd've reached out herself. But if she's not vibing with the relationship, then there's probably nothing he could've done differently.
🚶‍♂️

Saying she does not like her Igbo name and is proud that she does not speak Igbo is bad of her. But that is the issue when a child is raised in a cosmopolitan area which is not abut to the parents' ethnic region.

Ndi "My mama tell me say I be Igbo". She would have a hard time relating with a man who was raised in the East.

Who knows? Maybe you were sent to help correct that flaw in her.

PUNANI01:
You're not alone bro. There's more of us out there. Once you are from igbo and you don't answer the name and you don't speak the language, bye bye to anything relationship.

That does not tell the entire story. The person was christened by his/her parent and could have been raised in an environment where the language isn't spoken. The issue with OP's girl is that she is ashamed of the language and her origin.

Gracefilled01:
Just like I once met a dark African lady in a not-so-black dominated region. Walked up to her to exchange pleasantries, then asked where she’s from, she replied; I’m American! I was like, ohhh, you aren’t African? Her reply? Ohh..my parents are from Congo, but I’m American. I avoided her afterwards..lol.

Again, a different context. She did not explicitly state she is not happy about her Congolese ancestry, OP's girl is. Also, being raised in the US, where there is a strong Black culture and population, is different from where you met her (not many Blacks). If she were raised in such a place, I bet she would expressly state that she is from Congo.

Tell us that you never ready to invite us for Jollof Rice .

Dey dia dey scope us , no be man dey remodel man again?