₦airaland Forum

Africanwardrobe:
Even if they explain to u till thy kingdom come, u no go still understand... just rest

Leave her make she dey ask JAMB question.

Why will a Man leave ladies in thier early 20s to go after Evening News Paper?

Samantha125:
What do you have in common with someone whom you're over 15 years her senior?

Marriage is not about what you have in common. If that's the case, there won't be interracial marriages!

Felimax:
Noooo ma! Don't get it twisted please.
I was totally jobless and helpless when I met her so the issue of me having money is totally ruled out.

Somehow she connected me to the man I worked with and that was where the transformation started.

I never wanted a woman that has something in common with me but rather someone who can fill in the blank spaces and so many areas she fits in perfectly.

Personally I like good food and she came in as a good cook. I don't know how to make you understand why even when the church and family said we not compatible we insisted and went ahead to solidify our union.

When we fight we fight like Lions but when we love is there we see the truth.
There is no manner of prophecy we did not hear but today we are 9 years in marriage minus 3 years in relationship.

My life hangs on our union and this has nothing to do with ego.

You are looking for something common I was craving for what will compliment my weakness. That was the lifeline for me.

Baba! stop explaining to her. She will never comprehend. Not to be sexist, but we all know God did not blessed them with comprehension from this angle.

Any man on this forum already understand your decision.
I'm in the same shoe (10years plus age gap) and enjoying it

Life is supposed to be like a software that can be updated.
Seriously, some things about life are already due for update.

Emu4life:
Baba! stop explaining to her. She will never comprehend. Not to be sexist, but we all know God did not blessed them with comprehension from this angle.

Any man on this forum already understand your decision.
I'm in the same shoe (10years plus age gap) and enjoying it

Wow!!!!
Wow!
You have that feeling!
God continue to bless your family sir.

Samantha125:
Honestly, it's still too early for me to be typing in too much English on a Sunday...😩😩😩... So I'll come back later.

No just rest it!
I told you initially that you are not a man that you will not understand and you see I was right.

Fenrir:
From where I stand — as one who does not kneel before unseen gods — prayer has always seemed a strange thing.
You say your God is all-powerful, all-wise, and never wrong; that His plan was written before the first star breathed fire.
If all that is true, then why whisper requests into the wind as though the universe might rewrite itself on your command?

It’s like standing before a finished painting and begging the artist to change the colours.
Or shouting at the screen when the film is already over — the ending won’t bend because you beg it to.
If your God’s plan is perfect, then your prayer is pointless.
If your prayer can change His plan, then His plan was never perfect.

To me, prayer looks less like a message to heaven and more like a mirror for the soul — a way for people to hear their own fears aloud and call it faith.
It’s a quiet form of self-comfort, a ritual to make chaos feel less wild.
And I understand that — humans crave meaning; they want to believe their words can stir the stars.

But if a god truly rules every breath, every dawn, every death — then He already knew what you’d ask, and why you’d ask it, before you ever spoke.
So tell me, what power lies in a prayer when the script was written ages ago, and the ending never changes?

That’s why I don’t pray.
I live, I act, I think — because no line I speak will change a story already filmed.

Deep

Na sooooo

Carry go my sister

Time will tell

What does race has to do with having common interests in a union? You can be of different race, but have similar characteristics and interests.

Jman06:
Marriage is not about what you have in common. If that's the case, there won't be interracial marriages!

I've now eaten and recharged my English bundles... ... So you're admitting to the fact that you guys don't have any common interests, but what you basically wanted was a naive young girl that you could dominate into submission?

Are you telling me that there weren't other women who were more matured and could cook very well?

Felimax:
Noooo ma! Don't get it twisted please.
I was totally jobless and helpless when I met her so the issue of me having money is totally ruled out.

Somehow she connected me to the man I worked with and that was where the transformation started.

I never wanted a woman that has something in common with me but rather someone who can fill in the blank spaces and so many areas she fits in perfectly.

Personally I like good food and she came in as a good cook. I don't know how to make you understand why even when the church and family said we not compatible we insisted and went ahead to solidify our union.

When we fight we fight like Lions but when we love is there we see the truth.
There is no manner of prophecy we did not hear but today we are 9 years in marriage minus 3 years in relationship.

My life hangs on our union and this has nothing to do with ego.

You are looking for something common I was craving for what will compliment my weakness. That was the lifeline for me.

Of course every man on this forum will understand because it's all about your fragile egos.

Emu4life:
Baba! stop explaining to her. She will never comprehend. Not to be sexist, but we all know God did not blessed them with comprehension from this angle.

Any man on this forum already understand your decision.
I'm in the same shoe (10years plus age gap) and enjoying it

Samantha125:
What does race has to do with having common interests in a union? You can be of different race, but have similar characteristics and interests.

From the beginning of time, marriage has got little to do with common interests or characteristics but being able to marry individual differences together. Someone from American with an entirely different culture and someone from the Igbo tribe in Nigeria have little in common in terms of culture and individual characteristics but they can marry their individual differences together and thrive in marriage. That's what marriage is about! Besides, being 15years older or younger doesn't mean they can't have a lot in common!

Samantha125:
Of course every man on this forum will understand because it's all about your fragile egos.

Every man? Excuse me, miss Samantha im shocked you'd say that. Maybe every Nigerian man but I firmly believe the opposite to them to the point that the women should be running the country not the men.

Samantha125:
Of course every man on this forum will understand because it's all about your fragile egos.

May you find peace

My bad, I meant every African man.

Fenrir:
Every man? Excuse me, miss Samantha im shocked you'd say that. Maybe every Nigerian man but I firmly believe the opposite to them to the point that the women should be running the country not the men.

Samantha125:
I've now eaten and recharged my English bundles... ... So you're admitting to the fact that you guys don't have any common interests, but what you basically wanted was a naive young girl that you could dominate into submission?

Are you telling me that there weren't other women who were more matured and could cook very well?

Samantha better be calming down!
Lol! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Prior to her coming I don't allow any woman to cook for me.
The saying that when you see your wife to be you will know, that kind of thing.

You can be from different nations with different cultural backgrounds, but still have common interests... A lot of black Americans have some similarities with Nigerians character wise.

Jman06:
From the beginning of time, marriage has got little to do with common interests or characteristics but being able to marry individual differences together. Someone from American with an entirely different culture and someone from the Igbo tribe in Nigeria have little in common in terms of culture and individual characteristics but they can marry their individual differences together and thrive in marriage. That's what marriage is about! Besides, being 15years older or younger doesn't mean they can't have a lot in common!

You didn't allow any other woman to cook for you until you came across your young, naive, and fresh wife like a winter tomato? Got it.

Felimax:
Samantha better be calming down!
Lol! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Prior to her coming I don't allow any woman to cook for me.
The saying that when you see your wife to be you will know, that kind of thing.

Samantha125:
You can be from different nations with different cultural backgrounds, but still have common interests... A lot of black Americans have some similarities with Nigerians character wise.

The point is that marriage is not necessarily about common interests but the ability to accommodate and manage differences from the other partner because you love them. This is why people from different professional backgrounds still marry and make great couples. If it's about interests, then one must then have to marry from one's profession eg doctors vs doctors, lawyers vs lawyers, engineers vs engineers etc

Jman06:
The point is that marriage is not necessarily about common interests but the ability to accommodate and manage differences from the other partner because you love them. This is why people from different professional backgrounds still marry and make great couples. If it's about interests, then one must then have to marry from one's profession eg doctors vs doctors, lawyers vs lawyers, engineers vs engineers etc

You speak of marriage as if it were the joining of two ships from distant seas — each with its own sails, its own winds, its own waters — and indeed, you are not wrong to say that differences can be bound together by love. Yet I say unto you, with the voice of the North and the wisdom of winters uncounted: it is not differences that sustain a voyage, but the trust between sailors and the truth that binds the ship together when storms rage.

You see, in my homeland, when two Vikings set out to sea, they did not first ask if their ships were carved from the same oak or painted in the same color. No — they asked, Can I trust this man when the night falls and the sea roars? They asked, Will his hand hold the oar steady when my strength falters? This, my friend, is what marriage truly is — not a festival of sameness, nor a competition of contrasts, but a covenant of endurance.

You speak of love as if it can tame all difference. But love without truth is like a fire without air — it dies choking on its own smoke. Love without trust is a ship without a keel — it will drift wherever the wind commands. And love without shared understanding — not sameness, but understanding — is like two warriors fighting the same battle, but each in his own fog.

Yes, two souls from different worlds can meet — a man from the snows of Norway and a woman from the red earth of Igboland — and build a union that the gods themselves would envy. But they do not succeed because they ignore their differences; they thrive because they build bridges of truth across them. The bridge is not made of mere emotion, nor of fleeting interest, but of honesty, loyalty, patience, and trust — these are the iron nails that hold the bridge firm.

You say that shared interests are not necessary, and perhaps that is true — for a farmer and a singer can share a heart if they share a spirit. But if one’s joy is alien to the other’s soul, if one cannot laugh at what brings the other laughter, or take solace in what gives the other peace — then their union is built on shifting sand. Common ground, however small, is not about hobbies or careers; it is about values. It is not whether both like the same music or food, but whether both honor the same truth — whether they kneel before the same altar of respect, whether they cherish honesty above comfort and loyalty above pride.

You see, in my father’s land, a Viking and his wife shared the hearth — not merely as man and woman, but as comrades. The woman was no servant, nor the man a tyrant. They were partners in the long winter. When storms howled outside, they kept their flame alive by trust and companionship. When famine came, they shared equally the hardship. They did not survive because their differences were ignored, but because their bond was stronger than those differences.

So, my friend from the rich lands of Nigeria, let not your wisdom make light of the sacred truth that what binds two hearts is not only love, but truth and trust. A marriage without truth is like a longship with a cracked hull — it may float for a time, but the sea will find its way in. A marriage without trust is like a voyage without a compass — both may set sail with smiles, but the horizon will swallow them soon enough.

You are right that love can cross borders — aye, it can cross oceans and centuries. But love that endures must be rooted in something deeper than emotion; it must be anchored in integrity. And trust, my brother, is not born from difference — it is born from shared truth.

So I say unto you as one whose ancestors rode the storms:
Let love be the sail, truth the mast, and trust the hull.
Let your differences be the winds — wild and unpredictable —
But never forget, it is shared purpose that keeps the ship afloat.

Since when did one's occupation had anything to do with his or her love life?

We don't bring our professions at home after we knock off from our different places of work... When I look at my husband, I don't see a medical doctor, but my best friend and the man a fell in love with.

I'm referring to hobbies here.

Jman06:
The point is that marriage is not necessarily about common interests but the ability to accommodate and manage differences from the other partner because you love them. This is why people from different professional backgrounds still marry and make great couples. If it's about interests, then one must then have to marry from one's profession eg doctors vs doctors, lawyers vs lawyers, engineers vs engineers etc

Fenrir:
You speak of marriage as if it were the joining of two ships from distant seas — each with its own sails, its own winds, its own waters — and indeed, you are not wrong to say that differences can be bound together by love. Yet I say unto you, with the voice of the North and the wisdom of winters uncounted: it is not differences that sustain a voyage, but the trust between sailors and the truth that binds the ship together when storms rage.

You see, in my homeland, when two Vikings set out to sea, they did not first ask if their ships were carved from the same oak or painted in the same color. No — they asked, Can I trust this man when the night falls and the sea roars? They asked, Will his hand hold the oar steady when my strength falters? This, my friend, is what marriage truly is — not a festival of sameness, nor a competition of contrasts, but a covenant of endurance.

You speak of love as if it can tame all difference. But love without truth is like a fire without air — it dies choking on its own smoke. Love without trust is a ship without a keel — it will drift wherever the wind commands. And love without shared understanding — not sameness, but understanding — is like two warriors fighting the same battle, but each in his own fog.

Yes, two souls from different worlds can meet — a man from the snows of Norway and a woman from the red earth of Igboland — and build a union that the gods themselves would envy. But they do not succeed because they ignore their differences; they thrive because they build bridges of truth across them. The bridge is not made of mere emotion, nor of fleeting interest, but of honesty, loyalty, patience, and trust — these are the iron nails that hold the bridge firm.

You say that shared interests are not necessary, and perhaps that is true — for a farmer and a singer can share a heart if they share a spirit. But if one’s joy is alien to the other’s soul, if one cannot laugh at what brings the other laughter, or take solace in what gives the other peace — then their union is built on shifting sand. Common ground, however small, is not about hobbies or careers; it is about values. It is not whether both like the same music or food, but whether both honor the same truth — whether they kneel before the same altar of respect, whether they cherish honesty above comfort and loyalty above pride.

You see, in my father’s land, a Viking and his wife shared the hearth — not merely as man and woman, but as comrades. The woman was no servant, nor the man a tyrant. They were partners in the long winter. When storms howled outside, they kept their flame alive by trust and companionship. When famine came, they shared equally the hardship. They did not survive because their differences were ignored, but because their bond was stronger than those differences.

So, my friend from the rich lands of Nigeria, let not your wisdom make light of the sacred truth that what binds two hearts is not only love, but truth and trust. A marriage without truth is like a longship with a cracked hull — it may float for a time, but the sea will find its way in. A marriage without trust is like a voyage without a compass — both may set sail with smiles, but the horizon will swallow them soon enough.

You are right that love can cross borders — aye, it can cross oceans and centuries. But love that endures must be rooted in something deeper than emotion; it must be anchored in integrity. And trust, my brother, is not born from difference — it is born from shared truth.

So I say unto you as one whose ancestors rode the storms:
Let love be the sail, truth the mast, and trust the hull.
Let your differences be the winds — wild and unpredictable —
But never forget, it is shared purpose that keeps the ship afloat.

So much wisdom here. I appreciate your response

Samantha125:
Since when did one's occupation had anything to do with his or her love life?

We don't bring our professions at home after we knock off from our different places of work... When I look at my husband, I don't see a medical doctor, but my best friend and the man a fell in love with.

I'm referring to hobbies here.

Okay, the "interests" you wrote about in your post were merely hobbies? And you think people must have the same hobbies before they can get married?

Jman06:
So much wisdom here. I appreciate your response

Hear me once more, brother of the warm lands, for I speak not from books nor borrowed wisdom, but from the marrow of a man who has walked through hell and found his way back.

If you seek proof of my words, you need not take them on faith — go instead and read my story carved in the old posts of this forum. Look upon the trail I left behind when I first came here. You’ll find a man who had seen too much war, who had buried his first wife and with her, the better part of himself. You’ll see the words of someone living behind a wall of anger, blind in the fog of grief, sharp in speech, and hollow in spirit.

That man was made of scars and silence. He swung at shadows because that was all he could see. The war did not end when the shooting stopped — it lived on inside my skull, whispering, burning. My thoughts were iron and smoke.

But the woman I am married to now — she didn’t just step into my life; she stepped into the fire and refused to leave me there. She reached into the storm and tore out the rage I couldn’t part with. She didn’t tame me — she freed me from the ghosts I’d chained myself to.

She never fought me. She stood with me. And somehow, through her patience, I found the edges of the fog and started to see daylight again.

So when I speak now, it’s not with the bitterness of the man who first posted here, but with the clarity of someone who’s finally breathing clean air after years of smoke.

If you doubt it, friend, I ask for no belief, no sympathy. Just look at the evidence with your own eyes. Check my old posts from when I first joined, then read what I’ve written since my return. You’ll see the change — not a miracle, but a transformation born of love, honesty, and the kind of quiet strength only another human being can give.

That’s the truth, as real as the cold iron I once carried, and as steady as the peace I hold now.

What else would they do to bond as couples during their spare time? Just stare at each other in the eyes likes strangers?

Jman06:
Okay, the "interests" you wrote about in your post were merely hobbies? And you think people must have the same hobbies before they can get married?

Samantha125:
What else would they do to bond as couples during their spare time? Just stare at each other in the eyes likes strangers?

They must not have the same hobbies from the beginning. Hobbies can be leaned, remember. So, something as simple as hobbies shouldn't be used to determine marriage or dating compatibility. For instance, I like watching MAN U games as a hobby, must I wait until I come across a girl who also likes same thing before I date or marry?

Okay, then what do you normally do to bond with your woman?

Jman06:
They must not have the same hobbies from the beginning. Hobbies can be leaned, remember. So, something as simple as hobbies shouldn't be used to determine marriage or dating compatibility. For instance, I like watching MAN U games as a hobby, must I wait until I come across a girl who also likes same thing before I date or marry?

Samantha125:
Okay, then what do you normally do to bond with your woman?

I go on dates with her, buy her surprise gifts, join her in the kitchen to help out when she's cooking and also listen to her gossips, I take her to the salon when she wants to make her hair and wait until she's done. The list of what couples can do together to bond is endless and these have nothing to do with age differences.

1. Going on dates with her is good.

2. So you'll buy her surprise gifts everytime you're hanging out together?🤔🤔🤔

3. Helping her out in the kitchen is nice, but you mustn't just listen to her gossips, be her gossip partner and gossip together because you'll get bored by just listening to her and waiting for her to finish.

4. Taking her to the salon and waiting for her until she's done is a very big NO for me, as ladies, we use the time in the salon to take out our love lives and family frustrations, that's where we spill all kinds of beans that even you guys don't know about... You being there like the lost statue of liberty will hinder her from being free to vent out her frustrations, even if it means talking about her past relationships... And it's giving the "I'm possessive" vibes.

Jman06:
I go on dates with her, buy her surprise gifts, join her in the kitchen to help out when she's cooking and also listen to her gossips, I take her to the salon when she wants to make her hair and wait until she's done. The list of what couples can do together to bond is endless and these have nothing to do with age differences.