₦airaland Forum

Run o

LOVEGINO:
no mind her. Shebi marriage na achievement for dem. She must do.

Oh sure! She is literally the one forcing the man to marry her, right?

But you can lend your friends. Anty you need to learn more from your parents u never ready for marriage

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

You're the red flag in all of these. Them just throw u small test,you have failed woefully. Why he is not talking to you is because you broke his heart.

Meaning when his loved ones need help,and you have means to assist them,you will still refuse.

You are not yet ready for marriage my sister

Afriifa:
The question is if your Fiance has a car, and your brother asks you to help him ask your fiancé to borrow him his car for a similar event, if you guys refuses, the question now is that how would you handle it? Your answer to that question solves the problem.

Oga. cars and personal effects are not the same. The sister ought to have approached her herself. Borrowing wears? Hmm. People can cross boundaries. It doesn't add up. Too unhygienic in my estimation. Don't call off nothing. Maintain your boundaries but diplomatically. If he decides to call it off, so be it. He is immature. The sissy seems to controls him.

Don’t give anyone your personal items like that. This is a very wretched family. Leave now.

Yankiss:
Oga. cars and personal effects are not the same. The sister ought to have approached her herself. Borrowing wears? Hmm. People can cross boundaries. It doesn't add up. Too unhygienic in my estimation. Don't call off nothing. Maintain your boundaries but diplomatically. If he decides to call it off, so be it. He is immature. The sissy seems to controls him.

Calling off the relationship in this case is her way of maintaining her boundary. Boundaries are a way of protecting ourselves from what we have realized is potentially harmful to us, and this man has shown he is just that to the OP. Why should she not seek to distance herself from him at this point?

You are saying he is immature and asking her not to call it off, why? So, she can remain engaged to and potentially marry the same immature man?

Since your wedding is in 4months, whatever we say now can't change anything.
You see marriage is not easy as it usually looks. So, to make it less challenging you need avoid some kinds of trouble. This particular case is one of it, but if you can cope with lending out your private materials it's fine.
And lastly if your fiance can be angry over something crazy like this, trust me he is not worth it. He probably with his family live a fake life, wanting to always appear more than they are.
Good luck to you!

Afriifa:
The question is if your Fiance has a car, and your brother asks you to help him ask your fiancé to borrow him his car for a similar event, if you guys refuses, the question now is that how would you handle it? Your answer to that question solves the problem.

Oga, it is not the same thing sir. Borrowing a car is far more reasonable than borrow a dress or wig, those are very personal items.
A car is less personal.
I find it disgusting and haven't really experienced it. But I have lent out my car before on several occasions and for different reasons but never clothing materials. That's crazy!

Kobojunkie:
Calling off the relationship in this case is her way of maintaining her boundary. Boundaries are a way of protecting ourselves from what we have realized is potentially harmful to us, and this man has shown he is just that to the OP. Why should she not seek to distance herself from him at this point?

You are saying he is immature and asking her not to call it off, why? So, she can remain engaged to and potentially marry the same immature man?

Maturity is allowing him go the whole hog. This could be an exception not the rule, who knows. Relationships are so imperfect that applying the stick at every turn makes one single for life. You have to be blind to something. But there are limits. She should act along. Let him call it off himself. I know what I mean by that.

Nemesis0147:
don’t mind them
Very selfish people….what are clothes and wig?
And what makes her think that she won’t be asking for a favor from the same lady in the future?

Na the man suppose bail out

You must be one of those people with such dirty habit.

Is it this trash that you bring to the public?
Red flag that you Will be a disaster in marriage

Kobojunkie:
You dey fiance a immature poverty-stricken man in this economy? You no like yourself or your life at all. Hating yourself is a primary warning sign/red flag here.

Do you even realize the many things that could go wrong if you marry this man? He could have his family coming to your place to take as they please when you both become married, and there wouldn't be much you could do about it then. Do you realize that the man you plan to marry would likely fund his family during your marriage with money you both should have been using to build your futures? These are some of the things that you should hash out in a prenuptial agreement before marriage. Additionally, consider a prenuptial agreement requiring that if both of you contribute financially to the marriage, then not only would the marriage's communal wealth belong to you both — meaning you both divide property from the marriage equally— but that you both handle as partners all the responsibilities in a marriage — a partnership relationship in place of master-slave marriage.

This is 2025, and we are entering 2026. If you do this to yourself, you will have yourself to blame for the duration of the marriage for all that befalls you. Start loving yourself and don't even bother getting a man until you have completely centered yourself and your interests — acquire self-love. Better step back and focus on your financial security and getting you a man who can carry his own weight to marry, if at all.

This "kobojunkie" lady dey always behave somehow. I am too sure you are single (I will be too surprised if you are not) and E go really hard you to get a man! You already built high walls around yourself, it will be good for you if you are not naija-based, else, you go learn.

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

Explain to him the disadvantages of sharing such items.
Once anybody wears my wig, it will never enter my head again.

Let him collect your tooth brush and give her too.

His sister should wear whatever she has, it’s called containment.

Yankiss:
➜Maturity is allowing him go the whole hog. This could be an exception not the rule, who knows.
➜Relationships are so imperfect that applying the stick at every turn makes one single for life. You have to be blind to something. But there are limits.
➜She should act along. Let him call it off himself. I know what I mean by that.

Exception? He is an immature individual meaning he does not respect his fiance and does not know how to emotionally regulate as adults or even husbands are supposed to be. Why is an exception needed for you to admit this?

2. There are no perfect humans out there, and hence no perfect relationship. But does a relationship have to be perfect to be safe and healthy? Clearly, they don't. Why would you advise anyone to enter into a relationship where there is no peace or happiness to be had, only heartache, trauma, immature tantrums at every corner, while staying silent, or being a punching bag to keep the peace? Any relationship where one literally has to exist in survival mode is not a relationship but a literal war/trauma to one's body and mind.

And why is it so wrong for one to choose to remain single for life? Why is that not a better option than entering into unhealthy relationships where one will never find the connection, safety, or love that one truly desires to have?

3. You mean she should begin walking on shells, silence her emotions, and minimize herself, all so she can remain engaged to a man who is clearly immature and has shown her his true self by his actions? To what end?

GenFunction:
Even if he bought it for you,mans has no right to make such demands.
Ur bf is sausy

I swear! I can't imagine to ask my wife for such material for anyone, even if I bought it for her. It crazy and disgusting to me. And my wife has never tried such before, we are 10years already...

It is better to be safe than sorry.
It is your fiancé who asked for your wig and dress, not his sister.
Do you know whether your fiancé wants to use your wig and dress for ritual purposes?

Afriifa:
The question is if your Fiance has a car, and your brother asks you to help him ask your fiancé to borrow him his car for a similar event, if you guys refuses, the question now is that how would you handle it? Your answer to that question solves the problem.

You can’t use car to compare. Clothes and wigs are personal belongings but not car. If the fiancé asked her to borrow his sister her blender, and she refuses, then that would be bad on her part

Berankis:
➜This "kobojunkie" lady dey always behave somehow. I am too sure you are single (I will be too surprised if you are not) and E go really hard you to get a man! You already built high walls around yourself, it will be good for you if you are not naija-based, else, you go learn.

Awon scarcity mentality people.... na so una go carry men wey no even give una the bare minimum still dey beat chest say at least una get man. Una settle for man for marriage and now una wan advice others to settle like you all did, all because misery loves company.

Characteristics of a scarcity mindset:
⚉ Focus on lack: A persistent feeling that there is not enough to go around, leading to an obsession with what is missing.
⚉ Fear of loss: A deep-seated anxiety about losing what you have, whether it's possessions, relationships, or opportunities.
⚉ Competitive behavior: Believing that for someone else to gain more, you must inherently have less, leading to a zero-sum view of success.
⚉ Impulsive decisions: Taking opportunities you aren't suited for because you fear you won't get another chance.
⚉ Hoarding: A tendency to conserve and hold onto resources, sometimes to an extreme degree.
⚉ Overscheduling: Feeling like there aren't enough hours in the day and trying to squeeze too much into your schedule.

Look, I would never advise a woman or even my daughter to settle when it comes to life or marriage. She is better off single and happy— there are so many women out there who are happy, single, and fulfilled— than unhappily, miserable, and living in survival mode in marriage, like so many single married women out there today are.

Berankis:
You must be one of those people with such dirty habit.

you wish…..

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

Abort mission, never borrow anyone whatever you put on your body. Is your fiance a yahoo guy?

Kobojunkie:
Awon scarcity mentality people.... na so una go carry men wey no even give una the bare minimum still dey beat chest say at least una get man. Una settle for man for marriage and now una wan advice others to settle like you all did, all because misery loves company.

Look, I would never advise a woman or even my daughter to settle when it comes to life or marriage. She is better off single and happy— there are so many women out there who are happy, single, and fulfilled— than unhappily, miserable, and living in survival mode in marriage, like so many single married women out there today are.

I am not a woman and I don't hate you but I don't fancy you all the same. You always sound so defensive and ready to fight. Relationship go hard you my sister, that's just how I perceive you.
Most people didn't support the idea of sharing personal items but when it got to your turn, you turned it to "pre-nuptial agreement". Is life really this difficult or you are just the one making it so hard?
Dey calm down abeg, true happiness is in marriage, if you get it above average. It doesn't have to be perfect. At least, that's how your Dad and mum had you and raised you together within a family with discipline, love and care. So why are you now a fighter?

Hi

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

Run oooo

Nemesis0147:
you wish…..

Better!

Berankis:
➜I am not a woman and I don't hate you.but I don't fancy you all the same.
➜ You always sound so defensive and ready to fight. Relationship go hard you my sister, that's just how I perceive you.
➜ Most people didn't support the idea of sharing personal items but when it got to your turn, you turned it to "pre-nuptial agreement".
➜ Is life really this difficult or you are just the one making it so hard?

For you to suggest that women should settle for the bottom of the barrel sample of men out there is already more than an admission that you hate women from your very core.

2. Calling out an immature man with a poverty mindset means I am defensive and ready to fight? Maybe you are right because I would rather not have my sisters, daughters, or anyone I love have any dealings with such individuals. You can keep them all for yourself. I have no need for them 🥱🥱

3. Sharing personal items? Is that how you choose to see it? OP never said the reason why she didn't want to give it to the girl had anything to do with them being personal items. Also, if OP's fiancé couldn't afford to purchase those items for his own sister who desired them, what are we discussing here? 🥱🥱

4. Go out there and ask the millions of women stuck in poverty-riddled/misery-mired/financially abusive situations out there if life isn't hard for them in that equation they got themselves all tangled up in. 🥱🥱🥱

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

Don't do it. Those are your highly private stuff. If you start it, you won't like the ending. If your gut's telling you to get out of the relationship, then do it.

Afriifa:
The question is if your Fiance has a car, and your brother asks you to help him ask your fiancé to borrow him his car for a similar event, if you guys refuses, the question now is that how would you handle it? Your answer to that question solves the problem.

You too like to do beggy beggy from your comment, is it encouraging to beg for wig?is car not differ from wig? I beg stop it's bad habit

Nemesis0147:
don’t mind them
Very selfish people….what are clothes and wig?
And what makes her think that she won’t be asking for a favor from the same lady in the future?

Na the man suppose bail out

hmmmn beggy beggy spotted this is exactly how they think
Out of every important things in life is wig worth something to be borrowed? Change your mindset

Kobojunkie:
For you to suggest that women should settle for the bottom of the barrel sample of men out there is already more than an admission that you hate women from your very core.

2. Calling out an immature man with a poverty mindset means I am defensive and ready to fight? Maybe you are right because I would rather not have my sisters, daughters, or anyone I love have any dealings with such individuals. You can keep them all for yourself. I have no need for them 🥱🥱

3. Sharing personal items? Is that how you choose to see it? OP never said the reason why she didn't want to give it to the girl had anything to do with them being personal items. Also, if OP's fiancé couldn't afford to purchase those items for his own sister who desired them, what are we discussing here? 🥱🥱

4. Go out there and ask the millions of women stuck in poverty-riddled/misery-mired/financially abusive situations out there if life isn't hard for them in that equation they got themselves all tangled up in. 🥱🥱🥱

Even from the way you itemise your points, na troublesome person you go be naturally.
Your grammar sef come be like say na English you study for school at Masters or PhD level.
I know I can't win you, I rest my argument here.

Berankis:
➜ Even from the way you itemise your points, na troublesome person you go be naturally.
Your grammar sef come be like say na English you study for school at Masters or PhD level. I know I can't win you, I rest my argument here.

Stop advising women to settle in marriage. We all now know for a fact that it is never a good idea for both the women and the children that result from such unions. You do women and their generations a great injustice when you advise them to settle in marriage for bare-minimum men, talk less of immature and poverty-minded men like OP's fiancé.

Let's all strive to do better for our race as a whole.

Berankis:
I am not a woman and I don't hate you but I don't fancy you all the same. You always sound so defensive and ready to fight. Relationship go hard you my sister, that's just how I perceive you.
Most people didn't support the idea of sharing personal items but when it got to your turn, you turned it to "pre-nuptial agreement". Is life really this difficult or you are just the one making it so hard?
Dey calm down abeg, true happiness is in marriage, if you get it above average. It doesn't have to be perfect. At least, that's how your Dad and mum had you and raised you tobgether within a family with discipline, love and care. So why are you now a fighter?

Exactly you just aired my mind..she wants to sound so perfect in all her dealings. So woke, reason she will comment more than 20 times on a thread trying to push are narrative down the throat of everyone.

Hmmm God abeg free me from these set of people...they can be very toxic.

if u must release it for her,dnt collect it back oo or better still,buy another for her.If that's his attitude, RUN.

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice