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I Am In A Dilemma! - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland ForumNairaland GeneralRomanceI Am In A Dilemma! (1016 Views)

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I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op):
I am in love with a single mother of four kids. The eldest is 15 years old. She is nice, caring, loving, homely and understanding lady. She has all the qualities I want in a woman. I love her but I’m concerned about the welfare of the kids afterwards in the relationship. She has been separated from the father of her kids for over a year now. She doesn’t demand money from me.
I don’t know if it is a good idea for me to continue with the relationship, or I just let it go . This lady has really been good to me.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Sonnobax15(m): 8:06am On Nov 26, 2025
lipsrsealed
Brooooooo..

Why are you in a hurry to celebrate 4 goals scored by another nigha?
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Kingsasian(m): 8:24am On Nov 26, 2025
Savvy19:
I am in love with a single mother of four kids. The eldest is 15 years old. She is nice, caring, loving, homely and understanding lady. She has all the qualities I want in a woman. I love her but I’m concerned about the welfare of the kids afterwards in the relationship. She has been separated from the father of her kids for over a year now.
I don’t know if it is a good idea for me to continue with the relationship, or I just let it go . This lady has really been good to me.
perhaps she needs you for company. I still believe it is too early for her to move on. I won't advise you to fall for her
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by badaru911: 8:27am On Nov 26, 2025
Savvy19:
I am in love with a single mother of four kids. The eldest is 15 years old. She is nice, caring, loving, homely and understanding lady. She has all the qualities I want in a woman. I love her but I’m concerned about the welfare of the kids afterwards in the relationship. She has been separated from the father of her kids for over a year now.
I don’t know if it is a good idea for me to continue with the relationship, or I just let it go . This lady has really been good to me.
...Less than 2 years separation, and a mother of 4... Man , don't bother.. she and her husband can still reconcile, maybe next month or anytime... You marry her with her kids welfare which is making you to shake not marrying her without her kids welfare which is impossible..
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Kobicove(m): 8:31am On Nov 26, 2025
You're in love with her money, say the truth and let the devil be ashamed grin
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op): 8:38am On Nov 26, 2025
Kingsasian:
perhaps she needs you for company. I still believe it is too early for her to move on. I won't advise you to fall for her
Thank you for this advice. Sometimes, am having this same thought too
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op): 8:41am On Nov 26, 2025
Kobicove:
You're in love with her money, say the truth and let the devil be ashamed grin
As a man, I have never asked her for any financial assistance or favor
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Nobody: 8:41am On Nov 26, 2025
Why would you start a match with a four-goal deficit, with the first goal scored as early as fifteen minutes? Never start a match already losing!

That first 15-minute goal (child) will never be counted as yours. Accept that!

Since she scored so early, how long do you think she has before the extra time (menopause) sets in?

As the substitute player entering the match, are you sure you’re the only one coming from the bench? What if another player is planning a goal before you, especially if the goals came from different players (fathers)?

If the original goal scorer (ex-partner) is still on the field, there’s still a massive chance for a rematch later!

Just because a single mum is caring now doesn’t mean she won't switch up when you get committed. That’s usually the script. I'm not calling her bad, but vet her well. The percentage of truly stable women is low. Why would you willingly take that kind of high risk?
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Onegai(f): 10:45am On Nov 26, 2025
Savvy19,

Please end it with her.

Don't even fool yourself by saying "oh let us be friends and I'll be hanging out, move in with you and loving you (but we won't define the relationship) whilst you heal". It's a stupid, manipulative tactic and her family and kids will see through it and hate you even more.

End it. Turn her into a friend from afar.

She's not ready to date anyone. She just left a 15-17 year marriage. You are such a REBOUND you may as well be a UEFA cup football hitting the goalpost.

She's wonderful to you right now because you're in the Honeymoon stage: her ego is bruised, she's broken emotionally, she hasn't recovered from her ex, she's trying to prove to the world that her ex was the problem (so trust me, you're getting the Ikoyi version of her, reality will be Aguda when it hits or Mushin when both of you realize it was a Rebound Relationship and you're in the Wow-This-Was-A-Bad-Idea era).

She needs to sit by herself and heal and focus on herself for a while, get herself together before dating.

Men do what she's doing: rush from Marriage into a Long-term Relationship and Another Marriage. They look happier than Yul Edochie and 2face and swear loudly about finally finding "peace".

In 5 years' time, they will quietly stop posting happy piz online and start sounding philosophical on their WhatsApp status (eye don clear and they've started to regret). It's why 2nd marriages fail higher than 1st marriages.

For your sake, protect your heart and give her space and distance. In 2-3 years' time if she's still available, go for her.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op): 11:09am On Nov 26, 2025
Onegai:
Savvy19,

Please end it with her.

Don't even fool yourself by saying "oh let us be friends and I'll be hanging out, move in with you and loving you (but we won't define the relationship) whilst you heal". It's a stupid, manipulative tactic and her family and kids will see through it and hate you even more.

End it. Turn her into a friend from afar.

She's not ready to date anyone. She just left a 15-17 year marriage. You are such a REBOUND you may as well be a UEFA cup football hitting the goalpost.

She's wonderful to you right now because you're in the Honeymoon stage: her ego is bruised, she's broken emotionally, she hasn't recovered from her ex, she's trying to prove to the world that her ex was the problem (so trust me, you're getting the Ikoyi version of her, reality will be Aguda when it hits or Mushin when both of you realize it was a Rebound Relationship and you're in the Wow-This-Was-A-Bad-Idea era).

She needs to sit by herself and heal and focus on herself for a while, get herself together before dating.

Men do what she's doing: rush from Marriage into a Long-term Relationship and Another Marriage. They look happier than Yul Edochie and 2face and swear loudly about finally finding "peace".

In 5 years' time, they will quietly stop posting happy piz online and start sounding philosophical on their WhatsApp status (eye don clear and they've started to regret). It's why 2nd marriages fail higher than 1st marriages.

For your sake, protect your heart and give her space and distance. In 2-3 years' time if she's still available, go for her.
Thank you very much for this advice
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Onegai(f): 11:14am On Nov 26, 2025
Savvy19, my advice has NOTHING to do with her Single motherhood.

There are a lot of Single Mum's who make great 2nd wives (one comes to my mind smiley)

But she's rushing into a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

She has casual friends and acquaintances telling her to "move on! That man has moved on with other women! Don't dull yasef!" (We all underestimate how much BAD ADVICE recently divorcees and separated people are given).

Her family and people who truly love her will be telling her to focus on herself and her kids for now (which is correct).

She's lonely, Hot and emotionally broken and here you show up, like Sir Galahad, giving her attention that her ex hasn't given her in over a year.

Of course she will respond like an Angel.

But it can't last and that's where reality will hit and you'll find yourself wondering how you slept in Bourdillon and woke up in Agege.

Then you'll start to shout "Omo never date a Single Mum o!"

Same thing with Single Dad's: go and ask the women who rushed and dated him before he had healed. Someone that just wanted to bleep but was confusedly asking you to step into his wife's role without recovering himself, his family and kids will hate you (but nobody will say anything. Then one day, small fight and "I never asked you to move in with me! You're the reason I couldn't reconcile with my wife!" undecided just know that the cane that they used for the 1st wife has been brought out of the cupboard to use on you. Na your turn to cry
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Baronthecelebri(m): 11:16am On Nov 26, 2025
Get her pregnant first
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Baronthecelebri(m): 11:21am On Nov 26, 2025
If you don't have kids don't date a single mother
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op): 11:45am On Nov 26, 2025
Onegai:
Savvy19, my advice has NOTHING to do with her Single motherhood.

There are a lot of Single Mum's who make great 2nd wives (one comes to my mind smiley)

But she's rushing into a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

She has casual friends and acquaintances telling her to "move on! That man has moved on with other women! Don't dull yasef!" (We all underestimate how much BAD ADVICE recently divorcees and separated people are given).

Her family and people who truly love her will be telling her to focus on herself and her kids for now (which is correct).

She's lonely, Hot and emotionally broken and here you show up, like Sir Galahad, giving her attention that her ex hasn't given her in over a year.

Of course she will respond like an Angel.

But it can't last and that's where reality will hit and you'll find yourself wondering how you slept in Bourdillon and woke up in Agege.

Then you'll start to shout "Omo never date a Single Mum o!"

Same thing with Single Dad's: go and ask the women who rushed and dated him before he had healed. Someone that just wanted to bleep but was confusedly asking you to step into his wife's role without recovering himself, his family and kids will hate you (but nobody will say anything. Then one day, small fight and "I never asked you to move in with me! You're the reason I couldn't reconcile with my wife!" undecided just know that the cane that they used for the 1st wife has been brought out of the cupboard to use on you. Na your turn to cry
I get the point you are trying to make
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by BItt: 12:20pm On Nov 26, 2025
You can not be in love with a single mother, she's tricking you. Remember, her heart will always be tied to those kids and the men she bore them for.

Look for another younger person to date.
A woman with 4 kids cannot love you, she's lying to you bro
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Saybal(m): 12:57pm On Nov 26, 2025
grin grin shocked shocked
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op): 12:59pm On Nov 26, 2025
BItt:
You can not be in love with a single mother, she's tricking you. Remember, her heart will always be tied to those kids and the men she bore them for.

Look for another younger person to date.
A woman with 4 kids cannot love you, she's lying to you bro
I think you are right about her heart being tied to her kids. Cos there was a day I ask her to come spend the night with me at my place, but she refused to come because of the kids
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Onegai(f): 1:32pm On Nov 26, 2025
Savvy19:
I think you are right about her heart being tied to her kids. Cos there was a day I ask her to come spend the night with me at my place, but she refused to come because of the kids
She's being a good mother by putting her kids first. Which is admirable

I have seen a Single Mum lock herself in a room with a tall, muscular Yoruba Area Fada Bodybuilder and ignore her work and her toddler 😁😁 and when she came out in a wrapper, she was looking at him like he was suya wrapped in newspaper😍😍. Yes, he dumped her after the project.

And my friend locked himself in a bathroom with a single mum of 2 and her last child was banging on the door. Guy wanted to die on top her matter, was paying for her bills and even took a 2nd job. Yes, she cheated and dumped him 😔

And we all saw Yul Edochie happily declare the year his teenage son died suddenly was the best year of his life, because Judy Austin was rushing to tie him down with her 2nd pregnancy

So I know men and women who will happily ditch kids for knacks.

OP, just give her a year and a half.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by infogenius(m): 2:12pm On Nov 26, 2025
@ op

Bros, let me give it to you straight with correct pepper 😂:

You’re in love with a woman who has four kids (eldest 15), and she’s nice, caring, homely, understanding, cooks premium jollof, and still doesn’t clear your account.

My guy, this one na WIFE MATERIAL with four free bonuses attached! 🤣

But let’s talk like men:
1. Four children no be beans. When you marry her, you’re signing up for a whole starting XI. School fees, JAMB, “Daddy I need iPhone 16 for assignment”… all of una go dey speak English together.

2. The 15-year-old go soon reach 18 and fit dey call you “bros” while still raiding fridge at 2 a.m. 😂 Are you ready for that energy?

3. She’s been separated over a year and doesn’t stress you for money? That’s a massive green flag. Many with one child will reset your account before you spell “babe.”
This one is managing four and still has love left to give you. Protect her!

4. The real question isn’t “should I continue?”
It’s: “Can I love these four children like my own, even when they’re forming Gen-Z and dragging me on TikTok?”

If your heart says YES without you first checking Bet9ja balance, then bro, you’ve found a rare treasure.

If you’re already sweating when you calculate school fees, quietly love her from afar and let another man with deeper pocket and stronger heart carry the baton.

Bottom line:
A good woman with four kids is still a good woman.
But love no be Nollywood; e get Part 2, 3, 4… and the children no dey pause.
Pray, count the cost, and if God says “enter,” enter with full chest.
If not, wish her well and run before the 15-year-old starts calling you “Uncle Daddy” 😂🏃‍♂️

You go dey alright, king! ❤️
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by AllBlack: 2:14pm On Nov 26, 2025
Savvy19:
I am in love with a single mother of four kids. The eldest is 15 years old. .
✅ keep it up
As long as you love her Don't listen to anyone here
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op): 2:23pm On Nov 26, 2025
infogenius:
@ op

Bros, let me give it to you straight with correct pepper 😂:

You’re in love with a woman who has four kids (eldest 15), and she’s nice, caring, homely, understanding, cooks premium jollof, and still doesn’t clear your account.

My guy, this one na WIFE MATERIAL with four free bonuses attached! 🤣

But let’s talk like men:
1. Four children no be beans. When you marry her, you’re signing up for a whole starting XI. School fees, JAMB, “Daddy I need iPhone 16 for assignment”… all of una go dey speak English together.

2. The 15-year-old go soon reach 18 and fit dey call you “bros” while still raiding fridge at 2 a.m. 😂 Are you ready for that energy?

3. She’s been separated over a year and doesn’t stress you for money? That’s a massive green flag. Many with one child will reset your account before you spell “babe.”
This one is managing four and still has love left to give you. Protect her!

4. The real question isn’t “should I continue?”
It’s: “Can I love these four children like my own, even when they’re forming Gen-Z and dragging me on TikTok?”

If your heart says YES without you first checking Bet9ja balance, then bro, you’ve found a rare treasure.

If you’re already sweating when you calculate school fees, quietly love her from afar and let another man with deeper pocket and stronger heart carry the baton.

Bottom line:
A good woman with four kids is still a good woman.
But love no be Nollywood; e get Part 2, 3, 4… and the children no dey pause.
Pray, count the cost, and if God says “enter,” enter with full chest.
If not, wish her well and run before the 15-year-old starts calling you “Uncle Daddy” 😂🏃‍♂️

You go dey alright, king! ❤️
Thank you so much. This means a lot to me. God bless 🙏
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Savvy19(op): 2:44pm On Nov 26, 2025
Baronthecelebri:
Get her pregnant first
She has gotten pregnant for me but we aborted tho I was not ready then for a child
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Adebisi444: 6:06pm On Nov 26, 2025
That thing you dey find.. you will eventually see it.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by SixSeven: 6:20pm On Nov 26, 2025
You should find out if the father is still taking care of his kids because even if he wants nothing to do with her, he would not be comfortable with you near his kids. The relationship is between you and her but you cannot ignore her children too. You also cannot ignore your child when you two decide to have kids, so find out what is the status of the odd and your role. Stepdads sometimes have problems with the other kids' behaviour because they had an agreement with the woman not to parent them. You need to choose what is the best way to manage the situation.

What is your worry? You are yet to tell us. You want strangers online to tell you what kind of relationship you should be in? You need to have a mind of your own regardless of what society says. Do your thing and if it feels right, go for it. Involve family and have someone who can see the relationship objectively without love blinding you.

How old are you and this lady?
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Paulscholari(m): 11:35pm On Nov 26, 2025
Mayday
Mayday

A bro wanna embark on suicide mission
Mayday
Mayday

grin

Some men folks lack sense of dignity.
If you don't know, I'll tell you, there's no dignity in marrying a woman with 4kids already.

What is shacking you? Sex or love??
You'll understand they are terribly irrelevant when you enter.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Helpout12345: 11:39pm On Nov 26, 2025
Savvy19:
I am in love with a single mother of four kids. The eldest is 15 years old. She is nice, caring, loving, homely and understanding lady. She has all the qualities I want in a woman. I love her but I’m concerned about the welfare of the kids afterwards in the relationship. She has been separated from the father of her kids for over a year now. She doesn’t demand money from me.
I don’t know if it is a good idea for me to continue with the relationship, or I just let it go . This lady has really been good to me.
How old are you? Are you a divorcee? How many children do you have with your former wife? Is she paying your bills and ready to continue to pay them?

I am asking these questions so that you can come back to your senses.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Kobojunkie:
Savvy19:
➜I am in love with a single mother of four kids. The eldest is 15 years old. She is nice, caring, loving, homely and understanding lady. She has all the qualities I want in a woman. I love her but I’m concerned about the welfare of the kids afterwards in the relationship. She has been separated from the father of her kids for over a year now. She doesn’t demand money from me.
I don’t know if it is a good idea for me to continue with the relationship, or I just let it go . This lady has really been good to me.
More importantly, what convinces you that what you feel for this woman is love and not gratitude? (Gratitude is not love but thankfulness.) undecided

As for the children, why is the woman currently not sharing custody with their father(s)? Does she at least get child support from the father(s) of the kids? undecided
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Tenrack: 4:50am On Nov 27, 2025
Savvy19:
I am in love with a single mother of four kids. The eldest is 15 years old. She is nice, caring, loving, homely and understanding lady. She has all the qualities I want in a woman. I love her but I’m concerned about the welfare of the kids afterwards in the relationship. She has been separated from the father of her kids for over a year now. She doesn’t demand money from me.
I don’t know if it is a good idea for me to continue with the relationship, or I just let it go . This lady has really been good to me.
grin cheesy You want to end your life by your own hands ba? A single mom of one isn't even good for you.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Tenrack: 4:55am On Nov 27, 2025
Savvy19:
I think you are right about her heart being tied to her kids. Cos there was a day I ask her to come spend the night with me at my place, but she refused to come because of the kids
cheesy and you still dey contemplate. No wonder when you start spending on her your eyes go clear.
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Tenrack: 4:58am On Nov 27, 2025
AllBlack:
✅ keep it up
As long as you love her Don't listen to anyone here
grin
Re: I Am In A Dilemma! by Tenrack: 4:59am On Nov 27, 2025
Adebisi444:
That thing you dey find.. you will eventually see it.
OP you'll definitely end in tears. I dated a single mom of one. I still haven't recovered. Better use your brains. Avoid single moms.
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