₦airaland Forum

toboizilla:
Good day Nairalanders,

I just need some neutral opinions on something that happened between me and my girl.

On her 18th birthday, I posted her picture on my DP and wrote a simple birthday message: “grow and be wise.”
To me, it was just a normal blessing/prayer.

Later on, her mum told her that my caption meant I was indirectly saying she’s not mature. Because of that, my girl wasn’t happy with what I wrote.

Fast forward to yesterday — we were already rounding up our conversation because I told her I had an interview in the next 1 hour and 30 minutes. She even said “I wish you all the best.”

At that point, I said something like:

“I wanted to say ‘grow and be wise’ again, but if I do, you won’t be happy. The last time I said it, your mum sent you to attack me.”

I didn’t mean it in a disrespectful way. I only said it because I didn’t want another misunderstanding like the last time. But now that I think about it, the wording might have sounded somehow.

No matter how i try to explain that I meant it in a good way, she totally dont want to take it, this has lasted for three days now.
My frustration is that, i only meant good for her but she is saying that bringing her mum up means i an disrespecting her

So my question is:
Did I actually disrespect her mum with that statement, or was it just a poor choice of words out of frustration?

I’ll appreciate your honest feedback.

The question you need to answer is, why did you bring up the matter again?

Also, why is your girlfriend's mum able to view your status?
Can't you set boundaries?


By the way; what is the age gap between you and your girlfriend?

Myrrhis:
➜The question you need to answer is, why did you bring up the matter again? Also, why is your girlfriend's mum able to view your status? Can't you set boundaries? By the way; what is the age gap between you and your girlfriend?

You want him to set boundaries on his girlfriend's phone? Are you sure you are OK at all?

Kobojunkie:
You want him to set boundaries on his girlfriend's phone?
Are you sure you are OK at all?

I am very much okay, but I strongly doubt you are.

Myrrhis:
➜I am very much okay, but I strongly doubt you are.

Suggesting the setting of boundaries — a personal act on the part of the one making the boundary—as a means of controlling the personal freedoms of others makes you not OK

toboizilla:
Can you Popsy tell you when you are travelling, safe journey ? Go and be successful ? Grow and be a billionaire ?

False equivalence Bro, I wasn't talking to her Dad

On her 18th birthday? So you were dating her when she was 17?? Is that not paedophilia?

Op grow up and be wise is an insult,and you know it.. smh .. children of nowadays

toboizilla:
15 years older than her, and this happened 3 years ago

15 years gap...


Omoh is that not alot 😒😭😭

Myrrhis:
The question you need to answer is, why did you bring up the matter again?

Also, why is your girlfriend's mum able to view your status?
Can't you set boundaries?


By the way; what is the age gap between you and your girlfriend?

That is not the question simple, besides her mum is aware

franugo:
On her 18th birthday? So you were dating her when she was 17?? Is that not paedophilia?

We are not even in the same country, can you just stick to the question?

Silentgroper:
15 years gap...


Omoh is that not alot 😒😭😭

Must I follow your dating rules?
What exempts me from dating a 21 years old lady?

toboizilla:
Must I follow your dating rules?
What exempts me from dating a 21 years old lady?

15yrs gap ..


You should be an elder brother to her not a boyfriend

toboizilla:
Bro, that is same as saying grow and be rich, or you will be a rich man. Is that also wrong ?
It is prayer or a wish not an insult

Oga the both words ain't the same.

Which one is grow and be wise?

That was an insult. You sounded mean and harsh. U better apologise to her

toboizilla:
Must I follow your dating rules?
What exempts me from dating a 21 years old lady?

You're 33 and she's 19?

Well, I see nothing wrong with it. After all Regina was once with a 65years old man at 20

My stomach .

The caption isn't bad, but not well explained.

"May you continue to grow and excel in all wisdom." could have just make it clearer.

toboizilla:
We are not even in the same country, can you just stick to the question?

You're dating a child and expecting maturity from her??

toboizilla:
Bro, that is same as saying grow and be rich, or you will be a rich man. Is that also wrong ?
It is prayer or a wish not an insult

By telling her to grow and be wise, you are indirectly telling her she hasn't been wise before now. It's an insult on her and her family. Just accept it and apologize and move on. But like someone said earlier, next time rephrase your words and drop that silly ego of yours and own up to your mistake.

Your birthday message to an 18yr old whether sister, wife, friend or lover is very much in order considering you were much older. But pointing her mum out as a trouble maker even if you were right was not smart. Her reaction too was not smart.
Nothing stopped her from taking it light heartedly since she knows you couldn't have meant it for bad.

If your girlfriendwas the one complaining, i would have told you to make up with her.
But since its the mother, its a RED FLAG, cos what concerns her mother with your relationship.
On the long run, it means the mother would be overbearingand always out to haunt you.

toboizilla:
I’ll appreciate your honest feedback.

toboizilla:
I’ll appreciate your honest feedback.

The lady is right.

You're definitely having problems with your mouth or your mind I must say.

It's a red flag for the lady if she loves herself.

Why would you say "the last time I said so, your mum sent you to attack me"?

It's a lot different from saying "the last time I said so, your mum didn't enjoy it"!

You mentioned her mum but not in a derogatory manner.

Indeed, you're the real person that needs to mature and grow up.

Grow and be wise....18yrs old

Everyword we say has an element of framing influencing the interpretation people give to it.But you saying that her mum sent her to attack you is kind of offensive thing to say about,you don't expect her to give you a 👍 for that

toboizilla:
I’ll appreciate your honest feedback.

You did nothing wrong......

If your gf seeing what you put up there didn't respond and it took her mum to see it and tell her daughter what it means, then it's obvious the mother doesn't know the kind of relationship you have with her daughter a d since the daughter can't read that you meant good rather than what the mum is telling her then it means both of you don't have a good understanding of yourselves in communication.....

Nor go find work and plan way ahead abt the future.. e be like sey u never sabi as e dey go even with the way things dey go now for the country abi?... na girl wey juz finish secondary school all ur mind dey focus on... smh.. lolz 😅 yanga dey sleep trouble go wake am

toboizilla:
Bro, that is same as saying grow and be rich, or you will be a rich man. Is that also wrong ?
It is prayer or a wish not an insult

It seems the writer doesn't take to correction. Your analogy is wrong. People judge you by statement, not what is on your heart.am sure you yourself are not wise in the first instance

The truth is you are not mature enough to go into a relationship.

What you regard as nothing could mean something to someone else. To me that statement doesn't make sense.


Do you know the question "are you ok?" could be interpreted differently by different people.


Some won't take it serious while some would take it as an insult.

Nairalanders don influence u to dey insult person papa/mama . Why involved her mama over again . If eventually u marry her your types will do it over and over again. Learn how to control yo tongue.

toboizilla:
Bro, that is same as saying grow and be rich, or you will be a rich man. Is that also wrong ?
It is prayer or a wish not an insult

No, your statement to the girl is wrong. You only say that kind of statement to someone who has done something that doesn't make sense. You are actually telling her she is still a baby, that is why she lacks wisdom. Next time before you make a statement, think of the many ways the person can interpret that statement., or else you will be putting yourself in to trouble every time

toboizilla:
I’ll appreciate your honest feedback.

Grow and be wise sounds derogatory at first glance. Even though you meant 'grow in wisdom' which is what you should have said. So you're in the wrong. You should apologize to both of them, clarifying the misunderstanding. It would have been different if her mom wasn't aware but now that she is, just apologize.

Interesting….everyone is trying to correct Op…instead, he’s being defensive. Why create such a topic, if you ain’t ready to reason with an opinion different from yours?