₦airaland Forum

But I just told you I was visiting him...🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️... And who would've attended my lectures had I stayed in his place for a whole week?

Would you have expected me to abandon my education for a man?

ayusco85:
Not moving, like spending weekends. Or say one week. Unless U don't love him enough. It's not about what Ur parents can afford to give u. U can't stay with them forever. Those few times U spend with Ur potential spouse can unravel some traits U both will be glad U saw which will help U make a rational decision weda to marry them or not. No one said U should engage in intimate things while staying there. It should be Ur choices. U have to take some certain risks in life.

Samantha125:
But I just told you I was visiting him...🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️... And who would've attended my lectures had I stayed in his place for a whole week?

Would you have expected me to abandon my education for a man?

It's still cohabiting, and it helps alot. I am trying to point to the fact that cohabiting no matter how short the period is helps alot in knowing who we want to marry and it exposes some hidden characters which can help one make decision for or against marrying such.
You can set ground rules if Ur religious beliefs doesn't permit it. Like no sex during that period of stay, because I know that's the biggest concern for ladies about cohabiting

tydi:
When did you become a man

She's telling you her husband's experience.

Cohabitation is when the couple is living together unmarried, we never did lived together.

It had nothing to do with any religious belief, my family just didn't permit it... My father is very overprotective of his daughters.

ayusco85:
It's still cohabiting, and it helps alot. I am trying to point to the fact that cohabiting no matter how short the period is helps alot in knowing who we want to marry and it exposes some hidden characters which can help one make decision for or against marrying such.
You can set ground rules if Ur religious beliefs doesn't permit it. Like no sex during that period of stay, because I know that's the biggest concern for ladies about cohabiting

Samantha125:
Cohabitation is when the couple is living together unmarried, we never did lived together.

It had nothing to do with any religious belief, my family just didn't permit it... My father is very overprotective of his daughters.

I think it's just a period of spending time with your partner where U have to spend the night in his house. It doesn't matter it it's few days or weeks or months. I don't think there is a time duration to it. I know fathers are over protective of their daughters and rightly so. It's not entirely bad especially if the guy is a good person with good intentions and is working and can take care of you and has plans to marry you genuinely

SixSeven:
Cohabitation is the see finish premiere to open your yansh before marriage. If you have self respect, you'll wife that woman. Bring her to your house after following all the necessary rites have been performed and even her family tells her, "go to your husband's house" or "go and do that in your own house". When you have the right to bring her into the house and don't have to look behind you because you want to gbensh her. You don't cohabit in your own house, that's like kidnapping another person's child without their parent's permission. It means you couldn't control yourself, you think she's giving you free sxx but you are the one not showing yourself as a man, a leader who follows the process.

If you want her to call you ‘your sExcellency’, the process that brought her into your house must be ‘excellent’ abi who's the man of the house again?

Do you think the only aim of cohabitation is sex? People also cohabit to see how homely their potential partners are.

Every guy would claim to have good intentions and promise the lady marriage even if he just wants to do a hit and run.

ayusco85:
I think it's just a period of spending time with your partner where U have to spend the night in his house. It doesn't matter it it's few days or weeks or months. I don't think there is a time duration to it. I know fathers are over protective of their daughters and rightly so. It's not entirely bad especially if the guy is a good person with good intentions and is working and can take care of you and has plans to marry you genuinely

If u did not before marriage I pity u All the day of ur life go be surprise surprise?? u go dey look like mumu, like wtf did i marry

Your language go be, Babe? i no no say na like this u be oo omo but inside ur mind go be like "Gosh what have i get mysef into?"

Unless, just unless u got hooked with a really good woman who is ready to satisfy all the days of ur live!

zagorakis:
Do you think the only aim of cohabitation is sex? People also cohabit to see how homely their potential partners are.

Ta! What's a home without sex especially when married? We are adults here Oga

Finance and sex are the two top reasons for divorce, so what homely are you looking for?

That passage wasn't about man and woman AT ALL.

axglide:
No.

Cohabitation can lead to fornication and the Bible says in Hebrews 13:4 - “ Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

W

SixSeven:
Ta! What's a home without sex especially when married? We are adults here Oga

Finance and sex are the two top reasons for divorce, so what homely are you looking for?

Regina Daniels is not having issues today because of sex and finance, tuface and Annie not for sex and finance, rude boy, tonto dike.

Nevertheless, I am saying there are other reasonable purposes for cohabitation aside sex

zagorakis:
W
Regina Daniels is not having issues today because of sex and finance, tuface and Annie not for sex and finance, rude boy, tonto dike.

Nevertheless, I am saying there are other reasonable purposes for cohabitation aside sex

Okay, if you think so. Can you list 3 reasonable purposes?
Also know that for privacy purposes, people will not talk with their mouths open.

Samantha125:
Every guy would claim to have good intentions and promise the lady marriage even if he just wants to do a hit and run.

Well I will speak for myself, I did marry her. It's a risk, you either win or loose

Well, I preferred not to take that risk, but still got married afterwards.

ayusco85:
Well I will speak for myself, I did marry her. It's a risk, you either win or loose

Samantha125:
I never did cohabited with my husband before getting married, I'd just visit and come back home.

I wasn't going to perform any full time wifely duties when I wasn't married and my family is against it.

U go explain tire

Samantha125:
Well, I preferred not to take that risk, but still got married afterwards.

It's a risk worth taking though but with caution.

Maybe for your wife and other ladies, but not for some of us.

ayusco85:
It's a risk worth taking though but with caution.

Samantha125:
Maybe for your wife and other ladies, but not for some of us.

I totally understand you, we should do what we believe in not what people say or do. Our actions should be based on our personal convictions and personal philosophy about relationships and how they should go.

yommyuk:
Yes I did for 7 years in the UK. Very common arrangement in the UK though. We met in our mid 20s and married in our early 30s. Still married for over 23 years with 2 lovely daughters.

Sir, how can I reach you?

SixSeven:
Okay, if you think so. Can you list 3 reasonable purposes?
Also know that for privacy purposes, people will not talk with their mouths open.

1. During cohabitation, you can have first hand knowledge of how clean and homely a person is, alot of people know how to look and dress neatly but home keeping is zero, houses and kitchens are a mess.
2. During cohabitation, you can have first hand knowledge of whether a person is resourceful or not, by the way she/he manages resources at home, especially when there is lack, whether he/she makes use of her initiative.
3. Cohabitation reveals a person's routines and habits, thought processes which you cannot througly observe just by talking over the phone.
4. Culinary skills.
5. Relationships with neighbours and others.

zagorakis:
1. During cohabitation, you can have first hand knowledge of how clean and homely a person is, alot of people know how to look and dress neatly but home keeping is zero, houses and kitchens are a mess.
2. During cohabitation, you can have first hand knowledge of whether a person is resourceful or not, by the way she/he manages resources at home, especially when there is lack, whether he/she makes use of her initiative.
3. Cohabitation reveals a person's routines and habits, thought processes which you cannot througly observe just by talking over the phone.
4. Culinary skills.
5. Relationships with neighbours and others.

Good points. A simple question, do you think two adults in love can cohabit without sex

SixSeven:
Good points. A simple question, do you think two adults in love can cohabit without sex

Well, my point is not whether or not people have sex during cohabitation but to make you understand other benefits therein.
I rest my case.

zagorakis:
Well, my point is not whether or not people have sex during cohabitation but to make you understand other benefits therein.
I rest my case.

Thank you for stating your side.

My dear,
You speak of cohabitation as though it were a candle bright enough to expose every corner of a person’s character, the cleanliness, the resourcefulness, the small rituals of daily life. These things are important, yes. But let me remind you of something our elders have known long before modern arrangements arrived with their funny arguments.

A woman does not need to move into a man’s house to know his worth, and a man does not need to test a woman’s homeliness before honouring her with a bride price.
Our people established marriage rites viz:
1. introduction,
2. engagement and
3. blessings, not for decoration, but for protection. We have a process to checkmate all those things you said and it exists in different cultures in Nigeria and Africa and that's why families marry not the partners. It's oyinbo that brought the idea of the man finding his missing rib himself and the girl looking for her Prince in the shining armour herself without proper guidance. They fed us with individualism not communalism.
It is the process, not the proximity, that reveals the soul of a person.


And as for this idea that two adults in love can cohabit without sex Oga, let us not pretend. Even the yam and the knife know each other’s purpose. When a man and a woman who share affection begin to share a roof, the body will speak its own language no matter how disciplined the tongue is. The rhythm will do its raggae and all the blues will be covered under the bedsheets of the night. Thank God for Big Brother. Didn't they pretend that they could not have sex for 90 days when they first started it Even married men and women were having affairs.

This is exactly why our traditions set boundaries.
It was not to punish desire, but to give it honour. It was not to suppress intimacy, but to house it within commitment.

Those “benefits” of cohabitation you listed are performances people display know they are being watched. They give you a new job with probationary period and you tell me you won't be the best for that 6 months?
Even masquerades adjust their steps when they dance before the council of elders.

Cohabitation does not unmask; it merely teaches people to rehearse.
Everyone behaves better during a trial period, but marriage is not theatre. Marriage is rooted, witnessed, supported, and blessed. That is why its consummation is announced and honor is brought to the man and the woman to be together in secret and in public. . We have welcomed them to society, as a new member of the family unit that makes up society.
It is the place where true character emerges, because the commitments have been spoken and the community stands as witness.

---

Cohabitation may mimic marriage, but it carries none of its protections. It offers intimacy without covenant, expectation without security, sacrifice without name.

Our mothers taught us with steady voices:
Do not carry the duties of a wife where you have no altar of protection. I am sure you have seen other commenters write the same thing. It's old age wisdom.

So my dear, let us be honest in the old, wise way. It is not cohabitation that reveals truth,
it is marriage that tests, refines, and anchors love. And where love sleeps under a lawful and protected roof whether you choose traditional marriage or court marriage. I rest my case sir. ⚖️

Marriage is an outdated practice. Just cohabit and have one kid. There are more important things in life