₦airaland Forum

dollytino4real:
Pls house u guys in abusive marriage like mine how do u guys cope? The more i want tins to work the more it breaks. I came here to learn from ur own pls only matured mind advice . Happy Sunday

if you are buoyant go and rent a self con were the wife will not know and move there.visit them once or twice weekly.sont die because of woman wahalla

Okoroemekah:
if you are buoyant go and rent a self con were the wife will not know and move there.visit them once or twice weekly.sont die because of woman wahalla

it is the real tin but cash no dey now

dollytino4real:
no, we started with me shouldering his responsibilities like nothing, i was tod dat he not be responsible later in life i taught dey were just joking na is to late 4 him to carry the load alone

Yeah marriage is partnership but he is suppose to shoulder most of the financial responsibility while you support him with what you can, did you try complain to his fam.
There must be someone he listens to.

Hmmm,please what do you mean by an abusive marriage,is it a mentally or emotionally? I can give my input when I know the kind of abuse from your husband. In addition have you sat down to know the trigger of this abuse?

Kevineleven:
Yeah marriage is partnership but he is suppose to shoulder most of the financial responsibility while you support him with what you can, did you try complain to his fam.
There must be someone he listens to.

the complain make it even worst i never knew it, he just feels i am complaining too much these days

harmony940:
Hmmm,please what do you mean by an abusive marriage,is it a mentally or emotionally? I can give my input when I know the kind of abuse from your husband. In addition have you sat down to know the trigger of this abuse?

mental abuse, the negative talks of me complaining of him not taking care of his immediate family

Fine that since 15 years of marriage, no assault, but threatening to beat you to death and being jailed.

Let me ask you this: have you also checked yourself what you are not doing right? Are you submissive and not giving a tough time?

If you satisfy all this, seat ur hubby and ask what could be the sudden change that fade away the first love ❤, he will surely tell you and if the love is gone totally, you can't get it back from him which means he married you out of beauty and not love and since he has gotten what he want, he decided to taste another fish outside and perhaps his love for that is far greater the percentage he have for you.

In this case, you have to take a leave before something strange will happen. Take a leave and he will still come back to beg you if truly your character worth it.

dollytino4real:
he has not beat me once since 15 years we are married but his plans of beating me to death n going to prison is becoming too much

dollytino4real:
Pls house u guys in abusive marriage like mine how do u guys cope? The more i want tins to work the more it breaks. I came here to learn from ur own pls only matured mind advice . Happy Sunday

How old are you when you married him

Samantha125:
My sister, you have more power over that man than you think, I mean after all, you're the one cooking for him.

Samantha chai you ve been watching lots of nollywood films!

dollytino4real:
mental abuse, the negative talks of me complaining of him not taking care of his immediate family

I believe you work also....why not try and contribute your quota instead of duping all the bills on him,that's why you re his partner,the economy isn't friendly.

Men too are humans.



I m a lady....before ypu go come for my jugulars.

Funny enough, I don't think I've watched more than five Nollywood films in my entire life...

But am I lying?

Caaz:
Samantha chai you ve been watching lots of nollywood films!

I

Caaz:
I believe you work also....why not try and contribute your quota instead of duping all the bills on him,that's why you re his partner,the economy isn't friendly.

Men too are humans.



I m a lady....before ypu go come for my jugulars.

i don try o, my sister i don tire

Sirchiboy:
How old are you when you married him

30 he was 31

olumided:
Fine that since 15 years of marriage, no assault, but threatening to beat you to death and being jailed.

Let me ask you this: have you also checked yourself what you are not doing right? Are you submissive and not giving a tough time?

If you satisfy all this, seat ur hubby and ask what could be the sudden change that fade away the first love ❤, he will surely tell you and if the love is gone totally, you can't get it back from him which means he married you out of beauty and not love and since he has gotten what he want, he decided to taste another fish outside and perhaps his love for that is far greater the percentage he have for you.

In this case, you have to take a leave before something strange will happen. Take a leave and he will still come back to beg you if truly your character worth it.

it is gone completely, we don't respect each other anymore, na rent dey kip me n my kids around him

dollytino4real:
i really loved him b4 because he was handsome and hardworking but tins changed wen we stayed together as husband n wife fully

Very good that you truly loved him. But is he still hardworking now or is he now lazy?

So in summary, from the piece meal information you have given so far.

A 15 year old marriage with 3 children. Woman is now 45 and man is 46 years old. Woman loved the man genuinely at the start of the relationship. She shouldered some family responsibilities (though she thought those responsibilities are not hers).

No physical abuse but man threaten physical arm of recent due to constant complaints from the wife.

Man does not shoulder the family responsibilities as Woman wants him to. The woman thinks it's an abuse. Therefore she is tired of the marriage but she is also not doing well financially to afford to rent a room for herself.

My advise for you are these.

1. You need to stop complaining or reduce your complaints. The man's psychology is seeing them as nagging. Those complaints will not solve anything. You need to start showing him that you are his partner. You understand his challenges and both of you are one in this.

2. Continue to support the family as you can. It's still your family. The children are yours too.

3. Have a complete rethink to heal any negative grudge you might have on him.

4. Have a heart to heart discussion with him for both of you to forgive each other, rebuild your relationship.

5. I want you to know there is very little chance that you will get to marry another better man if you leave your husband of 15 years with 3 children. You might have some man friends that will spend some little money on you just to sleep with you and move on. They will not marry you. You will still have to carry those responsibilities by yourself while outside while messing yourself up with different men.

6. The time to complain or nagg has passed for both of you honestly. You are both old and have grown up children in the family that can understand fully the disunity in the family. It's time to be thinking of how to build a strong loving big family together with your children and grand children that will soon be coming in few years from now.

7. Every marriage has problems. No marriage without issues. If you hear other people problems, you will reconcile with your husband today.

This is what many of you ladies get when you leave the men God ordained for you and marry rubbish because of some useless emotion. Op, your right man would not be abusive to you but would shower you with endless love.

dollytino4real:
the complain make it even worst i never knew it, he just feels i am complaining too much these days

Nawa oh

Helpout12345:
Very good that you truly loved him. But is he still hardworking now or is he now lazy?

still driving as we met 15 years ago na his own bus and wasting his money on wat God knows

Jman06:
This is what many of you ladies get when you leave the men God ordained for you and marry rubbish because of some useless emotion. Op, your right man would not be abusive to you but would shower you with endless love.

e don late so wat is the way forward

Helpout12345:
My advise for you are these.

1. You need to stop complaining or reduce your complaints. The man's psychology is seeing them as nagging. Those complaints will not solve anything. You need to start showing him that you are his partner. You understand his challenges and both of you are one in this.

2. Continue to support the family as you can. It's still your family. The children are yours too.

3. Have a complete rethink to heal any negative grudge you might have on him.

4. Have a heart to heart discussion with him for both of you to forgive each other, rebuild your relationship.

5. I want you to know there is very little chance that you will get to marry another better man if you leave your husband of 15 years with 3 children. You might have some man friends that will spend some little money on you just to sleep with you and move on. They will not marry you. You will still have to carry those responsibilities by yourself while outside while messing yourself up with different men.

6. The time to complain or nagg has passed for both of you honestly. You are both old and have grown up children in the family that can understand fully the disunity in the family. It's time to be thinking of how to build a strong loving big family together with your children and grand children that will soon be coming in few years from now.

7. Every marriage has problems. No marriage without issues. If you hear other people problems, you will reconcile with your husband today.

we don tire

dollytino4real:
e don late so wat is the way forward

Talk to him and make him understand that he's affecting your mental health. If afterwards he doesn't change then you can file for divorce. Verbal abuse from someone you love is more painful than physical abuse.

Helpout12345:
So in summary, from the piece meal information you have given so far.

A 15 year old marriage with 3 children. Woman is now 45 and man is 46 years old. Woman loved the man genuinely at the start of the relationship. She shouldered some family responsibilities (though she thought those responsibilities are not hers).

No physical abuse but man threaten physical arm of recent due to constant complaints from the wife.

Man does not shoulder the family responsibilities as Woman wants him to. The woman thinks it's an abuse. Therefore she is tired of the marriage but she is also not doing well financially to afford to rent a room for herself.

The wife is the problem of the marriage.

dollytino4real:
it is gone completely, we don't respect each other anymore, na rent dey kip me n my kids around him

It doesn't matter what happens. Nothing should make a woman lose respect for her husband. As brutal as that sounds, it is the truth. She who must come to equity must come with clean hands. I don't believe a man you've been with for 15 years becomes a demon overnight. When and why did he change? Was her disrespect a factor?

This is why young men are advised to avoid lazy and unproductive women. Financial pressures are a good trigger for marital conflict. The economy is not sound and a home where the man is the sole income earner will put that man under pressure and cause tension.

It doesn't matter how much love exists between couples. Money issues can push them apart.

Jman06:
Talk to him and make him understand that he's affecting your mental health. If afterwards he doesn't change then you can file for divorce. Verbal abuse from someone you love is more painful than physical abuse.

yes it really pain me because i gave my money n time into dis affair so now is hard 4 me

Dogalmighty17:
The wife is the problem of the marriage.



It doesn't matter what happens. Nothing should make a woman lose respect for her husband. As brutal as that sounds, it is the truth. She who must come to equity must come with clean hands. I don't believe a man you've been with for 15 years becomes a demon overnight. When and why did he change? Was her disrespect a factor?

This is why young men are advised to avoid lazy and unproductive women. Financial pressures are a good trigger for marital conflict. The economy is not sound and a home where the man is the sole income earner will put that man under pressure and cause tension.

It doesn't matter how much love exists between couples. Money issues can push them apart.

money wahala folo den d non chal ant attitude of not doing his own deeds

Dogalmighty17:
The wife is the problem of the marriage.



It doesn't matter what happens. Nothing should make a woman lose respect for her husband. As brutal as that sounds, it is the truth. She who must come to equity must come with clean hands. I don't believe a man you've been with for 15 years becomes a demon overnight. When and why did he change? Was her disrespect a factor?

This is why young men are advised to avoid lazy and unproductive women. Financial pressures are a good trigger for marital conflict. The economy is not sound and a home where the man is the sole income earner will put that man under pressure and cause tension.

It doesn't matter how much love exists between couples. Money issues can push them apart.

no wahala, u go hear my testimony of changes

The comments on this thread show how many Nigerian men largely hate Nigerian women and maybe even their very own wives. 🥱🥱

You know this from the fact that many of these same individuals advising this abused woman to remain submitted to her abusive husband in marriage are the very same ones who immediately insist that Nigerian men should abandon or discard their wives if they even sense incompetence of any sort in the woman. And worse, many of these same individuals believe that they are authorities as far as tradition and religion in their lives. 🥱🥱

Any Nigerian woman asking Nigerian men for advice as far as her marriage is concerned is setting her life up for the misery of the worst kind. Na so so bullsheet, you go continue to chop in marriage until the end. 🥱🥱

FYI - Emotional abuse/manipulation causes trauma/damage to the brain.

dollytino4real:
mental abuse, the negative talks of me complaining of him not taking care of his immediate family

Ok thanks for the reply,most times mental abuse do lead to an emotional one,can you stop the complain for like 2 months and see his reaction.....You might text lovingly,write all your complaint on a paper and put it stylishly where he will see it, making him believe you did not do that intentionally. Takes these steps lovingly and see his reaction.
May God heal your home.

harmony940:
Ok thanks for the reply,most times mental abuse do lead to an emotional one,can you stop the complain for like 2 months and see his reaction.....You might text lovingly,write all your complaint on a paper and put it stylishly where he will see it, making him believe you did not do that intentionally. Takes these steps lovingly and see his reaction.
May God heal your home.

u make me laugh my dear, na who wan change dey read not who likes wat he os doing or where he is

Leave to Live.
Is better to leave intact than in a coffin!!!

dollytino4real:
it is the real tin but cash no dey now

You dey work?
Just asking



2ndly..How will a man drop 1k for 3 kids and his wife?
Where does the remainder monies go to?