₦airaland Forum

Samirana360:
marriage is not a joke my good friend.
before u marry commit it unto God's hand
. it's more spiritual than physical

The divorce rate in your church mirrors the spousal abandonment rates of our ancestors and the divorce rates of those in countries where records are kept. Your god does not seem to be working out for you, church people, so why continue to talk him up as some solution for those outside of your churches? 🥱🥱

advanceDNA:
16yrs?? How all of una dey cope in a horrible marriage for 16 yrs abi u pple just like over inflating the issue than it looks….

U pay bills together; thats successful team work
Yall moved abrod together: super expensive yet yall pulled it off together
Yall raised kids togeda through 16 yes : thats another kudos…
Yall ddnt kill each other: thats another plus…

I think u guys are a great couple but yall started taking each other for granted at some point…..
No intentional investment in the couple spark,
No appreciation for what both parties brings for the last 16yrs….
No spontaneous romantic gestures.. abi u want to lie u have initiated a romantic outing for u both that u paid for in the last 3 years??
Yal just complain…..i’m guessing you are the perfect one.. so its all his fault..

Yall should put aside your ego.. intentionally audit the relarionship ..see a therapist if u can… u pulled off nearly two decades togeda.. madam una go dey alright with just small intentional effort

Alot of us go tru this kind of things just because u want d children to be stable mentally
I was in dis kind of shit too for 15yrs
But eventually I have to let go I have doing grt honestly with my children with me
No fight
No gossip
No mutiny
No hate
Na love all round
But coming from a woman dat should be very deep
Check my post you will see when posted d topic yrs ago

Kobojunkie:
The divorce rate in your church mirrors the spousal abandonment rates of our ancestors and the divorce rates of those in countries where records are kept. Your god does not seem to be working out for you, church people, so why continue to talk him up as some solution for those outside of your churches? 🥱🥱

Leave him expirence is best teacher church people are even worse

Are you saying you didn't see all this signs when you both were dating, now you're complaining of the wonders
Pls carry your cross

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

Marriage to a great deal is what u both make of it dear, why not try to focus on the good in ur hubby.like those things that made u fall in love with him rather than focusing on his flaws? What u place ur focus on so keenly u magnify. No one is without flaws and im sure if he is given equal platform he would definitely have a lot to complain about u also.You both have come this far already,please dont let the devil win.

This lady has been complaining since time immemorial!

verminnel:
Marriage to a great deal is what u both make of it dear, why not try to focus on the good in ur hubby.like those things that made u fall in love with him rather than focusing on his flaws? What u place ur focus on so keenly u magnify. No one is without flaws and im sure if he is given equal platform he would definitely have a lot to complain about u also.You both have come this far already,please dont let the devil win.

Apparently, pple paint this picture that there is nothing good about their marriage and spouse…

The op said she has never been happy for 3 days… i mean, how have they been fvcking and team playing for nearly two decades…??

It leaves so much to wonder

advanceDNA:
Apparently, pple paint this picture that there is nothing good about their marriage and spouse…

The op said she has never been happy for 3 days… i mean, how have they been fvcking and team playing for nearly two decades…??

A lot of people who are married regretted ever marrying their spouse.

Continue talking trash...senseless ppl everywhere

Kobojunkie:
The divorce rate in your church mirrors the spousal abandonment rates of our ancestors and the divorce rates of those in countries where records are kept. Your god does not seem to be working out for you, church people, so why continue to talk him up as some solution for those outside of your churches? 🥱🥱

verminnel:
➜Marriage to a great deal is what u both make of it dear, why not try to focus on the good in ur hubby. like those things that made u fall in love with him rather than focusing on his flaws?
➜ What u place ur focus on so keenly u magnify.
➜ No one is without flaws and im sure if he is given equal platform he would definitely have a lot to complain about u also.
➜ You both have come this far already,please dont let the devil win.

Focus in the good... so, you are literally saying she should ignore all of the gaslighting, the bullying, and the irresponsible behaviors — all behaviors detrimental to the success of any relationship—to focus on the color of his shirt or what? 🥱🥱🥱

2. The health of the relationship is not worth focusing on in this case because it keenly magnifies the problem that has become the relationship. 🥱

3. WOW... issues that directly undermine the health and success of a relationship are to be considered flaws instead? 🥱

4. Come too far? Is the man who says he is ready to leave the marriage the devil in this case? 🥱

Why are you trying to gaslight OP into believing she is the problem with her marrriage just like she claims her husband has also been doing? 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
No sane human being would think it sensible to live with a mistake he/she made for the rest of their life. People who do that are actually people who were traumatized during their childhood. Staying in an unhappy/miserable situation is signs that one was not raised in love. 🥱🥱🥱

Are you done?
Well, I wasn't talking to you.
Thanks.

Dp

AI don come mark register.

Kobojunkie:
The guy has been gaslighting you into remaining in the marriage so he can leave first and probably abandon you with the kids with nothing while you sit back claiming you will never allow him space in your life after he leaves? 🥱🥱

If you do not have a source of income, I suggest you go get one asap. Start saving up as much money as you can to get yourself a place and a life outside of married life. Make an appointment immediately for mental counseling(start working to rid yourself of some/all of the baggage from the last 16 years, which seems to be holding you back). Check your credit score to know how much it has been impacted by the marriage. Make sure all of your documents are in order. 🥱🥱

You say you don't dare to leave, yet he has already made clear that he will leave. So, you should probably spend your time better preparing yourself for the inevitable. 🥱

advanceDNA:
Apparently, pple paint this picture that there is nothing good about their marriage and spouse…

The op said she has never been happy for 3 days… i mean, how have they been fvcking and team playing for nearly two decades…??

There's such a thing as sexless marriage.
I laugh when some say they want to marry cos of sex.

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

Your mistake is posting it here in Nigeria,why don't you post it in your country's Whatsapp group. Nigerians especially men are dumb, look at all the hates. I understand you perfectly, and the reason is because you married a mentally unstable man,sorry he can never change and he can never be satisfied or happy. He is insecure and nothing can stop that

There's nothing you can do about this. I've noticed Nigerian men are mostly insecure and have gone through a lot of shit and most of them will never seek mental health care abroad. Leave this garbage please

BrickandLace:
There's such a thing as sexless marriage.
I laugh when some say they want to marry cos of sex.

Why is the marriage sexless??
Did the vagaina close?
Or the penis stopped having erection??
Or couple just became insensitive

How can one choose to be unhappy and stay in an unhappy marriage be it a man or a woman? for the past 16 years?, you don't want to leave because of nigerians and nairalanders perspective (especially the male) and what they will say?and you choose to wallow in depression.

This is a good woman who split the bills with her man does the house chores etc and yet the husband is a narcissistic and intolerant ingrate nairaland guys are sadistic and don't want women to be happy see all the hate they are pouring on the op? a woman who goes all the way out for her husby,endures his imperfections yet the man still makes her unhappy? well the ball is in your court you can choose your happiness over what inconsequential outsiders will think or do otherwise!!

Even if it's a man this is the advice I will give to him life is too short to wallow in depression and misery.

advanceDNA:
Why is the marriage sexless??
Did the vagaina close?
Or the penis stopped having erection??
Or couple just became insensitive

Loss of initial spark, novelty and attraction I dunno.
I'm not about to find out anyway

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

Your problem is that you care so much about what people will say

For your sanity n good health, get out now!

You ll all be fine

BrickandLace:
Loss of initial spark, novelty and attraction I dunno.
I'm not about to find out anyway

Oh… i thought u were talking from experience

advanceDNA:
Oh… i thought u were talking from experience

Mee ?

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

ok he's a sadist, uve never enjoyed ur marriage for 3days and blablabla but u married him like that? Why? Didn't u date or where u forced to marry him?

Your marriage worked in Nigeria and produced children but immediately you found yourself abroad and earned foreign currency your husband became abusive and unbearable.

Men l hope you all are seeing the pattern and learning from it.

Sometimes leaving isn’t failure

i can recommend a therapist chat on WhatsApp and see 08163123433

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

mrbass18:
i can recommend a therapist chat on WhatsApp and see 08163123433

Therapy for what purpose? 🥱🥱🥱

you're talking about depression maybe

Kobojunkie:
Therapy for what purpose? 🥱🥱🥱

PrinceShegs12:
Are you saying you didn't see all this signs when you both were dating, now you're complaining of the wonders
Pls carry your cross

You are talking as if humans are constant and incapable of change.