₦airaland Forum

MONEY247:
She does not want you, why force yourself... Don't attend any funeral..

as for the kids, go get a lawyer and see how you can proceed...

1. She doesn't love... you because love is patient, kind and tolerates..

1. Is this the new scope in town? Does this expectation of love also apply to the husband who is the one actually given the major command of love?

brodalikeme:
You ma no try for plenty places.
1. You went too far with the slap thing. I know women can evoke the demons out of you but sine you know that you should keep your anger u de check.
2. Your wrong approach has been playing into their hands. When you are from a broken home, you don't follow order again. When your wife asked you to get people to fight for her abi, beg her mother, you should have obliged immediately and not be over analyzing thing.
3. You allowed the issue to linger for too long, the longer she was out of your house and exposed, the limited polluted she had become with evil counsel.
NB: The death of her mother has added another layer of complication to the issues. She will feel she needs to continue the fight her mother was fighting. Abandoning it may feel like betrayal. Grief manifest in different ways. She might feel men are not worth the stress. Remember is from a broken home.
4. Now that her mum is dead, you should have been the bigger man and sheath the sword, that is not even the time to be discussing the future of the marriage. By the good son in law and let the woman be buried then other things can come later.
4. Your response to your father in-law mostly after your mother-law's death were mostly wrong.

Seem you don't have good adviser sha.

The way misunderstandings are handled in our part of the world is such that if you don't manage it properly, people will forget the real reason for the misunderstanding and focus on the way issues were managed.
You've armed them with lots of ammunition against yourself. Drop pride and retrace your steps.

You have a good head on your shoulders.

The OP should move on; he has no respect for his wife or mother-in-law.

He & his father-in-law can roll together, after all they are birds of a feather:

An adulterous husband and an abusive one. With the way the OP sounds, he will soon join adultery to his abuse if the marriage lasted longer.

If you don't go, nothing will happen.

But if you go and you meet her with a new man or you are embarrassed, you will live with the scar forever in your life

Sorry for your ordeal, it's a tough one on you considering the fact the marriage ended because of you, however see it as a learning phase and work on your temper and avoid toxic behaviors from women or yourself so that you don't repeat the same mistake in the future... All the best ...

You'd need look for a lawyer and start the divorce process immediately before they start preparing for your funeral .

TheDepressed:
Her sickness was out of the blue, it didn't even last a week.
I'm 36 now my wife 25.
The major reason is I want my kids to grow up with mom and dad present. My kids are young and I'm scared they will forget about me esp my son, so I try to see them every now and then but I want more.

You want your kids to grow in a sane home and you physically assaulted their mother? If she were me daughter or sister, that marriage is over.

Avoid people from broken homes una no go hear.

Na una two cup of tea be that

HarunaWest:
You want your kids to grow in a sane home and you physically assaulted their mother? If she were me daughter or sister, that marriage is over.

You still be pikin, no worry when you marry you go understand. Someone said he spanked his wife and you are saying you will pack out. Women are like kids they need spanking once in a while. So spanking your woman is an offense for moving out of your home?

angelboy01:
You still be pikin, no worry when you marry you go understand. Someone said he spanked his wife and you are saying you will pack out. Women are like kids they need spanking once in a while. So spanking your woman is an offense for moving out of your home?

lol. Say na spanking. Dude you gat issues mehn.

TheDepressed:
Her sickness was out of the blue, it didn't even last a week.
I'm 36 now my wife 25.
The major reason is I want my kids to grow up with mom and dad present. My kids are young and I'm scared they will forget about me esp my son, so I try to see them every now and then but I want more.

“Your wife age is 25” says it all. She’s still young. Don’t expect her back home. Just move on with your life.She tricked you and you fell for the trap. Women like that always frustrate their husband into a physical abuse, you fell for it.. she moved out to her mothers to receive more lectures and now she doesn’t even care about the kids.

brodalikeme:
You ma no try for plenty places.
1. You went too far with the slap thing. I know women can evoke the demons out of you but sine you know that you should keep your anger u de check.
2. Your wrong approach has been playing into their hands. When you are from a broken home, you don't follow order again. When your wife asked you to get people to fight for her abi, beg her mother, you should have obliged immediately and not be over analyzing thing.
3. You allowed the issue to linger for too long, the longer she was out of your house and exposed, the limited polluted she had become with evil counsel.
NB: The death of her mother has added another layer of complication to the issues. She will feel she needs to continue the fight her mother was fighting. Abandoning it may feel like betrayal. Grief manifest in different ways. She might feel men are not worth the stress. Remember is from a broken home.
4. Now that her mum is dead, you should have been the bigger man and sheath the sword, that is not even the time to be discussing the future of the marriage. By the good son in law and let the woman be buried then other things can come later.
4. Your response to your father in-law mostly after your mother-law's death were mostly wrong.

Seem you don't have good adviser sha.

The way misunderstandings are handled in our part of the world is such that if you don't manage it properly, people will forget the real reason for the misunderstanding and focus on the way issues were managed.
You've armed them with lots of ammunition against yourself. Drop pride and retrace your steps.

I agree with your post.
I'm of the motion that if her mother did not want the marriage in life, why would she want it in death.
I was not the best of SIL because of my inability to financially shower them but trust me I had my good days before the union. They treated me like a king, it'll surprise you I had my first child with my wife ( then gf) and didn't know her father ( ie my FIL) until my daughter was 3 ( not that the father was absent from Nigeria oh, infact we drove past their father's house severally and we would see him sitting outside but I never met him until I proposed).

My MiL was literally begging me to put money on her daughter's head, that's when I finally went to see the FiL.

My point is so not think too much of how they perceived me, it's glaring for everyone to see.
In my opinion I'm seen as a boyfriend still not a husband even tho I paid full trade rights and modern marriage. So all of this is kind of easy for them to move on so fastly

NotOfThisWorld:
Your ex-wifd didn't invite you. I think her invitation is the only invitation that matters and if she didn't invite you, then I'm not sure you should attend.

Coming from a lady...I hold this highly

stanvesco:
You didn't loose that marriage ove that slap

Yes being alone gives one time to think.
I think her mother and her daughter had some sinister plans to take her out of the marriage slowly and stylishly.

"They" never believed I could move out of my own house to go into rent. That move kind of put a dent on their plans.

Just saying!

Georgekyrian:
Send your support to the father, carry your children relocate, start new life and move on..
Before that woman enter your house again, do a ritual otherwise you’ll die early

1yr is too much a time.
Plus she's changed a lot....the things I refused her from doing is the exact things she's into now.
Accepting her back will be learning to know and train her again.

baby124:
A slap is JUST? You must be listening to relationship advice from NL boys still sucking yheir mama breast. Some of you hang out in romance and take advice from people you will never associate with in real life, online! Then when it blows up in your face, you crawl to family with a new name to ask for advice.

Well, it seems she has already moved on with her life. I suggest you move on too and in future learn to keep your emotions in check and keep your hands to yourself at all cost. Tell me, will you forgive someone who slaps you in your face at this your age? Why should she forgive you?

You sound so arrogant and childish, you can’t go to a WOMAN to solve your marriage issue. Oya na, solve it yourself. Your chance to use her mother to beg her is gone forever. Who wants to stay married to a chronic brokie gambler that is violent. She’s smart for running away early. I only pity the little kids.

Yes a slap is just.
Good luck to the man that has never hit his wife before....infact hold this 🏆

We have seen online, woman with bandaged eyes and swollen mouths still begging for their husbands to be left alone ( that is if he was arrested).
That is no justification for hitting a woman but we are all humans and react differently.

SmellingAnus:
Sorry for your ordeal, it's a tough one on you considering the fact the marriage ended because of you, however see it as a learning phase and work on your temper and avoid toxic behaviors from women or yourself so that you don't repeat the same mistake in the future... All the best ...

Yes Thanks....lesson learned.

HarunaWest:
You want your kids to grow in a sane home and you physically assaulted their mother? If she were me daughter or sister, that marriage is over.

Noted

teeteepeejay:
Avoid people from broken homes una no go hear.

Na una two cup of tea be that

That's the foundation of it all.
Her cousin sister is a baby mama and is making some worth of money selling phones.
Her mother showed A1 independent woman.
Her best friend don't sleep in her husband's house ( excuse too distant from town)
Her eldest sis is in Spain and dancing like she's richer than tiwa savage online
Meanwhile pop lives in a rented apartment with faded paints and leaking roofings.
She has 4younger siblings who I never supported financially.
Her mom's rent is always a topic but I never turn up.

....so the signs were there, I didn't ignore them, I tried to blind her from it but ...

angelboy01:
You still be pikin, no worry when you marry you go understand. Someone said he spanked his wife and you are saying you will pack out. Women are like kids they need spanking once in a while. So spanking your woman is an offense for moving out of your home?

... Because I've seen worse and the woman go still dey beg make she go back to her husband.
It's the genz madness, it should not come as a surprise.
that a woman I paid full duty on, will tell me she's waiting for her mother's permission before she returns home, when her father whose still alive has accepted her to go back to her husband's but she refused insisting on a group apology to her mother shows the family has no regard for men. So my treatment wasn't surprising!

TheDepressed:
... Because I've seen worse and the woman go still dey beg make she go back to her husband.
It's the genz madness, it should not come as a surprise.
that a woman I paid full duty on, will tell me she's waiting for her mother's permission before she returns home, when her father whose still alive has accepted her to go back to her husband's but she refused insisting on a group apology to her mother shows the family has no regard for men. So my treatment wasn't surprising!

Baba first of all go and check my profile. My story hit first page how my ex left me, even bloggers carried it. Abeg free that woman, dem no tie una oblical cord together. You were happy before she came but I understand you are more sad cos of your kid. Best thing is to go to court. That's what I did, you will pay an amount monthly and you will have shared custody. As long as the kids are yours you are good. Just forget the woman .

Respect they say is reciprocal.
There's so much weirds to say about my marriage, so much!
In my tradition, after the tradition marriage the brides family will bring the bride to her husband's house bearing gifts along.
My own case, na me use moto carry my wife go hase.
My MiL never dash me 1naira once, if all the times my wife was in her home for weeks ( a true MiL will call the daughters husband to be in the know or even send the daughter away with food stuffs or money but No she accommodated her.
I will use my car to pack what a trailer should have packed when she was changing apartments.
She came to my home during my sons omugwo ( saw a center rug in my lobby area and requested she should take it to her home instead of us using it as a foot mat lol, my wife was the middleman and I told my wife, you know my kids sit on that rug to watch their TV shows and MiL don't worry I get those aboki children foam I can swap it will), me mumu man says OK.
Then it was my wardrobe when I was moving out to a rented apartment, I didn't need it because the new rentals has inbuilt wardrobe, once again my middleman wife comes with the request and I declined this time and said I'll leave it for the incoming tenants.

This woman has never used her legs to come to my home to even greet her grandkids unless during omogwu.
As for the FiL....he doesn't even know my house till date.


Omor I Marry!

angelboy01:
Baba first of all go and check my profile. My story hit first page how my ex left me, even bloggers carried it. Abeg free that woman, dem no tie una oblical cord together. You were happy before she came but I understand you are more sad cos of your kid. Best thing is to go to court. That's what I did, you will pay an amount monthly and you will have shared custody. As long as the kids are yours you are good. Just forget the woman .

I would visit your profile now.
But do you mind telling me more about the shared custody thing.
Can I have a contact ?

You messed up when you slapped her bro,just take that as your first mistake…Secondly,Any woman that leaves my house for 10months is done and dusted.Thirdly,Honor your father in laws invite as a last respect to him and not the mother..Never allow that woman back into your house cause if you do,she’ll know her husband is a simp and next time,she will leave again and expect you to come crawling on your knees begging her to come back..

TheDepressed:
I would visit your profile now.
But do you mind telling me more about the shared custody thing.
Can I have a contact ?

Baba it's not hard. Just get a lawyer and he will help you. My lawyer did everything. Just make sure to be sending your kids monthly fee. Court pegged my own to 15k per month. They won't say more than that but since you have 2 kids they can say pay 30k or less. I normally send more than 15k sha cos my daughter has a phone so she normally ask me for one or two but that 15k is what I send. If you do more than court says she will take you for granted. So stick to whatever court says. They are mostly ingrates anyways.

TheDepressed:
I agree with your post.
I'm of the motion that if her mother did not want the marriage in life, why would she want it in death.
I was not the best of SIL because of my inability to financially shower them but trust me I had my good days before the union. They treated me like a king, it'll surprise you I had my first child with my wife ( then gf) and didn't know her father ( ie my FIL) until my daughter was 3 ( not that the father was absent from Nigeria oh, infact we drove past their father's house severally and we would see him sitting outside but I never met him until I proposed).

My MiL was literally begging me to put money on her daughter's head, that's when I finally went to see the FiL.

My point is so not think too much of how they perceived me, it's glaring for everyone to see.
In my opinion I'm seen as a boyfriend still not a husband even tho I paid full trade rights and modern marriage. So all of this is kind of easy for them to move on so fastly

I understand you bro. But how do you see yourself? Act the way you see yourself. That is the closest circumstance within your control. Your explanation is giving more credence to the fact that you played into their hands. Imagine if you had gone behind their back to honour the father like a son in law should when his daughter gave birth for you. He would have been your strongest ally now. Instead you were driving past his house in despise. See the same way you treated the man is how you're been treated now.
People will open up and vulnerable to sensible and responsible individuals They will be confess and admit their wrong doing without you pushing for it.
You've not heard everything yet. Get your head straight act with maturity. Remember you have kids with this family The relationship is an irreversible one.

your wife lift you long ago before the slap, her mothers place was just an avenue to go visit whoever.

and for the funeral dont go, the dead did not even made peace with you same with the daughter

Pootle:
your wife lift you long ago before the slap, her mothers place was just an avenue to go visit whoever.

and for the funeral dont go, the dead did not even made peace with you same with the daughter

Uve spoken well.
I have halfway concluded I'll be visiting the father and offering him support financially even tho I know he won't be at the funeral either.
I can offer more but I will be offering what I can loose that I won't feel pained about for a woman of such.

brodalikeme:
I understand you bro. But how do you see yourself? Act the way you see yourself. That is the closest circumstance within your control. Your explanation is giving more credence to the fact that you played into their hands. Imagine if you had gone behind their back to honour the father like a son in law should when his daughter gave birth for you. He would have been your strongest ally now. Instead you were driving past his house in despise. See the same way you treated the man is how you're been treated now.
People will open up and vulnerable to sensible and responsible individuals They will be confess and admit their wrong doing without you pushing for it.
You've not heard everything yet. Get your head straight act with maturity. Remember you have kids with this family The relationship is an irreversible one.

If anyone told me I'll ever get married before 35s I would call such person a false prophet.
Everything happened fast.
She accepted who she met me as but could not live with who I became in a few years.
I'm not poor but I'm not rich, I lack money management.

I've seen worse families with a submissive wife. I mean worse even using some of our physical neighbors or my tenants as preferences.

Xo...

TheDepressed:
Her sickness was out of the blue, it didn't even last a week.
I'm 36 now my wife 25.
The major reason is I want my kids to grow up with mom and dad present. My kids are young and I'm scared they will forget about me esp my son, so I try to see them every now and then but I want more.

That ideal marriage you yearn for will never be achieved with the kind of woman you married.
Find a way to always be in the life of your children i.e via paying their fees and insist they come spend time with you.
Trying to make a woman who doesn't love you your wife again would make you more depressed that you will consider suicide a solution. Find another wife, move on.

Q

Neddstark:
That ideal marriage you yearn for will never be achieved with the kind of woman you married.
Find a way to always be in the life of your children i.e via paying their fees and insist they come spend time with you.
Trying to make a woman who doesn't love you your wife again would make you more depressed. Thay you will consider suicide a solution. Find another wife, move on.

Yes oh....

TheDepressed:
Yes a slap is just.
Good luck to the man that has never hit his wife before....infact hold this 🏆

We have seen online, woman with bandaged eyes and swollen mouths still begging for their husbands to be left alone ( that is if he was arrested).
That is no justification for hitting a woman but we are all humans and react differently.

Move on with your life. Keep slapping people. One day you will meet the one that will end it for you. Obviously this thread is your imagination. Go and brush your teeth and greet your mummy.

TheDepressed:
1yr is too much a time.
Plus she's changed a lot....the things I refused her from doing is the exact things she's into now.
Accepting her back will be learning to know and train her again.

Step 1: ignore almost every comment on this thread

Step 2: listen to Brodalikeme's comment. He made a lot of sense

Step 3: never, ever use the words "accepting her back will be learning to know and train her again". Once you married her, you two became equal and ONE. If you think I'm lying, go and read your bible.

Step 4: get rid of all the silly thoughts in your head. She's not cheating (not yet), you definitely have slept with someone during this period (so you're guilty). Stop looking for people to tell you you're a good person and she's a terrible person, divorce her etc. All of us will leave you alone and move on after encouraging you to divorce and your wife will remarry and that 2 yr old will call another man "Daddy" and if you kidnap the kids to avoid that, she will carry police to arrest you and add wahala to your problems.

Step 5: attend the burial respectfully. If you're a good person, you'll do the right thing even if your wife or her siblings are not doing the right thing. That's what God asks us all to do: stop making excuses to misbehave because the other person misbehaved first.

Step 6: seriously, listen to Brodalikeme and bury your pride. Send him message off Nairaland. Log out now off NL before you get stupid advice and blow your very fixable marriage up. Or you'll join millions of men who did exactly what you did, blew up their marriages, dust has settled and now they're regretting, even if they remarried.


If you have sense, please screenshot everything Brodalikeme said and log out asap. Right now. Before devil wakes up the rest of NL to help you scatter your children's lives.