₦airaland Forum

Profyoungmeta:
Hello Nairalanders, I need sincere advice about my relationship because I am getting confused and emotionally tired.

I have been in a relationship with a lady (let me call her Fumilayo) and we are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months. However, some issues have been bothering me and I need honest opinions.

1. Her Attitude

Sometimes I feel like she is pretending about her personality. She often raises her voice at me and sometimes yells whenever I point out something she did that I don’t like. Instead of discussing issues calmly, it usually turns into an argument.

This makes me uncomfortable because I prefer peaceful communication in a relationship.

2. Money Issues

Most of our disagreements are about money. She believes I should be giving her regular financial support like monthly upkeep, but I feel pressured.

Sometimes I feel she is with me mainly because I have a stable job and that she wants to use me to achieve her business goals and maybe leave later. I may be wrong, but this fear is in my mind.

Background

When we met, I was doing my Master's degree and also attending banking school at the same time. She was in Egypt hustling then.

We were dating and she knew I was doing my Master's, but I didn’t tell her about banking school then.

After I finished banking school, I was posted to Head Office instead of a branch. I became a product manager handling a banking product after finishing my Master's.

When she returned from Egypt and visited me in Lagos, that was when she discovered that I was working at the Head Office. Before then, she had been worried about me getting a job after my Master's and I kept telling her God would provide.

Her own plan is to open a hairstyling business in Lagos.

Lifestyle Differences

Another issue is spending habits.

She likes expensive things and believes cheap things have no value because they spoil quickly. She doesn’t like trekking and prefers taking a bike even for short distances.

The truth is that both of us did not come from wealthy families. I usually advise that we should reduce spending and focus on building wealth together, but she doesn’t always agree.

The Main Problem – Introduction Planning

We are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months.

My plan was to save:

₦170k first month for clothes
₦170k second month for logistics and introduction items for her family in Ibadan

But during the first month, unexpected bills came:
Transportation
Feeding and food stocking
My sister became seriously sick and I had to send emergency money home
Support for my parents
Electricity and waste bills
House maintenance
Investments and small savings (₦35k)

Because of all these, I could not provide the ₦170k as planned.

The amount I could afford at that time was ₦76k for her to manage.

The Introduction is supposed to be a simple living-room ceremony, not something big. I even suggested wearing a white native attire I already have so we can focus more on the wedding later.

But she became angry and said ₦76k is too small and asked what it can do.

My Concern

I am getting tired of constant arguments and pressure.

I know I am not perfect and I have my weaknesses, but I am trying my best.

Sometimes I wonder:
Am I being unfair?
Is she being unreasonable?
Are these signs I should reconsider this marriage?

Please Nairalanders, I need honest advice.

Merry100:
She is not a bad woman. You guys are simply not compatible.

Profyoungmeta:
Hello Nairalanders, I need sincere advice about my relationship because I am getting confused and emotionally tired.

1. Her Attitude

She often raises her voice at me and sometimes yells whenever I point out something she did that I don’t like. Instead of discussing issues calmly, it usually turns into an argument.

2. Money Issues

Most of our disagreements are about money. She believes I should be giving her regular financial support like monthly upkeep, but I feel pressured.

3. She was hustling in Egypt.

4. Another issue is spending habits.

She likes expensive things
.

ReacherSaidNoth:
Defend your kind if you must, she is a bad women that will only bring regret and misery.

Profyoungmeta:
Hello Nairalanders, I need sincere advice about my relationship because I am getting confused and emotionally tired.

I have been in a relationship with a lady (let me call her Fumilayo) and we are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months. However, some issues have been bothering me and I need honest opinions.

1. Her Attitude

Sometimes I feel like she is pretending about her personality. She often raises her voice at me and sometimes yells whenever I point out something she did that I don’t like. Instead of discussing issues calmly, it usually turns into an argument.

This makes me uncomfortable because I prefer peaceful communication in a relationship.

2. Money Issues

Most of our disagreements are about money. She believes I should be giving her regular financial support like monthly upkeep, but I feel pressured.

Sometimes I feel she is with me mainly because I have a stable job and that she wants to use me to achieve her business goals and maybe leave later. I may be wrong, but this fear is in my mind.

Background

When we met, I was doing my Master's degree and also attending banking school at the same time. She was in Egypt hustling then.

We were dating and she knew I was doing my Master's, but I didn’t tell her about banking school then.

After I finished banking school, I was posted to Head Office instead of a branch. I became a product manager handling a banking product after finishing my Master's.

When she returned from Egypt and visited me in Lagos, that was when she discovered that I was working at the Head Office. Before then, she had been worried about me getting a job after my Master's and I kept telling her God would provide.

Her own plan is to open a hairstyling business in Lagos.

Lifestyle Differences

Another issue is spending habits.

She likes expensive things and believes cheap things have no value because they spoil quickly. She doesn’t like trekking and prefers taking a bike even for short distances.

The truth is that both of us did not come from wealthy families. I usually advise that we should reduce spending and focus on building wealth together, but she doesn’t always agree.

The Main Problem – Introduction Planning

We are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months.

My plan was to save:

₦170k first month for clothes
₦170k second month for logistics and introduction items for her family in Ibadan

But during the first month, unexpected bills came:
Transportation
Feeding and food stocking
My sister became seriously sick and I had to send emergency money home
Support for my parents
Electricity and waste bills
House maintenance
Investments and small savings (₦35k)

Because of all these, I could not provide the ₦170k as planned.

The amount I could afford at that time was ₦76k for her to manage.

The Introduction is supposed to be a simple living-room ceremony, not something big. I even suggested wearing a white native attire I already have so we can focus more on the wedding later.

But she became angry and said ₦76k is too small and asked what it can do.

My Concern

I am getting tired of constant arguments and pressure.

I know I am not perfect and I have my weaknesses, but I am trying my best.

Sometimes I wonder:
Am I being unfair?
Is she being unreasonable?
Are these signs I should reconsider this marriage?

Please Nairalanders, I need honest advice.

Merry100:
She is not a bad woman. You guys are simply not compatible.

Merry100:
Mr Good man, there are many "good women" who can align with you. Stop disturbing "bad women." We know our peace. We are not into iron benders...

Merry100:
Mr Good man, there are many "good women" who can align with you. Stop disturbing "bad women." We know our peace. We are not into iron benders.

When a Nigerian guy starts talking about "good woman" and "bad woman" like this, I already know what he wants in a woman: gullible, obedient, submissive, and controllable; and I am nothing like that. Anyway, I am a "bad woman" with a conscience, I always avoid guys like you.

One guy once told me, "I love you more because you are submissive." From that day on, I started avoiding him. Till today, he doesn't know what he did wrong. Guys like them are often super- controlling. Some of them would even make major decisions in their woman's life without sitting down to have a proper discussion about the matter. I know their type very well. Even if it is just one important decision that truly matters to you, they won't calm down to talk things through. Instead, they will paint you as a bad woman to everyone.

They"ll be saying things like, "I can't even tell my wife what to do; this is all I'm asking her to do. Is it too much?" They immediately forget all the times she has been silent, all the sacrifices she has made, and all the times she complied without questioning. Some of them can even become violent and start insulting or beating their woman up over the issue. Very narcissistic set of people. I am not competing for the position of "good woman." I just want a peaceful, happy and quiet life for myself.

His lady is even better. My own future wedding checklist doesn't have anything like management on it. What is a wedding without hype? 🤣 Segun Johnson is even on my wedding checklist (Sho ma no wo yen tan? Sho ma no wo yen tan? Are you spending or not? Are you spending or not? 😄)

If my dream wedding is his red flag, then he is also my red flag. I can save for what I want, but I won't downsize my dreams just to please someone's ego. That day is specially for creating beautiful memories.

Dtruthspeaker:
See how you have proven that you women are veri very batd things?

Saybal:
Men in all you do avoid this type of bitter woman and it will be well with you in your marriage or relationship

Profyoungmeta:
Hello Nairalanders, I need sincere advice about my relationship because I am getting confused and emotionally tired.

I have been in a relationship with a lady (let me call her Fumilayo) and we are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months. However, some issues have been bothering me and I need honest opinions.

1. Her Attitude

Sometimes I feel like she is pretending about her personality. She often raises her voice at me and sometimes yells whenever I point out something she did that I don’t like. Instead of discussing issues calmly, it usually turns into an argument.

This makes me uncomfortable because I prefer peaceful communication in a relationship.

2. Money Issues

Most of our disagreements are about money. She believes I should be giving her regular financial support like monthly upkeep, but I feel pressured.

Sometimes I feel she is with me mainly because I have a stable job and that she wants to use me to achieve her business goals and maybe leave later. I may be wrong, but this fear is in my mind.

Background

When we met, I was doing my Master's degree and also attending banking school at the same time. She was in Egypt hustling then.

We were dating and she knew I was doing my Master's, but I didn’t tell her about banking school then.

After I finished banking school, I was posted to Head Office instead of a branch. I became a product manager handling a banking product after finishing my Master's.

When she returned from Egypt and visited me in Lagos, that was when she discovered that I was working at the Head Office. Before then, she had been worried about me getting a job after my Master's and I kept telling her God would provide.

Her own plan is to open a hairstyling business in Lagos.

Lifestyle Differences

Another issue is spending habits.

She likes expensive things and believes cheap things have no value because they spoil quickly. She doesn’t like trekking and prefers taking a bike even for short distances.

The truth is that both of us did not come from wealthy families. I usually advise that we should reduce spending and focus on building wealth together, but she doesn’t always agree.

The Main Problem – Introduction Planning

We are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months.

My plan was to save:

₦170k first month for clothes
₦170k second month for logistics and introduction items for her family in Ibadan

But during the first month, unexpected bills came:
Transportation
Feeding and food stocking
My sister became seriously sick and I had to send emergency money home
Support for my parents
Electricity and waste bills
House maintenance
Investments and small savings (₦35k)

Because of all these, I could not provide the ₦170k as planned.

The amount I could afford at that time was ₦76k for her to manage.

The Introduction is supposed to be a simple living-room ceremony, not something big. I even suggested wearing a white native attire I already have so we can focus more on the wedding later.

But she became angry and said ₦76k is too small and asked what it can do.

My Concern

I am getting tired of constant arguments and pressure.

I know I am not perfect and I have my weaknesses, but I am trying my best.

Sometimes I wonder:
Am I being unfair?
Is she being unreasonable?
Are these signs I should reconsider this marriage?

Please Nairalanders, I need honest advice.

Profyoungmeta:
Hello Nairalanders, I need sincere advice about my relationship because I am getting confused and emotionally tired.

I have been in a relationship with a lady (let me call her Fumilayo) and we are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months. However, some issues have been bothering me and I need honest opinions.

1. Her Attitude

Sometimes I feel like she is pretending about her personality. She often raises her voice at me and sometimes yells whenever I point out something she did that I don’t like. Instead of discussing issues calmly, it usually turns into an argument.

This makes me uncomfortable because I prefer peaceful communication in a relationship.

2. Money Issues

Most of our disagreements are about money. She believes I should be giving her regular financial support like monthly upkeep, but I feel pressured.

Sometimes I feel she is with me mainly because I have a stable job and that she wants to use me to achieve her business goals and maybe leave later. I may be wrong, but this fear is in my mind.

Background

When we met, I was doing my Master's degree and also attending banking school at the same time. She was in Egypt hustling then.

We were dating and she knew I was doing my Master's, but I didn’t tell her about banking school then.

After I finished banking school, I was posted to Head Office instead of a branch. I became a product manager handling a banking product after finishing my Master's.

When she returned from Egypt and visited me in Lagos, that was when she discovered that I was working at the Head Office. Before then, she had been worried about me getting a job after my Master's and I kept telling her God would provide.

Her own plan is to open a hairstyling business in Lagos.

Lifestyle Differences

Another issue is spending habits.

She likes expensive things and believes cheap things have no value because they spoil quickly. She doesn’t like trekking and prefers taking a bike even for short distances.

The truth is that both of us did not come from wealthy families. I usually advise that we should reduce spending and focus on building wealth together, but she doesn’t always agree.

The Main Problem – Introduction Planning

We are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months.

My plan was to save:

₦170k first month for clothes
₦170k second month for logistics and introduction items for her family in Ibadan

But during the first month, unexpected bills came:
Transportation
Feeding and food stocking
My sister became seriously sick and I had to send emergency money home
Support for my parents
Electricity and waste bills
House maintenance
Investments and small savings (₦35k)

Because of all these, I could not provide the ₦170k as planned.

The amount I could afford at that time was ₦76k for her to manage.

The Introduction is supposed to be a simple living-room ceremony, not something big. I even suggested wearing a white native attire I already have so we can focus more on the wedding later.

But she became angry and said ₦76k is too small and asked what it can do.

My Concern

I am getting tired of constant arguments and pressure.

I know I am not perfect and I have my weaknesses, but I am trying my best.

Sometimes I wonder:
Am I being unfair?
Is she being unreasonable?
Are these signs I should reconsider this marriage?

Please Nairalanders, I need honest advice.

Saybal:
she is angry being a woman

Profyoungmeta:
Hello Nairalanders, I need sincere advice about my relationship because I am getting confused and emotionally tired.

I have been in a relationship with a lady (let me call her Fumilayo) and we are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months. However, some issues have been bothering me and I need honest opinions.

1. Her Attitude

Sometimes I feel like she is pretending about her personality. She often raises her voice at me and sometimes yells whenever I point out something she did that I don’t like. Instead of discussing issues calmly, it usually turns into an argument.

This makes me uncomfortable because I prefer peaceful communication in a relationship.

2. Money Issues

Most of our disagreements are about money. She believes I should be giving her regular financial support like monthly upkeep, but I feel pressured.

Sometimes I feel she is with me mainly because I have a stable job and that she wants to use me to achieve her business goals and maybe leave later. I may be wrong, but this fear is in my mind.

Background

When we met, I was doing my Master's degree and also attending banking school at the same time. She was in Egypt hustling then.

We were dating and she knew I was doing my Master's, but I didn’t tell her about banking school then.

After I finished banking school, I was posted to Head Office instead of a branch. I became a product manager handling a banking product after finishing my Master's.

When she returned from Egypt and visited me in Lagos, that was when she discovered that I was working at the Head Office. Before then, she had been worried about me getting a job after my Master's and I kept telling her God would provide.

Her own plan is to open a hairstyling business in Lagos.

Lifestyle Differences

Another issue is spending habits.

She likes expensive things and believes cheap things have no value because they spoil quickly. She doesn’t like trekking and prefers taking a bike even for short distances.

The truth is that both of us did not come from wealthy families. I usually advise that we should reduce spending and focus on building wealth together, but she doesn’t always agree.

The Main Problem – Introduction Planning

We are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months.

My plan was to save:

₦170k first month for clothes
₦170k second month for logistics and introduction items for her family in Ibadan

But during the first month, unexpected bills came:
Transportation
Feeding and food stocking
My sister became seriously sick and I had to send emergency money home
Support for my parents
Electricity and waste bills
House maintenance
Investments and small savings (₦35k)

Because of all these, I could not provide the ₦170k as planned.

The amount I could afford at that time was ₦76k for her to manage.

The Introduction is supposed to be a simple living-room ceremony, not something big. I even suggested wearing a white native attire I already have so we can focus more on the wedding later.

But she became angry and said ₦76k is too small and asked what it can do.

My Concern

I am getting tired of constant arguments and pressure.

I know I am not perfect and I have my weaknesses, but I am trying my best.

Sometimes I wonder:
Am I being unfair?
Is she being unreasonable?
Are these signs I should reconsider this marriage?

Please Nairalanders, I need honest advice.

Profyoungmeta:
Hello Nairalanders, I need sincere advice about my relationship because I am getting confused and emotionally tired.

I have been in a relationship with a lady (let me call her Fumilayo) and we are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months. However, some issues have been bothering me and I need honest opinions.

1. Her Attitude

Sometimes I feel like she is pretending about her personality. She often raises her voice at me and sometimes yells whenever I point out something she did that I don’t like. Instead of discussing issues calmly, it usually turns into an argument.

This makes me uncomfortable because I prefer peaceful communication in a relationship.

2. Money Issues

Most of our disagreements are about money. She believes I should be giving her regular financial support like monthly upkeep, but I feel pressured.

Sometimes I feel she is with me mainly because I have a stable job and that she wants to use me to achieve her business goals and maybe leave later. I may be wrong, but this fear is in my mind.

Background

When we met, I was doing my Master's degree and also attending banking school at the same time. She was in Egypt hustling then.

We were dating and she knew I was doing my Master's, but I didn’t tell her about banking school then.

After I finished banking school, I was posted to Head Office instead of a branch. I became a product manager handling a banking product after finishing my Master's.

When she returned from Egypt and visited me in Lagos, that was when she discovered that I was working at the Head Office. Before then, she had been worried about me getting a job after my Master's and I kept telling her God would provide.

Her own plan is to open a hairstyling business in Lagos.

Lifestyle Differences

Another issue is spending habits.

She likes expensive things and believes cheap things have no value because they spoil quickly. She doesn’t like trekking and prefers taking a bike even for short distances.

The truth is that both of us did not come from wealthy families. I usually advise that we should reduce spending and focus on building wealth together, but she doesn’t always agree.

The Main Problem – Introduction Planning

We are planning our Introduction ceremony in about two months.

My plan was to save:

₦170k first month for clothes
₦170k second month for logistics and introduction items for her family in Ibadan

But during the first month, unexpected bills came:
Transportation
Feeding and food stocking
My sister became seriously sick and I had to send emergency money home
Support for my parents
Electricity and waste bills
House maintenance
Investments and small savings (₦35k)

Because of all these, I could not provide the ₦170k as planned.

The amount I could afford at that time was ₦76k for her to manage.

The Introduction is supposed to be a simple living-room ceremony, not something big. I even suggested wearing a white native attire I already have so we can focus more on the wedding later.

But she became angry and said ₦76k is too small and asked what it can do.

My Concern

I am getting tired of constant arguments and pressure.

I know I am not perfect and I have my weaknesses, but I am trying my best.

Sometimes I wonder:
Am I being unfair?
Is she being unreasonable?
Are these signs I should reconsider this marriage?

Please Nairalanders, I need honest advice.