₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
Accountability for what? 🥱🥱

Look, I suggest you thoroughly work on your comprehension skills this year...there is still so much time. 🥱🥱

I laugh at you when you exude your low critically asserted thought, if you know what comprehension means you won't assert the above when you are the one infamous for having low comprehension skills leading to you churning out out of point 80% of the time.

I don't have the time for back and forth if that's what you are looking for , as for accountability you and plethora of women are known for zero accountability. You better fix it, the earlier the better. To you the man must be the villain .

SixSeven:
One of the things I've learned about women is that they are insatiable. So if you like provide her heavens and earth, she fit still say e no reach, say na Mars she want. So brother, do your best and leave the rest to God. Don't overkill yourself. Try to enjoy life and only take care of what is within your control. Anything else, is worry that you cannot control.


Another reason women keep demanding is because they don't wear the shoe where it pinches. She is asking you for these things while you are worrying about how to provide. It's normal. Just understand that women, most of them are like children. When you see how children behave and ask for things, it's because they have nothing to worry about. As a father, what do you do when your child says papa take me to Dubai tomorrow? There is your answer.

How Esther Vilar wrote this things cleanly and clearly, that woman is a gem.

Every young man from age 9 must read that book Manipulated Man regularly.

To the smart nairaland men, please if you born boy, train them in the art of spotting women's manipulation and putting themselves first.

I read that book last year, but it never late sha.

funkmrflexx:
Yesterday I made a post about how I feel my wife
isn’t really adding value to my life.

https://www.nairaland.com/8631753/wife-isnt-adding-value-life

A lot of people attacked me in the comments, asking how I could expect a woman who gave birth to two children in three years to start working.
But let me clear something up.

When I said we had two children, I was only referring to the number of kids in the house. In reality, we have one son who is 2 years old, and my wife’s niece who lives with us. She’s about 12 years old, and that’s the second child I mentioned in the previous post.

Before we got married, we talked about her having her own business. She even chose something she said she was passionate about — makeup and beauty. I supported her and paid almost ₦400k for her to learn the skill at the time.
After we got married, I even opened a shop for her so she could start the business. But around that same time she got pregnant and said she couldn’t manage the shop because of the pregnancy. I understood and supported her.

Even with that, I still paid the rent for the shop for another 1 year and 6 months, just to make sure she had enough time to eventually start when she was ready.

After she gave birth, another issue came up. She said the shop was too far and she couldn’t be carrying the baby there. At that time the baby was around 6–8 months old.

So I suggested something simple: whenever I’m home, she can leave the baby with me and go to the shop. Her niece was also around, so the two of us could look after the baby.
Eventually she started going.

Before leaving she would bathe the baby and then head out. While she was gone, I took care of everything — feeding the baby, making sure he slept, watching over him. I didn’t complain because he’s my son too. I just wanted to make sure she had peace of mind to focus on the business.
Since she wasn’t making any money yet, I even gave her ₦4,000 transport money every day to support her (the distance was about 20 minutes at most)

But she didn’t even last one month before she stopped going.
Her reason was that the place wasn’t moving. Mind you, this was a very busy and popular place in town.
I encouraged her and told her business needs consistency. Customers don’t just appear overnight.
Then she complained about not having a signage, saying people couldn’t easily notice the shop. I paid for a proper signage for her.
Still… nothing changed.
Eventually she just stayed home until the shop rent expired, even though she still had about four months left on the rent when she stopped going.
Later she said she wanted to start selling women’s clothes from the house. Again, I supported her and gave her money to start.
Three months later… nothing came out of it.
At that point I was honestly frustrated and told her I wasn’t going to keep giving money for new businesses again.
Since then she has basically stayed at home doing very little. Most of the day she’s pressing phone. She cooks sometimes, yes, but even taking care of our son is mostly done by her niece.
My son even started school in September, so he’s no longer a baby that requires full-time attention.
Sometimes I even do my own laundry because she doesn’t really handle much in the house.
So honestly I keep asking myself… what exactly is her role in this marriage?
Another thing that worries me is this: what if something happens to me tomorrow? How would the family survive if she has no income or any drive to do something?
I’ve tried talking to her many times. She will act serious in the moment and promise to change, but after some time she just goes back to the same routine.
About a year ago I went through a very difficult financial period. A bad business deal left me in debt and I had to sell my car, something I really didn’t want to do. That was one of the lowest points of my life.
But during that period she didn’t really offer me any support.
Recently she told me she needs a new phone that costs almost ₦700k.
And honestly I just sat there thinking…
When things were good, I never complained about providing. But the economy now is very hard. Fuel alone is around ₦1,250 per litre as I’m writing this.
At this point, I’m honestly just tired.

You don't owe anyone any long explanations because most attacking you have never had a womans burden and responsibilities entrusted to them. My man the simple truth is that your wife wants the soft life while you do all the hustling, but I promise that you will run out of steam at some point with anger and either stand up to the situation or bend to her whims.

fyneboi79:
✓ You don't owe anyone any long explanations because most attacking you have never had a womans burden and responsibilities entrusted to them. My man the simple truth is that your wife wants the soft life while you do all the hustling, but I promise that you will run out of steam at some point with anger and either stand up to the situation or bend to her whims.

That is because many of them probably didn't choose that burden...OP did, and for a while, he flaunted it too, as his history on Nairaland reveals. 🥱🥱

funkmrflexx:
Yesterday I made a post about how I feel my wife
isn’t really adding value to my life.

https://www.nairaland.com/8631753/wife-isnt-adding-value-life

A lot of people attacked me in the comments, asking how I could expect a woman who gave birth to two children in three years to start working.
But let me clear something up.

When I said we had two children, I was only referring to the number of kids in the house. In reality, we have one son who is 2 years old, and my wife’s niece who lives with us. She’s about 12 years old, and that’s the second child I mentioned in the previous post.

Before we got married, we talked about her having her own business. She even chose something she said she was passionate about — makeup and beauty. I supported her and paid almost ₦400k for her to learn the skill at the time.
After we got married, I even opened a shop for her so she could start the business. But around that same time she got pregnant and said she couldn’t manage the shop because of the pregnancy. I understood and supported her.

Even with that, I still paid the rent for the shop for another 1 year and 6 months, just to make sure she had enough time to eventually start when she was ready.

After she gave birth, another issue came up. She said the shop was too far and she couldn’t be carrying the baby there. At that time the baby was around 6–8 months old.

So I suggested something simple: whenever I’m home, she can leave the baby with me and go to the shop. Her niece was also around, so the two of us could look after the baby.
Eventually she started going.

Before leaving she would bathe the baby and then head out. While she was gone, I took care of everything — feeding the baby, making sure he slept, watching over him. I didn’t complain because he’s my son too. I just wanted to make sure she had peace of mind to focus on the business.
Since she wasn’t making any money yet, I even gave her ₦4,000 transport money every day to support her (the distance was about 20 minutes at most)

But she didn’t even last one month before she stopped going.
Her reason was that the place wasn’t moving. Mind you, this was a very busy and popular place in town.
I encouraged her and told her business needs consistency. Customers don’t just appear overnight.
Then she complained about not having a signage, saying people couldn’t easily notice the shop. I paid for a proper signage for her.
Still… nothing changed.
Eventually she just stayed home until the shop rent expired, even though she still had about four months left on the rent when she stopped going.
Later she said she wanted to start selling women’s clothes from the house. Again, I supported her and gave her money to start.
Three months later… nothing came out of it.
At that point I was honestly frustrated and told her I wasn’t going to keep giving money for new businesses again.
Since then she has basically stayed at home doing very little. Most of the day she’s pressing phone. She cooks sometimes, yes, but even taking care of our son is mostly done by her niece.
My son even started school in September, so he’s no longer a baby that requires full-time attention.
Sometimes I even do my own laundry because she doesn’t really handle much in the house.
So honestly I keep asking myself… what exactly is her role in this marriage?
Another thing that worries me is this: what if something happens to me tomorrow? How would the family survive if she has no income or any drive to do something?
I’ve tried talking to her many times. She will act serious in the moment and promise to change, but after some time she just goes back to the same routine.
About a year ago I went through a very difficult financial period. A bad business deal left me in debt and I had to sell my car, something I really didn’t want to do. That was one of the lowest points of my life.
But during that period she didn’t really offer me any support.
Recently she told me she needs a new phone that costs almost ₦700k.
And honestly I just sat there thinking…
When things were good, I never complained about providing. But the economy now is very hard. Fuel alone is around ₦1,250 per litre as I’m writing this.
At this point, I’m honestly just tired.

If after all these and no improvements, and she's demanding 700k for phone without being productive herself, bro, considering divorce at this point will be the best option for you.

I've never told anyone to divorce but for your sake, your life and own welfare, separation can restore you from the drag-down you're with.

Staying with her and leaving her is your best bet now, which ever you eventually take, so be it. But make sure you're happy with enormous amount of peace and life fulfilment.

Mattswaggz:
Firstly, she seems like someone who isn't business oriented so forcing her would do little or no good......as some Nigerians will say "if it didn't dey, e didn't dey".

Secondly she is very happy and comfortable the way she is now because the bulk stops at your own table.

To solve this problem you'll have to consider the Options below but you must be strong willed to implement any of them...
1) Find what she is good at which of course might not be the businesses you're starting for her but something she is oriented towards and enjoys doing that and it can bring income to her.

2)Dissolve the marriage and count your losses and move on seeing that you and her aren't compatible and don't align in mentality.

3)Find a way to put her in an uncomfortable situation like refusing to foot her own personal bills and let her see the urgency of needed to do something for herself...like let her survival instincts be activated again because she seems very docile now.....BUT this one would be very difficult to achieve because it would require a STRONG MIND on your own path and some SCHEMES that might be interpreted as being weekeed/h**rtless.

All in all you'll require a lot of STRONG WILL to solve this problem and you might have contributed by ignoring certain red flags before the marriage.

2 is the best, 3 might make her retaliate in a very hurtful way, which he too may suffer devastating loss from.

Dissolving the marriage is the best. If things were to go horribly bad for him, she would/might have bolted without double-checking if he had been a providing husband in the past. Also, she's not his only responsibility, he has a son, parents and extended family that needs him as well.

At OP, 1 and 3 are okay but not good enough because they may offer temporary solutions but never permanent solutions.

Some men love disturbing others with endless tales of woes. You knew before now but you still went ahead to marry her. Why bro? Whyyyy

Kobojunkie:
Nigeria is damn near littered with evidence of what would likely happen if you are no longer in the picture. You never needed a special book to realize this for yourself. You, however, choose to ask the question after the fact. 🥱🥱

2. How can you honestly expect a woman who had no financial independence of her own before marriage to magically begin to offer you support after marriage? Come on naw .. make una dey reason these things well, well. You literally married her expecting her to depend on you for everything she needs, only to then flip scripts on her after realizing you bit off more than you could chew. Stop digging these holes for yourselves only to cry fowl when the hole eventually begins swallowing you up whole. 🤨🥱🥱

Ari sense fa, bini bini.

Kobojunkie:
Again, having a passion for something is not go ahead to pour money into making a business out of it. This woman, again, from your OP did not have business accumen. So, while I understand your frustration, she is not to blame for all of this. 🥱🥱

There are so many people who spent many decades and millions of dollars in wasted investments to come to that realization which is that passion does not translate to business accumen. 🥱

If you want to divorce her because you have changed your mind and would like to find yourself someone else, fine! But don't pretend she is the bad person here and the reason for it all. So, dead the attempts to make her out as the bad person in your marriage. 🥱🥱

Who is the bad person?

louken:
➜Who is the bad person?

This is an example of the common case of self-inflicted injury. 🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Again, having a passion for something is not go ahead to pour money into making a business out of it. This woman, again, from your OP did not have business accumen. So, while I understand your frustration, she is not to blame for all of this. 🥱🥱

There are so many people who spent many decades and millions of dollars in wasted investments to come to that realization which is that passion does not translate to business accumen. 🥱

If you want to divorce her because you have changed your mind and would like to find yourself someone else, fine! But don't pretend she is the bad person here and the reason for it all. So, dead the attempts to make her out as the bad person in your marriage. 🥱🥱

Are you OK, why are you a sadist, you mean you can even conjure up a meaningful solution for amicable settlement. I pity the day you were born.

If she's learned get her a paid job.

If you need to establish business for her you must I repeat you must monitor and guide her, if not , the circle will repeat itself.

Kobojunkie:
This is an example of the common case of self-inflicted injury. 🥱🥱

Who is the bad person here?

louken:
✓ Who is the bad person here?

Look in the mirror, next time your bad decisions come back to bite you, for answers. 🙄🙄

the op is probably trying to be a good husband and a father. you seem to have a better knowledge of marriage than your wife but the issue with you is dat you av been carrying all marital responsibilities in dt huz without setting some boundaries. you know what to do to resolve the issue but you are afraid of taking dt action.

Caveat emptor. am not implying divorce