₦airaland Forum

Run run run.
This advise is from a man who has been married for 19 years.
Sorry oh.

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

In all you do, do not marry a woman that is not kind, from what you've explained here, she is self centered.

Run brother! again , RUN!

kiddaz:
Some of you guys na wah. You have been dating this same girl for God knows when and you knew her personality all along. You have been working on getting married recently, meaning you have accepted her for who and what she is and now you're asking us these questions for what exactly? So na when wedding plans done reach you begin remember her flaws? You better carry your cross oga. None of them are perfect you have found the one that you can enjoy her goodness and also mange her witchcraft side. Hold am and stop looking for ways to run away. It's too late for that now. You shall and you must marry that girl

If no marriage yet, no final acceptance has been made

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

A girl that loves you will be willing to spend more than half her income on you even if she earns one thousand naira. A lady that hasn't spent much on you is a red flag. If you are the one bearing the whole financial responsibility then be ready to bear till you leave this world and I am telling you nothing but the truth.
What does she bring to the table that made you settle for her? Is it the sex? That one has no value and will fade away.
Think about this very well before you make the plunge. I I know many people that made this kind of error and they are in deep regrets today.
A lady that loves you will spare nothing to be with you. You want to marry an obvious parasite that sees you as a poverty escape route.

hunterezi:
She can give you all those with money too! You people don't have standards this is why these girls shit on you people.

You will nwver hear a woman put money aside from everything she asks.

mehn I don't need any woman's f..king money.And a woman cheating is her f..king business Anybody that cheats is just being a fool of the highest standard
If you cheat, you aren't deceiving your partner, you are deceiving yourself.

kiddaz:
Some of you guys na wah. You have been dating this same girl for God knows when and you knew her personality all along. You have been working on getting married recently, meaning you have accepted her for who and what she is and now you're asking us these questions for what exactly? So na when wedding plans done reach you begin remember her flaws? You better carry your cross oga. None of them are perfect you have found the one that you can enjoy her goodness and also mange her witchcraft side. Hold am and stop looking for ways to run away. It's too late for that now. You shall and you must marry that girl

Don't listen to this rubbish, if she can't assist even with the smallest things she's a full red banner

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

With the way the economy is going bad every day

Every man needs a supportive wife, even where the man can foot all bills, he needs a woman that will prove the act of charity and giving

Once you don't get support from your woman especially if she is working while dating, I doubt if she will support when the real need arises

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

My candid advice is for you to abort the idea of marrying her because she would show you shege financially. She's very stingy and not cut out to give out even though she has some cash. Apart from that, whenever she has cash, she would never tell you based on the fact that, she want you to finance her well-being and all.

That's the biggest RED FLAG of all. She would suck you dry and move onto the next simp later. Please and please, don't marry the leech even though you've tasted her kpekus. Don't let kpekus blind your eyes and good sense of judgement, as you would definitely suffer in the future and be frustrated with regrets.

Look for a lady to support you in all ramifications. The time is not late to abort, even though you've introduced her to your folks and maybe you're already acquainted to her people too.

Don't try to change her, it won't work because leopards cannot change the spots on their skins.

Be guided.

Person go balance decide say he wan marry liability. Some people have mind.

HAVE YOU EVER ASKED HER FOR MONEY.

ASK HER FOR MONEY

CREATE SCARCITY AROUND YOU

POSTPONE THE MARRIAGE

THEN WATCH HER REACTIONS

If she doesn't care for you,she is not meant for you.

Dating someone that doesn't feel your worth and appreciate you is a waste of time and effort.

Ask her while she didn't care for you,her reaction would judge your next move

Lanre1st:
Decision is yours, I was once in your similar situation and trust me, men become more scared, anxiety and over think when marriage is coming closer. I feel exactly what you feel and mine is even with some other things. Despite all my over thinking, I go ahead with the wedding and to God be the glory we are doing good.
Your observation is genuine, and i can tell you, it will take a deliberate change of mind for her to to be giving even in the marriage. In my own case i gave her excuse that she was a student at the time but it just a little change when she is working. Though women will spend their last card for your kids

But as you are considering her financial contribution don't forget to look at what attracts you to her in the first place, what makes you stay with her for that long, to even extent of planning wedding.
Mind you, Woman roles in marriage goes beyond money contribution. Look at her characters, skills, faithfulness, respect, ability to prepare you for (work, outing for success), to give you courage, training your kids in such a way you like, just picture the perfect wife you dream of, if she fit in.
Note, even if your girl friend is giving you now, know she is borrowing you, you will pay multiple in marriage. Women money is her money while man's income is family's money. Man should know, he has larger percentage of financial responsibility in marriage if not 100%.

Good marriage is not based on both party financial contribution, but peace, respect, faithfulness, God fearing, ability to endure, supportive, communication, forgiveness, commitment and many more. Pray to God for guidance.

No sense

UnknownQueen:
This boy believes in partnership marriage 50/50, but he still wants the lady to submit to him, handle all the house chores and still answer to her family.

Nairaland family , I say this boy is such a clown.....Male una laugh hahahahahhaah

This girl does not believe in 50 / 50 but still expects the man to pay scl fees, afford rent, invest in land, afford feeding, buy xmas clothes and still remain faithful to one wife.

Nairaland family , I say this girl is such a clown.....Make una laugh hahahahahhaah

Clazzone:
Only God knows where una dey see all this rubbish women, I understand that you can't have a perfect woman or man but at least let be people be supportive too, just some days ago I had a heated argument with my wife and at a point I said I might send her packing if she continues that rudeness, and she jokingly reminded me she would carry the sofa because she had 90% of the money for it, ... Deep inside me, I was like WAAT !

I love her because despite my attitude of having to do many things by myself, she will always find a way of solving some crucial needs before informing me

U love her. Does she love u?

U dont even sound clear yet

JoeEeL:
This girl does not believe in 50 / 50 but still expects the man to pay scl fees, afford rent, invest in land, afford feeding, buy xmas clothes and still remain faithful to one wife.

Nairaland family , I say this girl is such a clown.....Make una laugh hahahahahhaah

Hahahaha. ..No ooooo I dont expect him to remain faithful to me i swear with my life.....I sincerely dont want him to, i have told this one to take another wife, if that's what he wants.....
You think say he easy to dey run bill of wife, second wife and side chick...

Try am if e easy

You already know the answer. You are just looking for permission to trust what you are seeing.

A woman who cannot give five thousand naira across an entire year of dating will not suddenly become generous inside a marriage. Marriage does not transform character. It amplifies it.

What you are seeing is not a phase. It is a preview.

The question is not whether to spend three million on the wedding. The question is whether this woman has ever made you feel genuinely considered. Not celebrated. Not spoiled, just considered.

If the honest answer is no, that is your answer.

Do not marry potential. Do not marry who she might become after the ring. Marry only what she has already shown you.

Three million naira is recoverable. The wrong marriage is not.

HEED

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

Absolutely true

themanderon:
A girl that loves you will be willing to spend more than half her income on you even if she earns one thousand naira. A lady that hasn't spent much on you is a red flag. If you are the one bearing the whole financial responsibility then be ready to bear till you leave this world and I am telling you nothing but the truth.
What does she bring to the table that made you settle for her? Is it the sex? That one has no value and will fade away.
Think about this very well before you make the plunge. I I know many people that made this kind of error and they are in deep regrets today.
A lady that loves you will spare nothing to be with you. You want to marry an obvious parasite that sees you as a poverty escape route.

A girl i just asked out and is even yet to give me a response sent me bowls of different soups from Abeokuta to Ibadan yesterday because i told her I can't cook soup.

All with her money o

poweredcom:
Mr man better don't marry her.....just bang her and throw her back to where she belong

Nigerian ladies are not wife materials they are selfish and don't care about you ...they only love themselves

This isn't applicable to the ladies alone 99.999% of Nigerians are abnormally selfish opportunists

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

You typed all this and you're still confused? Guy park well

This type will watch u struggle alone. Use ur brain.

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

Quite this mission