₦airaland Forum

Have Nigerian Men Lowered the Bar Too Much?

Sometimes if you observe modern relationships carefully, especially in Nigeria, you’ll notice something strange.

The expectations on men keep increasing…

But the expectations on many women keep reducing.

These days, some men are already impressed simply because a woman is not “billing too much.”

Think about it.

A lady comes to visit you, and somehow it is already expected that you’ll give her transport fare, extra money, food, and more before she leaves.

You visit her too…

And somehow you are still the one expected to spend again.

At some point, many men stopped asking:
“What exactly am I receiving apart from company?”

Now the standard has become so low that basic decency is treated like premium wife material.

“She’s not materialistic.”
“She understands when I’m broke.”
“She doesn’t pressure me too much.”

These are now seen as rare qualities.

Meanwhile, many men are carrying financial pressure, emotional stress, work struggles, and still expected to constantly prove themselves through spending.

The funny part is this:

A lot of men are not even asking for luxury from women.

They are not asking her to pay rent.
They are not asking her to finance businesses.
They are not asking her to carry family responsibilities.

Many just want:
✔️ Peace
✔️ Respect
✔️ Loyalty
✔️ Genuine support
✔️ Someone with reasonable self discipline

But somehow even these basics now look like “high standards.”

The reality is that too many men have become afraid of asking for reciprocity because society already conditioned them to believe their value only comes from what they can provide.

So once a woman simply exists and shows small attention, some men already feel lucky.

That is why some people stay in one-sided relationships for years.

Not because they are loved deeply.

But because the bar has dropped dangerously low.

A healthy relationship should not feel like one person is constantly auditioning with money while the other simply shows up.

Effort should exist on both sides.

That is what balance looks like.

As a single Nigerian guy,you don't know what God's doing for you. Cuz majority of the relationships we find ourselves in ,in Nigeria presently na highest bidder dey win las las.

Rhere’s some truth in the pressure many Nigerian men face especially with inflation, unemployment, family responsibilities, and the cultural expectation that a man must always “provide.” That pressure is very real.

But I think this argument becomes unfair when it paints women as if they’re just sitting back doing nothing.

A lot of Nigerian women are also carrying invisible burdens that men often overlook:

They contribute financially in relationships too sometimes quietly. They cook, nurture, support emotionally, adjust careers for marriage, deal with pregnancy risks, childcare expectations, and in many cases still contribute to bills.

Some women are paying their own transport, splitting dates, supporting struggling partners, and even helping men build from scratch but those stories rarely trend because outrage gets more attention.

Also, we need to be honest that many men still tie their identity to being providers. Some insist on paying for everything because it makes them feel needed, then later become resentful about the very role they voluntarily embraced.

And on the flip side, some women absolutely exploit men financially that conversation should happen too. “Billing culture” is real in some circles. But it’s not representative of all women.

The bigger issue is that both genders are often dating with unhealthy scripts:

Men are told: your worth is your wallet.
Women are told: your beauty and presence are enough.

Both ideas are flawed.

Healthy relationships require mutual effort, but effort doesn’t always look identical.

Sometimes a man may contribute more financially while a woman contributes more emotionally or domestically. In another relationship, both may split things equally. The key is whether both people genuinely feel valued.

The real question shouldn’t be:

“What am I getting from women?”

It should be:

“Am I in a relationship where effort, sacrifice, and care flow both ways?”

Because there are women being used by emotionally unavailable men.
And there are men being used by financially entitled women.

Both experiences are valid.

The solution is not gender wars — it’s choosing better partners, setting boundaries early, and refusing relationships built on entitlement from either side.

Thanks for this WONDERFUL write up.
I have always thought that Nigerian men have been emotionally blackmailed and browbeaten by over daring womenfolk into accepting all sorts of nonsense..
We're getting to a stage where it will be preferable for a Nigerian man to prefer marriage to a retired olosho, than to a pious virtuous lady..

Can you imagine the kind of advice the men will give you when you are taking a bit of time to find a life partner? You will hear them say things like; "look for the ones with experience , they have already had all the experience and would calm down in marriage"!
What is the meaning of that bunkum!?!?!

I have been in countless environments where Nigerian men speak of their disdain for a virgin gal as a marriage partner! According to them, they have no time for all that initial "training"! Essentially, they want their wives totally messed up and brutalised before they.marry them! No other set of men on planet earth are proudly egging their women on to greater whoring..., because that's the only way that the ladies get that "matured" bedroom experience..

No wonder almost every Nigerian gal is one hotel room or the other as we speak, getting pummelled to smithereens by all sorts drug addicts. Unashamedly too!
You said you want experience, baa?

Yeyee

Just get into a relationship and stop these endless anti women threads. Or be gay, nobody will kill you for that.

Everyday needless lessons on women this, and women that. Give it a rest. Men aren't angels. Women aren't demons.

Relationship is about compromise. If you cannot compromise and give freely without expecting something in return, you are not ready for a relationship.

God loves a cheerful giver

Nollywood and Nigerian afrobeats contributed to it.

Listen to afrobeats song. Take my money, chop my money, i will be your mugu.. e.t.c

Most women are total burden/liability, avoid them as much as you can.

I always tell Nigerian men to focus on having kids and not rushing into marriage. Most of this women are often attracted to financial stability rather than genuine love. The influence of social media and Nollywood has certainly shaped perspectives in ways that may take a long time to change. It’s crucial to be aware of these dynamics and make empowered choices.

Rhetorical.
It is what it is bro.
You just belled the cat.

Na how to win with over 3.5 from neitherland league this weekend dey my mind, make i no go enter one chance, una still carry woman matter for head ?

Some of them have. And it's good for them when they learn the hard Way.

I have one principle when it comes to relationship and that is "control principle". If a woman is willing to subject herself to your directing, controlling, and advicing, then you are good as man in the relationship. Women are like children that can be easily nortured to meet a man's desires but she has to be willing. If she is not willing to submit then dump her disloyal arse.

nurey:
Relationship is about compromise. If you cannot compromise and give freely without expecting something in return, you are not ready for a relationship.

God loves a cheerful giver

Why is it the man that is EXPECTED to do this "free gifting without expecting anything in return" compromise?

Isn't love a relationship between two ADULTS?

Unless you're being sarcastic sha... Otherwise, dem dey talk about lowering the bar, and you just kuku bury the bar.

Nigeria men generally have a poor mindset in regards to female relationships.They seem to want to pay for everything.They are now considered global simps, that's why some dusty women in other African countries seem to prefer and eulogies them.They spent money to have sex or intimacy, something other men get for free.

In Naigeria love, relationship, sex, company and marriages has been commercialised it has become all about money! Even when couples get married they would expect their attendees to the ceremony to give money! Money! Money!;

Hamachi:
Rhere’s some truth in the pressure many Nigerian men face especially with inflation, unemployment, family responsibilities, and the cultural expectation that a man must always “provide.” That pressure is very real.

But I think this argument becomes unfair when it paints women as if they’re just sitting back doing nothing.

A lot of Nigerian women are also carrying invisible burdens that men often overlook:

They contribute financially in relationships too sometimes quietly. They cook, nurture, support emotionally, adjust careers for marriage, deal with pregnancy risks, childcare expectations, and in many cases still contribute to bills.

Some women are paying their own transport, splitting dates, supporting struggling partners, and even helping men build from scratch but those stories rarely trend because outrage gets more attention.

Also, we need to be honest that many men still tie their identity to being providers. Some insist on paying for everything because it makes them feel needed, then later become resentful about the very role they voluntarily embraced.

And on the flip side, some women absolutely exploit men financially that conversation should happen too. “Billing culture” is real in some circles. But it’s not representative of all women.

The bigger issue is that both genders are often dating with unhealthy scripts:

Men are told: your worth is your wallet.
Women are told: your beauty and presence are enough.

Both ideas are flawed.

Healthy relationships require mutual effort, but effort doesn’t always look identical.

Sometimes a man may contribute more financially while a woman contributes more emotionally or domestically. In another relationship, both may split things equally. The key is whether both people genuinely feel valued.

The real question shouldn’t be:

“What am I getting from women?”

It should be:

“Am I in a relationship where effort, sacrifice, and care flow both ways?”

Because there are women being used by emotionally unavailable men.
And there are men being used by financially entitled women.

Both experiences are valid.

The solution is not gender wars — it’s choosing better partners, setting boundaries early, and refusing relationships built on entitlement from either side.

Thanks Claude . But a good take regardless

autoez:
I always tell Nigerian men to focus on having kids and not rushing into marriage. Most of this women are often attracted to financial stability rather than genuine love. The influence of social media and Nollywood has certainly shaped perspectives in ways that may take a long time to change. It’s crucial to be aware of these dynamics and make empowered choices.

Tell me one thing in this life that isnt transactional...??

Even the Agape love of Christ is transactional....he loves you , expects you to believe and worship him with the promise of heaven else na hellfire, so tell me the yeye live youre expecting without spending...

Love gbuogi there

In return they get beating, cheating, disrespect, disregard the whole 10 yards

Men have been stereotyped from time immemorial as providers in every kind of union. And that won't change anytime soon.

On the contrary, the expectations have been raised on the side of the women. And those basic decency traits you mentioned about women are standards they have to keep up with.

Yes, as a man I can do more or all of the spending but when it really matters, like getting married, the table turns.

So, at the end of the day, with the exception of simps, like some people have rightly stated, the pressure is on the women and not the men.

Tendd:
Nigeria men generally have a poor mindset in regards to female relationships.They seem to want to pay for everything.They are now considered global simps, that's why some dusty women in other African countries seem to eulogies them.They pay for what other men get for free.

Correct, i was able to get a naigerian woman to pay for my shopping at Spar Enugu the other day she paid for my (a total stranger she just met at Spar briefly) shopping surprisingly and to the amazement of all other shoppers who thought that she is not supposed to pay for a man's shopping. I was like what? that is what American women do easily.

BRATISLAVA:
Just get into a relationship and stop these endless anti women threads. Or be gay, nobody will kill you for that.

Everyday needless lessons on women this, and women that. Give it a rest. Men aren't angels. Women aren't demons.

The facts show that women are dem0....s. and men have been put down since. So the threads are good to jack men up to their true place

nurey:
Relationship is about compromise. If you cannot compromise and give freely without expecting something in return, you are not ready for a relationship.

God loves a cheerful giver

If only you opened her wardrobe to see the packets of tall exotic biscuits, chocolates, crackers, sweets, juices, which other fufus and pounded yams have given her

she u know no say anything thats worth having is worth working for?You wan destroy pekus, so nothing?

Is @OP just realizing the generality of Nigerian men are apocalyptic simps?

Abeg free these Nigerian neggas mehn.All hope is lost with them

Hamachi:
Rhere’s some truth in the pressure many Nigerian men face especially with inflation, unemployment, family responsibilities, and the cultural expectation that a man must always “provide.” That pressure is very real.

But I think this argument becomes unfair when it paints women as if they’re just sitting back doing nothing.

A lot of Nigerian women are also carrying invisible burdens that men often overlook:

They contribute financially in relationships too sometimes quietly. They cook, nurture, support emotionally, adjust careers for marriage, deal with pregnancy risks, childcare expectations, and in many cases still contribute to bills.

Some women are paying their own transport, splitting dates, supporting struggling partners, and even helping men build from scratch but those stories rarely trend because outrage gets more attention.

Also, we need to be honest that many men still tie their identity to being providers. Some insist on paying for everything because it makes them feel needed, then later become resentful about the very role they voluntarily embraced.

And on the flip side, some women absolutely exploit men financially that conversation should happen too. “Billing culture” is real in some circles. But it’s not representative of all women.

The bigger issue is that both genders are often dating with unhealthy scripts:

Men are told: your worth is your wallet.
Women are told: your beauty and presence are enough.

Both ideas are flawed.

Healthy relationships require mutual effort, but effort doesn’t always look identical.

Sometimes a man may contribute more financially while a woman contributes more emotionally or domestically. In another relationship, both may split things equally. The key is whether both people genuinely feel valued.

The real question shouldn’t be:

“What am I getting from women?”

It should be:

“Am I in a relationship where effort, sacrifice, and care flow both ways?”

Because there are women being used by emotionally unavailable men.
And there are men being used by financially entitled women.

Both experiences are valid.

The solution is not gender wars — it’s choosing better partners, setting boundaries early, and refusing relationships built on entitlement from either side.

Very brilliant and Objective contribution.
Thank you.

The men haven't lowered the bar .... an increasing number of men simply have no bar. We see it here so often on NL. ... a reflection of society. What advice does one get when having problems in relationships or starting a relationship? ... isn't it get money? Money has become the foundation for relationships ... so once a man has lots of it ... women flock him and he gets into a relationship with the one that pleases his eyes the most. Nothing else matters ... her character ...background ... etc What kind bar be this? The bar ... qualities a man should be looking for in a woman has been cast aside ...not lowered. We are moving away from our culture ... adopting Western practices ... and be complaining when we get Western results .... cheating wives....materialistic wives ... demanding wives ...and marriages quickly ending in divorce. Then we join and sing the losers' chorus ..... Nigerian women are the worse... often wailed here on NL. Men control relationships ... real men ... too many effeminate men ... powered by emotions.... have no bar.

Mscheww...keep wasting your time discussing Nigerian men and their hilarious mate-selections.

It has been over for Nigerian men in a very longtime.

Just look at the photo of the one below crying over the town's bicycle and there are many just like him in the society.

fineboynl:
Nollywood and Nigerian afrobeats contributed to it.

Listen to afrobeats song. Take my money, chop my money, i will be your mugu.. e.t.c

Religion too.Christianity especially.Paricularly Pentecostalism.Too much worshipping of money & women over there.Highly capitalistic in their world view

Do you know what it means when French people say oui?