₦airaland Forum

babtoundey:
I got myself into this trouble three weeks ago.

I was out of town when I received a call from a friend. We had been friends since when we were in school. Though we didn't see regularly (the last time we saw before this incident was over 8 years ago) but we conversed regularly. When he called he informed me he needed to stay with me that he had an issue with his landlord. He wasn't really explicit or straight in his explanation. When i was reluctant, he mentioned that he was staying for just one week. Okay, no problem. I said.

When i returned home, i refuse to call him because it needed my space for myself so as to be able to attend to some urgent works. The second day after the agreement was sealed, he asked if i had returned i told hime i wouldn't be returning until that evening.

This friend came with his bag very early the following day which was a Monday morning. It was after he settled in that I got to know that he left another friends house for my house. And before he went to that person house, he had been staying with another friend. Whatever reason he left that person's house, i wouldn't know. The moment he came, he started calling people (his mum, brother and girlfriend), citing my address as his current location.

My major headache is, this person had already spent three weeks and he doesn't seem ready to leave. All he does is, press phone, sleep and wakeup. He has already strained my food supply. I am hardly at home; I go to work in the morning and return late at night. I just noticed food I can't finish in two months vanished in two weeks. He uses my toiletries (bathing soap included), my hair cream and body cream.

What pains me is, he isn't coming out straight and is not seem comfortable discussing what his plans are. He only seems fixated with online business or whatsoever.

I will appreciate ideas on how to tell this friend to excuse me.

I have been there.
Tell him straight up that the arrangement was for a week. Give him a deadline and dont waiver. You dont need to give any excuses.
If he brings consequences to your footsteps, you would regret not doing this on time.

Since he is not ready to discuss his plans or work.
You need passive aggressive method and psychological warfare.
You need to attack the things that make him comfortable in your house.
1: lock away your foodstuffs with a strong key, let hunger reset his brain nothing pushes a man to hustle like hunger.

2: lock away your soap and cream, let him buy his own.

3. Do not recharge your prepaid metre, on generator only when you are around.

4: become distant for communication, especially when you are at home , lock yourself in another room until he is ready to discuss his plans.

Babangidapikin:
If you throw him out he would still go elsewhere to inconvenience another person, tell him he needs a job or something doing to fetch money. If he's not consuming your food and toiletries, you only need to endure for him to get a new place or loan him to get the smallest accommodation. Some friends are closed to you like a brother they're there for you in your lowest moments when everyone tags you a liability, while some friends would run once you become irrelevant.

The guy is a parasite. I know their type.

The guy is a hustler. He believes one day, he would blow. He, therefore, is not interested in a 9-5. He can not fear a boss.

He has decided that if he blows when staying at his friends house, he would more than compensate.

There is nothing wrong in being a hustler, believing one of the deals you are doing will bring you millions or even billions. What is wrong is placing the burden on others until you make it.

Get a paying job. It will even assist you fond your hustle. Do not be a parasite. Even your paying job can make you rich.

I have been there. I did not have to sleep with friends. I lived in my dads house. I fed myself though. Because i did not have a job, my hustle was underfunded.

If i chose to work, it would have helped me so much with my hustle. By now, i would have been a millionaire in dollars.

I would have encouraged you to accommodate him but when I learnt the person kept moving from one friend's house to another, then I think there's something else to it.
When I first got a job in Jos, Plateau State all the way from Lagos some 18years back, it was as a stranger who accommodated me (someone a friend of mine called for help on my behalf).
Himself and his wife gave me a room in his apartment and even gave me food. I moved out after 2months. I lost contact with him but my heart still prays for him till date whenever I recall that incident. I wish to still reconnect with him and pay him back... But that's in the hands of God now.
I have also accommodated people who needed my help with accommodation no matter how long, because I learnt a lesson that some help or acts of kindness are not repayable. Only God can repay it.

Donchukz:
The easiest way to stop anybody from staying in your house is,just tell the person that you’re staying with your woman,or babe,or better still,that your younger sister is staying with you.

But,since he has come to stay,just invite your babe to come and stay with you,the manci go use him hand disappear,try it and thank me later.

Bro, you never see some type of human being. Whether sisters or girlfriend come to stay don’t matter to them. Those types of guys have no shame and no conscience

Berankis:
I would have encouraged you to accommodate him but when I learnt the person kept moving from one friend's house to another, then I think there's something else to it.
When I first got a job in Jos, Plateau State all the way from Lagos some 18years back, it was as a stranger who accommodated me (someone a friend of mine called for help on my behalf).
Himself and his wife gave me a room in his apartment and even gave me food. I moved out after 2months. I lost contact with him but my heart still prays for him till date whenever I recall that incident. I wish to still reconnect with him and pay him back... But that's in the hands of God now.
I have also accommodated people who needed my help with accommodation no matter how long, because I learnt a lesson that some help or acts of kindness are not repayable. Only God can repay it.

As per the bolded, you haven’t really made much effort to reconnect with him. If you’re determined to reconnect, it will happen. The person who connected you with him can be of help in this regard. It’s not a matter of repayment. They probably don’t need your repayment. Nonetheless, a little more effort to show appreciation would go a long way. God loves people who know how to appreciate their fellow humans before even appreciating Him.

WantsandMore:
Why don't you have a one on one conversation with him about your depleting budget/supplies or better still pray to God to provide for you to accommodate him as long as you can. Because God wants us to accommodate the homeless.

It's good to accommodate. However, we can't conclude that this person in question is homeless. He's just being so lazy or lack of wisdom. You can't live your life moving from friends to friends causing inconvenience.

He needs to work and be responsible just like his friends. He needs to settle down and stop moving from friends to friends.

Kindly speak to him, perhaps, he can be influenced and encouraged to start having sense of responsibility.

Learn to say no in some situations. If you are not bold enough to tell him bro agreement is agreement then be ready to feed an adult for the next two years.

Kevineleven:
Since he is not ready to discuss his plans or work.
You need passive aggressive method and psychological warfare.
You need to attack the things that make him comfortable in your house.
1: lock away your foodstuffs with a strong key, let hunger reset his brain nothing pushes a man to hustle like hunger.

2: lock away your soap and cream, let him buy his own.

3. Do not recharge your prepaid metre, on generator only when you are around.

4: become distant for communication, especially when you are at home , lock yourself in another room until he is ready to discuss his plans.

Rather than locking away his food items and toiletries or denying himself the use of electricity—which would only make the tension between them more obvious—why not simply ask the guy directly how long he intends to stay and clearly state the conditions for continuing to live there?

Locking food away does not create a good impression and may only worsen the situation. If necessary, it would be more reasonable for him to stop buying shared food items or bringing them home altogether.

Just tell him "sir, you are leaving my house on sunday, please. thank you" and sunday he leaves. case closed.

Cum4me:
Life is not easy anywhere. You might regret everything you did to him later. Try see how you can assist him to get a one room apartment if you truly you call him your friend. Maybe what his pursuing is not working out. Try asked him how much he can raise see how to assist him. If you can't then do what pleases you. But I pray may God favour him.

I have stayed with people and have also hosted people.

We have all been in the trenches and rose again with the help of people God sent to us

The guy should be open about his situation so the OP can know how to help him better.

Otherwise, he is a cause for concern. Whatever he's doing online doesn't have a name? Is it illegal? Or he's a fugitive who is running away from the long arm of the law.

If the guy is not forthcoming, the guy needs to man up and tell him to leave within a week.

Of course, he needs to tell their mutual friends before hand so the guy doesn't go about bad-mouthing him.

One very important point: Find out who he supported in 2023. Ask him his party, and find out what he thinks about the leadership of the country. If he ends up supporting his oppressor, don't discuss anything with him. Tell him to pack out in simple plain English. There's no help for those who support their oppressors. However if he still has his brain intact (judging from Bwala Theory of Association), then you can proceed as below:

Tell him that your uncle and his wife and 2 cousins of yours (their children) are coming to stay in your house for 2 months. Tell him that your uncle, the one that used to work with Mobil, the one who sponsored your education has cancer and will be be staying with you for 2 months to undergo chemo.

Tell him that you tried everything to dissuade them from coming, but your parents had mounted so much pressure on you. Tell him you won't be able to squeeze in with them and that you will have to find a colleague's place to stay. Ask him what his plans are. Sympathize with him, and ask him to look for a job. Tell him that that your cousin is arriving in 3 days, and that you intend to hand over the key to him and just leave the house when he comes. Hear what he has to say. If he says he will manage with them, tell him it;s impossible, as they're coming with female adult children. If he still fails to move, just know that the guy is hiding from arrest. Sooner or later, he and you will be picked up.

Babangidapikin:
If you throw him out he would still go elsewhere to inconvenience another person, tell him he needs a job or something doing to fetch money. If he's not consuming your food and toiletries, you only need to endure for him to get a new place or loan him to get the smallest accommodation. Some friends are closed to you like a brother they're there for you in your lowest moments when everyone tags you a liability, while some friends would run once you become irrelevant.

This kind of people can't work even if you single headedly get them the job.

I know them too well, what he needs to do is to chase him out period.

Cum4me:
Life is not easy anywhere. You might regret everything you did to him later. Try see how you can assist him to get a one room apartment if you truly you call him your friend. Maybe what his pursuing is not working out. Try asked him how much he can raise see how to assist him. If you can't then do what pleases you. But I pray may God favour him.

Bless your good heart. It's not easy. Although sometimes you still have to discern if this person is a chronic liability or just hasn't seen his potential.

1. Call you co friends and see if you guys can contribute money for him to get a place for him (if possible oh)
2, seat him down for a frank discussion and let him know you need you space as he promise to stay for only on week and has stayed more than that time
3. Give him a day to leave you place

best of luck

Penkelems:
Let's try to be compassionate towards people please.


Help your friend, there's nothing wrong in doing so. But let him explain what the matter is

if he was helping with chores in the house, he wont be seen as a liability. also using other peoples personal stuff is a no no. he can at least get his own tooth paste and bathing soap...and actually be going out to look for work or be clear to his host on what he does on his phone all day to better his life.

Babangidapikin:
If you throw him out he would still go elsewhere to inconvenience another person, tell him he needs a job or something doing to fetch money. If he's not consuming your food and toiletries, you only need to endure for him to get a new place or loan him to get the smallest accommodation. Some friends are closed to you like a brother they're there for you in your lowest moments when everyone tags you a liability, while some friends would run once you become irrelevant.

Best said, I once had an encounter at campus with a friend- he visited me at my lodge and refused to leave, just like this scenario. After some days I became uncomfortable with it because we both were literally using everything in my house, to me I was married at that moment. I finally confronted him and that was when I realized he had no where to stay in campus. Although, he was into internet fraud so his parents stopped tipping him money because of the lifestyle we were living then. At a point he became frustrated, drugs and the rest. I advised him to learn barbing in campus then, I gave him a condition on that to accommodate him for 6 months if he will learn barbing. I bought Chaoba clipper for him at the rate of #4,500 then, and that was how the guy started. He now owns a big unisex saloon at Urban Enugu, although he's still into those kini kor kini kor lifestyle.....tats and the rest.
Hee calls me at least thrice in a week and most times I get credit alerts from him undemanding ooo.
So most times we really need to ask people what's wrong and help them seek for a solution if they accept to seek for solution. If they don't, you let them leave- they have no plans.

babtoundey:
I got myself into this trouble three weeks ago.

I was out of town when I received a call from a friend. We had been friends since when we were in school. Though we didn't see regularly (the last time we saw before this incident was over 8 years ago) but we conversed regularly. When he called he informed me he needed to stay with me that he had an issue with his landlord. He wasn't really explicit or straight in his explanation. When i was reluctant, he mentioned that he was staying for just one week. Okay, no problem. I said.

When i returned home, i refuse to call him because it needed my space for myself so as to be able to attend to some urgent works. The second day after the agreement was sealed, he asked if i had returned i told hime i wouldn't be returning until that evening.

This friend came with his bag very early the following day which was a Monday morning. It was after he settled in that I got to know that he left another friends house for my house. And before he went to that person house, he had been staying with another friend. Whatever reason he left that person's house, i wouldn't know. The moment he came, he started calling people (his mum, brother and girlfriend), citing my address as his current location.

My major headache is, this person had already spent three weeks and he doesn't seem ready to leave. All he does is, press phone, sleep and wakeup. He has already strained my food supply. I am hardly at home; I go to work in the morning and return late at night. I just noticed food I can't finish in two months vanished in two weeks. He uses my toiletries (bathing soap included), my hair cream and body cream.

What pains me is, he isn't coming out straight and is not seem comfortable discussing what his plans are. He only seems fixated with online business or whatsoever.

I will appreciate ideas on how to tell this friend to excuse me.

With what you learnt to be his antecedents of moving from one friend's place to another and now to yours, how are you not sure that he is someone on the run and you might be implicated as having harboured or aided him, if he gets caught?

grandstar:
The guy is a parasite. I know their type.

The guy is a hustler. He believes one day, he would blow. He, therefore, is not interested in a 9-5. He can not fear a boss.

He has decided that if he blows when staying at his friends house, he would more than compensate.

There is nothing wrong in being a hustler, believing one of the deals you are doing will bring you millions or even billions. What is wrong is placing the burden on others until you make it.

Get a paying job. It will even assist you fond your hustle. Do not be a parasite. Even your paying job can make you rich.

I have been there. I did not have to sleep with friends. I lived in my dads house. I fed myself though. Because i did not have a job, my hustle was underfunded.

If i chose to work, it would have helped me so much with my hustle. By now, i would have been a millionaire in dollars.

Exactly, I keep telling my niggas , why are you disturbing me to buy logs for you at your own enthusiasm.
If you want to do yahoo good for you but don't place your burden on me, I stopped doing Yahoo to learn a skill and now I'm building my brand sheyy I no get sense ni??
Look for a job and stop using another man's sweat for hopes. If I no buy am now you go say I wicked and if you come mistakenly blow you go take me as fool. Sheybi me wey dey work under sun I no fit still hussle online?? I can sub any amount, buy any logs I want comfortably without being a parasite to others.
But they no wan earn in naira, some go tell you say naira no get value, so why are you being a parasite to those who know the value of the naira.
Ahn ahn

babtoundey:
I got myself into this trouble three weeks ago.

I was out of town when I received a call from a friend. We had been friends since when we were in school. Though we didn't see regularly (the last time we saw before this incident was over 8 years ago) but we conversed regularly. When he called he informed me he needed to stay with me that he had an issue with his landlord. He wasn't really explicit or straight in his explanation. When i was reluctant, he mentioned that he was staying for just one week. Okay, no problem. I said.

When i returned home, i refuse to call him because it needed my space for myself so as to be able to attend to some urgent works. The second day after the agreement was sealed, he asked if i had returned i told hime i wouldn't be returning until that evening.

This friend came with his bag very early the following day which was a Monday morning. It was after he settled in that I got to know that he left another friends house for my house. And before he went to that person house, he had been staying with another friend. Whatever reason he left that person's house, i wouldn't know. The moment he came, he started calling people (his mum, brother and girlfriend), citing my address as his current location.

My major headache is, this person had already spent three weeks and he doesn't seem ready to leave. All he does is, press phone, sleep and wakeup. He has already strained my food supply. I am hardly at home; I go to work in the morning and return late at night. I just noticed food I can't finish in two months vanished in two weeks. He uses my toiletries (bathing soap included), my hair cream and body cream.

What pains me is, he isn't coming out straight and is not seem comfortable discussing what his plans are. He only seems fixated with online business or whatsoever.

I will appreciate ideas on how to tell this friend to excuse me.

If you love your life, I repeat if you love your life , as you read this message, go home straight with maybe another friend that is not as useless as this one and ask him to leave immediately. What I mean is get help, so he doesn’t try to resist you or harm you.
Change your locks , it’s possible he has duplicates.
Be careful this person could strangle you in your sleep or hurt you somehow.

How do you guys even trust people you hardly know.
A person you haven’t seen in 8 years and you’re comfortable housing , sleeping and waking up with him.

Anyone who lives in secrecy around you is not worthy of being a friend to you.
Act fast
He might be on Nairaland too

NOETHNICITY:
Rather than locking away his food items and toiletries or denying himself the use of electricity—which would only make the tension between them more obvious—why not simply ask the guy directly how long he intends to stay and clearly state the conditions for continuing to live there?

Locking food away does not create a good impression and may only worsen the situation. If necessary, it would be more reasonable for him to stop buying shared food items or bringing them home altogether.

My suggestion, speaking from experience, locking the food alone or refusing to buy foodstuffs like you suggested works .
About good impression, that's the whole idea, he needs to know that he is no longer wanted, the op could be dealing with a narcissist who is already taking advantage of his empathy.

MaziObinnaokija:
seems the guy dey follow Akpabio.... ANYWHERE YOU SEE FOOD.... CHOP .


Oga.... NO long story.Plan with your agent/landlord to bang into 3 apartment like yours(so that he won't be suspicious of your Intentions)Once they reach yo door mouth,he should ask u questions about your visitor and give him 2 hours to vacate.He go panic and start packing his BAGCO SUPER SAC he came with

This one loud ooh.
One word i can use to describe you is OGBOLOGBO.

This your street OT is Streeting ooo

“Guy, I accommodated you because you said it would be for one week. I’ve really stretched myself already and I now need my space back because of my personal schedule and responsibilities. I’ll need you to make arrangements to move by this weekend, unfailingly.”

Simple. Direct. Respectful. Final.

If you cannot say that, send message via WhatsApp or something.

Bahamas95:
I wonder why some of you are this weak, agreement is agreement. He said he'll stay for a week before you allowed him in and he has stayed more than that now.



Oga throw him out! Heaven won't fall.

I believe what he is trying to say is how does he get rid of the friend politely and not feel bad about it

otipoju:
if he was helping with chores in the house, he wont be seen as a liability. also using other peoples personal stuff is a no no. he can at least get his own tooth paste and bathing soap...and actually be going out to look for work or be clear to his host on what he does on his phone all day to better his life.

Yes you're right. But at least, let him provide his friend with shelter for the time being. Aside shelter, he doesn't owe him anything again.
I've been in that shoe before and I understand the guy's accomodation issue except maybe he's an irresponsible person

sheungeek:
“Guy, I accommodated you because you said it would be for one week. I’ve really stretched myself already and I now need my space back because of my personal schedule and responsibilities. I’ll need you to make arrangements to move by this weekend, unfailingly.”

Simple. Direct. Respectful. Final.

If you cannot say that, send message via WhatsApp or something.

I believe the point is how does he do it politely and not feel bad that a friend is now homeless

Penkelems:
Yes you're right. But at least, let him provide his friend with shelter for the time being. Aside shelter, he doesn't owe him anything again.
I've been in that shoe before and I understand the guy's accomodation issue except maybe he's an irresponsible person

He is clearly irresponsible. That is why he is moving from place to place. They are kicking him out after they get fed up with his behaviour.

OR...he might have committed a crime and running from rivals or the law and he is hiding his head.

Gotocourt:
My friend I hosted freely for 5years with his own room is beefing me after asking him to move out. The economy is tough now, everyone should take care of himself 🤷🏿.

Lol. The truth is accommodating people hardly ends well.

I experienced something similar.
My wife had a street friend when we were in Lagos.
This her friend has a younger sister who coincidentally lives close to us in our new location in Cross Rivers.

It happened that they had accommodation problems few weeks to the start of exams. Her husband relocated them to his village.
But the lady returned to Cross rivers without the knowledge of her husband who had travelled in search of jobs.

When she arrived, she landed in the house of a member of her church who told her point blank, she can't accommodate them.

She then came to my wife.
My wife informed me of the situation. That the lady only needed a place to stay till the end of the term for her kids to finish writing exams.
This was supposed to take about 3-4 weeks. So we graciously permitted them.

Brothers and sisters, 3-4 weeks turned to about 3-4 months.
We had to leave them in the apartment when we were moving to our house.

Guess what, right now , this lady and her husband would meet us on the way and look the other way.

Hahahahaha..

Some human beings can be terrible sha.

otipoju:
He is clearly irresponsible. That is why he is moving from place to place. They are kicking him out after they get fed up with his behaviour.

OR...he might have committed a crime and running from rivals or the law and he is hiding his head.

Let the guy sit him down and have a Honest conversation with him please, so he doesn't put himself in trouble.

After sch , I relocated to a new city, a place I hadn't gone to before. I squatted with my mum's cousin. I saw hell. I cook, clean the house everyday, I had to stay humble for a guy who is only 4years older than me and a stark illiterate. I endured a lot. It was just a room selfcon. I got there and after three weeks we parked out from his "face me I face you" compound into a new apartment. He had lived there for nearly ten years, but my spirit and knew I wasn't comfortable living in such environment. By God's grace we sourced for funds and got a nice virgin apartment. A year later, he impregnated a lady and asked me to move out. I said God. How?. Where will I go to?
I left . I ran into my old school mate and senior. He accommodated me until I was able to rent a place. Now my mum's cousin went broke, completely broke , sold all his properties one by one, including mattress and he relocated to the village.

Simple, your families will be visiting and since he told you 1 week, you had postponed their vistation for a month. By so so so date, please you have to leave. I appreciate that we have been civil and want to keep it that way. Check his action as the date gets closer...if he is not packing, please call people that will pretend to be your family to come and get him out. Madness is what we use to cure madness.

babtoundey:
I got myself into this trouble three weeks ago.

I was out of town when I received a call from a friend. We had been friends since when we were in school. Though we didn't see regularly (the last time we saw before this incident was over 8 years ago) but we conversed regularly. When he called he informed me he needed to stay with me that he had an issue with his landlord. He wasn't really explicit or straight in his explanation. When i was reluctant, he mentioned that he was staying for just one week. Okay, no problem. I said.

When i returned home, i refuse to call him because it needed my space for myself so as to be able to attend to some urgent works. The second day after the agreement was sealed, he asked if i had returned i told hime i wouldn't be returning until that evening.

This friend came with his bag very early the following day which was a Monday morning. It was after he settled in that I got to know that he left another friends house for my house. And before he went to that person house, he had been staying with another friend. Whatever reason he left that person's house, i wouldn't know. The moment he came, he started calling people (his mum, brother and girlfriend), citing my address as his current location.

My major headache is, this person had already spent three weeks and he doesn't seem ready to leave. All he does is, press phone, sleep and wakeup. He has already strained my food supply. I am hardly at home; I go to work in the morning and return late at night. I just noticed food I can't finish in two months vanished in two weeks. He uses my toiletries (bathing soap included), my hair cream and body cream.

What pains me is, he isn't coming out straight and is not seem comfortable discussing what his plans are. He only seems fixated with online business or whatsoever.

I will appreciate ideas on how to tell this friend to excuse me.

Ask him what he was doing for. A living just discuss with him like someone that needs and find out somethings about him. From there you can advise him accordingly.

See my brother the earth revolves. Show him love and try to find out his xhallenges. God will bless you