₦airaland Forum

Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

Well, I would say here that you prefer dialogue over violence which is the best. Numerous countries have gone to war with many casualties over very trivial issues.

You don’t have a problem with anger management and that should be considered a plus and not a minus. However, I understand how you feel especially in this part of the world where if you try to less confrontational, some people will see you as being too weak, while others may want to take advantage of that “weakness”

DO NOT ever try to be whom you are not. Like I said earlier you are fine……Blessed are the peacemakers ……..

HAPPY SUNDAY !!!!

When faced with difficult times, invoke the valour in you and tackle the challenge with confidence

Thank you very much for this comment. Honestly, this is one of the perspectives I needed to hear because I have been judging myself harshly since the incident happened.

DeltaBachelor:
Well, I would say here that you prefer dialogue over violence which is the best. Numerous countries have gone to war with many casualties over very trivial issues.

You don’t have a problem with anger management and that should be considered a plus and not a minus. However, I understand how you feel especially in this part of the world where if you try to less confrontational, some people will see you as being too weak, while others may want to take advantage of that “weakness”

DO NOT ever try to be whom you are not. Like I said earlier you are fine……Blessed are the peacemakers ……..

HAPPY SUNDAY !!!!

Thank you very much for this comment. Honestly, this is one of the perspectives I needed to hear because I have been judging myself harshly since the incident happened.

You seem normal to me but if you want to learn how to be confrontational, that's another department entirely that should have been learnt since Primary school or about that age.

First, learn how to shout ontop of your voice, make sure the voice is coming from your tummy ... That will pump enough blood into your heart.
Omo all of them go first compose and step back.
You might need to add some muscles and and facial hair too. You will need it

RealityKings1:
You seem normal to me but if you want to learn how to be confrontational, that's another department entirely that should have been learnt since Primary school or about that age.

First, learn how to shout ontop of your voice, make sure the voice is coming from your tummy ... That will pump enough blood into your heart.
Omo all of them go first compose and step back.
You might need to add some muscles and and facial hair too. You will need it

hahaha 😂😆 this is really funny...

iyke484real:
hahaha 😂😆 this is really funny...

The voice for war comes from the tummy to the heart and then to the neck muscles.
If your heart can't pump enough blood try avoid fight.

Omo, i begin fight frkm nursery, enter secondary school, street fights then na my meal.

People always bring their children to my parentd to report one thing or another, any knock on our gate, my mother will ask me to kneel down first before the people come in and i be last born with 3 older brothers.

After university, i fought with a policeman that stopped me on stop and search and beat him brutally, got arrsted and taken to the state CID then. The first night, i had a chat with a lawyer who came for another person, cos he saw officers slapping me. He said to me, that police officer would have shot you and nothing would happen. Your parents would have lost their enitre investment in your life.

I was 22 yrs then, i never fight again till today.

iyke484real:
Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

You're bold to think of going out to find out what happened to your little one

You're fearless cos you face your fear.

You're confrontational for asking the guy what happened.

What you are not is a Bully/trouble maker and don't be!

You fell short of doing the right thing even as your restraint is the very right way to handle this. Now you need to immediately go and make a report in the nearest police station they will arrest him and force him to pay some compensation and he will be wary of you and your brother going forward. He is the wicked type don't fail to go to the police or this will repeat itself

RealityKings1:
The voice for war comes from the tummy to the heart and then to the neck muscles.
If your heart can't pump enough blood try avoid fight.

Greetings.

Do you want the power?

Choose from the list which you want in the below -

Commanding tone

Do as I say medicine

Magic handkerchief and biro

Spend money and back to account immediately

Love potion

Follow me medicine

Be my slave medicine

Disappear and reappear medicine

Change to another persons face madicine

Appear in dream medicine

Verily, Alhaji has the Mat and the Slippers.

ALHAJIJUJU:
Greetings.

Do you want the power?

Choose from the list which you want in the below -

Commanding tone

Do as I say medicine

Magic handkerchief and biro

Spend money and back to account immediately

Love potion

Follow me medicine

Be my slave medicine

Disappear and reappear medicine

Change to another persons face madicine

Appear in dream medicine

Verily, Alhaji has the Mat and the Slippers.

What I want is not listed here
I want to be able to become president of the federal republic of Nigeria one day

OP, ever heard of the word “GBAS GBOS”? Repeat it in your head daily that “ I’ll not take nonsense from anybody”. I love my elder brother, he is the quiet type but somehow, people tend to fear him. The day he was provoked was when a bully pursued our last born home while flogging him with a cane. He looked out of the window and saw the guy but didn’t react immediately. Our brothers wanted to confront the guy but he restrained them.

The next day early morning, bros left the house without us knowing and came back like nothing happened. We knew later what happened after the police came to our house to have him arrested. What happened? According to reports, he tracked the guy to their house that early morning, knocked on their door and as soon as the door opened, he identified the bully and started whipping him with the koboko he brought with him as he was shouting on top of his voice “I don come o!” The other family members ran out. He is now a pastor though, but he seems to command a high level of respect and authority

Asking the person who injured your brother is the first step, it is from his reply and attitude that would've determined your next cause of action.

Question like you shouldn't have hit him stick on his head, and warning that he shouldn't try it again.

You don't need to be loud to pass a message.

If your junior insulted him apologise to him, but still let him know that he shouldn't have used something on his head.

He could flog his bum bum or tell him to kneel down not use weapon.

Then turn to your brother and tell him
Any day he uses weapon on you again let me know.

Then walk away.
Don't turn back irrespective of what he replies.

RealityKings1:
What I want is not listed here
I want to be able to become president of the federal republic of Nigeria one day

You are not discerning. The powers listed can easily get you there.

Verily! Alhaji has the Mat and the Slippers!

You need to get 'bammed'! What you displayed there is one of the characteristic of a jewman. No guy when them don carry enter bush go do that kind thing wey you do.

Your younger brother must be highly disappointed in you.

iyke484real:
Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

Make a police case of this. Do not fail to do so. In future, don't back down especially in the face of a bloody assault on one you love. Even if you don't fight, make a legal case and make it strongly. Don't let them rest.

This is actually funny in someways considering your emotions.

That been said, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS REMEMBER WE ARE ALL FROM DIFFERENT HOMES. Never let the actions of people from irresponsible homes 🏠 turn you to a violent person. You tend to be more harmful if triggered considering your emotions.

Our phenotypic make ups are functions of our genotype and environment. A boy from a violent home will definitely be violent. Next time, just report to am elder and don't take laws into your hands.

Being a complete gentle man that you are is worthy of emulation and commendation. Don't let societal and moral decadence make you feel less of a man... Many are actually mad but few are roaming 😂

Lastly, Ask yourself; What if I push him and he dies? That's the end of your dreams and aspirations bro 💯 fighting na sign of madness small small ooooo 😂😂😂😂

Once again, I feel your plight bro.... Everything is temporary. Tell your brother to be careful out there also. Gracias....

My brother, you are blessed. I envy you in fact. It is the wisdom in you that is gonna make my day. I am a belligerent person and I am trying hard to change.
You are not weak. You are just smart. You will go far in life. Keep it up.

Violence is not what anyone wants, but sometimes it's necessary to avoid enslavement, bullying and oppression.

ALHAJIJUJU:
Greetings.

Do you want the power?

Choose from the list which you want in the below -

Commanding tone

Do as I say medicine

Magic handkerchief and biro

Spend money and back to account immediately

Love potion

Follow me medicine

Be my slave medicine

Disappear and reappear medicine

Change to another persons face madicine

Appear in dream medicine

Verily, Alhaji has the Mat and the Slippers.

You All dis scammers. I will ban you

Violence achieves nothing. Thank God you are a peacemaker. You'll appreciate your kind of person in future.

This line from Chinua Achebe's Arrow of God should tell you something. (Paraphrased)

It is good to be brave and fearless...but sometimes it is good to be a coward. We often stand in the compound of the coward and point to the ruins of a brave man's compound. The man who never submit to anything must submit to the burial mat.

ALHAJIJUJU:
You are not discerning. The powers listed can easily get you there.

Verily! Alhaji has the Mat and the Slippers!

Then why aren't you a president yourself?
You can't give what you don't have na

ALHAJIJUJU:
Greetings.

Do you want the power?

Choose from the list which you want in the below -

Commanding tone

Do as I say medicine

Magic handkerchief and biro

Spend money and back to account immediately

Love potion

Follow me medicine

Be my slave medicine

Disappear and reappear medicine

Change to another persons face madicine

Appear in dream medicine

Verily, Alhaji has the Mat and the Slippers.

Why can't you disappear enter bank and pack money there

Human mind is elastic and there is no limit to its expansion or growth if fully engaged.

Na this kind thread we suppose dey see here, real life issues

Check your testosterone levels

Testosterone is the hormone of aggression

It is significantly higher in male species

RealityKings1:
Then why aren't you a president yourself?
You can't give what you don't have na

I wonder ooooooooooooo


By d way how are you doing my daughter

Dont become what you are not, it leads to problems that ypu would definitely regret. Violence is not varlour, bashong another person isnt bravery. There are men out there because of their upbringing had mastered the act of inflicting pain, but you are not them. Be yourself.