₦airaland Forum

Before I got married, I had a movie-style orientation about how marriage works. In my view, it was supposed to be a blissful experience, at least for the first few years. Something synonymous with buying a brand-new car. The experience is always smooth before it starts to develop faults over time.

But on the contrary, marriage was an examination I never prepared for. When you fail to prepare, you go into survival mode in order not to fail.

I started seeking answers everywhere about how best to have a happy marriage and live peacefully with my wife. To a large extent, I feel I am a good man who gives his all. But being a good, altruistic, loving, and hardworking man isn’t always enough.

The answers I wanted were not on YouTube, in books, or in the mouths of marriage advisers, pastors, and other professionals. The answer I eventually arrived at was rooted in history, culture, tradition, and the realities of everyday life.

There is a Yoruba saying: “Owo ni a fi n se oko obinrin,” meaning, “Money upholds your position as the husband of a woman.”

Marriage is a vehicle that is supposed to keep moving, and money is the fuel.

In my experience and observation, money does not guarantee a happy home or a successful marriage. However, it can help keep many marital challenges at a manageable level. Marriage is a complex institution, and many men would argue that navigating it abroad can be even more challenging because of changing social and economic dynamics.

From what I have seen, one of the best ways for a man to enjoy relative peace in marriage is to be financially stable. Living things naturally gravitate toward what benefits them. Ants go for sugar. Nectar does not find the bees; the bees find the nectar. In the forest, food hardly comes to the lion; the lion hunts for it.

Even in human settings, opportunities rarely come looking for you. You apply for the jobs you desire. When you get one, you sign a contract that governs your conduct. Oftentimes, you may not agree with every rule, but you comply because the job serves an important purpose.

Many people dislike aspects of their jobs, yet they still show up every day because of the benefits attached to them. In simple terms, people are often willing to tolerate inconveniences when the rewards are significant enough.

When a successful man enters a room, he is often accorded a certain level of respect. Whether we like it or not, society tends to place value on people who have resources, influence, or something to offer. On the other hand, people who are struggling may find themselves overlooked.

In my opinion, many women place a high value on financial security, especially those who have experienced economic hardship. For such women, a financially stable partner can represent safety, comfort, and a better future. As a result, they may hold such a man in high regard.

Some men believe that even when affection declines in a marriage, financial security can become one of the factors that encourages both parties to remain committed to the relationship. Whether one agrees or disagrees with this view, it is difficult to deny that finances play a major role in many marriages.

In Nigerian society, for example, wealth often influences how people are perceived. If Ned Nwoko were a poor man attempting to marry Regina Daniels, many believe the public reaction would have been very different. His wealth undoubtedly shaped public perception. However, as events have shown, money alone is not enough to guarantee marital success.

Many men have also observed that financial success can significantly affect their attractiveness in the dating market. Standards that appear rigid sometimes become more flexible when money enters the equation. Whether fair or unfair, this is a reality that many people acknowledge.

We see similar patterns across society. Since the rise of social media monetisation, people increasingly use their appearance, opinions, and personal lives to generate income. Financial incentives now influence behaviour in ways that would have been unimaginable a few decades ago.

For this reason, I believe that every man should strive for financial stability before and during marriage. Marriage itself is expensive. It comes with responsibilities that require practical solutions, not just good intentions.

In recent years, there have been reports of UK-based African married men dying at relatively young ages. While every case is different and the causes are often complex, discussions within African communities frequently point to the enormous financial and emotional pressures many married men carry. Whether these observations are accurate or not, they highlight the burden that many men feel.

Ultimately, my conclusion is simple. Money may not buy love, happiness, or a perfect marriage, but it can provide a man with security, influence, options, and a measure of respect. In my view, financial stability helps create the conditions under which many marriages are more likely to survive and thrive.

That may not be the whole story of marriage, but it is one lesson I learned the hard way.

ekukeku:
If I come back
I won't marry

PRINCESSFCFANSs:
Just Pray To The Almighty God And Jesus Christ Before You Get Married,

And Be Ready For It

Don't Let People Force You Into Marriage ,



Princess Faith Chukwuamaka

uche87:
https://www.facebook.com/thevillagetowncrier/posts/pfbid0pqwWj79JpzAT3bkrwLAN9VM9MzRgdeUxor5wWxL3C5kqszXzXffPDzb5fA1cTQDDl

Quoteit:
Thrash article. Didn't say anything new. Waste of precious time.

My point is, marriage or not, Financial stability ought to be pursued by everyone.

Drfernandez:
You've learnt nothing, given that I, Dangote, Bill Gates, and many other people like us who're way richer than you can ever be know that money is one of the least causes of problem in marriages.