Kalatium:
There is one question every man should ask himself before calling any woman the 'love of his life' .
If everything you have worked for disappeared tomorrow, if your job was gone, your business collapsed or your income suddenly stopped, would she still look at you with the same love, respect and admiration? What if she starts Earning more than you, will she remain with you?
For a long time, I believed the answer would be yes because love was supposed to be unconditional.
Life eventually answered that question for me, not once, not twice, but eight different times in a period of 10 years. Every relationship was different, every woman had a different personality, from different ethnic groups but the lesson at the end was painfully similar.
Story One: When I Lost My First Job
We had been together for two years and I genuinely believed we were building a future together. When my former company downsized and I lost my job, the first person I wanted to speak to was the woman I loved because I expected comfort, encouragement and reassurance that we would get through it together.
Instead, the conversation immediately shifted to : What would become of the relationship now that I was unemployed. The warmth gradually disappeared, the phone calls became less frequent, the replies became shorter and within a few weeks she had emotionally checked out. Before long, she had moved on with another man. Two years of commitment disappeared almost as quickly as my monthly salary.
Story Two: "I'll Find Someone Else"
Months later i got into another relationship. As of then i started a business i got introduced to and at it was booming. Then came a point, where the business became slow and money was unusually tight. For the first time since we started dating, I could not spend the way I normally did. I communicated this to her and she said okay but just a few days later she called and asked me to send her money so she could buy a dress and shoe she saw.
I honestly explained that I was struggling financially and simply needed a little time to recover. Instead of asking how I was coping or understand me or encourage me to stay strong, her response was, "It's okay. I'll find someone else." Those six words changed the way I see her because I suddenly realized I had been valued more for what I provided than for who I actually was. This was a major trigger that orchestrated our breakup later.
Story Three: Betrayal After Sacrifice
The lady was very lovely that i thought we will get married. She was from a humble background, looked gentle and portrayed herself like the kind that will be faithful to me (ride or die). I paid bills, solved problems, handled emergencies and constantly made sacrifices because I genuinely loved her and believed we were building something meaningful together.
Unknown to me, another man with a bigger bank account had quietly entered the picture and was doking her. By the time I eventually discovered what had been happening, she had already moved on emotionally while I was still investing my time, energy and resources into a relationship that had quietly expired. I felt betrayed and shattered.
Story Four: I Helped Her But She Left
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This one pained me the most because of extend i went for her. She is in the health profession and graduated without securing an internship placement. She was frustrated about her future because her mates have already started and are already ahead of her. I refused to watch her struggle alone. I reached out to people I knew, made several calls and eventually helped her secure internship in where i did mine previously. While she worked without salary for months, I continued encouraging and supporting her financially because I genuinely wanted to see her succeed.
All of a sudden everything changed. The communication reduced, the effort disappeared and eventually she walked away from the relationship. She gave no solid reasons saying it's not me it's her and she needs to find herself. Later, I got to found out she had already started earning before she broke up with me. Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether she simply felt she no longer needed me as she is now earning or feel i will ask her for money or what . I became an overnight philosopher.
Story Five: She claimed not to have money and later got scammed.
We dated for three years and during that period I never hesitated to support her financially whenever life became difficult. Helping her was almost natural to me because I believed that was what partners were supposed to do for each other. This was the lady i loved the most.
One day I genuinely needed financial help myself and reached out to her after other options failed. She calmly told me she did not have any money. This was my first time of asking her this and since i trusted her, i thought she actually didn't have. Many days later, she was moody and closed off. I asked repeatedly what was wrong only for her to end up crying, saying someone had scammed her with a significant amount of her money. The painful part for me was not that she got scammed. The painful part was realizing she had the money all along but told me she doesn't have anything. She simply chose not to help me when I needed her. I felt betrayed. When i reflected on everything i realized that even when i am in a precarious situation, she won't ever help me. I never took her serious since then.
Story Six: I Was Always the One Giving
This relationship forced me to reflect on something I had ignored for a long time: reciprocation. I was having this mentality that when my woman needs help, I will always show up immediately without thinking twice. Whenever she faced a challenge, I considered it our challenge. However, looking back today, almost every meaningful sacrifice came from my side and i was shooting myself on the foot.
I began to notice that whenever I genuinely needed emotional support, encouragement or even small acts of kindness, there was almost always another excuse, another reason or another delay. I don't like to keep score but i can't help but noticed she has never did anything worthwhile, even when monetary aspect is kept aside. She is always asking and taking but have never giviing and she is 30. Loving someone should never feel like carrying two people on your shoulders while pretending the weight is equal.
Story Seven: The ₦100,000 I Never Saw Again
This relationship was still very new when she called saying she had an emergency and urgently needed ₦100,000. I explained that the money had already been set aside for something very important, but because she was my girlfriend, I agreed to lend it to her after she repeatedly promised to repay me.
The money never came back. Whenever I reminded her, she started making me feel guilty for asking for money i send to her oooo. At one point she even asked why I was behaving as though she were a stranger. That moment taught me that borrowing money should never automatically erase accountability. I ended the relationship out of disgust. This was the shortest relationship i had ever been.
Story Eight: The Experiment That Changed Everything
After everything I had experienced, I recently decided to quietly test one relationship earlier this year after the lady was claiming she is not after a man's money. So I deliberately reduced how much I spent while making sure nothing else changed. I still called regularly, stayed emotionally available and continued showing genuine affection. The only thing I reduced was the money.
The result shocked me. Almost immediately I was accused of no longer caring, no longer trying and no longer loving her like before. Nothing about my character had changed. My attention had not reduced. My commitment remained exactly the same. The only thing that changed was my spending, yet that alone completely changed how I was treated. That experiment taught me one lesson no relationship expert ever could.
My Overall Reflection
Before anyone misunderstands this post, let me make something very clear. I am not saying every woman behaves this way because that would be dishonest and unfair. These are not all the ladies i have been in a relationship with but this is a result of majority of those i have been with. I know there are loyal, supportive and emotionally mature women who genuinely stand beside their partners during difficult seasons.
My concern is that I have personally experienced this pattern repeatedly as well as others, and many men quietly carry similar stories without ever talking about them. Society constantly reminds men that their value lies in what they provide, while very few people ever stop to ask what emotional support men receive in return.
A man is expected to provide, protect, remain emotionally strong, solve problems and carry responsibilities without complaining. The moment he experiences financial difficulty, many people begin questioning his worth instead of asking whether he is mentally exhausted, overwhelmed or silently struggling with responsibilities nobody else can see.
Money is important. Bills are real. Responsibilities cannot be ignored. Every serious relationship requires financial responsibility from both partners.
Genuine love, however, should never disappear simply because someone enters a difficult season. Every human being will eventually experience moments when life does not go according to plan. Character is not revealed during comfort. Character is revealed when circumstances become uncomfortable.
Today I no longer judge relationships by sweet words, romantic promises or social media displays. I pay attention to how people behave when there is nothing material left to gain because hardship exposes intentions that comfort successfully hides.
My biggest lesson is one I will carry for the rest of my life.
Money can attract attention.
Money can attract admiration.
Money can even attract temporary affection.
Money cannot buy genuine loyalty.
If someone's love expires the same day your money stops flowing, then perhaps what you had was never really love.
It was simply a transaction wearing the mask of a relationship.
So let me leave you with one honest question.
If you lost everything tomorrow, would your partner still choose you, or would they quietly begin searching for someone with a healthier bank account? Upon say 8 different EVE_lyns don deal with you 8 times over a period of over 8 years, you still dey yarn say no be so all of them be? Abi you wan make them strangle you before you go know say na so dem be? Bro, na so all of dem be. All of them! No exception. The only thing be say some of them dey show their wicked side differently and at different times. It appears that you’re too generous with money with them. As a young man in those days, I rarely spent on women and somehow it worked although we kept having issues and breaking up. Now as a senior man, I do pay as you go. Do me, I give you. If I notice say you dey greedy, I cut you off. No time for drama. |
