First half over, and i changed my pooing position. This time the poo that came out of my a''sshole was like Egusi soup.

"e no go better for Mama Calabar" Brainbox cursed.

The place we were pooing was everything but someone's farm, it looked bushy. Or so i tot.


An hour, and we were still there pooing. Not only that, the sound our a''ssholes made could be likened to that of a Ballistic missile.

Legend has it that one's poo starts smelling nice when he/she spends as long as an hour pooing.

My mouth was wide open as i tried forcing the stubborn poo out of my bowel. I discovered that the poo ran out faster when my mouth was open than when it was closed. So i opened my mouth althrough, not minding that flies could perch inside.

Suddenly, i felt something cold came in contact with my neck.

The next thing i heard was, "if you move, ur head don go".

As I turned, i saw a chubby guy on black singlet with a machete to my neck, it frightened me so much that, "gbaaaaadaaam!!" I sat on my poo.


Instead of me to plead with the guy, I angrily said, "see as you don make me sidon for my s'hit". "you never start sef, you go soon chop your s'hit" The guy threatened.

From the corner of my eyes, i saw Man ran for his dear life, but when i saw three broad chested guys chased him, it instantly dawned on me that we were in for it.

Brainbox also tried running but was held firmly by one of the guys.

That was the beginning of our sorrows. I and Brainbox.

"you see this ur s'hit? U go chop am" The guy on black singlet threatened. "bros, e better make you cut my head with this cutlass oh, i no go chop my s'hit, God forbid!!" I sounded stubborn.

"oya lie down for this ur s'hit" the guy that held Brainbox commanded him.

Since i was already seating on my poo, there was no need for me to seat or lie on my poo.

"I say begin chop ur s'hit" The guy on black singlet ordered for the umpteenth time. "bros, e better make i die than for me to chop my s'hit" I boldly spoke.

"u wan die abi? Okay choose one; you go chop ur s'hit or you go pay 2000naira fine, or as you wan die, i go cut ur head" He gave me three options. "bros, 2000naira too much na, when una catch Bigie na 1000naira him say him pay" I almost said.

"i say choose one!" He yelled. "bros, i no go fit chop my s'hit and i no go fit pay 2k" I stated.

"okay choose the place for ur neck wey i go cut?" He said bringing the machete to touch my neck. The coldness of the machete on my neck sent cold shivers down my spine.


For a while, i forgot i wasn't caught alone, but with my friend Brainbox.


"Agwo dem this boys no get money oh, make we arrange their Eshi for our Chairman" One of the guys that held Brainbox said dragging Brainbox to where i sat. "na wetin we go do be that na" The guy called Agwo replied.

If you are Ibo, you would agree with me that Agwo is a dangerous name. Dangerous because it means Snake. The guy called Agwo was really as merciless as a Snake. He was the same guy that wanted me to eat my poo.

"Agwo them this boys no get money oh, make we arrange their Eshi for our Chairman" I recalled what one of the guys said earlier.

If Eshi in Ibo means Head, then i would leave you to say the kind of Soup we were in; Okro, Egusi, or better still Ogbono soup.

It instantly dawned on me that these guys wanted to give our heads to their "Chairman" who would use it for Money rituals.

There had been incessant reports of missing persons lately, the bodies of these missing persons were after some days found floating in Otammiri river.


I turned to see that Brainbox had been baptized with his own poo. Poo was painted all over his shirt. And he sat very close to me, "guy no rub s'hit for my body oh" I warned.

"Enyi, make una carry them make we go arrange their head" Agwo commanded.

Enyi means Elephant. A perfect name for someone fatter than Bigie.

The "Elephant size" guy called Enyi dragged me up and said, "na today una go die, una go go do apprentice for devil for hell fire".

"Flow anaa!!" I cried on a low voice.

"Floo anaa" means "this is the exit of Flow". That was what i said because i had concluded we would die.

Enyi grabbed me by my hands with so much strength that he almost amputated me.

"Agwo biko nunu!!" Brainbox was pleading with Agwo while i put my Brain to work.

brainbox save you again but you denied him at the bank.

Brainbox pleading like flow, while flow planning like brainbox

vision2050: brainbox save you again but you denied him at the bank.

Go back and read. He never saved me. We were in it together.

Am back..nice 1 baba flowey

AM BACK!!!
Nice 1 baba flowey

Madawaki01: AM BACK!!!
Nice 1 baba flowey

welcome back

flow1759:

welcome back

thanks ooo baba

Cashkhiid: Hahahahahahahaha! Flow you don kill pesin here oh! My belle oh! ''AMBULANCE PLEASE''

haba AMBULANCE!!!

E never reach that stage na.

Flow dis one u dey update one-one like dis; watin dey happen?

My frnd n I bn bet on who go slp wt kate first btw flow n Tega! Noww he wants us 2 raise d bar! ...see wetn flow dn turn us 2! I need a sign sha...

Lol,,,na you suppose to dey beg make brainbox do the thinking.


or so i thought!

flow1759:

haba AMBULANCE!!!

E never reach that stage na.

hahahahahaha i dey gbadun you oh flow! Keep flowing!

Habybullah: My frnd n I bn bet on who go slp wt kate first btw flow n Tega! Noww he wants us 2 raise d bar! ...see wetn flow dn turn us 2! I need a sign sha...

when we reach there we go know who sleep with Kate.

Nyc 1 Flow

Flow e 2 slow 2 update

Hehe. Flow you got me laughing like a mad man as i read the update. I must confess your descriptive ability is amazing. Keep it up man...
Guys don't forget to visit and follow this story by Knockturnal, i promise you'll enjoy every bit of it...
nairaland.com/1203542/good-guy-turned-bad

It was getting dark, and the place they were dragging us to was a deserted part of the bush that even if we cried for help, our voices wouldn't be heard.

I heard a cracking, as if my elbow joint had been dislocated as Enyi pulled me with so much strength.


"okay, we wan pay una" I said and they stopped abruptly. "we go pay una with our phone" I stated. "where una phone?" Enyi yelled, "see my own here" I brought out mine.

"na dis r'ubbish phone be your phone?" One of the guys with a "bicycle seat head" said.

True talk, i was really ashamed of my phone, it lacked market value. I knew they would collect the phone and still behead us. Not "us" but "me", atleast let me speak for myself, because Brainbox saved his head when he brought out a beautiful Nokia camera phone, a Nokia phone that the Market value shouldn't be less than 10k.

The phone was familiar to me, but i couldn't put my finger on it, and i was sure that wasn't Brainbox's phone, unless of course his pocket had started manufacturing phones.

Oh my world!! It was the phone i saw on the counter at the Police station.

Brainbox stole a Policeman's phone. Nawa oh!!

If Brainbox could steal a Policeman's phone, in broad daylight, in the Police station and go unnoticed, then where else can't he steal from?

I was so shocked at Brainbox "Aka Abuo" skills that I couldn't hold myself back from shouting, "Brainbox!!!". "why you dey shout Brainbox, ur guy don save you, and u dey shout Brainbox" Agwo said tapping me on my head. "bros i just dey hail am, say him don try, him too much" I said.

"Too much" indeed, too much in Aka Abuo Ministry.

Aka Abuo is not Fulani but Ibo, and it means a fast pilfering fellow.

If Aka Abuo Gospel church were to be a church, then Bigie would be the Pastor in charge, while Brainbox would be the Assistant Pastor. Bigie was born a kleptomaniac was a known fact, but Brainbox stole just for the fun of stealing.

I removed my SIM card and handed my phone to Enyi. Brainbox never bordered removing the SIM from the Nokia phone because the phone wasn't his, albeit the phone was off.


"okay make una leave them, God don save them" Agwo commanded.

They left us, and as we ran, Enyi ran after us with his machete raised up as if he wanted to strick our heads with it, that made me increased speed, Brainbox also.


"guy naso pesin dey die oh" I said, panting as we stopped running. "guy see my shirt" Brainbox complained, removing his poo painted shirt, since he wasn't putting on a singlet, he was bare chested.


When i sat on my poo, half of my trouser landed on the poo, and half of my bare a''ss landed on the poo also. Since my poo was watery, it crested a Map of Nigeria on my trouser.

While it crested a small Map of Lagos on my boxers because my boxers rubbed off the poo that was stamped on my a''ss.

"guy so i go n'aked go house? Ur own even better sef say na only ur shirt the s'hit rub" I said to Brainbox.

I removed my trouser to reveal the crested Map of Lagos on my boxers. A Map that flies stuck to like Bee to nectar.

I concluded i would go home with just boxers. Or rather, boxers covered with T-shirt, because i wrapped my T-shirt round my waist to cover the Map of Lagos.

So we both walked home bare chested, just that Brainbox's case was better than mine because he had his trousers on, while i had given mine as a birthday gift to the hungry Flies that perched on it in the bush.

As we walked close to our gate, i saw Kate walking towards us. It seemed Brainbox saw her before me, so he quickly hid behind Nkiru's shop. It happened so fast that i couldn't hide.

"where are you coming from dressed like this?" Kate asked. "ehnnn, i am coming fron ehnnn, i went jogging" I stammered. She stared at me from the crown of my head to the sole of feet without altering a word.

As she walked passed me, i noticed her a''ss almost tore the tight Mini Skirt she wore. She gave my d'ick a gift of a picture perfect parting frame.

And my d'ick grew taller, forming a mountain curve.


If you are a guy, you would agree with me that in your boxers sometimes you would find ropes hanging inside, the ropes were used to sew the boxers.

Ropes that the manufacturers intentionally left as a trap to curb those guys that always have hard on.

These ropes were in the boxers i wore that day.

As i took two steps forward, i noticed that the mountain my d'ick made gave me difficulty in walking, so i quickly dipped my hand into my boxers to adjust my d'ick, unknown to me that the ropes in my Boxers had coiled round my erected d'ick.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" I cried.

My Iroko tree had been cut down. Or so i tot.

"is anything the problem?" I heard Kate asked.

"no oh, everything is alright, nothing has been cut down" I cried out.

@sosiq. Slow and steady is better than hastily making mistakes, don't you think so?

Mind you, i want to update according to how it unfolded. I don't want to mix things up.

PS: it ain't easy.

Flow u 4 chop dat s hit nah....

Flow u wnt kil me

flow1759:

Go back and read. He never saved me. We were in it together.

with your palaza phone your head would have gone, thanks for brainbox camera phone or stole phone i tot that save your live.

Brainbox is ogedegbe of our generation

flow1759:

Baba 4kizo u are so much jambraha, entity like amoir, walk minus stumble, may ur first son never resemble ur landlord. Daysis

dis is ab storm a woged son of ilya du elephant.....its either u'r sunny ade or sunny i no dey nd Itz either u'r ebenizer obey or ebenizer disobey any attempt d gods on sket nd blawse all entities in dis same rumula 2 shine dere nomenclera 4 onward lyk dat

Stormisova: dis is ab storm a woged son of ilya du elephant.....its either u'r sunny ade or sunny i no dey nd Itz either u'r ebenizer obey or ebenizer disobey any attempt d gods on sket nd blawse all entities in dis same rumula 2 shine dere nomenclera 4 onward lyk dat

You've got me laughing wif unu vibrationhahahahahahahaha

I really don't know how to qualify this write up, Amateurish ? Silly? Funny ? Disgrace ?

Smh, IMO I think this is a classic Nigerian dumb storyline, that people will nevertheless love to listen and pay to view.

Just like our home videos, u have spent copious amount of time describing an irritating irrelevant scenario- why tell ur readers the nature of ur poo ?
The texture of your poo ?
The texture of your friends poo?
How many times you hv pooed?
The resulting effect of your mama calabar food on ur alimentary canal.
The resulting effect of same on friend1 , friend 2, Friend 3,

Goddamit! Are u not uncomfortable reciting these over and over? again and again and again! ?



My own verdict is; you are far from a good writer , you just happened to have lived a very interesting, funny, eventful life.


There is absolutely nothing artistic in ur write up , nothing coherent. The only thing ur story has is the intriguing life you hv lived.


Try reading ishiloves piece, I bet u will hv a rethink of this junk you are spurting .
U don't hv to match her literature prowess, and command of the English language, emulating just her writing style will help.


And ur repetition of the phrase, " or so I think" is irritating to say the least.

Wats wit flow and poo. Am tryin hard 2 get d nexus

macjive01: I really don't know how to qualify this write up, Amateurish ? Silly? Funny ? Disgrace ?

Smh, IMO I think this is a classic Nigerian dumb storyline, that people will nevertheless love to listen and pay to view.

Just like our home videos, u have spent copious amount of time describing an irritating irrelevant scenario- why tell ur readers the nature of ur poo ?
The texture of your poo ?
The texture of your friends poo?
How many times you hv pooed?
The resulting effect of your mama calabar food on ur alimentary canal.
The resulting effect of same on friend1 , friend 2, Friend 3,

Goddamit! Are u not uncomfortable reciting these over and over? again and again and again! ?



My own verdict is; you are far from a good writer , you just happened to have lived a very interesting, funny, eventful life.


There is absolutely nothing artistic in ur write up , nothing coherent. The only thing ur story has is the intriguing life you hv lived.


Try reading ishiloves piece, I bet u will hv a rethink of this junk you are spurting .
U don't hv to match her literature prowess, and command of the English language, emulating just her writing style will help.


And ur repetition of the phrase, " or so I think" is irritating to say the least.

Mr literature why don't u write urs let's c how good u re. If u re reasonable u wouldn't compare writers. If u dnt want 2 read fcu.k off.

macjive01: I really don't know how to qualify this write up, Amateurish ? Silly? Funny ? Disgrace ?

Smh, IMO I think this is a classic Nigerian dumb storyline, that people will nevertheless love to listen and pay to view.

Just like our home videos, u have spent copious amount of time describing an irritating irrelevant scenario- why tell ur readers the nature of ur poo ?
The texture of your poo ?
The texture of your friends poo?
How many times you hv pooed?
The resulting effect of your mama calabar food on ur alimentary canal.
The resulting effect of same on friend1 , friend 2, Friend 3,

Goddamit! Are u not uncomfortable reciting these over and over? again and again and again! ?



My own verdict is; you are far from a good writer , you just happened to have lived a very interesting, funny, eventful life.


There is absolutely nothing artistic in ur write up , nothing coherent. The only thing ur story has is the intriguing life you hv lived.


Try reading ishiloves piece, I bet u will hv a rethink of this junk you are spurting .
U don't hv to match her literature prowess, and command of the English language, emulating just her writing style will help.


And ur repetition of the phrase, " or so I think" is irritating to say the least.

Where's this one coming from?
If you don't have any tangible thing to add here, please don't comment in order not to spoil this our precious thread.
What's even wrong with some people?