₦airaland Forum

DailyNews:
1. Never marry a girl from a poor/struggling family background if u are financially buoyant as a guy- most of such ladies marry for money/material reasons, not for companionship, so let them marry their kind and work hard with him to become buoyant instead of using marriage as a short-cut to becoming rich.

True, but worse if it's the guy from a "not-so-buoyant" background. I mean, when a guy appears to be obsessed with your dad and being in his good books while he remains an insecure-saddist-turned-opportunist with you, there's hardly anything that pleases them. I'm writing from first hand experience. I either laugh at or pray for those who ignore socio-financial factors in relationships. Been there, done that!

@ drunkardspatron

Case closed you hear. Sleep well because am already in day time here. Or better prepare for your day

alutacontinua:
You're apparently high on something cheap would be too honourable a word to describe.
Cow urine, maybe

lmao

You never meet correct father wey go deal with you and your whole entire being
Why would we call a man a man if he needs another man to handle his woman?
biko, coogar, I no fit argue this morning.....just wanted to tell you to check your 'angel dust', a laboratory test would reveal some urine of some sort (I'm sure of that)

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

divorce wont solve your problem but rather compound it. remember you said for better for worse.

try this approach,
ignore her, when she doesn't cook, eat on your way back home.
and buy hers too.
if she wont eat her copy, then stop buying hers.
whenever she starts nagging, go somewhere else and hang out with friends
bottomline: dont give her attention cos thats what she wants.

if it means having a side chick to compensate for those "dont touch me" moments, please do.
but dont leave her.

give like 3 month, you should start seeing positive results.


urghhh! loads of psychos on this thread mehn.

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

There are always 3 sides to every story. His side, her side and the truth.

Have you ever cheated? Have u ever made her feel unappreciated? Have you been respecting her as a wife? Have you made an efforts to find out out where the problem is and tried to fix it as the head of the house?

Remember being the head does not always being at the receiving end. Being a head also means being able to fix the problems as they come not running to the nearest exit, when things get tough.

@stevecantrell

I can only imagine what you're going through. One question I have for you is this "did you are did you not see the potential of this attitude in before marriage" ??

If you can sincerely answer this,it will help a lot in gathering advice;even my opinion.

If you can open this thread,don't be ashamed to answer the question regardless of responses that you'll get.

May God keep you.

EfemenaXY:
This is what you get when a guy chooses to marry a lady based on looks as opposed to personality and grey matter "up there".

Guy, man up and deal with it.

...All the way home!

ShoryuKen:
People in the ancient past married for position (royals to royals, etc.), and people in the recent past married for romance (romanticized by literature); but, with the advanced personality developments these days (overboard feminism, ideologies, séxual liberation, etc.), people should marry for philosophy – i.e. not to impress ones family, friends, or boost social status – do it from YOUR own convictions/the personality fit of a potential partner.

Philosophically, we should marry to be HAPPY; if you're not, it's advisable to quit it. Don't stay for any dogmatic reasons like family's impression, others gossip, or the popular one: "for the kids" – they'll probably be worse off psychologically in the long run, being around a loveless people, who are in a union that's been romanticized to project love.

Think deep about it, about YOUR future, then act – for personal reasons, and not dogmatic ones like religion, or societal opinions.

...bon voyage!

...Whao! Where have you been all along!

EyeKandy:
True, but worse if it's the guy from a "not-so-buoyant" background. I mean, when a guy appears to be obsessed with your dad and being in his good books while he remains an insecure-saddist-turned-opportunist with you, there's hardly anything that pleases them. I'm writing from first hand experience. I either laugh at or pray for those who ignore socio-financial factors in relationships. Been there, done that!

That's true @eyekandy, but its not rampant among guys (guys don't usually care if a girl comes from buoyant family or not, only very few did in d past).

Its ladies that made guys to start considering a lady's financial background b4 deciding to marry her or not; in d past, most guys never cared if she's a poor or rich girl...including myself...but with things I read, hear n see...I am going to consider her financial background b4 making any decision. Desperate situations call for desperate action/precaution!

anukulapo:
@stevecantrell

I can only imagine what you're going through. One question I have for you is this "did you are did you not see the potential of this attitude in before marriage" ??

If you can sincerely answer this,it will help a lot in gathering advice;even my opinion.

If you can open this thread,don't be ashamed to answer the question regardless of responses that you'll get.

May God keep you.

Huh ?!!

DailyNews:
My brother it really hurts; how we lost one of the heroes in my family just like that!

And sure, I did learnt some great lessons:

1. Never marry a girl from a poor/struggling family background if u are financially buoyant as a guy- most of such ladies marry for money/material reasons, not for companionship, so let them marry their kind and work hard with him to become buoyant instead of using marriage as a short-cut to becoming rich.

2. Never marry a girl u just met in the city and know nothing about her entire family background- some people have scary family issues that may harm u if u marry them, so find out who her family is b4 saying marry me.

3. Never marry a girl your parents objected to- my family welcomed the girl, but my parents advised my brother to wait n allow d girl mature first, unfortunately, they rushed it while she was below 25 and know nothing about keeping marriage.

4. Never marry a girl below 25years- many ladies would tell u maturity isn't by age, pls don't listen to them cos only few lucky girls below 25yrs behave well in marriage cos youthful exuberances are still predominant in their day-to-day life decisions/attitude.

5. Don't marry any girl out of pity!

6. Always listen to your inner voice first and obey it before obeying or taking any advice from anyone cos its u and only u that would face d consequences.

7. In as much as divorce is bad (God pls don't let me end up in a divorce in future), don't let the fear of what your children would go through if u divorce make u remain with an unworthy spouse cos if u die, those your children will continue to live happily like u never existed!

8. Have it in mind that marriage counsellors, pastors and external advisors cannot solve every marriage issues, sometimes, the only solution is separation/DIVORCE, even though its a hard decision.

9. Don't be deceived by a girl's lovey-dovey and excellent character before marriage. Don't let her presumed wonderful character during dating/courtship lure u into marrying her, instead, seek honestly for God's direction before u marry any lady cos many ladies pretend b4 marriage to secure the ring or have some sleeping evil spirits that usually wake up after u marry them, so go to God first for revelation b4 u marry any lady!

10. Don't ever make the mistake of pampering your wife; if she's fire, give her plenty firewood to burn along...if she's flame, pour fuel and possibly some methane to assist her blaze more and never pour water in the hope of making her cool when she's hot!

If she's lovely, shower her with love and pamper her like a queen.

If u can't pray very well, try fleece; I heard it works like magic.

@homguy, yeah...somehow...things I see, read and hear contributed. Thanks

@freshdude2, you made very valid points that e-marriage-counselling champions won't understand until they wear the shoe.

. Wow! Deep talk. I really haven't seen the need to invite God to check out my intending future wife as she almost all a decent man could as for, but am having a rethink now. Thanks for this post.

stevecantrell:
Huh ?!!

Sorry, typo.

"did you or did you not see the potential of this attitude in her before marriage" ??

anukulapo:
Sorry, typo.

"did you or did you not see the potential of this attitude in her before marriage" ??

Dude, I never opened any thread on NL. I'm not about to start now.

Godmystrength:
Are you saying that she started changing after two years of marriage? Can you really walk back into the past and determined when the changes started and the circumstances around that time?


Is there something her father does and she also want you to be doing for her? what is that thing? (not saying you should be like her father but just want to know what she is using as the basis of comparison)


This same thing you just told us on NL, have you discussed them with her? What was her response?

One thing i have come to realise about life is that you are the only one that knows what can/will make you happy. Noone can assume (on your behalf) to know you better than yourself..
Most times, the things we keep doing and thinking they are suppose to make our spouse happy might not be what they actually want.

Using myself as an example, Imagine my hubby complaining to a friend now that he bought me 5 different dresses with shoes to match and that i am not appreciative and that i am complaining about the clothes that he bought at an expensive price, he repainted the house to my favorite colors for my birthday, change all the curtains in the house to the best he could lay his hands on, bought some numbers of jeans and t shirts for our son, that i have been looking for N1,000 to get a simple black multipurpose slippers and he decided to surprise me by getting a very good quality expensive slippers of my favorite color, cooked a big pot of delicious soup (with orisirisi) waiting for my arrival from work, bla bla bla and i could not say a simple thank you. And that i have been fighting and nagging him all day... I know if you are the friend, you might be quick to call me a bad wife.... Only for you to hear from me that he used the money meant for our house rent and loan repayment to get all those and he still has some debts to settle on them.....(I just gave you a real case scenario)....

I am not saying you are doing something bad, but sometimes, while we are killing ourselves to please someone, what that someone wants might be just one little trivial thing and everyone will be happen.....

I am not excusing your wife of all her ''bad'' behaviors neither is there any need for me to blame/condemn your wife here just to make you feel good since she isn't here to read and i believe you came to NL to find solution to make things work better and not backup/support for the divorce in your mind

What else does a stupid and nonsense woman wants after all that was done as mentioned by the husband. She must be mad. Some men are trying sha. Women are not worth the Bleep killing ourselves on.

calnon:
Women are unpredictable, even me am having that challenges in my marriage, the woman I use my hard ain resource to train In the higher institution, and later secure job for her in the bank, later she said she is tired of the bank job I secure a distributorship in one company and the bizns is going fine. She hadly respect me, she disrespect me a lot, she talk to me any way she like, despite the fact that I still play my responsabilty as a man, I wonder how she will treat me if I lost my job. Just that I have never beating a woman b4 I for adopt that method to see If she can change, I have use all sort of approach, both dialoge and other approach still no regards am even thinking of stoping that bizns and make her a house wife, maybe that will humble her.

Bros you try!! i respect you for all you did for her, train a woman in higher institution, even secure a job for her. I'm sure you go dey lick her
below sef as i see say love don kill you finish. Look women are not worth all the stress you hear?she has not started with you yet.

12inches1:
So other women that work don't do all these right? Or what are you really trying to say

Am saying that he believes that she does nothing but household and motherhood is hard job. Not all men could handle it! This is what am saying!

Tunagee:
What else does a stupid and nonsense woman wants after all that was done as mentioned by the husband. She must be mad. Some men are trying sha. Women are not worth the Bleep killing ourselves on.

Tell that to the OP. He will be so happy to hear that. I am not him neither am i his wife. Even the OP did not call his wife such names.. na wa o

Reason for my comment is below:

Godmystrength:
I am not saying you are doing something bad, but sometimes, while we are killing ourselves to please someone, what that someone wants might be just one little trivial thing and everyone will be happen.....

I am not excusing your wife of all her ''bad'' behaviors neither is there any need for me to blame/condemn your wife here just to make you feel good since she isn't here to read and i believe you came to NL to find solution to make things work better and not backup/support for the divorce in your mind

Tunagee:
Bros you try!! i respect you for all you did for her, train a woman in higher institution, even secure a job for her. I'm sure you go dey lick her
below sef as i see say love don kill you finish. Look women are not worth all the stress you hear?she has not started with you yet.

Hmmm...

thorpido:
Communication is key.However,it's a 2-way street.It's not just the responsibility of the man.

Ofc not but when u fix the roads and sidewalks and still traffic runs only one side, u start blocking the road

elyesh:
Hello OP...i am a married man...my marriage will be two years by 29th this month...buh to be sincere my wife is the best on earth...something is fundamentally wrong with ur with u and ur wife...i hv trusted God and done somethings that has really help me and my wife...we have never quarried,we have never had any major family problems...maybe when we disagree on some issues and later agree again...sometimes i play the fool for the sake of peace to reign...infact most times i overlook things...my wife is this hot temper kind of person but God has help me to quench the volcano in her
Ur wife can be a better person.....

does she has anybody she fear or respect soo much? Such a per can be of help in this case
Hope u are not looking for excuse to divorce her
Hii guys...i am kind of new...i joined naira three years ago buh what i do is i only log in to read posts and comments...u guys are really great...my life has not remain thesame since i started reading posts here....i love u all nairalanders

No worry, make money finish for ya pocket u go come know whether na im be the best wife

voodoo85:
Ofc not but when u fix the roads and sidewalks and still traffic runs only one side, u start blocking the road

If the other part is not facilitating the communication,there's nothing you can do.

holysaint1:
i neva anticipated it to be funny.. **just some of my crazy tots ** .. like aw mch "BUNS" can u be willin 2 sell if d need arises... (like assets and shiii )



NB: No offence intended oooo.. and if u still dont gerrit, its totally understandable.

lol u are funny

stevecantrell:
Dude, I never opened any thread on NL. I'm not about to start now.

Sorry about that. It's a mix up;my bad.

@liyuboy

I can only imagine what you're going through.
One question I have for you is this "did you are
did you not see the potential of this attitude in
before marriage" ??
If you can sincerely answer this,it will help a lot in
gathering advice;even my opinion.
If you can open this thread,don't be ashamed to
answer the question regardless of responses
that you'll get.
May God keep you.

Rosarie:
u can nva ve it perfect.ve u evr hit yr wife.why is she nt working yet 2 share her salary to her pple

Even if he has beaten his wife before, it does not justify her actions

No body is perfect but her behavior stinks

aisha2:
Present. . Doing some TLC things

Longest time

bukatyne:
Longest time

No see lol

Henrypraise:
I won't advise u to consult anybody or ask her questions of how u have wronged her, all I will tell u is do not divorce her.

Howeva, I can tell u wat u av done wrong: U av sold ur happiness by tryin to please ur wife, my friend stop pleasin ur wife n please ursef, in everytin u do, pls ursef even in s3x (don't take any enhancer to do more dan is required), ensure u pls ursef, go out wen u like n cum in wen u like, drop money if u can n don't drop if u knw u av need 4 it. Just ensure dat in pleasin ursef, u ar bin responsible, I bet u, she will call u her king.

Women don't need to be pleased, a woman is pleased wen her king is pleased.

Oga are you married? and if you're is this how you treat your wife. Everything is about you, with no regards for her. Don't you think such attitude is borne out of selfishness.

slinkky:
Oga are you married? and if you're is this how you treat your wife. Everything is about you, with no regards for her. Don't you think such attitude is borne out of selfishness.

i am not married but i just said d truth. dia is no need to try to please anybody not even ur wife, just try to be responsible abt it.

I pity the woman that will marry you. God help her. Cos from the tone of your words, you obviously are an unhappy person.

coogar:
whatever it is.....who cares?
i am not being chased by cops, my employers value my output & sister sara is forever grateful.....



which correct father?
that would be a hubby who probably borrows from his inlaw's, a hubby who sleeps over in his inlaw's house, a hubby who removes shirt to devour bowl of eba in her inlaw's house.

i am not about that.
the only time i would be having tête-a-tête with any father in law is when i am paying the bride price....after then, he better minds his business & face his own wife.

if i then find out the reasons my wife has been misbehaving is as a result of her father's backing then that man would get verbally lashed. i don't even see such happening. if he looks into my eyes, he would get the message that my type cannot condone any nonsense.

.

Henrypraise:
i am not married but i just said d truth. dia is no need to try to please anybody not even ur wife, just try to be responsible abt it.

You just said the truth ke? This your comment is an excuse for you not knowing much about women. With this your mentality, you will soon come back to nairaland when you get married to post stories that touch. If you dnt know anything about women or do not care about the issues with women or have no idea what makes women tick, pls do not get married. its not by force. just remain single with this your mentality. A selfish person can never have a happy marriage.