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My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? - Food - Nairaland

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My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by tayotina(f): 9:26am On May 27, 2005
The outburst of a very close friend whose boyfriend has turned to a cook. It is so annoying sometimes when he calls because all he ever asks of is food and nothing else be it breakfast, lunch or supper. He doesn't even want to know whether she is busy or not.

Am not saying he doesn't love her but it is just becoming too much for this lady to bear. She has started questioning his love for her. Even when she gets back from work and she is too tired to lift a pin, he demands for food. It's as if all this guy ever wants in her is her food and nothing else, yet he claims to love her.

Now tell me, what kind of love is this and why would you allow your partner to treat you this way?

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Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Seun(m): 9:37am On May 27, 2005
tayotina: I'm not saying he doesn't love her ...

As far as I am concerned, this is 'rubbish love'(ìranù).

Most women, I think, have an extreme weakness for words (just as we men have a weakness for beauty). I want to advice the ladies on this forum. If you want to know if a man loves you, listen to his actions. Here is someone who is already taking advantage of your home training before marriage, and you are insisting that he loves you ...

Women.

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Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Allenpowered(m): 10:01am On May 27, 2005
Are they boyfreind and girlfriend staying together or are they married? If they are just live-in lovers , gal, tell your friend to bail out...i think it is the only time in a relationship men tend to be caring, it gts worse when married... tongue
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by tayotina(f): 10:14am On May 27, 2005
Allenpowered, they are not married yet, they are just dating and they do not live together.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by legry(m): 10:17am On May 27, 2005
Look i dont understand you women when will the man ever satisfy you, He loves your food and he eats it all the time plus he wants it all the time which means you are going to have to cook it you complain, he does not eat your food he does not want you coooking for him( cause he does not want to stress you) he eats at resturants or buka's you complain. WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT? Do you hate cooking or is it something you do cause you are a woman, i swear i still try and understand how to satisfy the woman
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Seun(m): 11:04am On May 27, 2005
Legry, they are not married and they don't live together. And he's demanding food.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Allenpowered(m): 11:30am On May 27, 2005
if they don't live together and they are not married , the girl should just tell the bobo that she can't be doing al the cooking...but i understand the guy's plight...if he is like me who can't seem to be able to boil water right!
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Ka: 11:55am On May 27, 2005
legry:

...He loves your food and he eats it all the time plus he wants it all the time

I don't get the impression from reading Tayotina's first post that the guy loves his girlfriend's food because his girlfriend prepared it. The impression I get is that if the girlfriend had got someone else to prepare it, he could have cared less.

I think the key word here is appreciation. I often find it very strange how people pay so little attention to this very important aspect in a relationship, and yet when things go belly up they wonder what happened.

I bet that the girlfriend wouldn't feel so hassled if after eating the meal, the man had said "Darling, that was a truly fantastic meal. I feel like my taste buds have gone to heaven and back. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting so much love and care in preparing this culinary wonder just for me".

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Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Seun(m): 12:19pm On May 27, 2005
Ka, appreciation is not the issue here. This case is worse than what you think.

Tayotina mentioned that "he doesn't even want to know whether she is busy or not." It has reached a stage where he's demanding to be fed, even when it's not convenient for her.

Yes, if someone offers you a meal out of her own free will you still need to be appreciative. But here is a guy who is demanding to be fed and they are not even married or living together!

I do not want to use the word 'irresponsible', but this boyfriend is costing her time and money. He is simply taking advantage of her.

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Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Allenpowered(m): 12:27pm On May 27, 2005
I think people should know when they are being taken advantage of. I think another issue here is self respect: if the the girl values herself she should not allow herself to be used. She is being used! People should learn to say 'NO' when they are being incovenienced.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Ka: 12:47pm On May 27, 2005
seun:

Ka, appreciation is not the issue here.  This case is worse than what you think.

Tayotina mentioned that "he doesn't even want to know whether she is busy or not."  It has reached a stage where he's demanding to be fed, even when it's not convenient for her.

Perhaps what I really should say instead is that 'being taken for granted' (an extreme case of lack of appreciation) is the issue here.


I do not want to use the word 'irresponsible', but this boyfriend is costing her time and money.  He is  simply [I]taking advantage[/I] of her.

I'm not so quick to judge... people don't do things unless there is a payoff, either by avoiding something unpleasant, or gaining something pleasant. If she's still sticking with him despite the complaints, she must have her reasons.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Seun(m): 12:55pm On May 27, 2005
Ka: If she's still sticking with him despite the complaints, she must have her reasons.

Possible Reasons:
[list][li]The sweet words convincing her that he really loves her?[/li][li]Fear of being dumped if she refuses to cook as demanded?[/li][li]"Good cultural upbringing" that says a dutiful woman is supposed to cook for her man?[/li][/list]
Tayotina, at this point you need to give us more info! Tell us more about your friend.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by tayotina(f): 1:05pm On May 27, 2005
See they have been together for quite some time now and she is not scared of being dumped by the guy. The fact is she is even fed-up with the relationship but the guy would not hear of it and with thanks to OBJ, he monitors her movements.

He doesn't mind giving her money every now and then to do the cooking. What he wants to do is to turn her to a full house wife.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by mosiate(f): 1:27pm On May 27, 2005
There is love and there is love. Tell that your girlfriend to wise up; her market value is very very high. Let her drop him. We're in the 21st century, she'll actually see someone to cook for her and not cook for anybody if she would only get wise up on time.

tayotina: He doesn't mind giving her money every now and then to do the cooking. What he wants to do is to turn her to a full house-wife.

God forbid bad thing (Ọlọ́run má jẹ). Does it mean that all the days she has spent in school (since KG) will now be wasted? I beg drop am! Nothing go happen; life go continue.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by legry(m): 2:12pm On May 27, 2005
Look, is there something else that we don't about this relationship? I tell you, I feel this issue is more than just food ordering. Personally I think this is beyond just the asking or demand for food. Has the guy stopped appreciating the woman? Does he take the food she gives to him for granted and now as a right? Does she feel unappreciated?

This is more than just food matter please; I need to know what is there that we don't know.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by chawkee(m): 2:30pm On May 27, 2005
Contrary to what Seun said that they are not living together, from Tayotina's intro, he demands for breakfast, lunch and dinner. How is he going to eat three triangular meals if they are not staying together.
The narration goes on to say, '.... when she comes back from work......', this clearly tells that the guy is not working because he stays at home and wait for her arrival.
The fact that they are staying together while unmarried, is a clear demonstration of irresponsibility from the both parties.
There must have been a time when it was the guy who was taking care of proceedings, the tide has changed now, and she is complaining. It is possible that she has found somebody else and now she is tired.
Tayotina, tell your friend that the only way to a man's heart is through the stomach. If she still loves him, then, she should buckle up and prepare more food for him. If she is tired of the relationship, she should come out straight and say so. No need beating around the bush.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by legry(m): 2:46pm On May 27, 2005
CHAWKEEEEEEEEEE grin grin grin grin grin grin YOU ARE THE MAN NICE ANALYZING NOW TAYOTINA PLEASE CONQUER WITH THESES FINDINGS
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by dominobaby(f): 2:47pm On May 27, 2005
tayotina: He doesn't mind giving her money every now and then to do the cooking. What he wants to do is to turn her to a full housewife.

[I]See ehn[/I], as long as they are not married there is no reason she should be so stressed up at this stage of her life. They are not living together, is that to then say that she reports to his house after work everyday to prepare meals for him?

It is no big deal to cook for him, but when it becomes a do or die affair, I am afraid something is wrong. Let her displeasure be known to him and let them find a solution to it. He should wait until they are married before turning her to a housewife ([I] I don't support it o[/i]) and if she ain't okay with that let her find her way out.

It is more or less as if he is selfish, thinking only about his comfort. You can't please yourself at the other person's expense and discomfort and call it love.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by chawkee(m): 3:35pm On May 27, 2005
Thanks man. You see Legry, after reading, then i thought. Dominobabe has said it all. Does she report to his house at the close of work everyday?
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by DEwiseman(m): 3:49pm On May 27, 2005
I believe that there is need for the girl to sit the bobo down and have a one on one with him. There is no problem that cannot be solved if the line of communication is very open. If they can talk it over the problem be solved.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by tayotina(f): 5:47pm On May 27, 2005
She sometimes reports to his house after close of work. And at other times she prepares the food from her house and either takes it to his office (he closes late) or his house. But most of the time, the guys prefers to eat from the lady's house.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Pinky(f): 8:23pm On May 27, 2005
could this be love? the girl needs to buckle up!
i for one would never allow a silly boyfriend to order me aroooooond. not that i dont respect him.. but then..we re both human & this flesh can be so tired.
i would advise that girl to walk out of that relationship cos she's no more interested & more so the guy's making it seem HELL to her..
assuming she still likes the guy, i would have suggested that she voices her opinion about the cooking by force

women.. we can be naive sometimes!
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by TopDog(m): 8:32pm On May 27, 2005
Tayotina....Ever wondered why women are so naive? There are more women than men out there. Like Wclef said...Your best friend will cook for after you leave
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Seun(m): 9:02pm On May 27, 2005
According to the National Population Census, there are more men than women. I am so tired of hearing that there are more women than men, because it's a big lie. There are more men than women in Nigeria.

In 1998 there were 55.9 million men to 54.6 million women. Please, let's correct ourselves.
http://www.motherlandnigeria.com/population.html
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by dablessed(f): 9:17pm On May 27, 2005
Tayotina,

your friend certainly needs to be a member of this forum, please invite her in. Its obvious that she is losing her mind over a man. Please invite her in abeg! I'm sure the guy will dump her anytime soon. Please lets help our fellow sister, bring her in so she can receive her counsel in person. How many messages will you deliver to her? Abeg call her ASAP.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by TopDog(m): 9:39pm On May 27, 2005
Seun,

I'm actually ROTFWL (rolling on the floor with laughter) that you can actually quote statistics from a Nigerian agency....Please!!!

By the way, I wasn't referring to "Nigerian" population census...a bit more world wide if you get what I mean dog
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Seun(m): 10:01pm On May 27, 2005
Ok, let's assume for the sake of argument that the Nigerian census population figure is inaccurate. Would you agree with the CIA's estimate of world population?

According to the CIA website,
[list][li]At birth and up to the age of 15, there are 106 boys for every 100 girls.[/li]
[li]Between 15 and 64 years, there are 103 men for every 100 women.[/li]
[li]At 64 years and above, there are 79 men for every 100 women (men die young).[/li]
[li]Overall, there are 101 men for every 100 women[/li][/list]
Source: http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/geos/xx.html
(search the page for [I]sex ratio[/I])

So during the period when people date, get engaged, and married (18-35), there are more men than women.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by TopDog(m): 8:13am On May 28, 2005
At least I made you to do some research. Ok dog, I concede this one. Thanks for the new knowledge. But then I wonder why the women get so desperate...

By the way, I presume you are the Oluwaseun Osewa who owns this site....good job if you are. A friend sent me the address.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Nobody: 4:35pm On May 28, 2005
Na love oh!!!

But me I never see that kind of love that will make me cook for a guy 2-4. I'm a student and so is he, or I'm a worker and so is he, so why should I cook for him? Afterall, we both have to utilise 24 hours of the day.

If it is plain I want to marry the guy, nothing stops me from cooking for him, but otherwise no way.

But all these guys self, make I still advise una! If you are looking for a cook, either you get married or you get a housemaid. Who know? the housemaid fit graduate to wife. grin
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Allenpowered(m): 8:50am On May 31, 2005
[I]this no be luv...na krase the two of them dey krase[/I]

I don't feel these two are well adjusted couple...word!
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by Danasco(m): 10:36am On May 31, 2005
Haba, why on earth shld ur friend complain for cooking for her boyfriend. dont u think u are blowing this thing out of proportion?
There are alot of formula to use. she can go over to his house for the weekend, take her time and do proper shooping, cook different kind of his food, put in a freezer, when he comes back home he will definately heat and take his food.
May i asked: Is he always calling on her to come and cook for him when he is back from work? How close is there place of residence? Did she actuaaly love him? How come a cultured Nigerian gal is nown afraid to cook?
Dont give me the imperation that ur friend is a lazy nigerian gal.
Re: My Boyfriend Has Turned Me To A Cook: Could This Be Love? by tayotina(f): 12:36pm On May 31, 2005
Danasco, why must she go over to his house for the weekend, take her time and do proper shopping, cook different kind of his food, put in a freezer for him to warm when he gets back from work while she is not yet married to him.

My friend is neither afraid to cook nor a lazy Nigerian girl. But this has been going on for too long and she just can't take it anymore. Meanwhile there is no assurance that they are going to end up as man and wife.

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