cococandy:
in the long run? Ok.

Yea...in the very long run!!

jaybee3:

There is obviously an extreme scale to each trait.
An extremely quiet wife could be dangerous. Restricting to your shell is counter-productive as you are most likely not going to share the things that bothers your mind.

damiso:


Nagging and talkative can be two different things. I know I rarely ever nag but I sometimes tend to be the one intiate conversations that hubby would rather not have e.g does pink go with this top which is often met with rolling eyes and 'yes' even though he is not seeing the top.

cococandy:

True this. I'm not really good at sharing my worries or concerns. In a subconscious way,it is me not wanting to bother him or disturb him.

Maybe I should learn to put them in writing. Lol


On the flip side,it gives him good excuse to tease me. "How are you going to discipline the kids if you can't even raise your voice and talk"?

jaybee3:

My worry is you create more problems for yourself in the long run with this your preferred modus operandi

What happens if he suddenly stops asking/teasing things out from you due to unforeseen outside stress?
Does that mean you going to start worrying about him not loving you?

If the absent of effective communication is one of the key problems in relationships then why not try to avoid it at all times

aisha2:


Hahahahahaaa. Our men can be so selfless sha, they will be managing tuketuke and they will buy madam tear leather. God bless una.

Anyway another question :

1. How do you deal with her insecurities? Eg: am getting fat, I feel ugly. Are you the rip the bandage off " yes you are, lets go to the gym and register " or are you the " no you are not getting fat, the dry cleaner is shrinking your clothes or the scale is old and broken, you are perfect "

2. How does she respond to your own insecurities eg, problems at work? Financial challenges, when things dont seem to be adding up?

cococandy:
it is not really a modus operandi per say because I didn't deliberately choose to be like that. It is a part of my nature that I didn't realize will be a problem once I began to share my life with someone else. Now I know and I'm working on it. I've come to a point where I say something or ask questions if I find that keeping quiet leaves me or him in the dark.(most of the time)

But I'm still to master the art of chitchat. How to have regular fun gist.
And that's the part he's more concerned about.

So help me God.

jaybee3:

It's really easy ya know

Interest=>Determination=>Result

Show interest in the things he loves doing
Go with an open mindset because you are determined to achieve the desired result

If you enjoy cooking then invite him into the kitchen when you are cooking his favorite meal
If he enjoys soccer then endure the 90 minutes with him then ask questions about the game

Couples have to go extra length to make their marriage work and this is simply part of it.

Look at it this way, if you don't talk to him someone else will almost certainly keep him company be it online or work

oluwaseunla:


This 80/20 rule here is different from the popular Pareto principle. This one is a belief system that for most of us, before you get to the point of marrying someone, the person will only have like 80% or less of things you want in a partner. However, as you are enjoying the 80%, you are being 'starved' of the remaining 20%.

Now, along comes a chic/guy with the 20% your partner doesn't have. You may feel attracted to those 20% traits, because your partner don't have them. But the catch is that if you pick the 20%, you have to drop your partner's 80%, effectively short-changing yourself.

Of course, it takes more than a simple rule to stay away from cheating, you have to exercise due diligence too. Besides the rule may not necessarily be true in all cases, but the idea is, whenever tempted, always remember the wonderful reasons you got married to that particular person, and bearing in mind that no one is perfect (not your wife, you, or the chic eyeing you), quickly retrace your steps back home and make it work.

moca:
Cococandy, come let me couch u

I was worst than u cos of my upbringing not necessary my nature.
I hadly voice out.
So many bottled up emotions and things that need at least a yes or no from me that when I exploded, it was shocking.
Thank God it was immediately after my marriage.
After that day, I decided to be as open as the express way.
I don't know if I hv secrets at all.
Hubby on d other hand don't like being open. Infact, u hv to be a judge to extract info from him.
I will plobe and plobe, I also read body language though that doesn't work at times.
Now d only thing he doesn't tell me is if he wanna surprise me maybe with gigts or some special things.

Pls, talk,even if its about patience ozorkwor and her mother in law roles, that is how u will learn more about ur spouse even if ur gist doesn't make sense.
I learnt d hard way.

rolled:
Chick eyeing you or you eyeing the chick?
Talk is so cheap

oluwaseunla:

You are entitled to your opinions. Besides, 'twas an analogy.

cococandy:
thank you.

aisha2:


Kindly ignore, them plenty here. Pretending they dont exist pains them like hell, they hardly deserve responses as the aim is to transfer their bitter lives to others.

Jump and pass

Matthewbriggs:

In addition use the same energy you use in engaging in online conversations, debating and fraternizing with people who really do not care about you in the e-world ... and focus that energy offline. Channel that energy in building a really strong rappor with your spouse.
If not handled carefully technology has a way of alienating us from people who care about us and can stand in our way of building formidable human connections with people that matter in our lives .
#JustSaying
Inbtwn Nice Thread I am learning. picking out valid lessons and discarding the noise.

Matthewbriggs:


In addition use the same energy you use in engaging in online conversations, debating and fraternizing with people who really do not care about you in the e-world ... and focus that energy offline. Channel that energy in building a really strong rappor with your spouse.

If not handled carefully technology has a way of alienating us from people who care about us and can stand in our way of building formidable human connections with people that matter in our lives .

#JustSaying

aisha2:


True, social media makes strangers seem more interesting and intriguing than the real people we have around us.
When you and hubby are at home or out on a date, please dont touch your phones, touch each other and talk to each other.

cococandy:
true that. Do you know that when he's even at work and we are romancing online,i find myself opening up more than when we are face to face.
Like typing is waaay easier for me than talking.
It is really something that I need to work on. Not just with him anyway. I've lost count of the number of times my twin sis will say to me "you're so quiet and boring"
She's my exact opposite.
If they all didn't love me and understand me,they would probably think I'm a snob.

Matthewbriggs:


In addition use the same energy you use in engaging in online conversations, debating and fraternizing with people who really do not care about you in the e-world ... and focus that energy offline. Channel that energy in building a really strong rappor with your spouse.

If not handled carefully technology has a way of alienating us from people who care about us and can stand in our way of building formidable human connections with people that matter in our lives .

#JustSaying

Inbtwn Nice Thread I am learning. picking out valid lessons and discarding the noise.

aisha2:


Oya type to him na when he is home. As you work on talking start with typing and gisting.

cococandy:
I thought of that already. But it is kind of funny and weird.
We may have to start with no phone,iPad,or tablet rule

aisha2:


When there is something difficult i need to tell him eg when he says dont do something and i do it and he is right lol, i confess when we are sitting and chatting.

xynerise:
Signing up....

crackhaus:
Who's gonna open the thread for happily married women to answer some questions we have for them so the unmarried feminists can learn from?

Too many women here have expressed views that I know for sure can't be how their homes are run, very strong views.
Some have said they don't come home after work to cook, others have insisted they can make decisions independent of their husband's consent - some don't need to take permission for anything.

The young and unmarried need to know how a wife should act.

Any takers?

All in a bid to foster unity in the family section on the true way most Nigerian marriages are run, of course...

cococandy:
question for you xy. I know you're a hands-on and devoted father. But are there times when you feel like it is your wife's duty to take care of the kids? Like you are only helping her or doing her a favor by contributing to child care?

Some men say they don't do such things because once they start,their wives begin to see it as their normal duty and begin to take it for granted. But I'm wondering since the kids are both yours,should a man expect to always be begged to or thanked for taking care of his kids too ?

(I know appreciating one's spouse is very important.thats by the way.)

But have you had any reason to feel like you're doing your wife's job by engaging in child care?

aisha2:


Kindly ignore, them plenty here. Pretending they dont exist pains them like hell, they hardly deserve responses as the aim is to transfer their bitter lives to others.

Jump and pass