aisha2:


Just seeing this lol @ application for petrol money.
We run similar financial models. I am the one who breaks every crazy idea into naira and kobo and na there the matter dey die most times lol. Before I would argue and argue but now when idea comes I say lovely then i do a budget and na him go scream say leave that matter abeg lol.

Finances are very important once a couple finds a way to balance their different experiences and financial ideologies and backgrounds they have solved possibly half of the marital squabbles.

Let me go think of some more questions and return

bellong:




I grew up with a woman and two sisters. Disprove my assertion...

Chrisbenogor:

HAHAHHAHA ok I can identify with the leave that matter abeg LOL.
I agree with the financial ideologies part. I am very much a poco a poco man. I take things slow and steady and I do not need too much to be pleased, contentment is the name of the game for me. She very much identifies with that and it helps that I do not first to explain to her that I am not fussed about driving my tuketuke to work .

Chrisbenogor:
OK Here goes
1. Who does discipline for the kids? Is it a joint effort or is there the good cop bad cop arrangement?
None yet, baby on the way though. Hmmmmmm maybe I would learn more from people as time goes on but I like to think of myself as a one man army, I would not be needing any cops.
2. Describe the most romantic thing you have ever done for madam and what you consider the most romantic thing she has ever done for you
Fortunately I have got good hands, I deliver a really mean massage. Throw a bottle of wine in the mix and I can manage to do stuff that fantasies are made of. I never reach to add flowers and candles sha.
3. What is it that makes you want to come home everyday despite distraction and temptation out there.
Rest of mind, peace of mind.....I like to say she is cool peoples. Whenever theres a shitstorm going on at work, house is the last refuge.
4. What role does faith play in your marriage? Are tou religious? Non religious? Religious but practical? Is your spouse on the same wavelength? If not how do you balance?
I am Non religious, she is. She totally understands me and me her. I don't have issues with balance, even though she tries to guilt me into dropping her off at church sometimes
5. In the early years what was one area that caused friction!? As head of the home how did you work to manage the situation?
She has to take her drugs when she is not fine! Arrrrrghhhhhh

LewsTherin:
1. How is communication in your home? Do you all talk about issues and an agree or do you say what you want and madam has no option but to obey?

I'm not much of a talker. My Lady is tho'. But we talk about everything from the colour of our outfits (we colour coordinate everyday) to her issues with my dad. For decisions, we discuss and try to reach a mutually acceptable outcome. Sometimes someone has to give in for the other but hey, who cares. On my part, I follow Ice T's policy of "happy wife, happy life"

2. How do you handle finances? Do you work together or is it one persons sole responsibility?
We run a business together. I pay our salary jointly into my account. We have a joint account we use for savings and major expences like the new car etc. But she has the PIN of my debit card. My Lady knows all she needs to do is point and I get whatever it is for her but I may try to talk her out of some expenditures every now and then. Basically, we discuss before every expenditure or al most immediately after.

3. As the head of the home how are conflicts handled? Do you address them as they come or do you ignore her and hope she comes to her senses?
How are conflicts handled? With lots of common sense! Ephesians 4:6 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger so we try to settle as quickly as possible. That's not to say I don't lead my home. But I don't need to act loke a drill sergent to know I'm leading my home. I like asking for her opinion on things. We see issues very very differently so her advice gives me alternate insights

4. As head of home how do you keep the romance fresh? Date nights? Surprise gifts or did all that end after the wedding lol.
Wednesday is date night. Not easy to surprise when we do all expenditures together tho but we try.

5. Whats your policy on extended family? Do they come first or does the immediate family come first?
My wife first. My daughter next. Anyone else in order of urgency. Tho we do give preference to our parents and siblings

aisha2:


Hahahahahaaa. Our men can be so selfless sha, they will be managing tuketuke and they will buy madam tear leather. God bless una.

Anyway another question :

1. How do you deal with her insecurities? Eg: am getting fat, I feel ugly. Are you the rip the bandage off " yes you are, lets go to the gym and register " or are you the " no you are not getting fat, the dry cleaner is shrinking your clothes or the scale is old and broken, you are perfect "

2. How does she respond to your own insecurities eg, problems at work? Financial challenges, when things dont seem to be adding up?

LewsTherin:
I'll comment on a few points.

Who's the head of the family? That goes without saying. Jesus is. But even where she has a good case, she still defers to my decisions.....mostly anyways . But we discuss things thoroughly and where she has a strong enough opinion, I take her advice. However if that advice goes south, I NEVER DO THE I TOLD YOU SO DANCE. I simply pick up and try to salvage whatever can be. My Lady's lady enough to accept her faults and move on.

Who cooks? She mostly. But I make some mean gourmet dishes and whenever there's time, when she's too tired, whenever I feel like, I get into the kitchen. The one exception is Sunday's breakfast. I need breakfast everyday but I need to be in church early on Sundays. My Lady loves her sleep but I am up and doing by 4am most days so I prepare breakfast and run her bath betore she gets up Sunday mornings.

Faith? Paramount. We are Christians as truthfully as His grace helps us. But we have learned that God created a family before he created a church. My pastors know my Lady comes first. Trying to involve either of us in anything without the other is an exercise in futility, a lerson my little congregation has learned. But like I wrote earlier, our entire lives, marriage and business, we place in the hands of the One who first loved us.

Conflict? I chose, while we were dating, to always make excuses for whatever wrong she does. I chose to always believe she meant good. I chose to always create reasons that will exonerate her. So even before she appologises, I have forgiven and moved on. But where corrections need to be pointed out, we try to discuss in private, reach an accomodation and try to live it through. I have chosen to trust her completely so I never ever question her reasons, motives and observations. Hey, I love the babe, so why should I do otherwise!

Our extended families? During our pre-marital counselling, same question was asked. So then and there, we decided that whatever concerns my folks woyld be decided on by me and whatever concerns her, will be decided on by her. But we will always discuss as much as is possible and we'll always back each other up.


Oh yes. We decided that we will never be apart longer than 2 weeks. Work travels are putting a strain on this decision but we try our best to keep to it.

bukatyne:




Whatever

moca:
Mr bellong, I have seen women that don't talk. Stone cold.only action.
Is it not when u open ur mouth that u start nagging?

Chrisbenogor:

Kai this madam, are you sure your surname is not Sesay. Na CNN grade kweshuns be these ones.
1. This one has me laughing because it will always happen. Women sha, no matter how gorgeous and beautiful she is she will find one thing to hold on to. Generally I make her understand that we would not both remain like this forever, I am more concerned about what she would look like on the inside. I already accept that life would happen, child birth would happen etc etc. Where I draw the line is when it comes to health, so eating and living healthy is a must do. So first I would tease and tease her, I know the line where I have to stop. Leading by example is a must, so if I feel like we are going down the wrong path....shaun T comes on at 5 am everyday till she feels jealous enough to join me. For me it is important to remind her how gorgeous she looks even now with her buldge, I told her last night I needed to crank my camera and document the process. So in summary a mixture of both, assure that my perceptions of life are not way over board and her knowing that our collective health is important. The politics of achieving both is a sleight of hand that would get all men that are successful at it medals in a world magicians contest.
2. HA, this one starts with me accusing her in the morning of throwing my clothes in the drier to trick me that I am getting fat. Then she bursts into laughter calling me roby roby (her abbreviation of orobo). I take my own health seriously sha, I rank the fear of having a pot belly higher than falling off a 1004 estate building. When I whine she listens intently, sometimes work takes its toll and I spend evenings on my work stations till late at night. Sometimes I get frustrated about the quality of my own work, she always reminds me that I am too hard on myself and what I have done is excellent. Fortunately we are both engineers so she relates a lot with what I do and her inputs are invaluable to me.

Elantracey:




wow am loving this thread and this response and I'll love to ask (don't know if it has been asked before)

For how long have you guys been married and what has been your greatest challenge and how was it handled?

LewsTherin:


I don't mind answering this.

We done 3 years now but most of the principles we practice today we worked out over 8 years of dating.

Our greatest challange has probably been managing our parents. Our folks are as different as night on pluto and day on mercury. Plus the principles we live by seem wierd to our parents. Not so easy. I think we handle it by showing respect to our parents but making it clear to them that our marriage is our marriage, not theirs.

aisha2:


Please can you highlight more on the 80/ 20 rule?

Lol @ the"Nothing" response. I used to do that but my Oga will wear you down, He will ask a hundred times till you answer in frustration lol, una no go sleep till you answer

moca:
Cococandy, kpachara any gi dia o!
I go wuzaaa u o

Since u guys doubt my genuineness,my hear is broken
I will go
That's very unfair u know

Bellong see what u caused.
Coconut head
Goodmorning!

Elantracey:



Did you say 8 years of dating ? am perplexed , the last time I heard of something like this was when one of my uncles gave a biography of how he met and married he's wife a virgin after 10 courtship during he's golden jubilee celebration and I've been wondering if that could ever happen in this generation.


Sorry for this question but during courtship did you guys cohabit and how was it like?

jaybee3:
Happy to share
Been married for X number of years

We met when i was 20 and she was barely 18

babygirlfl:


This thread is to encourage the happily married men to comment more on this section so that young men can learn from them.

jaybee3:
I see you cococandy

oluwaseunla:


This 80/20 rule here is different from the popular Pareto principle. This one is a belief system that for most of us, before you get to the point of marrying someone, the person will only have like 80% or less of things you want in a partner. However, as you are enjoying the 80%, you are being 'starved' of the remaining 20%.

Now, along comes a chic/guy with the 20% your partner doesn't have. You may feel attracted to those 20% traits, because your partner don't have them. But the catch is that if you pick the 20%, you have to drop your partner's 80%, effectively short-changing yourself.

Of course, it takes more than a simple rule to stay away from cheating, you have to exercise due diligence too. Besides the rule may not necessarily be true in all cases, but the idea is, whenever tempted, always remember the wonderful reasons you got married to that particular person, and bearing in mind that no one is perfect (not your wife, you, or the chic eyeing you), quickly retrace your steps back home and make it work.

oluwaseunla:

This 80/20 rule here is different from the popular Pareto principle. This one is a belief system that for most of us, before you get to the point of marrying someone, the person will only have like 80% or less of things you want in a partner. However, as you are enjoying the 80%, you are being 'starved' of the remaining 20%.
Now, along comes a chic/guy with the 20% your partner doesn't have. You may feel attracted to those 20% traits, because your partner don't have them. But the catch is that if you pick the 20%, you have to drop your partner's 80%, effectively short-changing yourself.
Of course, it takes more than a simple rule to stay away from cheating, you have to exercise due diligence too. Besides the rule may not necessarily be true in all cases, but the idea is, whenever tempted, always remember the wonderful reasons you got married to that particular person, and bearing in mind that no one is perfect (not your wife, you, or the chic eyeing you), quickly retrace your steps back home and make it work.

cococandy:
Gentlemen I've a question.

I've heard Everyman complain about wives who nag and talk too much like it is the worst thing a man has to put up with in marriage.

But my case is the opposite. I'm very very quiet and have this knack to withdraw into myself most times.
And he does complain.

Which is better? A constantly nagging wife or a quiet-as-a-mouse wife who let's you do all the talking.

oluwaseunla:


This 80/20 rule here is different from the popular Pareto principle. This one is a belief system that for most of us, before you get to the point of marrying someone, the person will only have like 80% or less of things you want in a partner. However, as you are enjoying the 80%, you are being 'starved' of the remaining 20%.

Now, along comes a chic/guy with the 20% your partner doesn't have. You may feel attracted to those 20% traits, because your partner don't have them. But the catch is that if you pick the 20%, you have to drop your partner's 80%, effectively short-changing yourself.

Of course, it takes more than a simple rule to stay away from cheating, you have to exercise due diligence too. Besides the rule may not necessarily be true in all cases, but the idea is, whenever tempted, always remember the wonderful reasons you got married to that particular person, and bearing in mind that no one is perfect (not your wife, you, or the chic eyeing you), quickly retrace your steps back home and make it work.

jaybee3:

The key is the personally trait of the other half
If he is extroverted then the balance is just about right.

You can't have effective communication with two raging parrots in the house. If the wive is a nag then the husband must be a good listener.

cococandy:
you know most guys don't talk too much. So when the woman in the house is not bringing forth gist and spicy conversation,it is like there's this silent pressure for him to try pull me out of my shell thereby making him talk more than he normally would.

In a way,I feel a talkative wife better pass this one but I can't help myself. People who have known me from childhood are used to it.

I just feel like guys should stop complaining about nagging wives. They don't know what they have until they are with silent janes like us.

cococandy:


I just feel like guys should stop complaining about nagging wives. They don't know what they have until they are with silent janes like us.

cococandy:
you know most guys don't talk too much. So when the woman in the house is not bringing forth gist and spicy conversation,it is like there's this silent pressure for him to try pull me out of my shell thereby making him talk more than he normally would.
In a way,I feel a talkative wife better pass this one but I can't help myself. People who have known me from childhood are used to it.
I just feel like guys should stop complaining about nagging wives. They don't know what they have until they are with silent janes like us.

RoyalRoy:


*****Takes off glasses....wipes it clean... Taking a second read through ******

Lollz.


When there is friendship and closeness between the couple... There is always a balance between the two in the long run!!