Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? - Romance

Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? - Romance - Nairaland

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Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by GoodlifeNigeria(op): 2:08am On Nov 10, 2014

I'm so busy that this is the only time I have to post this.

Pls this is a serious matter and I need matured comments and advice.

I am a man in my early forties. I used to date a lady then before I entered the university. She is not from my tribe, she's from another tribe. My parents (dad & mum) strongly opposed the relationship and told me never to ever marry her. I initially didn't understand what they were saying then until after sometime when I now discovered her evil character. But before I could realize her character, she had already gotten pregnant while we were dating and had a baby for me then before I entered the university. The relationship ended then and we went our separate ways. Pls note that I never married her, we only dated.

My child is now in my custody. My parents are aware of everything and supported me all through. My parents have warned me to stay away from her and never to bother myself about seeing her family or the lady because of the evil things she did to me then.

I don't love her anymore and there can NEVER be anything between the both of us anymore. I already have someone else and we love each other. I have completely moved on and she (the previous lady) has moved on too.

The question I need you people to advice me is this:
I am thinking of paying her salary every month into her account as a way to compensate her. Since it's NEVER possible to see her family as my parents and other family members strongly avised me against seeing them, I feel I should compensate her for the baby. But she is very rude even on the phone. I haven't told her I'm thinking of paying her monthly, I'm just watching her for now.

Do you think it's ok for me to be paying her monthly? Or do you think I should instead pay her a lump sum? Or do you think I should not even pay her anything at all? Or do you think that instead of paying her, I should pay that money to her family?

Pls I need your candid and matured advice. Pls for God's sake this is a serious matter, so no insults or immature comments pls. I purposely gave my age range for you to know I only need matured advice pls.

Thanks in anticipation.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Generalkorex(m): 2:27am On Nov 10, 2014

Eleyi o gidigan o

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by oieda: 2:29am On Nov 10, 2014

That's a little complicated. Let's hear others first

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by enimcnite(m): 2:41am On Nov 10, 2014*

since the child is already in ur custody, don't pay her, just give the child the best support u cn to be succesful in life.

3 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Bwaal(m): 2:45am On Nov 10, 2014

since u av the baby and u re takin care of him/her i ont think dier is need for u to waste ur cash u both playd d game and u.never promise her marriage if dier is need for u to spend give to d needy

3 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 2:50am On Nov 10, 2014

She gave birth to you and you don't want her anymore,buh the only thing you can offer is cash...remember money can't buy everything

1 Like

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by akom0908(m): 2:58am On Nov 10, 2014

Don't pay her,just make sure you give the child the best you can offer.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Imoy(m): 4:15am On Nov 10, 2014

Op u get complete money oh,

1. Na u train ur pikin by urself abi?

2. Did u assisted her (giving her cash) for upkeep during the pregnancy stages? I.e by registering for antinatal, buying drugs and the rest of wot not?

3. And I am also sure when she gave birth u also assisted in buying baby foods until the child was weaned?

If all the asnwer to dese questions are yes!

Then I will advice u not to pay or compensate her a dime, for the fact that u said she is been rude to u.

But if u feel out of your magnanimity u want to assist fine, na ur money.

#my2cents wink

1 Like

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by JayKaba(m): 4:27am On Nov 10, 2014

Is she demanding any compensation ? If no, why bother ? Since your child is now in your custody, I don't think you owe her anything.

Save yourself some trouble and stay away from her but don't deny her the opportunity to see / visit her child.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by BobbyRobson: 5:05am On Nov 10, 2014

op....you want put us for trouble abi?

When u pay her salary, other ladies will see this as right and start demanding for their own salaries too from their ex that made them pregnant. Ladies are so quick to copy.

Be warned mr man.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by vincencior(m): 6:26am On Nov 10, 2014

Bros no need to pay her salary instead use d money to support UR child education, but u may choose to financially assist her if she ask for dat and only if u are financially buoyant to assist for d sake of d child between d two of u. UR assistance at this stage should be voluntary not forcefully or obligatory.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 6:29am On Nov 10, 2014

She should be paying u for taking care of the child

U never hear child support

huh

1 Like

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 6:53am On Nov 10, 2014

No need

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by khiaa(f): 7:02am On Nov 10, 2014*

OP

I don't understand why you would pay her money when you have custody of the child.
If there are medical bills that occurred during pregnancy and delivery, I can understand you paying for them directly to the hospital but not to her or her family.
I sure hope you did a DNA test to make sure the child is yours. Why are you not letting the child see it's mother and her side of the family? I think you are wrong to let your family dictate who the child has in it's life.
I agree with a prior poster, the mother should be paying you child support.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 7:11am On Nov 10, 2014

U wana start giving ur child's momma salary??wat 4?to compensate her.....op u are funi sha

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by xtervaganza(m): 7:19am On Nov 10, 2014

If she's financially ok I don't think you need to give her anything as it would seem like an insult.

But if you know she's not ok enough financially I think you should consider the lump sum thing and let her know you did it for her because of the child between you and you cannot watch the mother fo your child suffer.

Don't tell her you're giving her the money because she has a child for you as that will give her a self entitlement . Just tell her you're giving her because you think she needs it and you can't watch her broke being the mother of your child and your old lover

2 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by dahmie2013: 7:55am On Nov 10, 2014

Op, u must be feeling guilty abt something 4 u 2 be thinking dis way. B4 taking custody of d child, were u dere 4 her thruout d delivery? Did u bear all d xpenses prior 2 taking custody of d child? Also, u said she's rude, if u were dere 4 her, xcept she's insane, she has no reason whatsoever 2 be rude 2 u. Probably u just abandoned her like other guys do.

4 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 8:00am On Nov 10, 2014

May be you should ask your parents what to do next since they initially adviced you to abandon a lady who bore you a child.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 8:10am On Nov 10, 2014

dahmie2013:
Op, u must be feeling guilty abt something 4 u 2 be thinking dis way. B4 taking custody of d child, were u dere 4 her thruout d delivery? Did u bear all d xpenses prior 2 taking custody of d child? Also, u said she's rude, if u were dere 4 her, xcept she's insane, she has no reason whatsoever 2 be rude 2 u. Probably u just abandoned her like other guys do.

I totally agree with you... seems like he is guilty of something.

I think you shouldn't pay her because that would be adding salt to injury. You took away her child and now it seems like you are treating her like a surrogate mother who had the child for you on credit.

I am a little surprised that at 40 you still let your parents dictate your life... be a man, speak your mind and at least let the mother see her child, paying her is not enough

3 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 10:02am On Nov 10, 2014

Obviously she is in need of money so if you feel you should pay her to compensate for your sins then go ahead if she will accept it, you might like to add a sincere apology as well since you are making up for the past.

All the best.

1 Like

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Nobody: 1:01pm On Nov 10, 2014

I don't even understand what some ladies are saying here.@op, that woman altered her body for you, I think it's best you give her every support she needs because no body knows how much care you promised her during the relationship before she became pregnant . Please do unto her what you will like another man to do to your own sister . I don't know why any girl will agree to pass through the stress of pregnancy and childbirth for a man she is not yet married to.
My ex once begged me to give him just a baby since I was dragging my feet on accepting his proposal but I refused despite all his promises.
I can't go through that pain and stress of childbirth for any man other than my husband.
That pregnancy may have altered her body if she is not careful forever because it takes a lot to getback into shape after CHILDBIRTH . PLEASE BE GUILDED.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by GoodlifeNigeria(op): 3:07am On Nov 11, 2014

Thanks to you all for your comments and advice. I really appreciate your efforts. God bless you all.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by GoodlifeNigeria(op): 3:14am On Nov 11, 2014

Imoy:
Op u get complete money oh,

1. Na u train ur pikin by urself abi?

2. Did u assisted her (giving her cash) for upkeep during the pregnancy stages? I.e by registering for antinatal, buying drugs and the rest of wot not?

3. And I am also sure when she gave birth u also assisted in buying baby foods until the child was weaned?

If all the asnwer to dese questions are yes!

Then I will advice u not to pay or compensate her a dime, for the fact that u said she is been rude to u.

But if u feel out of your magnanimity u want to assist fine, na ur money.

#my2cents

Yes I paid and took care of everything and all expenses from the first day of her pregnancy till delivery and till now I've been taking care of the child and will continue to do so as my responsibility.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by GoodlifeNigeria(op): 3:27am On Nov 11, 2014

dahmie2013:
Op, u must be feeling guilty abt something 4 u 2 be thinking dis way. B4 taking custody of d child, were u dere 4 her thruout d delivery? Did u bear all d xpenses prior 2 taking custody of d child? Also, u said she's rude, if u were dere 4 her, xcept she's insane, she has no reason whatsoever 2 be rude 2 u. Probably u just abandoned her like other guys do.

Yes I was there for her and took care of everything but she had ulterior motives. You cannot force somebody to marry you when he doesn't love you, it's never possible. You cannot trap a man with pregnancy, it can never work. The fact that you have a child for a man does not necessarily mean he must marry you. Girls who do this should stop this type of mentality. It can never work.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by khiaa(f): 4:39am On Nov 11, 2014

GoodlifeNigeria:
Yes I paid and took care of everything and all expenses from the first day of her pregnancy till delivery and till now I've been taking care of the child and will continue to do so as my responsibility.

The only thing you owe her is the chance for her and her family to get to know the child, now if there has been any child abuse from her or her family it is understandable to keep them away, if not, for the child's sake let him/her get to know her/his people. You don't want your child growing up and resenting you.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by khiaa(f): 4:47am On Nov 11, 2014

OP
It would be nice to hear her side of the story, I can guarantee you it's 100% different than yours. grin

1 Like

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by passionate88: 5:07am On Nov 11, 2014

You've moved on, she has also moved on... Why do you want to bring you guys together with money?. Why not let sleeping LIONs lie?.

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by dahmie2013: 7:04am On Nov 11, 2014

GoodlifeNigeria:
Yes I was there for her and took care of everything but she had ulterior motives. You cannot force somebody to marry you when he doesn't love you, it's never possible. You cannot trap a man with pregnancy, it can never work. The fact that you have a child for a man does not necessarily mean he must marry you. Girls who do this should stop this type of mentality. It can never work.

D only thing u can do is 2 give her confidence in u, by assuring her if she needs nything financially u can be of assistance since she's d mother of ur child&u also want her 2 be happy! But giving her a monthly allowance is like u negotiated d baby, which is not right. All she wants is 2 be with U&she obviously can go 2 ny length 2 achieve dat!

Nywys, all d best!

Re: Should I Pay Her Salary For Having My Baby? by Cholls(m): 9:53am On Nov 11, 2014

Imoy:
Op u get complete money oh,

1. Na u train ur pikin by urself abi?

2. Did u assisted her (giving her cash) for upkeep during the pregnancy stages? I.e by registering for antinatal, buying drugs and the rest of wot not?

3. And I am also sure when she gave birth u also assisted in buying baby foods until the child was weaned?

If all the asnwer to dese questions are yes!

Then I will advice u not to pay or compensate her a dime, for the fact that u said she is been rude to u.

But if u feel out of your magnanimity u want to assist fine, na ur money.

#my2cents

my brother yes na him money angry

1 Reply

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