₦airaland Forum

I have learnt that freedom and independence can't be wrested from others,from the society at large,or from men,but can only be developed,painstakingly from within.To achieve it,we will have to give up the dependencies we've used,like crutches,just to feel safe.The woman who believes in herself does not have to fool herself with empty dreams of things that are beyond her capabilities.Many women's phobias can be traced back to having had over protective parents.Parents who would frighten their daughters by laying their own anxiety trips on them.They would tell their daughters that they shounldnt see strange men,that they should get home early at night,that if they werent careful,they'd get raped..Here,am not tryna say that parents shouldnt shun their girls,but grooming them with fear wont do much.These are reasons of course why girls are taught to be wary,but the crippling effects of all the childhood threats and warnings indicate that mass education is self defense would be a more constructive course for young women than teaching them that they need to be continuosly watchful and afraid if they want to survive.All these problems are actually forms of performance anxiety,and performance anxiety is conneced to other,more general fears which have to do with feeling inadequate and defenseless in the world ;the fear of being criticized for doing something wrong,the fear of saying "no"..These kind of fears affect women in particular,because we were brought up to believe that taking care of ourselves,asserting ourselves,is unfeminine.But freedom,we soon found out frightens.It presents us with possibilities we may not feel equipped to deal with,promotions,responsiblity,the chance to travel alone,without men to lead the way,the chance to make friends on ur own.All kinds of opportunities opened up to women very fast,but with that freedom came new demands,that we grow up and stop hiding behind the patronage of someone we choose to think of as "stronger",that we begin making decisions based on our own values ,not our husbands,or parents or some teachers.Freedom demands that we become authentic,true to ourselves.And this where it gets difficult suddenly when we can no longer get by as a "good wife",or a "good daughter"...or a "good student"..Childhood is where the problem begins.Childhood,when we were safe,when everything was taken care of and mommy and daddy could be countd on whenever we needed them.its not nature that bestows this self sufficiency on men,its training.Males are educated for independence from the day they are born.Just as systematically,females are taught that they have an out,..that someday,in some way,they are going to be saved.That is the fairy tale!The life message we have introjected as if with mothers milk.We may venture out on our own for a while.We may go away to school,work,travel,we may even make good money,but undrnesth it all there is a finite quality to our feelings about independence..Ive come to this conclusion,the first thing women have to recognize is the degree to which fear rules their lives.The fear bind is present in every stage of a womans life,from thetime she becomes pubescent and desirous of attracting men...Finally,women will not be free untill thay stop being afraid.We will not begin to experience real change in our lives until we begin the process of working through the anxieties that prevent us from feelin competent and whole.........

na ur project u wrote so

hmmmm

A summary would do the magic

op, I need to give u one Apple for this post nice write up



u will see a Lady of 20 still depends solely on her parent even when she is not in school



most often parents try to be overprotective of their female children, robbing them the chance to know what reality is at early stage.
the irony is that no matter how long a woman is been harbored she must face reality. but it will be bad when its too late to start learning how to live in it



people!!!! we should learn to save an umbrella for the rainy days

AfricanApple:
op, I need to give u one Apple for this post nice write up



u will see a Lady of 20 still depends solely on her parent even when she is not in school



most often parents try to be overprotective of their female children, robbing them the chance to know what reality is at early stage.
the irony is that no matter how long a woman is been harbored she must face reality. but it will be bad when its too late to start learning how to live in it



people!!!! we should learn to save an umbrella for the rainy days

my sister a 20 year old girl is still a small girl in our society.

Cholls:
my sister a 20 year old girl is still a small girl in our society.

the funny but annoying thing is that, 5years later she is expected to have been married




naija sha!!!!

op, i disagree. males are often the ones taught to be dependent. as their sisters are often given house work. both male and females suffer from protective parents. the fact that males become independent doesn't mean they were trained to do so, it's testestorone that forces boys to move out of their comfort zone and "test their strength" in the world. i tell you, there is no father that is as protective over his daughter as mothers are for their sons. your hypothesis is false.

ofiafuluego:
na ur project u wrote so

I taya o

Tem! 4 u Op
Na type u sidon type all dis tin? I comot cap 4 u jare...nice Voice though *thumbs up*

This actually makes sense. Thumbs up, Op.

OP, please make use of paragraphs. I read the first few lines and my eyes hurt. I would like to read more because it is a very interesting write up but I don't like to read unstructured texts.

hmmmnnn the way nairaland is going nowadays, I'd like to stake 20k that this thread makes FP















so let me keep my space...

Ehen!

carefreewannabe:
OP, please make use of paragraphs. I read the first few lines and my eyes hurt. I would like to read more because it is a very interesting write up but I don't like to read unstructured texts.

don't worry, perseverance is the key..

buh if na Chris Brown na, you go double tap your screen...

Teempakguy:
op, i disagree. males are often the ones taught to be dependent. as their sisters are often given house work. both male and females suffer from protective parents. the fact that males become independent doesn't mean they were trained to do so, it's testestorone that forces boys to move out of their comfort zone and "test their strength" in the world. i tell you, there is no father that is as protective over his daughter as mothers are for their sons. your hypothesis is false.

,,okay,,,

carefreewannabe:
OP, please make use of paragraphs. I read the first few lines and my eyes hurt. I would like to read more because it is a very interesting write up but I don't like to read unstructured texts.

..okay

The OP is right...... A female is expected to come back home after service because the so society condemns spinsters staying alone while their male counterparts strive to be independent in all ramifications.
And, the parents will have to make decisions for you leaving you little or no space for mental development and many a time,the sole reason of failed marriages

I find it funny when people think that life began in 1960. All these things you're talking about have been tried and tested before the days of our great grandfathers. You need physical strength, a sharp mind, resourcefulness to survive in this life.

You people think our fore-fathers were a bunch of asses holding their diicks before colonisation? Think again. Society created a balance and we have unbalanced it.

Why reinvent the wheel? Why not use current knowledge and resources to make your life better? There is nothing that full independence of either sex will contribute positively to society, rather we'll have social islands, where noone needs the other.