₦airaland Forum

Lose Respect of Their Peers

About 50 years ago, marriage revered and the expected right of passage in the black community. However, things are much different today. Marriage in the black male community is not the thing to do.

Today, men are afraid of marriage because they feel they will lose the respect or approval of their friends. It is negative peer pressure at work, but they shouldn’t feel this way. As you evolve in manhood, you find out if people don’t respect you for your choices, then maybe they shouldn’t be in your life in the first place.

Give Up Their Freedom

Black men feel like marriage means they will no longer be in control of their lives. They will have to submit to the whims of their tyrannical bride in order to keep their marriage a happy one. You know the saying, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”

In order to avoid this loss of freedom, they avoid marriage all together. They rather not marry in order to be able to come and go as they please. Hang out at the clubs, engage in their hobbies, just live their life the way they desire without having to be responsible to another person, but this is just a lack of maturity and understanding of marriage because it doesn’t have to be like this.

The only way this reality is true is if you marry the wrong person. The person that wants or demands you to fit into their box instead of appreciating you for the person you are. Black men need to understand marriage isn’t a death sentence on their lives, but an opportunity to share it with a wonderful person if they think with the head above their shoulders, not below, and select the right mate for them.

Losing their Friends

I have listen to black men say they don’t want to give up their lives, friends, and social life in exchange their bride and family. You might think i’m kidding, but i’m serious. They act as if there is no way their new life of marriage can co-exist with their friends, but it can.

Don’t Want To Give Up The Player

This is real. Black men grow up being taught the player life of dealing with a bunch of women, never sharing your life with them or falling in love is how men SHOULD deal with women. This viewpoint retards black men when it comes to marriage and relationships because they don’t want to give up the player life.

Most men cannot fathom life with one woman or sex with one person for the rest of their life. They think it will get old and boring, but no one is telling them how wonderful it can be. Being able to be open, honest and your real self with one person is something special and both of you are willing to go to new heights with one another.

Belief In The Marriage Stereotypes

You must be aware black men believe all the stereotypes of marriage and want nothing to do with them. They are certain their wife is going to nag them to death about any and everything. The wife is going to transform into a sexless being that is all about money, the kids, and wine. She is going to be come a strict task master who only wants to see her Honey-Do list completed.

This belief is funny, but you can tell black men are only getting their information from non-married people or unhappily married men. These stereotypes are wrong and off base DEPENDING ON WHO YOU MARRIED. I think it is most important to select the right person to marry and if you do, then you will live a wonderful married life. If not, you could be come one of these bitter men walking around perpetuating these marriage stereotypes.

Classic Fear of Commitment

It is true, black men have the classic fear of commitment most people talk about when it comes to marriage. Being with one person is something that seems unnatural to most black men. They are afraid to be vulnerable and completely giving themselves up for another person in addition to all the horror stories they are told about marriage.

I think this fear is a natural feeling all people experience. However, in my marriage I have found it to be amazing. Yes, my wife and I have had our rough patches, but we have stuck it out and things are getting better and better. There is nothing like coming home to that one person that knows you best and she has a big smile on her face because has been wanting to see you all day.

The Nightmare Financial Investment

women tend to dream about the fairytale wedding, but men think about the nightmare wedding expense. This is very true. men really don’t dream about the wedding day. It is just an expense to them. Besides, how many people do you know who have spent $20,000 to $50,000 on their wedding day and end up divorced?

Answer: TOO MANY! men think about this constantly and find it to be foolish, but will do it if their bride insist.

Personally, I think weddings are a waste of time, but if my wife wanted to have one, then we would have. Fortunately, she didn’t want a wedding either and things seem to be working out great for us. 13 years later, we are still happily married and looking forward to an empty nest so we can resume our courtship without the in home responsibilities of raising a child.

Read more on courtingher.com

Black men! Black men! Black men.
op, wat color are u?

Applaner:
Black men! Black men! Black men.
op, wat color are u?

I just tire for the OP oo.

lymelyte:
I just tire for the OP oo.

Very funny. I be black too o

Hmmm!

buh really marriage is beauriful thing

Errrm...

Applaner:
Black men! Black men! Black men.
op, wat color are u?

When you see things like that you know they stole it from someone else's article. Didn't you notice the dollars?

Most importantly most fold a fairy tale wedding but want their significant other to pay for it.

not having firsthand experience about it doesnt mean the fears expressed by men arnt true.there is a greater responsibilty for men who get married while not denying similar fears for women albeit different.to be honest there is much more negative experiences than your little sweet tale.my brother you should encourage the fears even to encourage people to be more careful with their choices.

troy20:
not having firsthand experience about it doesnt mean the fears expressed by men arnt true.there is a greater responsibilty for men who get married while not denying similar fears for women albeit different.to be honest there is much more negative experiences than your little sweet tale.my brother you should encourage the fears even to encourage people to be more careful with their choices.

Thank you! Care for one bottle of Ohmpa?

missdebs:
buh really marriage is beauriful thing

There is no pronunciation like (beau-Ri-ful) is called " Beau-Ti-ful"...

2scorehigh:
Thank you! Care for one bottle of Ohmpa?

You read my mind.add dry meat.you too much!

Doesn't make sense to me