jnrbayano:


Very relaxed.

I will reassure them they have got no problems. I will tell them where I work and the position I occupy.

I will remind them that should God be on our side, we will be comfortable.

However, if they press down on the exact figure, I will plead on them to allow me go get my payslip to show them because it is natural I will have the propensity not to tell it as it is on my payslip.

Do you still wanna ask what I will do if I leave there?

Please,what will you do?I am curious to know.

Dammyjohn:

Please,what will you do?I am curious to know.

While away, I will discuss the matter with my fiancee and get her opinion.

If she is on my side, I will ask her to tell her parents that that question doesn't go down well with me, that they should desist from it and make do with the information I already provided.

However, if she sides with her parents, I would discontinue with the marriage plans for the time being.

Siding with her parents over me in this case is a red flag. She needs to be weaned first before she can attempt marriage.

none of their business

Dem dey alryt? Wetin go warrant dat kind question? Any guy wen disclose im earnings to im fiancee parents na propa olodo. Why e go evn happen sef? ;DDem dey alryt? Wetin go warrant dat kind question? Any guy wen disclose im earnings to im fiancee parents na propa olodo. Why e go evn happen sef?

How much does the father make? Question for question.

I have carefully read this thread from the 1st page to the last and it amuses me the points of view which everyone who has commented is viewing the issue from. Moreso as a father whom someone will come and ask for my daughter's hand one day(and I'm working at being very financially comfortable and giving my daughter the best training-home&schooling) There are 2 major points of view.

1. The 'wife's family is poor and wants to burden me' point of view
Understandably so, any guy averagely doing well- earnings wise (and even the not-so-doing-well but having his manly ego in his throat) will want to run and cast all manner of aspertions at their lowly status.

2. The 'wife's family is rich and unnecessarily haughty and rude' point of view.
This point of view's proponents have their valid points too- you cant ask me such a direct question as touching on my earnings and I wont feel uncomfortable and even such question as been rude.

Now, to the issue at hand. It's a very tricky situation. Aligning my position to the 2nd point of view (Cos i intend to be rich and bring up my daughter as a well mannered girl from a comfortable home - no apologies pls.)

People have marshalled this point that as a man who have laboured geniunely to build a business empire for himself, he will not sit idly back and have one irresponsible opportunist come from nowhere and treat their girl anyhow by not providing for his family or as a son-in-law, who may take over the management of some part of the family business with time, not being driven enough and given to vanities-partying, womanizing etc, I certainly wouldnt!. Take it or leave it, it is not fair and this is the real hard life for you!

However, be that as it may, I wish the issue is that simple but it isn't. As a rich dad wanting to guide against my daughter running home frequently for rent, shl fees,etc support (I hate this part as I will rather want to support them voluntarily knowing fully well that they are capable & dont even need it as against something that I must do if I want to shield my grandchildren from some embrassing situations I couldnt envisaged for my own children), I have to look beyond what the guy is earning in the now and look out for the potential, drive, genuine love for my daughter, the 'drive to continually improve' attributes in him because as it has been reiterated on this topic that surely, he wont continually earn 20k. That is not the case in all the sitautions but there is a big BUT to that...he must be well positioned (educationally or other vocations-wise) and brimming with the can-do potential and drive to succeed before I will approve the position that 'a 20k of today is not a permanent one o'!

Quickly, my cousin's story:
We are close. He started dating his fiancee then (wife now) whilst just finishing his NYSC as at 2007 (mark the datelines) and working with an NGO on a salary of 15k per month. 2008, we went to visit the uncle of the my cousin's wife here in Lag (she lives with him & he's like the dad in Lag), (the man is doing fine, has his own company, stays in a lovely estate in Lekki bla bla).
Very frank man, he asked my cousin what he was doing, what are his plans and said he was asking because he doesnt want his niece to suffer at all. The oko iyawo and myself kinda went through a mini interview drill for the few hours of our visitation but he wasnt too harsh but was frank and blunt.(In restropect, I learnt some things during that visitation)
As at then, my cousin was on 50k/mth and he didnt have a car nor an apartment of his own and as 2009/2010 that they would eventually marry, his total was almost N3m per annum. He did his wedding without overly leaning for family support. 2014 (Tho, he had changed jobs about 2 times since 2009), he is on a N10m per annum now (I'm not kidding, he showed me his letter).
The wife's uncle so regards him, not because he desires anything from him(cos he's a big man on his own and he doesnt know what my cousin was worth as as 2008 and what he worths now in 2015, but he knows my cousin is taking care of his family as a responsible guy- bought a car for his wife, family UK vac, decent neighbourhood apartment etc, so he could deduce). So its not about the 15k of now but the drive and God's grace to prosper you that matters.

Last bullet to the proponents of both points of view:
The issue is not as straight forward as you may wish it to be. Remember that you are a father or will be a father that will have a daughter one day. How do you ultimatley wish your daughter's quality of life to be in her own nuclear home, you being rich or not? FOOD4THOT

Sorry for the long post, lawyers can talk!

That is total nonsense.

drlawizle:


Chai I pity you oh....what if they face a financial crisis during marital life...or you find out the guy had been pretending to be a rich guy...will you collect back your sister?

No mind the myopic guy!

woky:
But wht if they ask, would you disclose the figure to them??

datz death sentence

jpphilips:


Are you saying that a grown arse old man is too dumb not to know what a career keeps on the table? if he cant figure it out, his grey hair counts for nothing.
Let me ask you a direct question;

Can you call your father in march 2015 that you got a teaching job, then Dec. 2015, return home with a Range Vogue, what would your father do?

He's my father so he should be the first to know any progress i make.

crazysaint:
one sound dirty slap will follow

U'll slap ur inlaws..... ur future fiancée needs to see this

Dekonjay:
IMO anybody can ask whatever question they like. If/How you choose to answer is what counts.

Any question is allowed?
Really??
How would you take it if your mother-in-law were to ask you if you're a virgin?

The truth is I will ask,I have to be sure she is marrying a comfortable man.

It is good that my fiancee's parents want to know. However, tact behoves it on them to either find out through their daughter or find out themselves.
Na the first indication of disrespect be that. Me sef fit ask how much dem dey earn and how much the papa dey give the mama to cook soup !!!

kilokeys:


God bless the soul that gave me my 5,000th like on NL #tears of joy.

I did

Spidermon:
It is good that my fiancee's parents want to know. However, tact behoves it on them to either find out through their daughter or find out themselves.
Na the first indication of disrespect be that. Me sef fit ask how much dem dey earn and how much the papa dey give the mama to cook soup !!!

Exactly.

I like the angle everybody is bringing his or her points from. To me its disrespectful but on the other hand they may be asking that question based on driven emotions. Life is simple. If I am earning 20k, I will humbly tell them the truth but I will assure them all is going to be fine in the long run. If they find me unfit to marry their daughter, so be it. Little advice from me, learn to be humble enough for you will be lifted someday. Who knows? they may be asking you just to help you out and make your journey easier. Moreover after marriage, you are now part of the family. I.e. Their son in law. That is what I believe. Take care friends.

No. If there's a good rapport.

bunmioguns:
I want to ask if it is wrong for your fiancee's parents to ask how much you earn as salary per month

No they went over board. They just have to make sure he has something doing.

I guess they are trying to dig the gold for their baby since she didn't learn the act while growing up.

Bleep THE GIRL,Bleep THE FATHER...GREEDY PEOPLE...POOR MAN NOR GO MARRY..MONKEYS...

Dekonjay:
IMO anybody can ask whatever question they like. If/How you choose to answer is what counts.

i like dat part "how you choose"...u sound pretty smart 2 me

@ op as you can see from nairalanders comments they disagree.
tell them to park well
Next..... Buhari

Dey av no any rite 2 ask me, dere is own 4 dere daughter 2 live a comfortable life...

bunmioguns:
I want to ask if it is wrong for your fiancee's parents to ask how much you earn as salary per month

Are they Igbo?

jnrbayano:


While away, I will discuss the matter with my fiancee and get her opinion.

If she is on my side, I will ask her to tell her parents that that question doesn't go down well with me, that they should desist from it and make do with the information I already provided.

However, if she sides with her parents, I would discontinue with the marriage plans for the time being.

Siding with her parents over me in this case is a red flag. She needs to be weaned first before she can attempt marriage.

Well,it's ok.

That's very rude of em to ask me such question, for me oh I'll never give em the correct answer to that though I am the largest share owner of shares on Wall Street, I will just maintain my cool and avoid this embarrassing question!

Dammyjohn:

Well,it's ok.

I believe you have now understood my viewpoint.

jimkazjimmy:
I like the angle everybody is bringing his or her points from. To me its disrespectful but on the other hand they may be asking that question based on driven emotions. Life is simple. If I am earning 20k, I will humbly tell them the truth but I will assure them all is going to be fine in the long run. If they find me unfit to marry their daughter, so be it. Little advice from me, learn to be humble enough for you will be lifted someday. Who knows? they may be asking you just to help you out and make your journey easier. Moreover after marriage, you are now part of the family. I.e. Their son in law. That is what I believe. Take care friends.

No no no, I maintain they've got nothing to do with knowing how much their son-law to be earns. If they want to help ya incase you ain't buoyant enough they should do it without demanding how much you earn.

Its like a guy taking his girl on a shopping spree and all of sudden she. Starts asking " honey how much is all your cash at hand and in the bank" instead of her to either stop the shopping or pay up by herself, some of the expenses and forget how much the guy has. Mtcheeeeeeew!

Yes it is very wrong. But they are very free to ask me what I do for a living.

jnrbayano:


I believe you have now understood my viewpoint.

Yes.

eph12:
What's wrong with the question? Assuming its your daughter won't you be interested in if the guy your daughter brings home can take care of her?

Well, my daughter will be working, which I expect will complement their household income.