₦airaland Forum

eleojo23:
7. Don't marry due to pressure.
There is a lot of pressure on young people to get married. These pressures can make someone marry a person who is not meant for him/her thereby marrying someone they don't really like and with whom they are not comfortable.

When issues arise, he/she will be saying within himself/herself 'if I had my way, I wouldn't have married you in the first place!.'

Don't allow people to push you into something that you'll later regret.
Because when the relationship begins to have problems, it is this same people who will begin to run their mouth and say things that will surprise you.
They'll say things like
''if you didn't really love him/her and you knew you wouldn't be able to live with him/her, why then did you marry him/her?"

That's why it's good to always take actions that you can be responsible for and not because people expect you to. This is because when things start going the way you did not expect, you begin to look for who to blame but alas, everyone denies responsibility. You finally end up blaming yourself for allowing others make your decisions for you.

RedBenson:
Yeah, but i cant really recall the exact thread we met and chatted together. Did you deactivate your moniker before?

Sophyrocks:
Wonderful post. One of the best i have read on Nairaland. Too many people having s.ex and paying less attention to these critical issues.

ElFenomeno1:
Coming from someone who just hopped off a .......... and is not even married!

Anyway BRB

Sophyrocks:
Ive forgotten the topic of the thread myself. I have never deactivated my account.

kennygee:
Marry your friend.

Someone you are not embarrassed around when you're at your worse (Ill, without make up or with Simbi goes to school All back)
Someone you can laugh with, share your daily activity with, someone you can play with, cry to, someone who gets you without you saying a word.

Someone you can share jokes and laugh with whether its garri youre both drinking or Sharwarma.

The love might fade, if you have a friendship like this, you are blessed.

Sophyrocks:
All of them don spoil finish o. You need to know the well connected peeps involved if not you will keep wasting your money registering. They only know how to collect your money. Man know man things. abeg i've given up.

kennygee:
Marry your friend.

Someone you are not embarrassed around when you're at your worse (Ill, without make up or with Simbi goes to school All back)
Someone you can laugh with, share your daily activity with, someone you can play with, cry to, someone who gets you without you saying a word.

Someone you can share jokes and laugh with whether its garri youre both drinking or Sharwarma.



The love might fade, if you have a friendship like this, you are blessed.

ireneony:
Nawa o

tejpot:
Now that I know all these points, is that all I need to know for me not to marry a wrong person?

lilmaxfidel:
There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage.  The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility.

so based on my observations, here are seven ways to avoid marrying the wrong partner.

Do Not Marry Potential
  Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

Choose Character over Chemistry 

While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness.

Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity

Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.

Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection 

There are four questions that you must answer YES to; Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety

 Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship which is potentially leading to a wrong marriage in all standards.

Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  [/b]Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

[i]With all this put into considerations, you could really head to a successful marriage


http://mentalhealth4muslims.com/2010/03/31/10-ways-to-marry-the-wrong-person/comment-page-2/#&panel1-5

SAMBARRY:
sophy rocks is that you.omg you so cute and adorable. Cute big eyes attractive smile and lovely hair

SAMBARRY:
sophy rocks is that you.omg you so cute and adorable. Cute big eyes attractive smile and lovely hair

abbey621:
All the things you've listed are nice except for the premarital sex crap, this is the 21st century, one must be insane not to experiment before marriage. Too many things could go wrong from incompatibility to dissatisfaction, all of which could be a one way trip to a quick divorce. Life's too short jaare!

Cheny:
And there are many,i mean many who still end in divorce and fights despite engaging in premarital sex,so it is not a guarranty.

ElFenomeno1:
Coming from someone who just hopped off a .......... and is not even married!

Anyway BRB

Harmvirus:
Nice post

usibengate:
On point @Op

steve6:
Nice

Adaeze003:
The potential one is just.... guys will be shouting "if he has potential marry him" "he mustn't be this" "he mustn't be that".

It's almost like they want women to "manage" them you know "take them the way they are" and all that BS. But on the flip side, the woman must be perfect before marriage.

But I don't buy it... no1 is perfect! true! But, if I must be evaluated, I surely will evaluate the man as well. No1 is gon manage anyone. I aint marrying potential coz potential money makers might just remain potential money makers at the end of the day. A man has to pull his own weight.(period)

SWG1:
Best post of the year.

This post should be pushed up to front page every month till people are reformed mentally, and emotionally.

sexymoma:
Whats it about all these
7 things to do before marriage
6 ways to know if he is sexually active
9 ways to know if she s a wife material
8 ways to know if he s the right man for you..
How many ways Una wan pass...

E go get wan stage wey be say nairaland women go dey pray say " God give me Husband, Man na Man o"

lilmaxfidel:
you surely entitled to your opinions

Adaeze003:
Oh... thanks for reminding me... I 4got