₦airaland Forum

TCann:
I have carefully read this thread from the 1st page to the last and it amuses me the points of view which everyone who has commented is viewing the issue from. Moreso as a father whom someone will come and ask for my daughter's hand one day(and I'm working at being very financially comfortable and giving my daughter the best training-home&schooling) There are 2 major points of view.

1. The 'wife's family is poor and wants to burden me' point of view
Understandably so, any guy averagely doing well- earnings wise (and even the not-so-doing-well but having his manly ego in his throat) will want to run and cast all manner of aspertions at their lowly status.

2. The 'wife's family is rich and unnecessarily haughty and rude' point of view.
This point of view's proponents have their valid points too- you cant ask me such a direct question as touching on my earnings and I wont feel uncomfortable and even such question as been rude.

Now, to the issue at hand. It's a very tricky situation. Aligning my position to the 2nd point of view (Cos i intend to be rich and bring up my daughter as a well mannered girl from a comfortable home - no apologies pls.)

People have marshalled this point that as a man who have laboured geniunely to build a business empire for himself, he will not sit idly back and have one irresponsible opportunist come from nowhere and treat their girl anyhow by not providing for his family or as a son-in-law, who may take over the management of some part of the family business with time, not being driven enough and given to vanities-partying, womanizing etc, I certainly wouldnt!. Take it or leave it, it is not fair and this is the real hard life for you!

However, be that as it may, I wish the issue is that simple but it isn't. As a rich dad wanting to guide against my daughter running home frequently for rent, shl fees,etc support (I hate this part as I will rather want to support them voluntarily knowing fully well that they are capable & dont even need it as against something that I must do if I want to shield my grandchildren from some embrassing situations I couldnt envisaged for my own children), I have to look beyond what the guy is earning in the now and look out for the potential, drive, genuine love for my daughter, the 'drive to continually improve' attributes in him because as it has been reiterated on this topic that surely, he wont continually earn 20k. That is not the case in all the sitautions but there is a big BUT to that...he must be well positioned (educationally or other vocations-wise) and brimming with the can-do potential and drive to succeed before I will approve the position that 'a 20k of today is not a permanent one o'!

Quickly, my cousin's story:
We are close. He started dating his fiancee then (wife now) whilst just finishing his NYSC as at 2007 (mark the datelines) and working with an NGO on a salary of 15k per month. 2008, we went to visit the uncle of the my cousin's wife here in Lag (she lives with him & he's like the dad in Lag), (the man is doing fine, has his own company, stays in a lovely estate in Lekki bla bla).
Very frank man, he asked my cousin what he was doing, what are his plans and said he was asking because he doesnt want his niece to suffer at all. The oko iyawo and myself kinda went through a mini interview drill for the few hours of our visitation but he wasnt too harsh but was frank and blunt.(In restropect, I learnt some things during that visitation)
As at then, my cousin was on 50k/mth and he didnt have a car nor an apartment of his own and as 2009/2010 that they would eventually marry, his total was almost N3m per annum. He did his wedding without overly leaning for family support. 2014 (Tho, he had changed jobs about 2 times since 2009), he is on a N10m per annum now (I'm not kidding, he showed me his letter).
The wife's uncle so regards him, not because he desires anything from him(cos he's a big man on his own and he doesnt know what my cousin was worth as as 2008 and what he worths now in 2015, but he knows my cousin is taking care of his family as a responsible guy- bought a car for his wife, family UK vac, decent neighbourhood apartment etc, so he could deduce). So its not about the 15k of now but the drive and God's grace to prosper you that matters.

Last bullet to the proponents of both points of view:
The issue is not as straight forward as you may wish it to be. Remember that you are a father or will be a father that will have a daughter one day. How do you ultimatley wish your daughter's quality of life to be in her own nuclear home, you being rich or not? FOOD4THOT

Sorry for the long post, lawyers can talk!

ask4slimjay:
i like dat part "how you choose"...u sound pretty smart 2 me

Dekonjay:
IMO anybody can ask whatever question they like. If/How you choose to answer is what counts.

Kingsasian:
Its totally wrong. If they should ask I will give them a wrong answer

Chuksgeo:
No no no, I maintain they've got nothing to do with knowing how much their son-law to be earns. If they want to help ya incase you ain't buoyant enough they should do it without demanding how much you earn.

Its like a guy taking his girl on a shopping spree and all of sudden she. Starts asking " honey how much is all your cash at hand and in the bank" instead of her to either stop the shopping or pay up by herself, some of the expenses and forget how much the guy has. Mtcheeeeeeew!

Dekonjay:
Thank you! I can understand the issue with the question being wrong from a Guy's perspective. A man has his Ego and pride and wants to feel he can take care of his family and wouldn't like anyone doubting that but a parent also wants to know the sort of son in law they are welcoming in.
It's a good evaluation question. How one answers is going to be a very lasting impression. And the right answer isn't necessarily in the figures or letting pride get the better of one.

eph12:
He's my father so he should be the first to know any progress i make.

jpphilips:
Another victim of comprehension disease.

eph12:
Just went thru your posts and one thing was constant. Insults. Very typical of touts. You must live a sad life.

im glad you got educated reading them, It just saved you the stress of going back to Ugbo Oshimiri cemetary school to repeat high school right?
We will discuss the fees later